Boy - The Boy Next Door Part 3
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Love you, Tony
To: Mel Fuller Look, Tony's uncle Gio is throwing us an engagement party (yes, another one) and I'm telling you right now, YOU HAVE GOT TO COME. Seriously, Mel, I don't think I can handle another round of Salernos without you. You know what they're like. And this one has a pool. You know they're going to throw me in. You just know it. Say you'll come and keep me from being humiliated. PLEASE. Nad :-O PS And don't you be giving me that d.a.m.ned DOG excuse again. To: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k You know I can't go. How am I supposed to go all the way out to Long Island when I have Paco to think of? You know he has to go out every four to five hours. I am wearing out my Steve Madden's as it is running back and forth between the office and my apartment building, trying to get there in time to take him out. There's no way I can go all the way out to Long Island. The poor thing might explode. Mel PS Vivica--you know, the supermodel, and Donald Trump's latest arm candy--has dumped him! Seriously! She's dumped the Donald! He is said to be devastated, and she's gone into hiding. Poor things. I really thought that one was going to work out. To: Mel Fuller Okay, this is ridiculous. Mel, you cannot put your life on hold just because your next door neighbor happens to be in a coma. Seriously. There must be someone in the woman's family who can look after that stupid dog. Why do YOU have to do it? You've done enough, for G.o.d's sake. I mean, you probably saved her life. Let someone else handle Paco and his digestive schedule. I mean it. I am not getting into that pool on my own. If you don't find this woman's next of kin, I will. Nad :( PS Excuse me, I understand your concern for Winona, but the Donald? And Vivica, the Victoria's Secret water-bra girl? They'll be fine. Trust me. To: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k Mel To: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k Nadine, you HAVE to go. The party is for YOU. Well, you and me. You can't not go. And don't give me any of that bull about how you don't want anybody in my family to see you in a swimsuit. How many times do I have to tell you that you are the hottest girl in the world? Do you think I care what size you wear? You have it going on, girl. Only you should wear those thongs I bought you more often. I don't understand what difference it makes whether or not Mel goes. Why do women always have to do things together? It doesn't make any sense. Besides, if you feel that strongly about it, just tell them you have an ear infection and can't get in the water. Jeez. I don't get you dames. I really don't. T. To: Mel Fuller cc: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k I couldn't help but overhear your little tete-a-tete in the Ladies just now. I was otherwise occupied, or I would have joined in (we really ought to talk to someone about how narrow those stalls are. Fortunately, Jimmy--you know, the new fax boy--is quite surprisingly flexible, or we never would have managed ;-) First of all, Mel, sweetheart, Max Friedlander did not have just any old picture in the Whitney--which you would know, if you ever ventured out of Blockbuster long enough to take in some real culture. He had a stunning self-portrait on display there for the Biennial, in which he was sans apparel. If you ask me, the man's a photographic genius. Though that may not be where his true talent lies, judging by that photo...if you get my drift. And I'm sure you do. Anyway, he has, for reasons unfathomable to me, chosen to cheapen his gift by prost.i.tuting himself out for photo shoots such as, just as an example, last Winter's Sports Ill.u.s.trated swimsuit issue. And he just finished up the Victoria's Secret Christmas catalog, I believe. All you have to do, children, is contact those so-called publications, and I'm sure they'll know how to get a message to him. Well, ta for now. Dolly x.x.xOOO PS Oh, Mel, about Aaron. Look, can't you throw him a bone? He's no good to me like this. And all that Wagner is giving me a migraine. To: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k At least, no one seems to have his number, but I've got an email address. Help me draft a note to him. You know I don't do well with groveling. Mel To: Max Friedlander Subject: Your aunt Dear Mr. Friedlander, I hope you get this. You are probably not aware that the police have been trying to reach you for several days now. I am sorry to inform you that your aunt, Helen Friedlander, has been seriously injured. She has been the victim of an alleged a.s.sault in her apartment. She is currently listed in critical condition at Beth Israel Hospital here in New York. Unfortunately, she is in a coma, and the doctors have no way of knowing if she will ever come out of it. Please, Mr. Friedlander, if you get this message, call me as soon as possible on my cell phone, 917-555-2123, or if you are unable to get to a phone, please feel free to email me. We need to discuss how you think your aunt would best like her pets cared for while she is in the hospital. I know this is the last thing you need to be worried about right now, considering how grave your aunt's condition is, but I can't imagine that, being the great animal lover she is, your aunt didn't have some sort of proviso arranged for just this sort of circ.u.mstance. I am her next door neighbor ( in apartment 15B), and I have been walking Paco and taking care of your aunt's cats, but I'm afraid that my schedule does not allow for full-time petcare. Taking care of Paco is beginning to effect my job performance. Please contact me as soon as you can. Melissa Fuller To: Mel Fuller I like it. Short but sweet. And it gets the point across. Nad :) PS I think it's good you left out the part about all your tardies. No one in the real world cares about tardies. Just at OUR &$%^ work place does anyone keep track of how late we are. To: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k Mel To: Tom Barrett Please deliver the following message to Vivica Chandler, who is staying in the Sopradilla Cottage. Viv-- Do not--I repeat, DO NOT--accept any messages, telephone calls, faxes, emails, etc. for me from a woman named Melissa Fuller. No, don't worry, she's not one of my exes. She's my aunt's next door neighbor. Apparently, Helen took a tumble, and this Fuller woman is trying to get in touch with me about the stupid dog. But we aren't going to let her ruin our little get away together, are we? So don't even answer the door until I get there. I'm just finis.h.i.+ng up the Neve Campbell shoot, and then I'll be taking the red-eye out from LAX, so I ought to be there in time to watch the sunset with you, baby. Keep the champagne chilled for me. Love ya, Max To: Max Friedlander Subject: Message Dear Mr. Friedlander, It is my pleasure to inform you that your message for Miss Chandler has been delivered. If there is anything else we here at the Paradise Inn can do to make your stay an enjoyable one, please do not hesitate to let us know. We look forward to your joining us tomorrow. Sincerely, Tom Barrett Concierge Paradise Inn Key West, Florida To: Mel Fuller Subject: My Aunt Dear Ms. Fuller, I am shocked. Deeply shocked and appalled to hear what has happened to my aunt Helen. She is, as I'm sure you know, my only living relative. I cannot thank you enough for the efforts you've gone to in order to contact me and let me know about this tragedy. Although I am currently on a.s.signment in Africa--perhaps you've heard of the drought here in Ethiopia? I am doing a photo shoot for the Save the Children Fund--I will begin making preparations to return to New York at once. If my aunt should wake before I get there, please a.s.sure her that I am on my way. And thank you again, Ms. Fuller. Everything they say about cold and unfeeling New Yorkers is obviously untrue in your case. G.o.d bless you. Sincerely, Maxwell Friedlander To: John Trent Subject: SOS Dude. I'm in trouble. You've got to help me out. I'm serious. You don't know what's at stake here: I have a chance for an extended vacation with Vivica. Yeah, you read that right. Vivica. The supermodel. The one who just dumped Trump. The one in those ads for that new bra with the water pump. The one on the SI cover. Yeah. THAT one. But it's not going to work out, buddy, if you don't do me a little favor. Just one little favor. That's all I'm asking. And I know I don't have to remind you about that time I saved your you-know-what in Vegas. Remember? Spring Break, our senior year? I've never seen anybody drink as many pitchers of margaritas as you did that night. I'm telling you, man, you'd be paying alimony right now if it weren't for me. I SAVED you. And you swore to me the next day (by the pool, remember?) that if there was ever anything you could do for me, you'd do it. Well, today's the day. I'm calling it in. The Favor. c.r.a.p, they're making me put away my electronic devices for take-off. Write back, man. I gotta know if you can do this for me, or else I'm dead meat. Max To: Jason Trent You remember Max, don't you, Jase? He was my roommate senior year, the one I got my first apartment with when I moved to the city after college. That dive in h.e.l.l's Kitchen, where the guy got stabbed in the back the first night we were there--remember? It was in the papers the next day...I think that's what led to my deciding to become a crime reporter, as a matter of fact. Remember how Mim offered to get me out of the lease so I could move in with her and live, to quote Mim, like a human being? G.o.d, after two months of living with Max, I almost took her up on it. It's like the guy still thought we were in college--half of Manhattan used to show up in our living room for Monday night football every week. No hard feelings when I moved out, though. He still calls me every few months to catch up. And now this. G.o.d only knows what Max wants me to do for him. Rescue a raftful of refugee Cuban ballerinas, I suppose. Or house the Australian rugby team. Or loan him the $50,000 he owes to the Russian mob. I am seriously considering leaving the country, Jase. Do you think Mim would let me have the Lear for the weekend? John To: John Trent Jason PS Stacy says when are you coming to visit? The kids have been asking about you. Brittany's riding post, and Haley won best jumper at last week's exhibit. PPS No go on the Lear. Julia's using it. To: Jason Trent John PS Congratulate Haley and Brittany for me. Are you going out to the Vineyard this weekend? I could meet you all there. Depending on whatever this favor of Max's turns out to be.
Boy - The Boy Next Door Part 3
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Boy - The Boy Next Door Part 3 summary
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