Miss Ellis's Mission Part 8

I only look to him in difficulties and trials to show me the way to the Father. I ask to wors.h.i.+p and to live in his spirit and so gain strength from the Father wherewith to do. You and others look more to men of later date, who have learned from others nearer to them; but if we trace it all back to the beginning, we will find it is Jesus' spirit working through them. So one and all, whoever they are, wherever found, who have the spirit of Christ, are the sons of G.o.d, whether they call themselves merely theists, or Christian theists, it seems to me. George Eliot was truly religious, though perhaps not a Christian in the common acceptation.

DECEMBER 27, 1884.

I do not know as I "have ever realized the depths of absolute negations," but I have realized the depths of absolute solitude, and can sympathize with you in your loneliness, and "think it a good thing to keep the Eternal and Infinite always in view, and so love quiet, solitude, and meditation. They strengthen me to do my work in life." Do not despair, then, if you are despondent at times. Every one is, and it is good for us to some extent to be disgusted with ourselves; it makes us know ourselves. "The dark hours of life bring us nearer to our fellow-men, help us to know ourselves and bring us nearer to G.o.d." G.o.d has put these questionings into you for some wise purpose. Be true to your highest and best self, and work them out by degrees. But remember you are young yet, and there is time for you to solve all these mysteries in. Do not try to solve all the great questions of life at once. Be patient, and do not brood too much. Meditation and solitude are good, but try to mingle somewhat with those around you. See G.o.d in the world about you, as well as in the stars. I would like to dwell longer upon your letter, but perhaps I shall bring you out of doubt by giving you something to do. [She then proposes a bit of work for him to undertake.] ... Our doubts and mysteries are solved sometimes by setting to work on things we are pondering over.

He wrote Miss Ellis, Aug. 24, 1885:--

"A shadow has come across my way of late,--a great disappointment.

I think I mentioned it to you before. A doctor, an acquaintance of mine, has often told me that I studied and read too much.... It is hard for me to realize this, but he insists on a year's rest from study. This will postpone my entrance to Meadville for two years, I fear. I confess to great disappointment over this. I will be past twenty-five when I get to Meadville; and yet there is another side.

I have often questioned my fitness for this great work. I wish to be cautious. I do believe that I have a n.o.ble gospel to preach. 'To preach,'--but first to live it. And, in shame I confess it, I have not lived it. It will therefore be a good thing if in these two years I give myself to growth in manhood. But enough of this. These matters must be dealt with in the closet,--the soul's closet....

After my taste of Montreal fellows.h.i.+p I am sick with loneliness here. It is fearful, at times, this longing for one friend even, and finding none. But it must be borne without grumbling. And now I must stop. The doctor would object to even this light piece of writing. Thank you kindly for sending me the 'Register' and 'Unity.' It is very good of you to look after me so much. Be a.s.sured that your kindness is giving great encouragement to a lonely one who, amid much opposition and misunderstanding from his dearest ones, is making at least a _little_ honest effort to be true to himself and G.o.d. I would that I were fully faithful; but it is not so. Still I think your seed will yet bear fruit, and spring up in a life devoted to the uplifting of mankind. My deepest prayer is for this. I trust your health will improve. Still more do I trust that you may continue to grow nearer G.o.d, and help others to do so, as you have helped me."

Miss Ellis replied, Aug. 30, 1885:--

"... I have neglected you of late, thinking you were soon to go to Meadville, and that you were busy. We are sorry to hear of your great disappointment. It is a disappointment to us as well, particularly to me. However, we need the reverses and crosses of life as much as the air we breathe, to strengthen our characters.

You have pushed yourself so hard with business and studies the past two years, that you have not taken time to view the life around you in the right light. Let the next two years be given princ.i.p.ally to building up your character individually and socially, and to improving your health, as one of the first requisites of a minister is a sound mind and a healthy body. Be social; take life cheerfully; make those about you better for your company; and mingle freely with your family and best friends, showing them you are practising Unitarianism. Yes; make these two coming years tell as a preparation for college in another way, and let them prove a blessing to you, though a disappointment at first. Did you read Rev. E. E. Hale's 'Methods,' in 'Register' a few weeks since? This week's 'Register' contains an excellent sermon by Rev. John Clifford on 'Spiritual Building.' Have a home wors.h.i.+p of your own sometimes. During the vacation, every Sunday I have had a regular wors.h.i.+p. For instance, to-day I read for sermon, 'Spiritual Building;' opening hymn, 'Come, Thou Almighty, help us to praise;'

'Scriptures Old and New' (a compilation by Mr. Forbush and Mr.

Hosmer, from all religions, and an excellent thing to have), Lesson 27,--'The Kingdom within us;' prayer, followed by Scripture lesson, Galatians iii., from which is taken text; then Wesley's hymn, 'The whole armor of G.o.d;' sermon; closing hymn, Doddridge's 'Awake, my soul, stretch every nerve,' etc. Have been interested during the vacation in looking over Gannett's 'Childhood of Jesus' and Carpenter's 'Palestine when Jesus lived.' Also bought 'Selections from the Apocrypha,' compiled by Mrs. Tileston, who compiled 'Daily Strength.' Readings from the Apocrypha are so common in Unitarian pulpits now, that it is well to be familiar with the best portions.

Am not able to do much reading now. Am physically too weak. Never was able to use my brain to its full extent,--feeble and nervous all my life, but active otherwise."

Miss Ellis's last letter to him was written but little more than a month before her death, when in the utmost weakness herself; but to this she makes no allusion. It was a letter of consolation in bereavement, from which this is an extract:--

NOVEMBER 18, 1885.

... The only way to reconcile ourselves to our sorrows is to think of those who are worse off than ourselves. It makes us less inclined to murmur in our own sadness. It is good for us to bear the cross. If things were always as we would have them, many virtues would never be developed. There are so many comforting pieces in "Suns.h.i.+ne in the Soul." Some I marked for a former correspondent. Mr. Thayer read for his Scripture lesson last Sunday, Job. iv. 5; and v. 6-11; 17 to end. I have no doubt your sister knows many comforting pa.s.sages; but the real comfort is found in keeping ourselves busy for others, while at the same time we lean and trust in G.o.d to give us peace of soul. We find it in time as we go on patiently doing the duty just before us, and loving the blessings which remain to us.

One of Miss Ellis's last thoughts was for this correspondent. When hardly able to speak, she requested a special "Register" sent to him. It was sent, and a postal card informing him of her condition. He replied:--

DECEMBER 25, 1885.

Your card came to me this morning. I am shocked at its sad message.

I was not in the least prepared for it. It seems to hold out no hope. Though I have never seen Miss Ellis, she has been to me for over three years a close friend. And now I must lose her friends.h.i.+p, and her kind encouraging letters! But I am not intending to complain of loss, but rather to be thankful for the help I have received from her. I shall now have another motive to work on, to be more faithful in life. That motive shall be the memory of Miss Ellis's self-sacrificing life. I have a large package of her letters which will be more valued now than ever before. I do trust her work will go on; it ought to certainly. If I can help I will gladly do so.

Later, he wrote in reply to a letter announcing her death:--

JANUARY 1, 1886.

I was very glad to hear a little of our dear friend who spends this happy New Year's Day freed from all ills of the body. I can hardly realize that she is gone. She never gave me a hint that she was seriously ill, but always spoke cheerfully. It is such a short time ago that I wrote to her as usual, not having the remotest thought that she would never answer my letter. Her last letters to me are dated Nov. 6 and 18, and, singularly enough, are almost entirely taken up with remarks upon death and affliction. Not a word of herself, however....

Miss Ellis wrote me two letters full of kindness and sympathy, and sending cheering words to my sister; for she wrote, "Though I don't know her, I feel deeply for her." It really is hardly possible to estimate the influence, both direct and indirect, which Miss Ellis has had upon my life. It is a very long story, this of my inquiries in religious matters. I have always looked forward to the day when I should see our friend and speak to her of it, and make some expression of my grat.i.tude to her. But it is not to be,--not in this life, at least. Hereafter her letters shall be a source of constant encouragement to me. I have them all, and glad I am of it, for through them she will yet speak to me. I often wished to have a photograph of her, and I am very sorry now that I too long hesitated to take the first step in making a mutual exchange. Often when weary through the day's work I have been cheered by her kind letters. But this is only one limited instance of her influence.

For years I went to my daily work sad and heavy of heart because life was aimless, almost dead. By the printed page Miss Ellis showed me G.o.d,--G.o.d living, working, right here now, daily surrounding me and all men. And lo! life has an aim, is full of beauty and goodness and joy.... All this I owe to her.

In response to a request for letters, he wrote:

FEBRUARY 14, 1886.

In your card you speak of a book. I hope the pamphlet will grow into a book. I was delighted to hear that it will contain a portrait, for that will be just what I wish for. The letters I sent, I had to just pick out hurriedly, as I had very little time.

If I had had more time, I might have made a better selection. I will vouch for their quality, however. I have post cards innumerable from her. Then again, once, when I was having a sore mental struggle over the philosophy of prayer, in answer to my inquiries Miss Ellis wrote out for me the greater part of Mr.

Chadwick's sermon on "Prayer," in his "Faith of Reason." This I mention as one out of many instances of such work. She never tired of trying to aid me. I sent you the last letter I received from her, never having a thought, at the time I received it, of its being the _last_ one. Perhaps Miss Ellis is aware of all this afterglow, as you so well call it. I hope so. I believe so. How it must gratify her to know what she accomplished!

In looking over these letters I am very forcibly reminded of the last few years.... As you may suppose, Miss Ellis is much in my thoughts. I looked forward to meeting her some day, and making grateful acknowledgment of her influence for good on me. I would not hide from you that I often regret that it is not to be so. But every other thought is swallowed up in grat.i.tude for her life and for our meeting together.

The following is Miss Ellis's first letter from a farmer's wife a dozen miles out of Cincinnati, who has this winter become a member of the Women's Auxiliary Conference, and wishes, with her daughter, to join the church:--

"I have frequently seen the item in the Sunday's paper offering Unitarian reading to those who wish it, and have as often determined to avail myself of the opportunity, but have so far neglected it. I will say that I have been for a long time somewhat of a Unitarian, without being sufficiently informed in the belief openly to declare myself one. I would ask you to teach me from the beginning the doctrines, so that I can understand and feel a safety in embracing them. I have a daughter who will avail herself with me of your kind offer. You are to be our teacher in the matter of selecting the reading, and I will gladly pay postage on all books sent."

As such teacher Miss Ellis acted ever after. She wrote in reply, Jan. 1, 1884:--

Was very glad to receive your letter to-day, and hope I may prove a successful "teacher." Have always been a Unitarian, as my father was among the first subscribers to the church, when it was established in 1830.... Have sent you by this same mail three tracts pertaining to our doctrines. Shall be glad to give you and your daughter a weekly Sunday-school lesson for several weeks.

Began with statements of doctrine and Channing's famous Discourse.

On the list sent have numbered other tracts in the order in which I shall send them,--leading you from Channing to Brigham and J. F.

Clarke, showing an advance in thought up to Mr. Wendte's tract, "What Do Unitarians Believe?" which represents Unitarianism as held by the _young_ men of the present time; and after you read these tracts, if you wish more doctrine, will mention some books we can loan you by mail. With the tracts will also send the "Christian Register," where you will see our principles carried out. It is a very interesting, able paper. Perhaps after you have examined a few copies you may like to become a subscriber to it. I usually spend Mondays mailing papers to our correspondents, though they do not all get off till about Wednesday. They will be in time for a Sunday lesson, however, and I hope you may find some neighbors to join you in your study. Hoping this is a beginning of another good work for us, and to hear from you further,

Respectfully yours, SARAH ELLIS.

JANUARY 26, 1884.

This leads me to your question, "What do you do with the Immaculate Conception? Why was that way employed to compel people to accept the divinity of Christ?" Ask as many questions as you please, and I will answer them in letter, or send some sermon or tract to throw light on the subject to you. Monday, will mail to you "The Incarnation," by Rev. J. W. Chadwick, wherein you will see that many of the doctrines of the early times were invented by the men of the day to suit some purpose of their own. Will shortly send you a lesson paper by Rev. William C. Gannett, of St. Paul, Minn., on "The Christmas Story and the Christmas Fact." These stories or "legends" concerning Jesus were written some time after his death.

"Bible for Learners" says--[Here is copied a long extract.] I have said enough to let you know that we do not accept these "legends"

as literal truth; and you will understand, from "The Incarnation,"

that Jesus was not miraculously born any more than we all are.

Jesus never claimed it for himself, as you will find as you read what I send you from time to time. It was a doctrine created by the Church to suit later days. I was glad to have you speak freely of yourself, and hope that we may make religion, the Bible, and Jesus, natural, simple, true, and beautiful to you and your daughter,--something that you can take hold of and live out in your daily lives, and be thankful that you _live_. Hoping that you may have further questions to ask, and wish to borrow books on subjects of interest to you,

Very truly your friend, S. ELLIS.

There is a book that will throw much light on your question concerning the early view of Christ, "Orthodoxy and Heresy," by Rev. E. H. Hall. We have it to loan.

MARCH 13, 1884.

It is with pleasure I sit down to reply to your last letter, and it has only been from total inability that you have had to wait so long. I wanted to sit down immediately to send you a few sympathetic words, for your life must have been very similar to my own. The best comfort for us is, to say to ourselves, Are not many, _many_ others carrying the same burdens, disappointments, and toils as we? How do they bear them, and where do they get their patience and strength from? Only from studying the words and lives of those who have had similar trials to bear; and no one bore the cross better than He to whom the whole world has looked as a guide.

Therefore though you fall and fail often, be not in despair. All you need is some one to speak with you who sympathizes with you; and though they may not lighten your burden or change your circ.u.mstances, they will lighten your heart and make the whole world seem different to you, and full of work to be done, that will take your thoughts out from beyond your own home, and yet at the same time only make that all the more precious to you and just the place you ought to be in. Am not fond of the country myself. Have always lived in the city, and prefer to be surrounded by people and life rather than trees and quiet of the country; still, I love to visit in the country for a short time.... You ask how you can best prepare yourself to become a member of our church. I sent you the church programme, and Mr. Thayer says there, "Those who present themselves in an earnest spirit,"--an earnest spirit to do all the good you can, in every way, at home and to the world. It is _character_, and _not_ belief, which makes the true Christian. And if our conscience is right before G.o.d, let man say what he will; if we are only sure ourselves we are doing our best according to our circ.u.mstances and our health; if our motives are pure and our conscience clear,--we shall feel a pleasure in joining in a Communion service, though one can be a member of our church if not a communicant. There are several books I wish to recommend to you.

The first is a great help to inward strength, and is a gem of a book, "Day unto Day," which consists of a pa.s.sage or two from the Scriptures, a selection from poetry, and one from writers, for every day in the year.... The whole book is full of selections which fit the needs of every day. I have two copies, and will loan you one copy with pa.s.sages I have marked as read, and which has benefited several of my correspondents.... Another great help to a good life is Merriam's "Way of Life." "Theodore Parker's Prayers" I can loan you too. Since I wrote you, have had presented to our library Sunderland's "What is the Bible?" shorter than "Bible for Learners," and on the whole better to read first. I subscribed for the Sunday-school lessons on "The Life of Jesus," so any time you are welcome to it. You will understand from what I have written, that to strengthen the inner man is a good preparation for anything and anywhere; and you will find a great deal among our books, and in our papers, and in our religion, to help you and make life a blessing, though under unfavorable circ.u.mstances, and enable you to have the spirit and faith _of_ Jesus, if not so much _in_ Jesus, which the Orthodox make most emphatic.

The following letter was written June 27, 1885. The unusual allusions to her own health are evidently in sympathy with the correspondent, who had written of ill health and heavy burdens to bear.

"I have been most useless since the middle of February; but, weak as I am, I have insisted on staying out of bed, waiting on myself, and keeping my room in order, even to sweeping it, and keeping up my missionary work slowly. I do dislike to be nursed and a care to people. Sometimes it seems impossible for me to get dressed for my breakfast, and it takes me about one hour and a quarter, I am so weak. Last Sunday I could not get to church; but I spent the day in resting,--spiritual rest. I had a service at home,--the responsive service, the three hymns, the Scripture lesson, and read one of J.

F. Clarke's sermons, which I sent to another who needed consoling.

There is a favorite hymn of mine, which I will write out for you.

We often sing it for an opening hymn. [The hymn "Daily Consecration," by Caroline Mason, is here copied in full.] Excuse the mistakes, for I have written it from memory. Work on, dear friend, just where you are, and feel that there you are casting silent deeds of love which no one knows but the good Father above, but that they are none the less earnest work in his service....

Every other Sat.u.r.day A. M. I go to the church to do up papers for the Workhouse. Was there _this_ morning. Take heart, good friend, and feel that nothing you do is lost, and that sometime your labor will be appreciated. I must not write longer, for I want to attend church to-morrow. They miss me when I am not at my post."

Another letter of this summer reads:--