Assassins: Slow Agony Part 8

He rubbed his head. "Daisy, you know that the whole Christianity stuff is kind of your thing, right? I think it's cool that you're so into it, but I kind of have a wider view of spirituality. I told you this before."

She set down her fork. "No. I don't think you did."

He looked fl.u.s.tered. "That night. The night we had the big, long discussion about it."

She shook her head slowly. "No. That's not exactly what you said before. You made it sound... better."

"I think Christianity is awesome," I said. "Jesus was cool. But I don't like all the judgy stuff. Being told not to do things."

"Yeah," said Griffin. "Well, discipline was never one of your strong suits."

I sucked in a breath. "That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that there's this whole aspect to Christianity that doesn't make sense to me. I mean, if G.o.d made everything, then why would he make things that humans are never supposed to experience?"

"You mean like drugs?" said Daisy brightly.

This was coming out all wrong.

"Right," said Griffin, "like when G.o.d created cocaine, he put it in the Garden of Eden and said, 'Go on, get high.' Oh wait. That never happened."

I was getting annoyed. "It's not about drugs. It's about an att.i.tude. There's a difference between cutting yourself off from experiences and embracing everything life has to offer. And some Christians seem to think that everything fun is bad. I mean, you're not supposed to have s.e.x, and you're not supposed to get drunk-"

"And what would life be without that, right?" said Griffin. He glared at me. "That's what it's all about, isn't it? Getting wasted and f.u.c.king whoever's willing."

He picked up his plate and dropped it in the sink with a clatter. Then he stalked out of the kitchen.

It was quiet.

"Oh, dear," said Daisy.

I gave her a withering look.

She smiled at me. "Griffin told me about why you guys broke up."

"Did he." Great. She was going to lambast me now, wasn't she? I knew exactly what she'd think about what I did.

"I know you were only unfaithful to him because you must have been frustrated that he wanted to wait until marriage."

"What?" I got up from the table. There were so many things messed up with that statement. So many messed up things. "First of all, I never cheated on him, and I have told him this over and over again. He refuses to believe me." I rested a hand on the table. "Second of all, where did you get the idea that Griffin and I weren't having s.e.x?"

They were in Griffin's bedroom, the door shut behind them, but I could still hear everything they were saying, and I felt a little bit embarra.s.sed about it. I busied myself with clearing the table and loading Griffin's dishwasher. I figured it was the least I could do.

"You lied to me," Daisy was saying. She sounded like she was crying, and I felt guilty about that. I mean, I didn't like the girl on principle, because she was dating Griffin. But I found that I didn't feel happy to know that she was hurting.

"Not about anything important," Griffin said. "You push a lot, Daisy. You want everything explained all neat and tidy. And sometimes things aren't like that. They're messy and complicated and confusing."

"You lied about everything."

I sc.r.a.ped leftover eggs into the trash can.

"I didn't."

"You said you were a Christian, and you're not."

"I am," he said.

"No. Because if you have a wider view of spirituality, then you aren't."

"Why not? Why does it have to be so cut and dry, Daisy?"

"Don't," she said. "Don't turn this around on me. Because you're the liar. And I believed you, because you never once tried anything with me. We could sleep in the same bed, and you were a perfect gentleman, and I thought it must be true."

"I never told you that I'd never had s.e.x before, did I?" he said.

"You said you didn't anymore."

"And you a.s.sumed it was like a G.o.d thing," he said.

"And it's not?"

He was quiet.

I turned on the sink and ran water over the dishes. As I rinsed each, I stacked it in the dishwasher. When I turned off the faucet, Daisy was talking again.

"If our relations.h.i.+p isn't built on a strong spiritual foundation, then I don't know what kind of future it has."

"Future?" said Griffin. "It's only been a month."

"A month and a half," she said.

"Look, can't we wait until Leigh's gone and talk about this then?"

"How long is she going to be here?"

"A couple of weeks, maybe."

"A couple of weeks?"

"Yeah."

"No way, Griffin." The door to the bedroom opened. "You better figure out some way for us to talk before then. Because I'm not waiting around for you while a woman that you were sleeping with is staying in the same apartment with you." She stalked out into the living room.

I busied myself wiping down the counters.

Griffin came after her, catching her by the arm. "Don't run off like this."

She wrenched her arm away. Tears were streaming down her face. "You should have thought of all of this before you lied to me."

He rubbed the top of his head. "I'm sorry."

"You know, I don't think you are. I think you're only sorry that I found you out." She slammed the door to the apartment.

Griffin glared at me. "Nice going." Then he went after her.

The apartment was empty and quiet now. I finished cleaning up the kitchen. I didn't run the dishwasher because it was only half full. When I was finished, I sat down at the table. Maybe I could have been nicer to Daisy. I was sorry that I'd made her cry.

But overall, if it meant that she and Griffin were having problems, and that they might break up, then I wasn't that upset about it. I didn't want him to be with anyone else. I didn't want it at all.

In about ten minutes, Griffin came back into the apartment. He looked defeated and tired. He slouched in the doorway to the kitchen. "Why'd you have to do that?"

I shrugged. "I didn't do anything."

"You made her feel like c.r.a.p," he said.

"Like I said before, I didn't think it was a good idea for all of us to hang out."

"She's a very nice girl, doll. Maybe she's not as intelligent and as sophisticated as you, but she's really nice. And you weren't nice to her."

"You think I'm smarter than she is?"

He threw his hands up in the air and went into the living room.

I got up and went to the doorway. "I don't get it. Why would you date someone like her?"

He flopped down on the couch. "She was nice. She is nice."

"That's the only quality you're looking for in a girl?"

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing the back of his head. "I was lonely. And I knew there wouldn't be... pressure."

"Pressure?"

"Pressure to have s.e.x."

I came into the living room and sat down on the couch with him. "I thought that was okay." I put a tentative hand on his arm.

He jerked away, raising his face to look at me. "No. It was okay with you. But it isn't..." He got off the couch. "I don't want to talk about it."

I was quiet. It had taken a lot of time for Griffin and I to be able to have s.e.x. The things that had happened to him in his past had been difficult for him to work through. Even after we'd managed to do it successfully, he still sometimes had issues. It made me so angry at the people who'd hurt him.

He went back into his bedroom and shut the door.

I went after him. I knocked on the door. "Griffin, I don't think you really liked her."

"Leave me alone."

"You weren't honest with her, and you were only with her because you were lonely."

"Would you shut up?" he said. "Watch a movie or something. I want to be alone."

"I'm only saying this because it seems kind of obvious that you aren't happy here. Without me. And I'm not happy without you. And..." I took a deep breath. "I want you back, Griffin."

Chapter Five.

Silence came from the other side of the door. Complete silence.

My heart thudded in my chest, waiting for him to respond to what I'd just said. But he said nothing. I stood outside the door for several long minutes, waiting.

Finally, I backed away. He wasn't saying anything. That was answer enough. He was never going to get past what happened. I was an idiot for thinking that he could.

The door opened. "You don't get to say things like that."

"I don't?"

"No." He swept out of his bedroom, his expression hard. "You're the one who screwed it all up. So, you don't get to try to reconcile everything like you're the wronged party or something."

I licked my lips. "I don't know if it's fair to say I screwed everything up. You're the one who left."

"I left because you were messing around behind my back."

"But I wasn't," I said. "You were paranoid."

"You were p.i.s.sed at me." He put his finger in my face. "You were mad, because you wanted to have s.e.x like seven times a day-"

"No, it was only that things had slowed down," I said. "At the beginning, we were all over each other. But it had been nine months, and we were slowing down. I didn't realize it was normal. Griffin, I never had a relations.h.i.+p that long before."

He laughed bitterly. "I wasn't enough for you."

"No," I said. "I was... I shouldn't have put pressure on you."

He turned away from me. "You really shouldn't have."

"Because it made it worse," I said.

He still wasn't looking at me. "Because I can't handle that. Because it made me feel like you were forcing me to do it, and I don't like that."

"I know," I said. "I screwed up. About that, I did. I'm sorry." I chewed on my lip. "But I said I was sorry about it before New Year's. And things were getting better."

He stiffened at the mention of New Year's Eve. "Things weren't getting better, Leigh. That's the night I caught you. I saw you with him."

"You didn't see anything," I said.