Fifty Shades Darker Part 57

"That's more interesting."

Oh! Hesitantly I pull the drawer open, not taking my eyes off his beautiful but rather smug face. Inside there are an a.s.sortment of metal items and some clothespins. Clothes- pins! I pick up a large metal clip-like device.

"Genital clamp," Christian says. He stands up and moves casually around so that he's beside me. I put it back immediately and choose something more delicate-two small clips on a chain.

"Some of these are for pain, but most are for pleasure," he murmurs.

"What's this?"

"Nipple clamps-that's for both."

"Both? Nipples?"

Christian smirks at me. "Well, there are two clamps, baby. Yes, both nipples, but that's not what I meant. These are for both pleasure and pain."

Oh. He takes it from me.

"Hold out your little fnger."

I do as he asks, and he clamps one clip to the tip of my fnger. It's not too harsh.

"The sensation is very intense, but it's when taking them off that they are at their most painful and pleasurable." I remove the clip. Hmm, that might be nice. I squirm at the thought.

"I like the look of these," I murmur and Christian smiles.

"Do you now, Miss Steele? I think I can tell."

I nod shyly, biting my lip. He reaches up and tugs on my chin so I release my bottom lip.

"You know what that does to me," he murmurs.

I put the clips back in the drawer, and Christian leans forward and pulls out two more.

"These are adjustable." He holds them up for me to inspect.

"Adjustable?"

"You can wear them very tight ... or not. Depending on your mood."

How does he make that sound so erotic? I swallow, and to divert his attention, pull out a device that looks like a spiky pastry cutter.

"This?" I frown. No baking in the playroom, surely."That's a Wartenberg pinwheel."

"For?"

He reaches over and takes it from me. "Give me your hand. Palm up."

I offer him my left hand and he takes it gently, skating his thumb over my knuckles. A s.h.i.+ver runs through me. His skin against mine, it never fails to thrill me. He runs the wheel over my palm.

"Ah!" The p.r.o.ngs bite into my skin-there's more than just pain. In fact, it tickles slightly.

"Imagine that over your b.r.e.a.s.t.s," Christian murmurs lasciviously.

Oh! I fush and s.n.a.t.c.h my hand back. My breathing and heart rate increase. Holy cow.

"There's a fne line between pleasure and pain, Anastasia," he says softly as he leans down and puts the device back in the drawer.

"Clothespins?" I whisper.

"You can do a great deal with a clothespins." His gray eyes burn.

I lean against the drawer so it closes.

"Is that all?" Christian looks amused.

"No . . ." I pull open the fourth drawer to be confounded by a ma.s.s of leather and straps. I tug at one of the straps ... it appears to be attached to a ball.

"Ball gag. To keep you quiet," says Christian, amused once more.

"Soft limit," I mutter.

"I remember," he says. "But you can still breathe. Your teeth clamp over the ball." Tak- ing it from me, he replicates a mouth clamping down on the ball with his fngers.

"Have you worn one of these?" I ask.

He stills and gazes down at me. "Yes."

"To mask your screams?"

He closes his eyes, and I think it's in exasperation. "No, that's not what they're about."

Oh?

"It's about control, Anastasia. How helpless would you be if you were tied up and couldn't speak? How trusting would you have to be, knowing I had that much power over you? That I had to read your body and your reaction, rather than hear your words? It makes you more dependent, puts me in ultimate control."

I swallow.

"You sound like you miss it."

"It's what I know," he murmurs, gazing down at me. His gray eyes are wide and seri- ous, and the atmosphere between us has changed as if he's in the confessional.

"You have power over me. You know you do," I whisper.

"Do I? You make me feel ... helpless."

"No!" Oh Fifty ... "Why?"

"Because you're the only person I know who could really hurt me." He reaches up and tucks my hair behind my ear.

"Oh, Christian ... that works both ways. If you didn't want me-" I shudder, glancing down at my twisting fngers. Therein lays my other dark reservation about us. If he wasn't so ... broken, would he want me? I shake my head. I must try not to think like that."The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I love you," I murmur, reaching up to run my fngers through his sideburn and gently stroke his cheek. He leans his face into my touch, drops the gag back in the drawer, and reaches for me, his hands around my waist. He pulls me against him.

"Have we fnished show and tell?" he asks, his voice soft and seductive. His hand moves up my back to the nape of my neck.

"Why? What did you want to do?"

He bends and kisses me gently, and I melt against him, grasping his arms.

"Ana, you were nearly attacked today." His voice is soft but ice-cold and wary.

"So?" I ask, enjoying the feel of his hand at my back and his proximity. He pulls his head back and scowls down at me.

"What do you mean, 'so?' " he rebukes.

I gaze up into his lovely, grumpy face, and I'm dazzled.

"Christian, I'm fne."

He wraps me in his arms, holding me close. "When I think what might have hap- pened," he breathes, burying his face in my hair.

"When will you learn that I'm stronger than I look?" I whisper rea.s.suringly into his neck, inhaling his delicious scent. There is nothing better on the planet than being in Chris- tian's arms.

"I know you're strong," Christian muses quietly. He kisses my hair, then to my great disappointment, releases me. Oh?

Bending down I fsh another item out of the open drawer. Several cuffs attached to a bar. I hold it up.

"That," says Christian, his eyes darkening, "is a spreader bar with ankle and wrist restraints."

"How does it work?" I ask, genuinely intrigued. My inner G.o.ddess pops her head out of her bunker.

"You want me to show you?" he breathes in surprise, closing his eyes briefy.

I blink at him. When he opens his eyes, they are blazing.

Oh my. "Yes, I want a demonstration. I like being tied up," I whisper as my inner G.o.d- dess pole vaults from the bunker onto her chaise longue.

"Oh, Ana," he murmurs. He looks pained all of a sudden.

"What?"

"Not here."

"What do you mean?"

"I want you in my bed, not in here. Come." He grabs the bar and my hand, then leads me promptly out of the room.

Why are we leaving? I glance behind me as we exit. "Why not in there?"

Christian stops on the stairs and gazes up at me, his expression grave.

"Ana, you may be ready to go back in there, but I'm not. Last time we were in there, you left me. I keep telling you-when will you understand?" He frowns, releasing me so that he can gesticulate with his free hand.

"My whole att.i.tude has changed as a result. My whole outlook on life has radically s.h.i.+fted. I've told you this. What I haven't told you is-" He stops and runs his hand through his hair, searching for the correct words. "I'm like a recovering alcoholic, okay? That's the only comparison I can draw. The compulsion has gone, but I don't want to put temptation in my way. I don't want to hurt you."

He looks so remorseful, and in that moment, a sharp nagging pain lances through me.

What have I done to this man? Have I improved his life? He was happy before he met me, wasn't he?

"I can't bear to hurt you because I love you," he adds, gazing up at me, his expression one of absolute sincerity like a small boy telling a very simple truth.

He's completely guileless, and he takes my breath away. I adore him more than any- thing or anyone. I do love this man unconditionally.

I launch myself at him so hard that he has to drop what he's carrying to catch me as I push him up against the wall. Grabbing his face between my hands, I pull his lips to mine. I can taste his surprise as I push my tongue into his mouth. I am standing on the step above him-we're at the same level, and I feel euphorically empowered. Kissing him pas- sionately, my fngers twisting into his hair, I want to touch him, everywhere, but restrain myself, knowing his fear. Regardless, my desire unfurls, hot and heavy, blossoming deep inside me. He groans and grabs my shoulders, pus.h.i.+ng me away.

"Do you want me to f.u.c.k you on the stairs?" he mutters, his breathing ragged. "Be- cause right now, I will."

"Yes," I murmur and I'm sure my dark gaze matches his.

He glares at me, his eyes hooded and heavy. "No. I want you in my bed." He scoops me up suddenly over his shoulder, making me squeal, loudly, and smacks me hard on my behind, so that I squeal again. As he heads down the stairs, he stoops to pick up the fallen spreader bar.

Mrs. Jones is coming out of the utility room when we pa.s.s through the hall. She smiles at us, and I give her an apologetic upside-down wave. I don't think Christian notices her.

In the bedroom, he sets me down on my feet and drops the spreader on to the bed.

"I don't think you'll hurt me," I breathe.

"I don't think I'll hurt you, either," he says. He takes my head in his hands and kisses me, long and hard, igniting my already heated blood.

"I want you so much," he whispers against my mouth, panting. "Are you sure about this-after today?'

"Yes. I want you, too. I want to undress you." I can't wait to get my hands on him-my fngers are itching to touch him.

His eyes widen and for a moment, he hesitates, perhaps to consider my request.

"Okay," he says cautiously.

I reach for the second b.u.t.ton on his s.h.i.+rt and hear him catch his breath.

"I won't touch you if you don't want me to," I whisper.

"No," he responds quickly. "Do. It's fne. I'm good," he mutters.

I gently undo the b.u.t.ton and my fngers glide down his s.h.i.+rt to the next. His eyes are large and luminous, his lips parted as his breathing shallows. He is so beautiful, even in his fear ... because of his fear. I undo the third b.u.t.ton and notice his soft hair poking through the large V of the s.h.i.+rt.

"I want to kiss you there," I murmur.He inhales sharply. "Kiss me?"

"Yes," I murmur.

His gasps as I undo the next b.u.t.ton and very slowly lean forward, making my intention clear. He's holding his breath, but stands stock-still as I plant a gentle kiss among the soft, exposed curls. I undo the fnal b.u.t.ton and lift my face to him. He's gazing at me, and there's a look of satisfaction, calm, and ... wonder on his face.