Behind The Tears Part 34

"I can't do that."

"You said you'd do anything for me."

"But I need you."

"No you don't!"

"Yes I do, you're mine."

"I'm not yours!"

"Yes you are! And you don't have a say in this, so shut the f.u.c.k up or I'll make you!"

"You just said you wouldn't hurt me, now you're threatening me. You're a bull-faced liar!"

Chaz's features screwed up as though Ash had caused him pain. "Listen to me, I'm not gonna hurt you. I could've killed you by now if I wanted to, but I could never do that to you, cos you mean everything to me. Just thinking about you got me through prison, knowing that when I got out we would be together again."

"You're f.u.c.ked in the head."

"Maybe, but I know if you just gimme a chance we could work things out."

"No! I hate you."

"Please, just gimme a chance-"

"I gave you a chance ten years ago and you raped me!"

"I didn't mean to."

"Yes, you did! This is why you've brought me here now, so you can do it again. Well, I ain't gonna let you. I'll rip off your d.i.c.k and shove it down your throat if you put it anywhere near me, you sick f.u.c.kin' paedo!"

"I'm not a paedo! I want you now, so I can't be." Chaz pointed a finger at him. "And I went to prison for you!"

"You went to prison cos you're a rapist and a murderer, and I hope they f.u.c.ked you up bad in there."

Chaz took a step around the bed, his expression now vicious. "I wouldn't mouth off if I was you, boy, cos you're not exactly in a position to say that s.h.i.+t and get away with it. So, you're gonna learn to love me or else I'll make you f.u.c.kin' pay for everything that was done to me in prison."

"You hurt me! I didn't hurt you!"

"Bulls.h.i.+t! I lost everything cos of you."

"I'm the one who lost everything, not you! You killed my mother, my family wuz split up, and I almost committed suicide. So, don't fling your s.h.i.+t at me!"

"You tried to kill yourself?" Chaz said, looking shocked.

Ash's brows knitted together at the memory of the pact he'd made with Llewellyn Davies, another moment from his past he wished he could rewrite. They both had been hurting so bad, that all they'd wanted to do was to escape the pain that had been inflicted upon them-something he wished he could do now.

"Oh G.o.d, I'm so sorry, Ash," Chaz said heading for him again.

"Back off!"

Chaz stopped at the foot of the bed. "Calm down, I was only gonna hug you."

"I don't want you touching me, let alone near me!"

"You slept in my arms earlier, and nuthin' happened-"

"I what?" Ash said, horrified.

"I wanted to hold you, and I didn't touch you below, plus you seemed to like it. You snuggled right into me. It was lovely holding you like that."

Ash felt like throwing up, the thought that he'd felt safe in the arms of his mother's killer and his rapist horrifying him, because he remembered the arms that had held him and the lips that had kissed his hair, his forehead and his eyelids. He wanted to stop thinking, to not allow the image to form in his mind. Although he hadn't been aware of what he'd been doing, he felt like he'd betrayed his mother. He didn't think he could hate Chaz even more than he already had, but right at this moment he did. And Chaz would do the same thing to him again in a heartbeat, because all the man cared about was his sick perverted fantasies-not him.

Ash lowered his head, wis.h.i.+ng he could at least unbind his feet so he could propel forward faster, but if he launched himself hard enough he would still reach his target.

Chaz pointed a finger at Ash. "Don't even think about attacking me again, cos you're not only chained to that bed, you're chained to me: you'd die out here without me."

"Good!" Before Ash could think things through, he launched himself at the wardrobe, ramming his head into the mirror door. He fell backwards, Chaz's shocked cry cutting off as Ash lost consciousness.

30.

Dante "Everyone's been looking for you, Son."

Dante jolted awake. Disorientated, he sat up, gradually focusing on the tall figure above him. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, wondering whether he was dreaming.

His father squatted down in front of him, the tattooed lines of his full-faced moko blurred by the night. "I've been looking everywhere for you, then I remembered this old tree. You always came here when you thought you were in trouble."

"Then I should be living here permanently." Dante wiped the side of his face, brus.h.i.+ng off grit. It had been light when he'd arrived at the beach, the walk taking hours. Although he knew he shouldn't have returned to Claydon, that it was a stupid thing to do, he couldn't think of anywhere else to go, because there was no way he was heading to Craven's like Ash had wanted. No doubt the boss would shelter him, but he'd rather be stripped naked and marched down Queen Street with a tickertape parade than ask for help from that b.a.s.t.a.r.d, because there was always strings attached with the boss-nothing was free, and everything cost more than money could buy.

"Did Juliet call you?" Dante asked, pulling his hoodie over his head. With the night, came a chill air, the sea breeze biting. "She always did like to dob on me."

His father sat down next to him. "Sledge rang first. He told me 'bout the murder-"

"I didn't kill Len!"

"Oi! I know that, so don't jump down my throat."

Dante glanced out over the dark expanse of the Manukau Harbour, the water looking like slick oil under the moonlight. "Ash didn't believe me, but at least he didn't cut me out." He sniffed. "I s'pose I should be grateful for that at least."

His father let out a long sigh, like he was expelling his demons, which he had plenty of, his past a basket case of mistakes and misery. "Chaz killed Len," he finally said.

"What?!" Dante's head snapped around.

"A neighbour saw him enter the property."

"Jesus, I should've realised it would be that sick f.u.c.k." But then again, he'd been too off his head with all the s.h.i.+t that had gone down to think about Chaz, the possibility of going to jail and what he'd done to Beth overpowering his mind. He breathed out, wondering whether Ash had been told, the thought that Chaz had been near his brother making him feel ill. "Does Ash know?"

"That's why I'm here, Son." His father paused. "Chaz has Ash."

Dante heard the words, but they didn't click together, the pieces shaped too differently to fit. "What do ya mean?"

"Chaz kidnapped Ash."

Dante shook his head, the slow buzz of insanity growling in his mind, rearing to be let out with the wrong answer, because it was just f.u.c.king impossible! "Chaz can't have Ash, cos Juliet dropped him off at Tiana's."

"Juliet went back after you jumped out of the car. Chaz tried to grab her too, but she got away-"

"She's wrong!" Dante jumped to his feet, not accepting any of this s.h.i.+t, because it couldn't be true. Ash wasn't a kid anymore, which meant that Chaz wouldn't be interested in him. Then why was he watching their house?

His father rose slowly, his large shoulders hunching forward. "The police said Ash wuz drugged. They found it in some coffee."

Drugged, like the last time. Dante shook his head, not wanting to hear anymore, but his father continued, trying to drum it in that this was real. But Dante already knew it was, because it was like a sick rerun of the year 2000, when he'd walked in on Chaz raping Ash. The shock at seeing Chaz on top of what looked like his brother's lifeless form had made Dante scream... like now. Dante put his hands over his ears, and f.u.c.king screamed, letting everything come out all at once.

The image of Chaz f.u.c.king Ash changed to one of Dante f.u.c.king Beth. He'd hurt her like Chaz had hurt Ash, just taken what he'd wanted, not caring until it was too late. He was as bad as Chaz, a sick f.u.c.king rapist, forcing himself onto someone. He couldn't believe he'd screwed her like that, not hearing her screams until it was too late, and he'd come, f.u.c.king come while she was in pain. How could he do that after what he'd seen, after knowing how those things ruined people's lives? He didn't understand it, hated it, but he always wanted to push inside roughly, to just take what he wanted. It was why most women left him: they were scared-and he was scared too, because he knew what he was capable of doing.

Dante screamed louder, not wanting to admit to himself that he could be like Chaz. His father pulled him in a tight embrace, continuing to hold him even after the screams had died down.

"They'll find him, Son."

Dante buried his face into his father's shoulder and shook his head. "It's too late, Chaz would've hurt Ash already," he said softly, his throat broken and raw like his soul.

"Ash is strong, he won't let him."

Dante pulled free from his father's arms, anger now ripping the words out of his mouth. "How can you say that? He's been drugged. He can't fight that."

"There's no use in torturing yourself imagining what could be happening, cos it may not be."

"But that sick b.a.s.t.a.r.d will-"

"The police will get him."

"It'll be too late!" Dante's voice cracked. "This will kill Ash. He won't be able to live through this again."

"He has a son to live for now."

"But he's tried to kill himself before."

"He wuz sixteen then, and that wuz some f.u.c.ked up suicide pact. He wouldn't do sumpthin' like that now."

"I wish I could believe that, but you didn't see what Chaz did to him, I did."

"You hafta hope for the best, I hafta too, or it'll drive us both crazy."

"I'm already f.u.c.kin' crazy!" Dante said, tapping his own head hard. "And I can't get the images outta my mind of what Chaz did to Ash. Jesus, he's pro'bly doin' it to him right now." He stepped away as his father reached for him again. "Don't, just don't. If Ash dies, I've had enough; I've f.u.c.kin' had enough of all this s.h.i.+t. I can't take being here anymore!"

"Son! Stop it now, suicide's not the answer."

"I'm not talking 'bout suicide, I mean Auckland, I mean being around people. I hate f.u.c.kin' people! I hate everyone being around me, I can't take loving people only for them to be taken away. Everyone I love leaves me. I hate it, I f.u.c.kin' hate it, it's not right, can't you stop it, just stop it, stop it, f.u.c.k, get it to stop!"

His father lunged at him, grabbing him into a bear-hug as Dante started swearing, the pressure too much, his anguish and disbelief turning into nothing but swearwords and pain he wish could end, because he felt like he was losing his mind completely and utterly.

His father held on tight until Dante eventually calmed down, then his grip slackened. "Have you been taking your medication?"

"Yes," Dante said, not interested in telling his dad about all the days he'd missed, because being bipolar made no difference-he would've lost control whether he was sane or not.

"Well, you need to reel yourself in before I take you to Tiana's. That's where everyone is, and I can't have you screaming with Angelo there. The boy's already shaken up as it is."

Dante's face dropped. "Did Chaz hurt him?"

"No, and Tiana's not hurt either. So, let's get goin'."

Dante shook his head. "I can't be round them like this. I can't control myself lately."

"But Sledge needs you. The boy's broken down. His friend got hit by a car-"

"Who?"

"Corey."

Dante brought a hand to his face. "Jesus. As if this isn't enough. Is Corey alright?"

"He's got a broken leg, plus a bas.h.i.+ng from some thug."

Dante dropped his hand. "Un-f.u.c.kin'-believable."

"Yeah, you boys are being put through the ringer. But this also means that you needa step up and look after Sledge. Focus on him to get through this." His father placed a strong hand at the back of Dante's neck and started steering him up the gra.s.sy knoll. "And you will get through this, we all will, including Ash."

31.

Sledge Monday Sledge stood in the hospital corridor, watching Corey through the doorway, wis.h.i.+ng he could go in and talk to him. But every time he went to move, he heard Corey's words of hate replaying in his head. He'd f.u.c.ked up, ruined their friends.h.i.+p all because he couldn't admit to feeling something, s.h.i.+t knows what that something was, but it was there and it was for Corey.

A hand landed on his shoulder, making him jump. Dante held out sandwiches, the type from cafeterias with the plastic triangular wrapping.

"I'm not hungry," Sledge said.

"You've gotta eat, bro."