The Grip of Desire Part 20

--I know that well. Therefore, I have not said that to you in order to blame you. Quite the contrary, I was astonished that with a temperament ...

as strong as yours, you have remained free from fault till to-day.

--And, please G.o.d, I will always remain so.

--Oh! G.o.d does not ask for impossibilities, as my old master, Monsieur le Cure Fortin, used to say: he was a good-natured man. He often repeated to me: "You see, Veronica, provided appearances are saved, everything is saved. G.o.d is content, he asks for no more."

--What, the Abbe Fortin said that?

--Yes, and many other things too. He was so honest, so delicate a man--not more than you, however, Monsieur le Cure--but he understood his case better than any other. He said again: "Beware of bad example, keep yourself from scandal. Dirty linen should be washed at home." Good rules, are they not, Monsieur Marcel?

--Certainly.

--He knew so well how to compa.s.sionate human infirmities. Ah! when nature speaks, she speaks very loudly.

--Do you know anything about it, Veronica?

--Who does not know it? I can certainly acknowledge that to you, since you are my Cure and my confessor.

--That is true, Veronica.

--And to whom should a poor servant acknowledge her secret thoughts, if not to her Cure and her confessor? He is her only friend in this world, is he not?

The Cure did not reply. He considered the strange shape the conversation was taking, and cast a look of defiance at the woman.

--You do not answer, sir, she said. You do not look upon me as your friend, that is wrong. Is it because I have surprised your secrets?

--I have no secrets.

--Yes?.... Suzanne?

--Enough on that subject. Do not revive my shame, since you call yourself my friend.

--Oh! sir, it is precisely for that, it is because I do not want you to distress yourself about so little. Listen to me, sir, I am older than you, and although I am not so learned, I have the experience which, as they say, is not picked up in books: well, this experience has taught me many things which perhaps you do not suspect.

--Explain yourself.

--I would have explained already, if you had wished it. The other evening you were quite sad, sitting by that fireless grate; you were thinking of I don't know what, but certainly it was not of anything very lively, so much so that it went to my heart. I suspected what was vexing you; I wanted to speak to you, but you repulsed me almost brutally. Nevertheless, if you had listened to me that day, what has just happened might not have occurred.

--I don't understand you.

--I will make myself understood ... if you allow me.

XL.

LITTLE CONFESSIONS.

"To relate one's misfortunes often alleviates them."

CORNEILLE (_Polyeucte_).

The Cure laid his forehead between his hands, and rested his elbows on his knees, a common att.i.tude among confessors.

--I am listening to you, he said.

--I said to you, Monsieur le Cure, do not despair. You will excuse a poor servant's boldness, but it is the friends.h.i.+p I have for you which has urged me; nothing else, believe me; I am an honest girl, entirely devoted to my masters. You are the fourth, Monsieur le Cure, yes, the fourth master.

Well! the three others have never had to complain about me a single moment for indiscretion, or for idleness, or for want of attention, or for anything, in fact, for anything. Never a harsh word. "You have done well, Veronica; that's quite right, Veronica; do as you think proper, Veronica; your advice is excellent, Veronica." Those are all the rough words which have been said to me, Monsieur Marcel. Therefore, I repeat, really it went to my heart to hear you speaking harshly sometimes to me, and to see that you did not appear satisfied with me. I had not been accustomed to that.

And the servant, picking up the corner of her ap.r.o.n, burst into tears.

--Why! Veronica, are you mad? Why do you cry so? Who has made you suppose that I was not satisfied with you? I may have spoken harshly to you, it is possible; but it was in a moment of excitement or of impatience, which I regret. You well know that I am not ill-natured.

--Oh, no, sir, that is just what grieves me. You are so kind to everybody.

You are only severe to me.

--You are wrong again, Veronica. I may have felt hurt at your indiscretion, but that is all. Put yourself in my place, and you will allow that it is humiliating for a priest....

--Do not speak of that again, Monsieur le Cure. You are very wrong to disturb yourself about it, and if you had had confidence in me before, I should have told you that all have acted like you, all have gone through that, all, all.

--What do you mean?

--I mean that young and old have fallen into the same fault.... If we can call it a fault, as Monsieur Fortin used to say. And the old still more than the young. After that, perhaps you will say to me that it is the place which is wicked.

--Be silent, Veronica. What you say is very wrong, for if I perfectly understand you, you are bringing an infamous accusation against my predecessors. Perhaps you think to palliate my fault thus in my own eyes. I thank you for the intention, but it is an improper course, and the reproach which you try to cast upon the worthy priests who have succeeded one another in this parish, takes away none of my remorse.

--Monsieur Fortin had not so many scruples. He was, however, a most respectable man, and one who never dared to look a young girl in her face, he was so bashful. "Well," he often used to say, "G.o.d has well done all that he has done, and He is too wise to be angry when we make use of His benefits!"

--That is rather an elastic morality.

--It was Monsieur Fortin who taught me that. After all, that is perhaps morality in word, you are ... morality in deed.

--Veronica, you are strangely misusing the rights which I have allowed you to take.

--Do not put yourself in a rage, Monsieur le Cure, if I talk to you so. I wanted to persuade you thoroughly that you can rely upon me in everything, that I can keep a secret, though you sometimes call me a tattler, and that I am not, after all, such a worthless girl as you believe. We like, when the moment has come to get ourselves appreciated, to profit by it to our utmost.

--Veronica, said Marcel, I hardly know what you want to arrive at; but I wish to speak frankly to you, since you have behaved frankly towards me. I recognize all the wisdom of your proceeding, although you will agree it has something offensive and humiliating for me, but after all, it is preferable that you should come and tell me this to my face, than that you should go and chatter in the village and tattle without my knowledge.

--Oh, Monsieur le Cure, Veronica is not capable of that.

--Therefore, since you have discovered ... discovered a secret which would ruin me, what do you calculate on making from this secret, and what do you demand?

--I, Monsieur le Cure, cried the servant, I demand nothing ... oh! nothing.

--You are hesitating. Yes, you want something. Come, it is you now who hang your head and blush, while it is I who am the culprit.... Come, place yourself there, close to me.

--Oh! Monsieur le Cure, I shall never presume.