Her Restless Heart Part 5

Leah waved her hands. "No, don't even use that word. I don't want to hear it. You wouldn't leave once you'd joined!"

Mary Katherine rubbed her temple. "I just feel like I don't know where I belong yet."

Leah turned pale. "You're not seriously thinking of becoming Englisch." She made it a statement, not a question. "I know you chafed at the rules sometimes growing up, that your dat was stricter with you than I thought he should be. But you're not really drawn to the Englisch life, are you?"

She hesitated. "There are freedoms . . ." Emotions welled up inside her. "You know me better than anyone. Yes, I chafed at the rules growing up, and yes, oh yes, my father was stricter than you thought he should be. He was-he was-" she stopped, struggled for composure. "He was so, so much stricter than you'll ever know."

Than she would ever tell her grandmother, she thought.

"Mary Katherine-"

She shook her head. "No, I don't want to talk about it. It's done now. It's over. But I need some time."

"It's been a year since you left your parents and came to live with me and work here."

"Not enough. Not nearly enough." She sighed.

"Have you asked G.o.d for direction?" Leah asked gently.

"G.o.d doesn't listen to me." She heard the bitter disappointment in her voice.

"Sometimes He talks to us, and we hear Him instantly, loud and clear," her grandmother said. "Sometimes He's soft and He whispers, and we almost miss Him. And sometimes He speaks through other people."

She leaned back in her seat. "I remember the first time that G.o.d spoke loudly to me. Scared me half to death."

"What happened?"

"I was driving the buggy home one evening. The kinner were asleep in the back. Suddenly this voice said, 'Pull over! A drunk driver's coming!' Well, I thought one of the kinner was playing a joke, being a ventriloquist. You know, throwing his voice, making it sound deeper. I glanced into the backseat and everyone was asleep. Then I glanced up and there were headlights from a car coming straight into my side of the road. I pulled the buggy over onto the gra.s.sy shoulder just in time."

Mary Katherine stared at her, wide-eyed. "You never told me that before."

"Well, you never know if someone will believe you about that sort of thing if they haven't experienced it. Besides, if G.o.d never speaks that loudly to them, they might think there's something wrong with their faith."

Maybe there was something wrong with her faith, Mary Katherine thought. She couldn't remember a time when she felt G.o.d talked to her.

They looked up when Naomi opened the door. "John's here. Do you mind if I take a break with him?"

"No, you go ahead. Tell Anna we'll be right out."

"Danki, Grossmudder. I won't be gone long."

Naomi shut the door.

"What is it?"

Mary Katherine looked at her grandmother, then away. She stirred her tea, but when she set the spoon down she didn't pick up the mug to drink. "I don't like him."

"John? Why not?"

"I don't know. I can't really put my finger on it. He's just always getting her off to himself instead of sharing her, you know?"

"Young love," Leah said lightly.

"It isn't just Anna and me. I think he's pus.h.i.+ng away her friends."

The door opened. It was Anna. "Can one of you come out and help? The minute Naomi walked out the door a busload of tourists pulled up outside. I'm swamped."

Leah brightened. "Wunderbaar!"

Remembering how her grandmother had been probing about whether she would be joining the church, Mary Katherine thought the interruption was heaven-sent.

She jumped up. "Wonderful news. Coming, Grossmudder?"

"Mary Katherine? Mary Katherine?"

She turned. "Hmm?" Naomi was staring at her with concern.

"You seem restless."

Shrugging, she crossed the room to take a seat at the quilting frame. A fire crackled merrily in the fireplace. Such a cozy scene, she thought, picking up a needle and threading it.

"I just like to stay busy."

"You're restless a lot lately," Naomi said quietly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Mary Katherine glanced toward the door to the back room and shook her head. "Not now."

Naomi reached over and squeezed her hand. "Whenever you're ready."

"Me, too," Anna said. She smiled and sighed. "We don't often get a break," she reminded Mary Katherine. "Enjoy it. Maybe this way we'll get out a little early."

They st.i.tched quietly for a few minutes, each of them intent on the section of quilt in front of them. Their grandmother walked into the room, took some receipts from the drawer under the cash register, gave them a fond look, then returned to the back room.

Mary Katherine glanced up and caught Naomi smiling dreamily.

"What's that smile for?"

"John asked her to supper," Anna said, her lips curved in an impish grin.

"Anna!"

"What?" Anna tied off her thread and used a pair of tiny scissors to clip the thread. "It's not a secret, is it?"

"I'd never have told you if it were," Naomi said tartly. "You don't know how to keep a secret."

"I do, too!" She straightened and tried to look indignant.

But as Mary Katherine and Naomi stared at her, she wilted and rolled her eyes. "Oh, okay, so I used to have a hard time keeping a secret. But I've changed."

Mary Katherine and Naomi exchanged a look.

"Well, I haven't told anyone about that cigarette, Mary Katherine-" Anna stopped and clapped her hands over her mouth. Her eyes grew wide.

Mary Katherine couldn't help it. She burst out laughing. "You'll never change, will you? Just for that, I don't have to work for you like I said."

Anna's lip jutted out. "But-"

"No buts. The deal was you were supposed to stay quiet."

"A cigarette," Naomi said slowly. "You've been smoking?"

"I just tried one."

"I'll bet Jamie got you to do it," Anna said, frowning. "I don't think she's a good influence."

"Anna, I'm sure she's a nice girl," Naomi said, and her frown matched Anna's.

Mary Katherine raised her eyebrows. "Well, that could be taken a lot of ways, I'm sure." She looked from one to the other. "I'm sure she's a good girl. I'm sure she's a good girl."

Her emphasis on the "good" sounded anything but.

"I know she seems a little . . . different than the average Englischer, but she really is a nice person."

"I never saw someone who dresses the way she does."

Mary Katherine remembered what Jamie wore the first time she saw her. She smiled. "She's creative. Artistic. She enjoys being that way with her appearance. I think that makes her kind of interesting."

She looked down at her own dress. Jamie probably thought she was the most boring person ever based on the way she dressed.

Well, she just might be surprised tonight.

"So, what do you think, Mary Katherine?"

She blinked and came back to the present. "About what?"

"Daydreaming again?"

"Anna, stop teasing her," Naomi said.

Mary Katherine grinned and shook her head. For as far back as she could remember, Anna was the mischievous one, always teasing, and Naomi was the serene one, always mothering, always in control. They were cousins, but you'd have thought they were sisters the way they were so close, the three of them, she thought.

The only thing that bothered her was how Anna wouldn't talk to them-or to her grandmother-about Gideon, the man she'd married when she was so young. And he'd been the most important man in her life . . . anytime they tried, she clammed up and walked away.

"Just thinking about my plans for tonight," she said casually, and smiled to herself when Anna dropped her needle and leaned.

"Where are you going? You never said anything before this. Who asked you out? Where are you going?"

"Anna, Anna, Anna," Naomi said, clucking her tongue.

Mary Katherine just laughed.

The pizza place was nice and warm from the ovens, the air spicy and delicious with the scents of garlic, sausage, onions, and pepperoni.

The restaurant was located on the outskirts of town. Mary Katherine had visited it once before on the way home from being out of town. She didn't get to eat out much, so it was a treat. But Jamie looked bored.

"Want to share a pepperoni pizza?"

Jamie tossed her menu down on the table. "Sure. Guess you don't get to places like this often, huh?"

"Sometimes my cousins and I go someplace like this for lunch break from the shop. It's not too far of a walk. But not often, no. We bring lunch from home." She looked around and then smiled at Jamie. "Looks like it's date night."

"Yeah. Robert and I come here sometimes on Friday." She frowned. "He had to work tonight."

The waitress came to take their drink orders and grinned at Jamie. "Hey, girl, haven't seen you in ages."

"Yeah, Robert's been working a lot of extra hours. How's things?"

"Busy." The waitress whose nametag read Janie shrugged. "Always busy. You working? I think the owner'd take you back."

Jamie shook her head. "I'm taking cla.s.ses and working in the school cafeteria. But thanks."

"Sounds great. What are you girls having tonight?"

"A large pepperoni pizza," Jamie told her. "Pitcher of Diet c.o.ke."

The waitress took their order and went to place it.

Jamie drummed her fingers on the table as she studied Mary Katherine. "You really look different dressed normal."

It was the reason they'd become friends. Although her community didn't encourage becoming friends with Englischers, they didn't interfere in such relations.h.i.+ps because the two communities were so often helping each other, buying from each other.

"Normal?" Mary Katherine glanced down at her s.h.i.+rt and jeans.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said 'normal,' " Jamie said quickly. "I should have said Englisch. I mean, it's so different from your regular clothes."

Mary Katherine nodded. Wearing jeans felt a little strange, but a good strange. They were comfortable and certainly warmer than a dress on a cold night. She'd gotten them from an Amish friend who'd bought them during her rumschpringe. Her friend had decided to get baptized and had given them to Mary Katherine.

Who still didn't know if she was going to stay . . . or go.

"It feels so different to me."

The waitress brought a little plate of antipasto. "On the house," she said with a grin.

"Gee, thanks," Jamie said, and Mary Katherine thanked her, too.

Jamie watched her move to another table to take an order. She frowned. "I hated it here. My new job isn't much better, but at least I feel like I'm getting somewhere."

"College sounds like fun."