One-Act Plays Part 15

VALSIN [_deferentially_]. Will the niece of Widow Balsage explain why it does not?

ELOISE [_turning upon him fiercely_]. Because the patriot Citizeness Eloise d'Anville is here!

VALSIN [_a.s.suming an air of thoughtfulness_]. Yes, she is here. That "permit" yonder even mentions her by name. It is curious. I shall have to go into that. Continue, niece.

ELOISE [_with supreme haughtiness_]. This lady is under her protection.

VALSIN [_growing red_]. Pardon. Under whose protection?

ELOISE [_sulphurously_]. Under the protection of Eloise d'Anville!

[_This has a frightful effect upon VALSIN; his face becomes contorted; he clutches at his throat, apparently half strangled, staggers, and falls choking into the easy-chair he has formerly occupied._]

VALSIN [_gasping, coughing, incoherent_]. Under the pro--the protection--[_He explodes into peal after peal of uproarious laughter._] The protection of--Aha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! [_He rocks himself back and forth unappeasably._]

ELOISE [_with a slight lift of the eyebrows_]. This man is an idiot.

VALSIN [_during an abatement of his attack_]. Oh, pardon! It is--too--much--too much for me! You say--these people are--

ELOISE [_stamping her foot_]. Under the protection of Eloise d'Anville, imbecile! You cannot touch them. She wills it! [_At this, VALSIN shouts as if pleading for mercy, and beats the air with his hands. He struggles to his feet and, pounding himself upon the chest, walks to and fro in the effort to control his convulsion._]

ELOISE [_to ANNE, under cover of the noise he makes_]. I was wrong: he is not an idiot.

ANNE [_despairingly_]. He laughs at you.

ELOISE [_in a quick whisper_]. Out of bl.u.s.ter; because he is afraid.

He is badly frightened. I know just what to do. Go into the other room with Louis.

ANNE [_protesting weakly_]. I can't hope--

ELOISE [_flas.h.i.+ng from a cloud_]. You failed, didn't you? [_MADAME DE LASEYNE, after a tearful perusal of the stern resourcefulness now written in the younger woman's eyes, succ.u.mbs with a piteous gesture of a.s.sent and goes out forlornly. ELOISE closes the door and stands with her back to it._]

VALSIN [_paying no attention to them_]. Eloise d'Anville! [_Still pacing the room in the struggle to subdue his hilarity._] This young citizeness speaks of the protection of Eloise d'Anville! [_Leaning feebly upon DOSSONVILLE's shoulder._] Do you hear, my Dossonville? It is an ecstasy. Ecstasize, then. Scream, Dossonville!

DOSSONVILLE [_puzzled, but evidently accustomed to being so, cackles instantly_]. Perfectly. Ha, ha! The citizeness is not only stirringly beautiful, she is also--

VALSIN. She is also a wit. Susceptible henchman, concentrate your thoughts upon domesticity. In this presence remember your wife!

ELOISE [_peremptorily_]. Dismiss that person. I have something to say to you.

VALSIN [_wiping his eyes_]. Dossonville, you are not required. We are going to be sentimental, and heaven knows you are not the moon. In fact, you are a fat old man. Exit, obesity! Go somewhere and think about your children. Flit, whale!

DOSSONVILLE [_rising_]. Perfectly, my chieftain. [_He goes to the broken door._]

ELOISE [_tapping the floor with her shoe_]. Out of hearing!

VALSIN. The floor below.

DOSSONVILLE. Well understood. Perfectly, perfectly! [_He goes out through the hallway; disappears, chuckling grossly. There are some moments of silence within the room, while he is heard clumping down a flight of stairs; then VALSIN turns to ELOISE with burlesque ardor._]

VALSIN. "Alone at last!"

ELOISE [_maintaining her composure_]. Rabbit!

VALSIN [_dropping into the chair at the desk, with mock dejection_].

Repulsed at the outset! Ah, Citizeness, there were moments on the journey from Paris when I thought I detected a certain kindness in your glances at the lonely stranger.

ELOISE [_folding her arms_]. You are to withdraw your soldiers, countersign the "permit," and allow my friends to embark at once.

VALSIN [_with solemnity_]. Do you give it as an order, Citizeness?

ELOISE. I do. You will receive suitable political advancement.

VALSIN [_in a choked voice_]. You mean as a--a reward?

ELOISE [_haughtily_]. _I_ guarantee that you shall receive it! [_He looks at her strangely; then, with a low moan, presses his hand to his side, seeming upon the point of a dangerous seizure._]

VALSIN [_managing to speak_]. I can only beg you to spare me. You have me at your mercy.

ELOISE [_swelling_]. It is well for you that you understand that!

VALSIN [_shaking his hand ruefully_]. Yes; you see I have a bad liver: it may become permanently enlarged. Laughter is my great danger.

ELOISE [_crying out with rage_]. _Oh!_

VALSIN [_dolorously_]. I have continually to remind myself that I am no longer in the first flush of youth.

ELOISE. Idiot! Do you not know who I am!

VALSIN. You? Oh yes--[_He checks himself abruptly; looks at her with brief intensity; turns his eyes away, half closing them in quick meditation; smiles, as upon some secret pleasantry, and proceeds briskly._] Oh yes, yes, I know who you are.

ELOISE [_beginning haughtily_]. Then you--

VALSIN [_at once cutting her off_]. As to your name, I do not say.

Names at best are details; and your own is a detail that could hardly be thought to matter. _What_ you are is obvious: you joined Louis and his sister in Paris at the barriers, and traveled with them as "Marie Balsage," a sister. You might save us a little trouble by giving us your real name; you will probably refuse, and the police will have to look it up when I take you back to Paris. Frankly, you are of no importance to us, though of course we'll send you to the Tribunal. No doubt you are a poor relative of the Valny-Cheraults, or, perhaps, you may have been a governess in the Laseyne family, or--

ELOISE [_under her breath_]. Idiot! Idiot!

VALSIN [_with subterranean enjoyment, watching her sidelong_]. Or the good-looking wife of some faithful retainer of the Emigrant's, perhaps.

ELOISE [_with a shrill laugh_]. Does the Committee of Public Safety betray the same intelligence in the appointment of all its agents?

[_Violently._] Imbecile, I--

VALSIN [_quickly raising his voice to check her_]. You are of no importance, I tell you! [_Changing his tone._] Of course I mean politically. [_With broad gallantry._] Otherwise, I am the first to admit extreme susceptibility. I saw that you observed it on the way--at the taverns, in the diligence, at the posting-houses, at--

ELOISE [_with serenity_]. Yes. I am accustomed to oglers.

VALSIN. Alas, I believe you! My unfortunate s.e.x is but too responsive.