Sing Me To Sleep Part 24

Frightened to move? Yeah, I'm the same.

Insides yearning-can I walk away again?

"Bethie?" Scott stops moving and takes me by the shoulders. The little boy is gone from his face. He's a full-fledged guy-not cute anymore. He's handsome.

I bend down and whisper, "I thought it would gross you out." It feels good to finally say it. "All night I wanted to attack you."

"Attack me?"

I nod. I need to let go of him-get away from his mouth too close to mine. And those shoulders. I need to run from those shoulders.

"I don't understand." His voice is low-s.e.xy-irresistible. "Do you think you can show me?" He closes his eyes and presses upward on his toes, reaching his lips to meet mine.

I forget everything. We're back at the prom. He wants me. He always wanted me-even when I was ugly. He's not grossed out. He's turned on. I inhale him, clutch his shoulders, close my eyes, and let my lips brush his.

Could you want me? If it's a joke,

Please don't haunt me-dreams in smoke.

c.r.a.p. I'm kissing my best friend.

And he kisses me back. Major kisses me back. It's not smooth and tender like Derek. Scott's lips are hard on mine-way intense. Too much teeth. But I ache for more when he finally releases me.

He traces my lips with his fingers. "Virgin lips meet virgin lips. I've been waiting since fourth grade to do that."

I bend my head to kiss him again and then pull back with a start. Derek. I have to tell Scott. I try to start, but he meets my mouth more than halfway. He's better at it this time. I try to push him off, but he fights back, presses his body to mine. I stop resisting. Get way too into it.

He finally lets me loose.

"Scott, Scottie." I'm breathless from kissing him and feeling so bad at what I'm going to say. "We need to stop this."

He smiles and hugs me. "Yeah. I had late lunch break. I gotta get back. But I'm off at five. I'll come over, and we can do that some more. Maybe it won't rain, and we can go to the beach."

"Just shut up a minute. My lips-aren't-virgin lips."

"Not anymore." He tries to kiss me again, but I pull back this time, pull his arms off so he's not holding me.

"I met a guy at the Choral Olympics."

"Wait. What?" He grabs me by the shoulders and glares. "What happened? What are you saying?"

I shrink back from him. "I got some bad news. He was sweet and . . . it just happened."

"But I'm your-"

"Friend."

"No. Beth. No. Not anymore. I'm sick of that. I've loved you forever. This creep-whoever he is-doesn't care about the real Beth. Not like I do. You don't have to fake it with me. I want to be your boyfriend. You want it, too. I can tell." His hands slip from my shoulders to my back, and he draws me closer.

"But what about-"

"I don't care if you kissed a thousand guys in Switzerland." He starts to lay his face down on my shoulder but jerks back up. "That's all you did with him, right?"

"Scott! "

"It doesn't matter." His arms tighten around me-brick hard. "Right now it's you and me. Today. Tomorrow. And the day after that and the day after that. It's always been you and me. It's just taken us a while to grow into this part of it." He kisses me, and he's got so much love on his lips that it makes me cry.

I pull away from his mouth, sniff, and wipe my eyes. "The thing is . . . this guy and I are-" How can I do this to Scott? I have to, though. I'm with Derek. I want to be with Derek.

"Over. No big deal. I'm not upset." His arms relax, and one hand moves up to stroke my hair.

I need to get away from him. We're both sticky and hot. It's so gross out. But I can't let go. I clench my teeth and say, "We're sort of involved."

"c.r.a.p, Beth." Scott's hand freezes. "What are you saying?"

"I'm in the middle of this. I care, Scott. I really do, but-"

My cell phone rings. The sound floats out my bedroom window and coats us. I know it's Derek. And even with Scott holding me, giving me his heart, a thrill of Derek desire shoots through me.

Scott looks up, curses. "I'm here, Beth. I'm real. That isn't." His mouth is on mine again. Warm. Hungry. So vulnerable.

But my cell keeps ringing.

I pull myself free of Scott.

"Please, Bethie. Don't."

I whisper, "I'm sorry, Scottie," and race for my cell phone.

I get to my room too late. I look out at the cracked sidewalk with gra.s.s dying in the gaps. Scott's car is still there. I pull down the window blind. The doorbell rings. I don't answer.

I take my cell phone into my bathroom, shut the door and lock it, perch on the seat of my toilet like a giant bird roosting, staring at the phone.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

I'm so stupid. I flip open the phone, pull up the missed call, and hit the green b.u.t.ton.

"Beth?" I close my eyes at the sound of Derek's voice. "Were you still asleep?"

I can't answer. The resonance of what I just did to Scott gets a hold of me.

"Beth? Are you there?"

I finally manage a weak, "Where are you?"

"Waiting for our bags in Toronto."

"I can't believe you got home so fast." I pick at the last sliver of pink nail polish on my big toe.

"Direct flight from Schipol."

"That isn't fair." My voice is too high, wobbles at the end.

"What's up? You sound-"

"We're on the same continent." Can he tell what I did?

"Same time zone."

I need to see him. He'll figure this out. He always knows what to do. "Do you have any nice park benches in London?"

"I think we can find one."

"I really need to be with you again. Something crazy just happened." I blurt the whole episode with Scott out to him. "I don't know what got into him. I'm so sorry. It won't happen again. I told him all about you. We've been friends forever and ever. It's so weird."

Derek doesn't say anything. c.r.a.p. I'm so stupid. Why did I tell him?

"It's okay, Beth. I get it. At least I get him." His voice is smooth and rea.s.suring. He's not mad at all. Shouldn't he be a tiny bit mad? "What about you? What do you want?"

"What do you mean?" I hold myself still as I can and press the phone hard against my ear.

"I'm glad you have somebody solid like that. Maybe you should dump me. You obviously have feelings for him."

"What? Dump you?" I feel dizzy. "For Scott? No. What? No."

"I don't want to hurt you."

I take a deep breath so I don't fall off the toilet seat. "The only way you can hurt me is to keep talking like this."

"Beth, I-"

"Why are you so understanding?" A hint of suspicion creeps into my voice. "You should be livid. And incredibly jealous."

"I didn't say I wasn't jealous."

"That girl. That's it. You want to get back with her. No, Derek. Please. I'm really sorry."

"You're insane."

He's right, but I can't stop myself. "She wants you back. I know it. Have you seen her yet?" The dizzy returns. I force myself to breathe.

"At the baggage claim in the airport?"

"Could happen."

"I called you first-even before my mum. I want you, Beth." His voice goes deep with intensity. "The question is do you want me?"

"c.r.a.p." I stand and stretch my legs.

"What now?"

"That means you've got to go. Call your mom, you idiot. Then call me back and tell me you can't live without me."

"I can't live without you."

I'm swirling in Derek deliciousness. "And you're insanely jealous over Scott?"

"Insanely. No more getting it on with old kindergarten buddies."

"Preschool." I glance in the mirror. I can be Bliss perfect in an hour.

"Thanks for telling me. It's so-"

"Stupid?" I plug in my hair flattening thing.

He laughs. "You. No pretense. No games."

I turn around and lean against the sink, focus on what he's saying. "Games? Don't play them with me. My heart can't take that."

"What can it take?"

"Seeing you tonight?" If I leave in an hour, I'll be in London in time to meet his bus home from Toronto.

"I'm dead on my feet."

He wants sleep instead of me? "Tomorrow?"