Raising Rufus Part 10

"No! Um...I mean...not right now, because...uh..."

He knew he needed to finish that sentence, but his mind was an empty vessel.

He was saved when the door opened-just a crack so n.o.body could see inside-and Audrey's smiling face appeared.

"h.e.l.lo."

Now his mom was smiling too. "Hi!" she said as Audrey slipped through the door and shut it behind her. "I'm Martin's mom. Who are you?"

"Audrey Blanchard."

"Pleased to meet you, Audrey."

As they stiffly shook hands, there was a crash and another squawk from inside the den.

Mrs. Tinker looked fully perplexed. "Martin, what on earth?"

"That's, uh...the TV. We're watching a monster movie."

"A little loud, don't you think?"

"He's destroying New York."

"Well, turn it down, honey. It's too loud."

"Okay."

The three of them stood there silently for a few seconds as his mom just smiled. Martin turned to Audrey.

"Weren't you gonna call your sister?"

"Hmm?...Oh! Right." She put on her polite face and spoke to Mrs. Tinker. "Can I please use your phone?"

"Sure."

Again, they all just stood there. Martin fidgeted, dreading another sound from the other side of the door.

"Could you...show me?" Audrey asked.

"Oh! Of course."

As Mrs. Tinker led Audrey toward the dining room, Martin let out a big breath and slipped back through the den door.

But his work wasn't done. Rufus was thras.h.i.+ng around with the pillow in his mouth, spreading the stuffing all over the place.

"Rufus!" he exclaimed in a loud whisper. "Look!" He waved the pork chops in the air, and Rufus dropped the pillow and went right after them. Martin was quick enough to keep the package just out of reach of those voracious jaws, and he used the lure to lead Rufus out into the hall and back toward the kitchen.

He could hear his mom talking to Audrey through the door to the dining room as she showed her the phone. "Would you like to stay for dinner? We'd love to have you join us."

"Oh, um...thank you. I'll ask."

Rufus was taking his sweet time getting into the kitchen, and Martin could hear his mom's footsteps coming back toward the hall. He could just see Audrey over at the phone, and he gestured to her frantically with his free hand.

"Ohmygos.h.!.+" Audrey said loudly. "What's that?"

Her sudden outburst turned Mrs. Tinker back around. "Hm?"

Audrey pointed out the front window. "Over there. Next to the, the...over there."

"What."

"Isn't that a...um...y'know, one of those things...?"

"Where?"

With Mrs. Tinker distracted by the big nothing Audrey was pointing out, Martin was finally able to coax Rufus out of the hall and into the kitchen.

"Oh. Guess not," he could hear Audrey say, sounding much relieved. "Never mind."

Just when Martin thought he finally had it under control, Rufus jumped back into the hall to check out this new, larger human standing at the other end with her back to him. As Mrs. Tinker started to turn toward him...

"Oh!" Audrey yelped.

"Wha?" Startled, Martin's mom turned her back again, and it gave him just enough time to grab Rufus and pull him into the kitchen.

"Oh," Audrey said, much more calmly. "Oh, um...a crow. That's what it was."

"A crow," said Mrs. Tinker.

Martin figured by now his mom must have thought his new friend was a few ponies short of a polo team. But it was worth it if they could just make it a few more seconds and not get caught.

Finally, he managed to push Rufus out the kitchen door to the yard; then he used the pork chops to lead him all the way across to the far side of the barn.

"You are a bad, bad boy," he said as they scurried down the incline to the creaky wooden doors. "That's the last time you're coming out of there, period."

He tossed the package into the cellar and, when Rufus dove in after it, closed the doors tightly behind him. He tipped against the door with a giant sigh. This could get very challenging.

- Audrey caught an earful from Jade for taking so long to check in with her. But once Audrey explained about her first new friend since they moved there, her sister became much more agreeable and told Audrey it would be okay for her to stay at the Tinkers' for dinner.

The meal was a pleasant and polite occasion, though Martin's dad was his usual quiet, distracted self. Mrs. Tinker really seemed to like Audrey, and she couldn't stop smiling at the strange sight of Martin with a real, honest-to-goodness friend. Normally that might have made Martin uncomfortable, but the thought that he and Audrey were sharing this fantastic secret kept him in a cheerful frame of mind.

Martin's mom had lots of questions for Audrey, like how do you like Menominee Springs (it's pretty cool), what are your plans for the summer (get started on that novel), and where did you get that beautiful red hair (my dad picked it up for me at Walmart).

Mrs. Tinker got a laugh out of that last one. It was Audrey's standard joke when she was asked that.

When she had finished her last bite, Audrey placed her napkin neatly on the table. "That was very good, Mrs. Tinker."

"Thank you, Audrey! I'm really sorry it was just hot dogs and beans. I was sure I had some pork chops, but I don't know."

"That's okay. I like beans."

Trying to hide their urge to snicker, Martin and Audrey both took a drink of water.

"Oh, Gordy," Mrs. Tinker said, "I ran into Rufus today."

That did it: at exactly the same moment, two mouthfuls of water went airborne with a stereophonic thphhhwwwww! Mr. and Mrs. Tinker looked at them, unamused.

"Sorry," Martin said quietly, mopping up the wet spots with his napkin. "Got some down the wrong pipe."

"Me too," said Audrey. "Sorry."

Martin's dad went back to his baked beans. "What'd he say?"

"Not much, really," Mrs. Tinker said. "He wants to have us for dinner one of these days."

Again, Martin and Audrey couldn't hold back a giggle. "Rufus" having them for dinner? Too funny.

Mrs. Tinker half smiled, kind of like she wanted in on the joke. But Mr. Tinker failed to see the humor. The other Rufus was his brother, after all, and it sure seemed like these kids were making fun of him. "What's funny?" he asked coolly.

"Nothing," Martin said, working hard to flush the silliness off his face. "Can we be excused?"

There was a heavy pause as his mom and dad just looked at him. "Okay," Mrs. Tinker finally said.

Martin and Audrey scooped up their dishes, dropped them in the kitchen sink, and were out the back door in a flash.

Martin was pretty sure his dad was not exactly thrilled by this new friend of his. Not because she was unpleasant or she dressed kind of weird or anything like that, but because she was...well, a she. Dad surely would have preferred that Martin make a guy friend, somebody he could do guy things with, like building a tree fort and trading baseball cards and, yes, tossing a football around. Maybe if he were a little older, it would be a different story. But for now, he figured his mom would stick up for him, and eventually his dad would learn to roll with it. That was the way it usually went.

So, with summer under way and nothing but carefree thoughts in their heads, Martin and Audrey went back out to the barn to hang out, goof around, and keep Rufus company. It was to be the beginning of a very interesting three months.

Audrey had had some friends when she lived in Oshkosh, but she struggled making new ones in Menominee Springs. She could never quite shake the "Tippi Tomato" label Donald had saddled her with, and the other girls sometimes teased her for her rather oddball fas.h.i.+on sense. And considering Martin's sad history in the friend-making department, it was perfectly natural that the two of them would get together. But they didn't just team up out of desperation; they really did enjoy each other's company.

They hung out together almost every day, and everybody started thinking of them as two peas in a pod. Every now and then they'd be seen together in town by other kids from school, who would snicker to each other, or even call out some snide comment like "Marty and Tippi are engaged, wooooo!" But Audrey and Martin didn't really care; they were used to being teased, and besides, they were enjoying their summer vacation way too much to worry about it.

One of the things they enjoyed the most was going out to the barn, where they could work on Martin's collections, play Monopoly or Twenty Questions or phone app games, do a little light reading, just chat and joke around, or play with the pet dinosaur.

That was their favorite thing to do, because it seemed like Rufus was always surprising them with something new. Martin kept at it with the Frisbee lessons, and after a couple of weeks Rufus was actually able to catch it on a fairly consistent basis. Soon they were throwing other stuff to him too-sticks, a beat-up shoe, an old rubber hose, a tennis ball, and, of course, pieces of meat, which he hardly ever missed. But once he learned what was edible and what wasn't, he pretty much lost interest in catching anything but the meat.

He also seemed to enjoy a bit of horseplay with them now and then-the best way for him to get some exercise without leaving the barn, Martin figured. They played a game Martin called Blinko, where he would turn out the lights and then he and Audrey would each turn on a flashlight and shoot the beams all around the room. Rufus always ran himself ragged trying to catch the darting spots of light, and could never quite figure out why there was nothing there to bite into. Every now and then Audrey or Martin would yell "Blinko!" and give his tail a yank, which got him even more dis...o...b..bulated. But he did seem to understand, from the persistent giggles of his human companions, that it was all in good fun.

One time, though, Audrey got whacked in the face with that flying tail. So that pretty much ended the Blinko games.

Another thing they enjoyed was to take turns with Martin's phone camera shooting pictures of each other in silly poses with Rufus-like Audrey kissing him on the snout, or Martin putting a funny hat on his head and dancing a stumbly waltz with him around the cellar floor. Martin wasn't supposed to use his dad's computer (he usually took it with him to work anyway), so they would head over to Audrey's place when n.o.body was home and print out the pictures-then have a good laugh at the wacky scenes they'd created.

And the pictures kept getting wackier, because Rufus kept getting bigger.

Martin dutifully kept his chart up to date: Martin was usually able to get Rufus close enough to a wall to make a pretty accurate height mark, and stretching a tape measure around his belly wasn't too hard with Audrey's help. But they had to measure the length when Rufus was asleep, because he wouldn't sit still long enough for them to stretch the tape from one end to the other.

His skin darkened and hardened as he grew, the scales taking on a rather rough texture, like elephant skin. He also made a lot of different sounds; it seemed like he added a new one every day. Soon he had a whole inventory of bleats, blorks, sniffs, snorts, growls, yowls, and grumbles, and in an hour's time you might hear every one of them. Martin figured there must have been some sophisticated dino language going on there, though he didn't have a clue what any of it meant. Maybe with time he could figure it out.

And, of course, there were those ever-growing teeth-exactly fifty-two long, curved, pearly daggers, getting longer every day.

- Feeding him got to be more and more of a problem. Martin kept putting in a few hours at the Trout Palace on most mornings, and he spent pretty much all his earnings on big bags of Fido-Nummy-the small cans just weren't enough anymore. He had to be careful not to always get them at the same store, and not to go to the same checkout clerk too many times, because he didn't want anybody to start asking questions. Sometimes Audrey went with him, and she would help out by taking a bag to a different checkout stand.

But as time went on, it got harder and harder to keep Rufus well fed with just the dog food. By the end of June he was eating five pounds of Fido-Nummy every day-but he always wanted more. So Martin and Audrey had to get creative to find other stuff for him to eat. Sometimes Martin would sneak into the kitchen of the Heart o' the Woods restaurant, pretending he was there to sweep the floor, and gather up table sc.r.a.ps and leftovers before they could be thrown out. Audrey did her part too, making friends with the butchers at the Food Bear, and making off with whatever remnants they could spare (for her Great Dane, she told them).

The kids found they didn't have to be too picky with what they fed to Rufus. He would eat pretty much anything, as long as it was either alive or had been recently.

Every year the town had a big Fourth of July barbecue on the village commons, and this year Audrey and Martin used the occasion to round up a hefty haul of dino chow. As it happened, the grill master was the person Martin least wanted to talk to-Sheriff Frank Grimes. When Martin stepped up to the grill with an open bun for the fourth time, the sheriff couldn't hide his astonishment.

"Hoho, whoa there, dude! What's that, about five for you, Martin?"

"I like hot dogs."

"For a little squirt, you sure can put 'em away, eh? Ha ha ha! Here y'go."

Each time, Audrey was right behind Martin in line.

"You too, Matilda? We're gonna have to roll the two of you out of here like beach b.a.l.l.s. Haaaa ha ha ha!"

But they weren't eating the hot dogs. When n.o.body was watching, they dropped the wieners into plastic bags and tucked them away in Martin's backpack. They also wandered around the park, furtively scooping up stray pieces of burger and hot dog left behind by other picnickers.

It wasn't the most sanitary way to spend a holiday afternoon, but for Martin and Audrey there was an odd kind of fun to it-like they were pulling off a well-planned bank robbery together. Best of all, by the end of the day they had racked up an impressive stash of meaty morsels to take home and feed to Rufus.

Rufus had no way of knowing where this mouth-watering feast came from, but he had no hesitation about wolfing it down. To Martin's and Audrey's amazement, he polished off the wieners and burgers in no time at all.

"When does he ever quit?" Audrey asked in exasperation, and Martin had no answer but a sigh and a shrug. This was getting to be a lot of work.

Then again, what did he expect from a creature that couldn't stop growing bigger?

- It wasn't as much fun as hanging out in the barn, but sometimes they would spend the afternoon at Audrey's house. Martin was glad he finally got to meet her dad and her sister, Jade, and those two seemed just as delighted as Mrs. Tinker that Martin and Audrey had become friends. Mr. Blanchard (or J.B., as he liked to be called) and Jade were especially nice to Martin, and he liked that.

They had Martin over for dinner a few times, and that was fun, but the best day was when J.B. took the two girls and Martin up to Lake Manitowish to do some fis.h.i.+ng. Martin had never gone out fis.h.i.+ng on a boat before; his dad had been promising to take him for years but hadn't quite gotten around to it.

It turned out J.B. was something of an expert, and the girls knew a thing or two about it too. So Martin got a full lesson on the best ways to catch trout, muskie, perch, walleye, c.r.a.ppie, and, of course, the largemouth ba.s.s.

As it turned out, the trout were really biting that day. Among the four of them they caught nine fish, three of which were big enough to keep. J.B. and Jade wanted to throw them back anyway-but Audrey and Martin insisted on keeping them. So into the ice chest went the fish for the long drive home.

Martin told J.B. that his plan was to have the fish stuffed so he could hang them on his bedroom wall. The real story, of course, was a bit more interesting.

After all, back at the barn, there was a very large mouth to feed, and it wasn't a ba.s.s. And it kept on getting bigger.

- Besides the problem of keeping Rufus fed, it got to be an ever-bigger challenge for Martin and Audrey to keep him happy in that barn cellar. As the summer went on, he got more and more restless down there. And as he grew, somehow the room didn't seem so big anymore. It was also starting to smell a bit like the monkey house at the zoo, even though Martin kept on shoveling up those growing piles of dinosaur p.o.o.p. He finally started buying some baking soda to sprinkle around, and that helped a bit.

Rufus also got lonely when the kids weren't there. He would pace back and forth like a caged tiger, or try to climb up a wall to get to those high windows that provided light but only a narrow and distant view of the outside world. Martin and Audrey did their best to keep him entertained, but he eventually lost interest in the silly games they used to play together. Martin even tried to get the Blinko going again, but Rufus just couldn't seem to get that interested.

"I guess he's getting too old for this stuff," Martin said to Audrey. But they both knew there was more to it than that. Sometimes Rufus would try to push his way through the double doors as the kids came in from outside, or scratch at the doors with his tiny front claws. Martin tried to discourage this behavior by giving Rufus a little smack on the snout, then wagging a finger in his face. But somehow Rufus never seemed to get the message.

Though neither of them dared to bring up the subject, Martin knew that they wouldn't be able to keep their secret forever. But for now Lady Luck stayed on their side, because n.o.body else ever ventured near that barn. Well, except once.