Now Playing On The Jukebox In Hell Part 14

"I handled them," Vanessa said.

We both spun around. Ca.s.sie's demon was perched on the counter, filing her claws.

"What did you do?" I demanded.

"Nothing permanent."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning," Vanessa said, affecting great weariness, "that I put them on hold for a little while. All that talking was giving me a headache. Does anyone in your family ever shut up, Devlin?"

Ca.s.sie tried to make it seem as though she'd been coughing. I added that to the list of things we would discuss later. "On hold?"

"They're fine. Just resting. Don't you believe me?"

By way of answer, I shoved her aside and raced down to the kitchen.

It all looked absolutely normal -- Mom scowling, Connor smirking, both of them with their mouths wide open -- except that everything was frozen. Tentatively, I pulled Connor's hair. Not even a blink. Amy, for her part, was sitting slumped down with one hand over her eyes.

"They were arguing," Ca.s.sie murmured.

I jumped a little, not having heard her follow me downstairs.

"Connor said you were all too old for bed checks," she continued. "But he offered to check up on us. Your mother said something about Adam and Steve, and then Vanessa zapped them."

"They bored me," the demon said, behind us.

I didn't even bother to turn. "That's not the point, Vanessa."

"Of course it's the point. Your family is positively awful, Devlin. That explains a lot about you, but they're still awful. Want me to put them to sleep for you?"

"Maybe later. Right now, I want you to unzap them and then go away so I can get dressed."

"You look all right," the demon said. "For you, anyway."

"I can't go around in a robe all day."

"Oh, I don't know about that. You're not always this uptight. And Lucifer knows she isn't. There was that one day at the beach..." She let her voice trail off delicately, to give us time to catch her drift.

"How do you know about that?" Ca.s.sie asked, outraged.

"I get around. It's one of the perks of the job."

I was going to perk her for that. But Ca.s.sie blocked me and refused to move. "You mean you see everything that goes on?"

"We can if we want. It's a little like being Santa." The demon smirked and then broke into song: We see you when you're sleeping We know when you're awake We know if you've been bad or good So be bad, for goodness' sake...Ow!

That last word was supposed to be "Oh!", of course, but Ca.s.sie had just pinched her.

"Just fix it," I told Vanessa.

"Oh, all right." Sulking, she started to take the spell off, but then something occurred to her. "Do you want a couple of minutes' head start?"

"What for?"

"You forgot to turn the shower off. If your mother finds out, you're in big trouble."

I hated it when demons were right. Unwillingly, I turned to go back upstairs.

"By the way," Vanessa called. "About the snake."

d.a.m.n -- I'd already forgotten about it. What did it say for my quality of life that I had worse problems than snakes in the shower? "What about it?"

"That was Monica's idea. I can't help you with her here. Wish I could."

Ca.s.sie blanched. "You mean there really was a snake?"

"An anaconda," Vanessa confirmed.

I smiled triumphantly at Ca.s.sie, who was edging closer to me.

"It might be back," the demon added. "I really don't know what Monica's up to. But don't worry -- anacondas aren't poisonous. They just squeeze you to death."

There was a very long silence in the kitchen, and not just on the part of the frozen parties.

"Hurry up and get dressed," Ca.s.sie finally said. "I'll call the Holiday Inn."

As soon as we checked in, I curled up on one of the beds to review the ruin of my life: no job, two demons, and a blonde girlfriend who'd just outed me to my family. She'd had the best of intentions, but we were still done for. Connor and Ryan would tree us, Mom would finish us, and the giant snake would be lucky if there were any leftovers.

"I was born in this town," I told Ca.s.sie absently. "And I'm going to die here. This Christmas."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not." She stopped unpacking cosmetics long enough to give me a severe look in the mirror. "Stop right there. I mean it."

I stopped. But my inner 2-year-old was still jumping up and down, howling, and it still wanted out.

"You're not going to die, Devvy. Even if you want to, I won't let you. Got that?"

The phone rang. Reluctantly, I rolled over and grabbed it. "Got it....h.e.l.lo?"

"This is your mother," Mom said sternly.

Fear gripped me for a second, but then I remembered I was dead anyway, so what the h.e.l.l. "I don't believe you. Do you have ID?"

"You're not funny, young lady."

"Wrong on both counts, Mother."

Ca.s.sie, still busy unpacking, dropped something in the sink with an awful clatter.

Mom heard. "What was that?"

"Ca.s.sie."

"She's in your room?"

For the love of G.o.d. "She's in our room. Was there something you wanted?"

"Aunt Kitty and Uncle Edgar are coming over for dinner."

"How nice for them. And...?"

"Don't get smart. They'll want to see you. You need to be here by 6."

"Is that an invitation or an order?"

There was silence on the line.

"Mom?" The bed s.h.i.+fted as Ca.s.sie sat down next to me; she gave me an inquiring look, which I answered with a shrug. "h.e.l.lo?"

"This is difficult for all of us," Mom finally said. "I don't think we need to discuss the...issue in front of them. Do you suppose your friend could just stay at the motel?"

I slammed the phone down so hard that everything on the night table jumped.

"Devvy? What is it?"

"I'm not leaving you anywhere," I told her fiercely. "Not now, not later, not ever."

She smiled uncertainly and stroked my cheek. "Good, because I'm not going to be left. What brought that on?"

"My mother."

"I know." She kept stroking. "What did she say?"

It didn't matter. Suddenly, a five-alarm blaze was burning inside me, and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about my mother. With a suddenness that surprised both of us, I swept Ca.s.sie into my arms and down onto the bed.

"Something you want, lamb chop?" she asked.

There was, as a matter of fact. And I was in no mood to wait until Christmas.

Fortunately, she wasn't either.

When we finally left the room a few hours later, we were surprised by a blanket of new snow -- several inches of it, topped with a thin layer of sleet. That meant digging Ca.s.sie's car out and sc.r.a.ping the windows, which was going to make us late.

After all the trouble I went to, teaching you how to tell time, Mom would say. Do you know how long it took me to do that?

I did know, as it happened; she'd mentioned it several hundred times in the course of our acquaintance. Maybe she'd be too distracted by the issue to bring it up tonight, though.

"You're sure this is a good idea?" Ca.s.sie asked.

I smiled at her over the car roof. "No."

She scooped a handful of snow off the hood and threw it at me.

"Not now, sweetheart. We're going to be late."

I'd just bent back over my task when a s...o...b..ll clipped my shoulder. Ca.s.sie struck a mock-defiant pose, gloved hands on hips. "Dare you," she said.

"Don't be a fool. You can't win. And you'll just get your hair all wet."

She made a moue and threw another s...o...b..ll.

"I love you too, Ca.s.sie. Now come on and finish sc.r.a.ping your side so we can get..."

A s...o...b..ll exploded on my chest, scattering down my coat and inside my sweater. Swearing at the shock of the cold, I danced around a little.

"Don't make me cluck at you, honey," she said.

That meant war. In a matter of minutes, Ca.s.sie's BMW was all cleared off -- we'd thrown all the snow at each other -- and we were going down the parking lot, scooping ammo off other people's cars. We called a truce only when I happened to look at my watch and realized that we were already 15 minutes late.

Back in the room, we quickly changed clothes. Then, while Ca.s.sie dried her hair, I called the house. To my relief, Dad answered.

"Hi, Dad. It's me. We're running behind. Why don't you go ahead and start with..." I broke off, realizing that I was talking to n.o.body; he'd put his hand over the mouthpiece and was talking to someone in the background. "Dad? You there?"

"Sorry, Devlin. Your mother's a little upset. You know how she gets. Where are you?"

"At the hotel. We'll be leaving in a couple of minutes. But go ahead and start dinner without us. OK?"

He put his hand over the mouthpiece again and relayed that information. Impatiently, I waited for him to come back. "Devlin?"

"Still here."

"Your mother wants to know if you're going to behave yourself tonight." He dropped his voice confidentially. "That's not quite how I would have put it, but..."

"Dad?"