Comedies by Holberg : Jeppe of the Hill, The Political Tinker, Erasmus Montanus Part 22

SECOND LAWYER. Justinian's words, your Magnificence, are as follows: Whatsoever a river wears off another's field and casts up on yours, that belongs to you.

HERMAN. Yes, Justinian is right so far, for he was a fine man. I have much too much respect for him to question his decision.

FIRST LAWYER. But, your Honor, my opponent interprets law as the devil does the Bible. He forgets what follows right after: Per alluvionem autem videtur id adjici, quod ita paulatim adjicitur, ut intellegere non possis, quantum quoquo temporis momenta adjiciatur.

HERMAN. Messieurs! I must go to the City Hall. The clock has just struck half-past four. Henrich! See to it that you adjust this suit in the entry.

FIRST LAWYER. Ah, your Honor! Give us your opinion in a word.

HERMAN. Messieurs, you are both right, each one in his own way.

SECOND LAWYER. How can we both be right? I maintain that if I am right, my antagonist is wrong. The law of Justinian is expressly in my favor.

HERMAN. Excuse me, I must be off to the City Hall immediately.

FIRST LAWYER (seizing hold of him). I have certainly proved that Justinian's opinion is on my side.

HERMAN. Yes, that is so. Justinian is for both of you. Why the devil, then, don't you compromise? You don't know Justinian as well as I do; when he wears the mantle on both shoulders, it is as much as to say: Get out, you scurvy-necks, and compromise!

SECOND LAWYER. Your Honor, in order to grasp the jurist's meaning correctly, one must compare one article with another. Is it not written in the very next paragraph: Quodsi vis fluminis de tuo praedio--?

HERMAN. Here, let me go, you pettifoggers! Don't you hear me say I must go to the City Hall?

FIRST LAWYER. Oh, your Honor! A moment! Let us now hear what Hugo Grotius says.

HERMAN. To the devil with both you and Hugo Grotius! What have I to do with Hugo Grotius? He was an Arminian. What in the devil have laws to do with us that people make way off in Armenia? Henrich, put them straight out the door. [Exeunt Lawyers.

SCENE 3

(Henrich remains in the entry squabbling with some one, then shoots in headfirst, followed by a man dressed up as a woman.)

WOMAN (taking the Burgomaster by the lapels of his and screaming).

Oh, what kind of a government is this that pa.s.ses such d.a.m.nable laws that a man may have two wives? Do you think that the judgment of G.o.d isn't on you?

HERMAN. Are you mad, woman? Who the devil ever thought of such a thing?

WOMAN. Hey, hey, hey! I shall not go away until I have your heart's blood!

HERMAN. A--ah, help! Henrich! Peiter!

(Enter Peiter. He drags the woman off. Henrich, who has been hiding, finally comes on and helps him out. Exeunt struggling.)

SCENE 4

HERMAN. Henrich, there will be trouble for you if you let in any more women or lawyers after this, for both of them kill me in their own way. If any others come and want to talk to me, you must tell them to be careful not to talk Latin, as I have given it up for a special reason.

HENRICH. I have given it up, too, for just the same reason.

HERMAN. You can say that I talk only Greek.

(Another knock. Henrich goes to the door and returns with a huge bundle of papers.)

HENRICH. Here is a heap of papers from the syndics, which the burgomaster must look over and give his opinion on.

(Herman sits down at a table and fumbles among the papers.)

HERMAN. It isn't so easy to be a burgomaster as I thought, Henrich.

I've got some things here to look over that the devil himself couldn't make sense of. (Begins to write, gets sweat from his brow, sits down, and scratches out what he wrote before.) Henrich!

HENRICH. Mr. Burgomaster!

HERMAN. What's that noise you are making? Can't you keep quiet?

HENRICH. I'm not moving, Mr. Burgomaster.

HERMAN (gets up, wipes his face, and throws his wig upon the floor, to see if he can think better with his head bare. He steps over the wig, kicks it to one side, sits down to write again, and calls out).

Henrich!

HENRICH. Mr. Burgomaster!

HERMAN. You 'll get into trouble if you don't stand still. That's the second time you have interrupted my train of thought.

HENRICH. Honestly I didn't do anything but tuck my s.h.i.+rt in and measure on my leg how much too long my livery coat is.

HERMAN (gets up again and pummels his forehead with his fists to make the thoughts come). Henrich!

HENRICH. Mr. Burgomaster!

HERMAN. Go out and tell the women that are hawking oysters on the street that they mustn't yell in the street I live in, because they disturb my political deliberations.

HENRICH (calls from the doorway, three times in succession). Listen, you oyster-women! You rabble! You carrion! You shameless wenches!

You married men's wh.o.r.es! Is there no decency in you, that you dare to yell like that in the burgomaster's street and disturb him in his business?

HERMAN. Henrich!

HENRICH. Mr. Burgomaster!

HERMAN. Shut up, you brute!

HENRICH. It does no good, anyhow, to shout any more, because the town is full of people like that, and as soon as one goes by another comes in his place and--

HERMAN. No more talk. Stand still and keep your mouth shut. (Sits down, and again scratches out what he has written; writes more, gets up, stamps in anger, and calls.) Henrich!