The Notes Part 8

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Russian & Am. arguing about freedom. Am said "You don't understand in my country I can walk up to the White House and go to the Pres. office, bang on his desk and say 'Jerry Ford I don't like the way you're running my country."-Russian: "I can do the same thing. I can go to the Kremlin walk up to Brezhnev, bang on his desk and say 'I don't like the way Jerry F. is running his country.' "

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Young man-Pol: "I wouldn't vote for you if you were St. Peter. "Pol: "If I were St. Peter you wouldn't vote for me-you wouldn't be in my district."

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With metric conversion upon us-of one thing I'd like to be sure: are 28,349 grams of prevention worth .453 kilograms of cure.

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You know they've been watching too much TV when a kid: "Mommy, I like you better than any other leading brand."

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Your wife used to be so nervous!" "She's fine now-the Dr. told her nervousness was a sign of old age."

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Any man who thinks he is more intel. than his wife is married to a very smart woman.

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Middle age-when you begin exchanging emotions for symptoms.

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People who live in gla.s.s houses might as well answer the doorbell.

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Glad to pay as we go if we could ever get caught up paying for where we've been.

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When a woman loves a man he can get her to do most anything she really wants to.

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Cop: "Said to myself when you came around the corner 45 at least." Woman: Oh this dress always makes me look 5 yrs. older.

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Door-Nats.Cap-"Genl. Svcs. Admin Region 3 Pub Bldg. Scv. Bldg. Mngmnt. Div. Utility Rm. Custodial"-Broom Closet [image]

Weary real estate man-spent all day Sun. showing a couple the model homes-finally in about the 10th model home-"here is the hobby room-do you folks have any hobbies?"-Wife-"Yes-looking the model homes on Sundays."

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The condition of a man can be judged by what he takes 2 at a time-stairs or pills.

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The best sub. for experience is being 17 yrs. old.

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Coliseum in Rome-tour guide, "this is room where the slaves dressed to fight the lions." Woman, "But how does someone dress to fight lions?"-T.G.-"Very slowly."

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Country Dr. parked his old jalopy while he called on a patient. Came back to kids around the corner laughing and making fun of it. He said "It's paid for." Then looking at the kids-said you're not, you're not...

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Women can't do without marriage-who'll steady the step ladder while they're painting the ceiling?

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I won't say their marriage is unhappy but he went down to the marriage license bureau to see if the license had expired. won't say their marriage is unhappy but he went down to the marriage license bureau to see if the license had expired.

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An old French soldier after the battle Verdun: "there are no hopeless situations, There are only men & wm. who've grown hopeless about them."

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Convict blamed all his problems, on his lawyer-says he kept demanding the jury give him justice & they did.

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An underdeveloped Nation-that's one Henry Kissinger hasn't visited yet.

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Camp director told a mother he'd have to discipline her son. She said well don't be too hard-he's very sensitive-slap the boy next to him & that'll scare Irving.

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A young poet who had just sold his 1st verse walking-very despondent. Friend: "What is the matter?" Poet: "Shakespeare is dead-Keats, Sh.e.l.ly, Byron-all are dead. The responsibility on my shoulders is almost more than I can bear." young poet who had just sold his 1st verse walking-very despondent. Friend: "What is the matter?" Poet: "Shakespeare is dead-Keats, Sh.e.l.ly, Byron-all are dead. The responsibility on my shoulders is almost more than I can bear."

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Rec'd letter "You have no guts"-A Friend [image]

A cit. filed a claim for Medicare payment-a dozen letters & months later found out why no payment-Soc. Security told him he'd pa.s.sed away. cit. filed a claim for Medicare payment-a dozen letters & months later found out why no payment-Soc. Security told him he'd pa.s.sed away.

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Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result-Churchill [image]

Sgt. "Put a pair of clean socks on every day"-end of the week the recruit couldn't get his shoes on.

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Politics-got so expensive-takes-lot-money just to get beat.

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It's not our pub. men can't put your finger on, so it's our pub. We are only fleas weighing over 100 lbs. We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it.

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I'll bet you-time ain't far off when a woman won't know anymore than a man.

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Only in a country where it takes you more intel. to fig. out your inc. tax than it takes to earn the inc.

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If a rabbit foot is lucky-how come it didn't work for the rabbit.

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Elderly motorist going down 1 way street-Cop: "Do you know where you're going?"-"No," the old fellow admitted, "but I must be late because everyone else is coming back."

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Cong. biggest job-how to get money from the taxpayer without disturbing the water.

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3 ways to get something done: Do it yourself-have someone else do it-or forbid your kids to do it. ways to get something done: Do it yourself-have someone else do it-or forbid your kids to do it.

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Costrophobia-the fear of rising prices.

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Today's kids are studying in hist. what we studied in current events.

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Human Nature-That's what makes it easier to break a commandment than a habit.

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Mess Segt. "The men of Valley Forge would have loved this." Soldier-"Sure, it was fresh then."

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Guest arrived-tiptoed in without knocking-sat silently etc, Finally one mentioned the note on the door. She'd forgotten was taking a nap & left a note for her children. "Door is unlocked. Come in quietly-no rough housing-don't ask for anything & if you touch the food on the table I'll skin you alive."

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Texas even claims Geo. W. was a Texan. Story is he cut down a cactus-his father said Geo. did you cut that cactus down. Geo. whimpered I cannot tell a lie-I did it with my little hatchet. His father yelled-if you can't tell a better story-get out.

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Our problem is a lack of movies that are rated E for entertainment.

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The younger gen. has no faults that being a parent & a taxpayer will not eliminate.

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There's little danger of our govt. being overthrown-there's too much of it.

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If you dread getting old because you wont be able to do the things you want to do-don't worry when you get older you won't want to do them.

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Prices are so high you don't order a chuck roast anymore-you have to call it Charles.

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A fellow with one of those foreign jobs-"Fill'er up"-Stuck hose in tank-finally said-"Better shut off the engine Mr.-you're gaining on me." fellow with one of those foreign jobs-"Fill'er up"-Stuck hose in tank-finally said-"Better shut off the engine Mr.-you're gaining on me."

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Tchr.-"What was the great diff. Geo. W. had to face?" Kid-"He couldn't tell a lie."

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Guests for dinner-mother asked 4 yr. old to say the blessing-he said "Don't know what say." She: "Just say what you heard me say"-Kid, bowed his head: "Oh Lord why did I invite these people here on a hot day like this."

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Adam and Eve must have been Russian-they had no roof over their heads, nothing to wear, only one apple between them & they called it paradise.

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