Tales of the Jazz Age Part 61

(_He advances toward her with the graceful, even stride that made him captain of the striding team at Cambridge._)

ULSA: You still say it would be Jack?

MR. ICKY: What does she mean?

DIVINE: (_Kindly_) My dear, of course, it would be Jack. It couldn't be Frank.

MR. ICKY: Frank who?

ULSA: It _would_ be Frank!

(_Some risque joke can be introduced here._)

MR. ICKY: (_Whimsically_) No good fighting...no good fighting...

DIVINE: (_Reaching out to stroke her arm with the powerful movement that made him stroke of the crew at Oxford_) You'd better marry me.

ULSA: (_Scornfully_) Why, they wouldn't let me in through the servants' entrance of your house.

DIVINE: (_Angrily_) They wouldn't! Never fear--you shall come in through the mistress' entrance.

ULSA: Sir!

DIVINE: (_In confusion_) I beg your pardon. You know what I mean?

MR. ICKY: (_Aching with whimsey_) You want to marry my little Ulsa?...

DIVINE: I do.

MR. ICKY: Your record is clean.

DIVINE: Excellent. I have the best const.i.tution in the world--

ULSA: And the worst by-laws.

DIVINE: At Eton I was a member at Pop; at Rugby I belonged to Near-beer. As a younger son I was destined for the police force--

MR. ICKY: Skip that.... Have you money?...

DIVINE: Wads of it. I should expect Ulsa to go down town in sections every morning--in two Rolls Royces. I have also a kiddy-car and a converted tank. I have seats at the opera--

ULSA: (_Sullenly_) I can't sleep except in a box. And I've heard that you were cas.h.i.+ered from your club.

MR. ICKY: A cas.h.i.+er? ...

DIVINE: (_Hanging his head_) I was cas.h.i.+ered.

ULSA: What for?

DIVINE: (_Almost inaudibly_) I hid the polo bails one day for a joke.

MR. ICKY: Is your mind in good shape?

DIVINE: (_Gloomily_) Fair. After all what is brilliance? Merely the tact to sow when no one is looking and reap when every one is.

ME. ICKY; Be careful. ... I will-not marry my daughter to an epigram....

DIVINE: (_More gloomily_) I a.s.sure you I'm a mere plat.i.tude. I often descend to the level of an innate idea.

ULSA: (_Dully_) None of what you're saying matters. I can't marry a man who thinks it would be Jack. Why Frank would--

DIVINE: (_Interrupting_) Nonsense!

ULSA: (_Emphatically_) You're a fool!

MR. ICKY: Tut-tut! ... One should not judge ... Charity, my girl. What was it Nero said?--"With malice toward none, with charity toward all--"

PETER: That wasn't Nero. That was John Drinkwater.

MR. ICKY: Come! Who is this Frank? Who is this Jack?

DIVINE: (_Morosely_) Gotch.

ULSA: Dempsey.

DIVINE: We were arguing that if they were deadly enemies and locked in a room together which one would come out alive. Now I claimed that Jack Dempsey would take one--

ULSA: (_Angrily_) Rot! He wouldn't have a--

DIVINE: (_Quickly_) You win.

ULSA: Then I love you again.

MR. ICKY: So I'm going to lose my little daughter...

ULSA: You've still got a houseful of children,

(CHARLES, ULSA'S _brother, coming out of the cottage. He is dressed as if to go to sea; a coil of rope is slung about his shoulder and an anchor is hanging from his neck._)

CHARLES: (_Not seeing them_) I'm going to sea! I'm going to sea!

(_His voice is triumphant._)

MR. ICKY: (_Sadly_) You went to seed long ago.

CHARLES: I've been reading "Conrad."