Out Of Love Part 36

"So is Victor. I can see why you're attached to him."

"He's pretty special."

"Your mom was nice to me. I was expecting something more along the lines of Cruella De Vil."

"So was I. But then, you always seem to bring out the best in people."

"I think that describes you more than me, but I'll thank you for the compliment."

Judith wished she could put her arms around Carmen and hold her until she had to leave. But it didn't seem right to leave a trail of gossip among the older women in her mother's neighborhood. "Do you promise you're going to take it easy this week?"

"As much as I can. Sure you won't change your mind about next weekend?"

Judith had decided they should spend next weekend apart so Carmen could enjoy peace and quiet in her own apartment with her poor, neglected Prissy. Carmen had argued that she could relax better if Judith was with her.

"You need your time, Carmen, whether you admit it or not.

Things in your life need to settle down."

"See, that's a perfect example of what I was talking about yesterday. You're making a decision for me. I don't want to be cod-dled over this." Her voice had a sharp edge, but she softened it immediately. "I can think of dozens of ways I'd rather be cod-dled."

A dark green Town Car turned the corner and slowed.

"And I promise I will do all of them weekend after next.

Maybe I can get Todd to spring me an extra day."

"You need to call Sofia. She'll let you off whenever I tell her."

Judith didn't want to spend their last moments together 248 debating the merits of a job change. "Call me when you get home. Do you have the dog treats?"

"Yeah, but I'll probably let her think they're from me."

"That's okay. You need to make up with her after being gone so much."

The limo driver silently plucked Carmen's bag from the sidewalk and stowed it in the trunk. Then he opened the back door and waited.

Judith decided she didn't care who was watching, and buried herself in Carmen's arms. "I love you."

"Can't have enough of that." Carmen kissed her full on the lips. "I love you too."

"Thanks for coming this weekend . . . and especially for coming to Brooklyn."

"It's always a pleasure . . . to come." With a wink, she got into the backseat and was gone.

Judith smiled to herself at Carmen's last remark. From the fervor of their lovemaking this morning, neither of them seemed to think Carmen was fragile. Her neighbors probably didn't think so either.

She went back inside to find her mother, already in her jacket, and helping Victor with his. It was almost time to take Victor back to the group home, but the walk was her mother's favorite part of the visit. "We have enough time for a quick walk, Mom. I told them I'd bring Victor back by four."

"I thought I might go back with you to drop him off."

The offer shocked her, but she wasn't going to look this gift horse in the mouth. "That would be great."

She hung back as they walked outside, pleased to see her mother take her brother's arm.

"Your friend is very nice."

"She said the same thing about you."

"Your brother liked her."

"Is that right, Victor? Did you like Carmen?" His smile was 249 only a small one, but that was because she hadn't used the key word. "Did you think she was pretty?"

He grinned broadly at that.

"Look at you teasing your brother."

"He likes to hear about pretty girls."

They descended into the subway, where Judith watched with pride as Victor pushed his card through the slot and tripped the turnstile.

"I didn't know he could do that by himself," Halina said.

"He's very smart," she said, slapping her brother lightly on the back.

A train came within moments of their reaching the platform and Victor led the way through the open door, taking the first empty seat he reached. Judith gestured for her mother to take the other available seat, and she stood facing them.

"It's usually easier if he gets to sit down. Otherwise, he sometimes forgets to hold on." She chose her words carefully, afraid to sound as if she was giving a lesson. The fact that her mother had decided to come along didn't mean she was willing to do this on her own, but Judith saw it as at least a small sign that she was considering the possibility. "When there aren't any seats, I usually hold his arm like I do when we walk."

At the first stop, the man sitting next to her mother got off and Judith quickly took his seat.

"Will you be going to Chicago next weekend?" her mother asked.

"No. Carmen wanted me to come, but she needs a break.

Things are tough for her at work right now, and I told her she should take a few days on her own to relax." She tried not to sound nervous as she talked about her relations.h.i.+p, but the difficulty both of them had making eye contact underscored the sensitive nature of the topic. "This is Bergen," she said, standing up and motioning for Victor to do the same.

Victor was familiar with the station and led the way from the 250 train up the stairs to the exit. Halina was clearly impressed.

"Watch the light, Victor," Judith said when they reached the corner at Wyckoff. "I always tell him that just to be sure."

They waited, then crossed the street and turned toward the home. Judith noticed her mother slowing down, likely in antic.i.p.ation of reaching the place she dreaded most.

"Someone's getting excited about being back home," Judith said, nodding her head in the direction of her brother, who was smiling and watching the door. "He's always like this, Mom.

This is his home."

Her mother said nothing, but watched intently as Victor walked up the steps and pressed the buzzer. A voice crackled and Judith announced them. Moments later, Stacey opened the door.

"You brought my boyfriend back!"

Victor grinned and blushed, then started to enter.

"Wait, Victor." Judith caught his arm. "Go give Mom a hug."

He complied in his own way, standing close enough for his mother to embrace him. Then he did the same with Judith.

"Stacey, this is our mother, Halina Kowalczyk."

Halina simply smiled her greeting, but Stacey responded in her typical animated style. "Uh-oh, we'd better behave our-selves. Mamas watch out for their babies."

Victor went inside and Stacey waved good-bye. Judith hooked her arm in her mother's as they turned back toward the subway.

"It's true what she said, Judith. Mamas watch out for their babies."

"Wyckoff is the best. Victor's really happy-"

"I wasn't thinking about your brother. I was thinking about you."

"You watch out for me?"

"Of course I do."

Judith loosened her grip so they could walk down the stairs and go through the turnstile. Her mother then continued along the subway platform until she reached a spot well beyond the 251 other waiting pa.s.sengers.

"Judith, I never meant for you to feel like Victor was more important than you. It's just that he needs more."

Judith searched her memory for what she had said to prompt this declaration, then remembered her comment about feeling as if her only purpose to her mother was what she did for her brother. "I know, Mom. I was just frustrated when I said that because I didn't think you were listening to what I wanted."

"I was." She leaned against the tile wall and folded her arms across her chest. "I know I've depended on you too much. If I'd done more myself, you and Kevin might still be married."

"I doubt that." Invoking Kevin's name probably meant her mother had been thinking a lot about the lesbian issue. "It never felt right with Kevin, Mom. It's hard to explain, but I think I would have figured out what was wrong eventually and we wouldn't have stayed together anyway."

"Maybe, maybe not. But it's probably my fault that you ended up feeling like you belong with a woman and not a man."

Yes, this was about being a lesbian. "It isn't anyone's fault.

Look, will you try to do something for me? Try not to feel like there's something wrong with me, okay? Because I don't."

"But how can you be happy this way? Even if it was all right with me, it wouldn't be with everyone else. It's not normal."

"I don't care about what other people think, Mom. I know it's going to take some getting used to, and I don't expect any mira-cles overnight. But this isn't a choice I'm making. It's just who I am. And you have to believe me when I tell you that I'm happy."

The train pulled into the station and they climbed aboard an empty car.

"Your brother does seem to be happy at Wyckoff."

That seemed to mark the end of the lesbian discussion, but Judith was fine with that. They were light years ahead of where they had been just two weeks ago.

252.

Chapter 20.

"I want to know everything," Cathy demanded, storming through the door into Carmen's office.

"Well, I've got the San Diego report ready for-" By the look on her friend's face, this wasn't the time for joking around.

"Everything's okay. We had a nice, relaxing weekend."

"Have you taken your blood pressure this morning?"

"It's down a little bit."

"To what?"

So much for that ploy, Carmen thought. Cathy was relentless and knew all of her avoidance tricks. "One-forty over ninety."

"You call that down? I'm calling your doctor right now."

"I'm okay, really. It was way up last week with everything going on, but it's getting better. I haven't eaten a single bad thing since last Friday, and I got that report done so it isn't hanging over me anymore."

253.

"Carmen, you can't screw around with this. You need to go back on the medicine when your blood pressure starts to spike."

"I know, and you're right about me s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g around. But I've got a grip on it now. Judith and I talked about it-thank you very much for that, by the way."

"So Judith doesn't think you need to see a doctor?"

"I promised her I'd make an appointment, so there. And thanks to you, she's now part of the food police."

"Good for her. But I bet you didn't tell her how close you came to checking out, did you?"

"She doesn't need to hear those horror stories. Besides, that was a long, long time ago, before I even knew what to watch out for."

"In other words, if you have a heart attack now, you'll know what's happening."

"It wasn't a heart attack."

"It was close."