Oh! Susannah! Part 9

_(Exit Aurora. sadly.)_

Ruby. And what is your lady-love like?

Doctor. _(pointing to Aunt's picture)_ That!

Pearl. Oh, isn't she pretty! _(looks at Ruby grimacing)_ Who is she?

Doctor. My maiden aunt Susannah!

Andrew. Oh, Susannah! Now you're having a lark with us.

Doctor. No, I'm not--I leave larking to you. She's coming to-morrow.

Waver. To-morrow? We've got a box at the Hippodrome; you must come and bring your aunt.

Andrew. Yes, we'll trot her round.

_(Doctor handing cigarettes to Andrew. who hands them to Waverly, and Waverly to girls.)_

Doctor. No, no, she's not a trotter. She lives at Ambleside, and she's awfully quiet.

_(Pearl takes a cigarette from Waverly, strikes match on her shoe, lights it.)_

She'd think a visit to the Ballad Concerts was reckless dissipation, and if she saw a girl riding a bicycle or smoking a cigarette she'd say--_(sees Ruby and Pearl--stops confused)_ I--I--don't know what she'd say.

Andrew. _(roars and slaps him on the back)_ Just the same serious old Jack. You must come out with Vane and me to-night.

_(Doctor writhes when Andrew slaps him.)_

Waver. Yes, we'll paint London red for you--it's the season for spring-cleaning.

Doctor. With pleasure, but mind you, no larks after to-night. I know what a fellow you are for practical jokes, but if you played any joke on auntie, I'd never forgive you. She's one of the best, and I want her to enjoy her visit in her own quiet way. _(looks through microscope)_

Andrew. So she shall, old fellow! We'll take her to the Zoo to see the lions fed.

Pearl. That _will_ be quiet!

_(All laugh.)_

Doctor. _(aside)_ Where's that specimen? _(rings bell)_ Oh, I remember, in there--_(points to door R. I. E., to them)_ Will you excuse me for a moment?

_(Exit R. U. E.)_

_(Andrew crosses to sofa, Pearl pulls Waverly on to sofa. The Quartette sit around tea-table, talking and laughing.)_

_(Enter Aurora.)_

Aurora. _(aside)_ Where's the dear doctor? What have they done with him?

Andrew. _(who has his arm round Ruby. aside to Waverly)_ Lend me your detective camera?

Aurora. _(aside)_ Detective? I'm in this--it's all for 'im!

_(hides behind operating couch)_

Waver. Here, no larks, Merry Andrew. what do you want it for?

_(nervously indicating that Pearl's taken his arm and put it round her waist)_

Andrew. _(with smothered laughter)_ I'll show you! _(takes it from him)_

_(Waverly nervous tries to get his arm away--Andrew takes snap-shot at Aunt's picture, Aurora watching, her eyes just above couch.)_

All over!

_(Aurora bobs down.)_

Ruby. What's the joke?

Andrew. I'm going to that wig-maker fellow to get him to make me up just like this snap-shot of that picture, he'll do it in half an hour, dress and all. I'll come back before you're gone, and Jack'll think I'm his "she."

Aurora. _(aside)_ _Will_ he? Not if I can help it! _(bobs down)_

Andrew. And you'll all be larking and smoking and kicking up no end of a row, and poor old Jack's serious face'll be a study.

Aurora. _(aside)_ Will he? I'll learn you to make fun of the dear Doctor. see if I don't! _(creeps to door)_

_(Exit Aurora. un.o.bserved.)_

_(Re-enter Doctor--Waverly withdraws his arm suddenly, Pearl puts it back.)_

Pearl. _(to Doctor)_ Jack?

_(Doctor doesn't hear, absorbed in microscope.)_

Jack, dear, has any one been here while we were away? _(toying with Waverly's hand)_

Doctor. _(still looking through microscope)_ Only a Billy old lunatic with dyed hair and a touch of lumbago.

Ruby and Pearl. _(jumping up suddenly)_ Father!

_(Andrew sits on couch with Waverly.)_

Doctor. _(aside)_ Oh, lor! _(aloud)_ I'm awfully sorry I didn't know he was your father, he said he was a fairy prince.

Pearl. How like him! _(laughs)_

Ruby. Where's he gone?

Doctor. To look for someone--I think it was you. _(points to Waverly and Andrew)_