Best Short Stories Part 25
You’re reading novel Best Short Stories Part 25 online at LightNovelFree.com. Please use the follow button to get notification about the latest chapter next time when you visit LightNovelFree.com. Use F11 button to read novel in full-screen(PC only). Drop by anytime you want to read free – fast – latest novel. It’s great if you could leave a comment, share your opinion about the new chapters, new novel with others on the internet. We’ll do our best to bring you the finest, latest novel everyday. Enjoy!
"I'm resting in the parlor," came the reply.
"What, on the sofy?" cried the old woman, horrified.
"No, on the floor."
"Not on that grand carpet!" came in tones of anguish.
"No; I've rolled it up!"
HOW COULD HE KNOW?
The youth seated himself in the dentist's chair. He wore a wonderful striped s.h.i.+rt and a more wonderful checked suit and had the vacant stare of "n.o.body home" that goes with both.
The dentist looked at his a.s.sistant. "I am afraid to give him gas," he said.
"Why?" asked the a.s.sistant.
"Well," said the dentist, "how can I tell when he's unconscious?"
IN ADVANCE
In a rural court the old squire had made a ruling so unfair that three young lawyers at once protested against such a miscarriage of justice.
The squire immediately fined each of the lawyers five dollars for contempt of court.
There was silence, and then an older lawyer walked slowly to the front of the room and deposited a ten-dollar bill with the clerk. He then addressed the judge as follows:
"Your honor, I wish to state that I have twice as much contempt for this court as any man in the room."
NO FREE ADVERTISING
A violinist was bitterly disappointed with the account of his recital printed in the paper of a small town.
"I told your man three or four times," complained the musician to the owner of the paper, "that the instrument I used was a genuine Stradivarius, and in his story there was not a word about it, not a word."
Whereupon the owner said with a laugh: "That is as it should be. When Mr. Stradivarius gets his fiddles advertised in my paper under ten cents a line, you come around and let me know."
WHY NOT?
Jimmie giggled when the teacher read the story of the man who swam across the Tiber three times before breakfast.
"You do not doubt that a trained swimmer could do that, do you?"
"No, sir," answered Jimmie, "but I wonder why he did not make it four and get back to the side where his clothes were."
THE SAME OLD HOURS
She was a widow who was trying to get in touch with her deceased husband.
The medium, after a good deal of futile work, said to her:
"The conditions this evening seem unfavorable. I can't seem to establish communication with Mr. Smith, ma'am."
"Well, I'm not surprised," said the widow, with a glance at the clock.
"It's only half-past eight now, and John never did show up till about three A.M."
WHY NOT?
Private Jones was summoned to appear before his captain.
"Jones," said the officer, frowning darkly, "this gentleman complains that you have killed his dog."
"A dastardly trick," interrupted the owner of the dog, "to kill a defenseless animal that would harm no one!"
"Not much defenseless about him," chimed in the private, heatedly. "He bit pretty freely into my leg, so I ran my bayonet into him."
"Nonsense!" answered the owner angrily. "He was a docile creature. Why did you not defend yourself with the b.u.t.t of your rifle?"
"Why didn't he bite me with his tail?" asked Private Jones, with spirit.
FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING
Dr. Harvey Wiley tells the following story: Sleepily, after a night off, a certain interne hastened to his hospital ward. The first patient was a stout old Irishman.
"How goes it?" he inquired.
"Faith, it'sh me breathin', doctor. I can't get me breath at all, at all."
"Why, your pulse is normal. Let me examine the lung-action," replied the doctor, kneeling beside the cot and laying his head on the ample chest.
"Now, let's hear you talk," he continued, closing his eyes and listening.
"What'll Oi be sayin', doctor?"
"Oh, say anything. Count one, two, three, and up," murmured the interne, drowsily.
"Wan, two, three, four, five, six," began the patient. When the young doctor, with a start, opened his eyes, he was counting huskily: "Tin hundred an' sixty-nine, tin hundred an' sivinty, tin hundred an'
sivinty-wan."
THE MAN HE LEFT BEHIND
An English storekeeper went to the war and left his clerk behind to look after things. When he was wounded and taken to the hospital, what was his surprise to find his clerk in the cot next to him.
Best Short Stories Part 25
You're reading novel Best Short Stories Part 25 online at LightNovelFree.com. You can use the follow function to bookmark your favorite novel ( Only for registered users ). If you find any errors ( broken links, can't load photos, etc.. ), Please let us know so we can fix it as soon as possible. And when you start a conversation or debate about a certain topic with other people, please do not offend them just because you don't like their opinions.
Best Short Stories Part 25 summary
You're reading Best Short Stories Part 25. This novel has been translated by Updating. Author: Various already has 559 views.
It's great if you read and follow any novel on our website. We promise you that we'll bring you the latest, hottest novel everyday and FREE.
LightNovelFree.com is a most smartest website for reading novel online, it can automatic resize images to fit your pc screen, even on your mobile. Experience now by using your smartphone and access to LightNovelFree.com
- Related chapter:
- Best Short Stories Part 24
- Best Short Stories Part 26