Best Short Stories Part 48

COMPREHENSIVE

There is nothing like taking precautions.

In the following colloquy Mr, Casey, so far as we can judge, neglected nothing. Mrs. Casey said to him:

"Me sister writes me that every bottle in that box we sent her was broken. Are ye sure yez printed 'This side up with care' on it?"

"Oi am," said Casey emphatically. "An' for fear they shouldn't see it on the top Oi printed it on the bottom as well."

BITING REPROOF

During a dust-storm at one of the army camps, a recruit sought shelter in the cook's tent.

"If you put the lid on that camp kettle you would not get so much dust in your soup."

"See here, my lad, your business is to serve your country."

"Yes," replied the recruit, "but not to eat it."

DISCRIMINATIVE

On a road in Belgium a German officer met a boy leading a jacka.s.s and addressed him in heavy jovial fas.h.i.+on as follows:

"That's a fine jacka.s.s you have, my son. What do you call it? Albert, I bet!"

"Oh, no, officer," the boy replied quickly. "I think too highly of my King."

The German scowled and returned:

"I hope you don't dare to call it William."

"Oh, no, officer. I think too highly of my jacka.s.s."

NOTHING TO LOSE

An author has favored us with the following anecdote, which is taken from the opening of a chapter in a forthcoming book dealing with the war. It is another example of the pioneer character of ministerial service with us. The varieties of opportunity are constantly changing, but out in the front, according to the needs of our day and generation, there stands the Unitarian with the equipped mind and the ready hand. "A year ago, in London, a man originally from New York State came up and spoke to me as a fellow-American. He wore the garb of a Canadian officer. After I had answered his query as to what I was doing in England, he said: 'My work is rather different. I am looking after the social evil and venereal diseases in the Canadian Army.' 'Then you are a medical man?' 'No, said he, 'I tried to get my English medical friends to take hold of the work, but they said that they had their reputations to look after. I have no reputation to lose. _I am simply a Unitarian clergyman._'"

BAIT

When Mike Flaherty abandoned South Boston for Lynn and hired a cottage with a bit of a back yard the first thing he did was to hurry back to the Hub of the Universe and purchase a monkey. "Divil a wurrd" of his scheme would he disclose to his old cronies in Boston. But afterward he let out:

"'Twas like this: I chained the monk to a shtick in me yard, and the coal thrains do be pa.s.sin' all day foreninst, and on iv'ry cairr do be a brakeman. In one waik, begorra, I had two tons of coal in me cellar, and the monk never wanst hit."

BASEBALL "OVER THERE"

In a camp "Over There" the Turkish prisoners are allowed some freedom and among other things our American boys introduced them to the game of baseball. The Turks did remarkably well at it. One of them stepped up to the bat one day, and taking it firmly in his hand turned to the east and salaaming said in a reverent voice "Allah, a.s.sist thy servant." He then made a three bagger.

The next player to the bat was an American boy who was not going to let that Turk beat him. He also stepped up to the bat, clasped it firmly in his hand, salaaming to the east said, "You know me, Al,' keeping up with the Turk."