The Punster's Pocket-book Part 12

The late Mr. A. Cherry, comedian, was written to some years since, with an offer for a good engagement from a manager, who, on a former occasion, had not behaved altogether well to him. Cherry sent him word, that he had been bit by him once, and he was resolved, that he should not make _two bites of A. Cherry_.

MR. JEKYLL'S PUN ON MR. RAINE.

Mr. Jekyll being told the other day, that Mr. Raine, the barrister, was engaged as the opposing counsel for a Mr. Hay, inquired, "If _Raine was ever known to do any good to Hay?_"

RALPH WEWITZER THE PUNSTER.

_A Fault in Candles._

Ralph Wewitzer, ordering a box of candles, said he hoped they would be better than the last. The chandler said he was very sorry to hear them complained of, as they were as good as he could make. "Why," says Ralph, "they were very well till about half burnt down, but after that they would not burn any _longer_."

C.J. FOX AND BURKE ON THE "SUBLIME AND BEAUTIFUL."

Mr. Fox supped one evening with Edmund Burke, at the Thatched House, where they were served with dishes more elegant than substantial.

Charles's appet.i.te being rather keen, he was far from relis.h.i.+ng the kickshaws that were set before him, and addressing his companion--"These dishes, Burke," said he, "are admirably calculated for your palate--they are both _sublime_ and _beautiful_."

HORNE TOOKE AND DR. PARR ON "t.i.t BITS."

Horne Tooke, author of the _Epea Pteroenta_, was remarkable for the readiness of his repartees in conversation. He once received an invitation to a dinner party to meet the celebrated Dr. Parr. "What!"

said Horne Tooke, "go to meet a country schoolmaster, a mere man of Greek and Latin sc.r.a.ps! that will never do." Some time after this, he met Dr. Parr in the street, and addressed him with, "Ah! my dear Parr, is it you? how gratified I am to see you!" "What, me?" replied Parr, "a mere country schoolmaster, a man of Greek and Latin sc.r.a.ps?" "Oh my good friend," rejoined Horne Tooke immediately, "those who told you that never understood me; when I spoke of the _sc.r.a.ps_ I meant the _t.i.t-bits_."

CURRAN'S CULINARY JOKE.

During Lord Westmoreland's administration, when a number of new corps were raised in Ireland (and given as jobs and political favours), it was observed, that, when inspected there, the establishment of each regiment was nominally reported to be complete at embarkation for England, but when landed at the other side, many of them had not a quarter of their numbers. "No wonder," said Mr. Curran, "for after being _mustered_, they are afraid of being _peppered_, and off they fly, not wis.h.i.+ng to pay for the _roast_."

COUNSELLOR DUNNING OVER-DONE.

A gentleman being severely cross-examined by Mr. Dunning, who asked him repeatedly if he did not live within the verge of the court, at length answered that he did. "And pray, sir," said Dunning, "why did you take up your residence in that place?"--"In order to avoid the impertinence of _dunning_," answered the witness.

LORD CHANCELLOR ELDON AND THE LANCET.

_Bleeding in Chancery._

On a motion to dissolve the injunction obtained against that useful work the Lancet, the Lord Chancellor sent it to the Vice, and "hoped there would be no more _bleeding_," to which Mr. Hart replied, not much, as there was _only one operator_ retained by each side. Ay, but, said his lords.h.i.+p, they may stick to their _patient_ like a Leach.

R.B. SHERIDAN AND THE PRINCE OF WALES, OR ONE SWALLOW DOES NOT MAKE A SUMMER.

One wintry day, the Prince of Wales went into the Thatched House Tavern, and ordered a steak: "But (said his Royal Highness), I am devilish cold, bring me a gla.s.s of hot brandy and water." He swallowed it, another, and another. "Now, (said he) I am comfortable, bring my steak." On which Mr.

Sheridan took out his pencil, and wrote the following impromptu:--

The Prince came in, said it was cold, Then put to his head the rummer; Till _swallow_ after _swallow_ came, When he p.r.o.nounced it _summer_.

CHARLES BANNISTER.

Charles meeting a thief-taker with a man in his custody, and asking his offence, was told he had stolen a _bridle_. "Then (said Charles) he wanted _to touch the bit_."

WILBERFORCE AND SHERIDAN ON DRINKING.

That very sober _pious_ personage, Mr. Wilberforce, reproved his friend Sheridan thus: "My good Sir, (said he) you have _drunk_ a _little_ too _much_." "Have I? (hiccupped the other) and you, my good Sir, have _drunk much_ too _little_."

THE FACETIOUS CALEB WHITFOORD.

The late Caleb Whitfoord, seeing a lady knotting fringe for a petticoat, asked her, what she was doing? "Knotting, Sir, (replied she;) pray Mr.

Whitfoord, can you knot?" He answered, "_I can-not_."

JUDGE JEFFERIES BEARDED.

The judge told an old man with a _long beard_, who was being examined as a witness, that he "supposed he had a _conscience as long as his beard_." If, replied the old man, we were all to be _judged_ of by _that rule_, your lords.h.i.+p would be deemed a most _unconscionable judge_[20].

[20] Jefferies had no beard.

LORD CHESTERFIELD AND LORD TYRAWLEY.

"_Sic sine Morte Mori_," was given by some wag as a toast, when Lord Chesterfield and Lord Tyrawley were both present, at a very advanced age, when Lord Chesterfield said, "Tyrawley and I have been _dead_ these two years; but we don't choose to have it known."

SAM FOOTE ON PLAYING TOO HIGH.

A German baron at a gaming-house, being detected in an _odd trick_, one of the players fairly threw him out of the one pair of stairs window. On this outrage he took the advice of Foote, who told him "never play _so high again_."

FELIX M'CARTHY.

Felix M'Carthy pa.s.sing through Clement's Inn, and receiving abuse from some impudent clerks, was advised to complain to the Princ.i.p.al, which he did thus: "I have been abused here by some of the _rascals_ of this inn, and I come to acquaint you of it, as I understand you are the _Princ.i.p.al_."

TIERNEY _v._ FOX.

Mr. Fox, in the course of a speech, said, "If any thing on my part, or on the part of those with whom I acted, was an obstruction to peace, I could not lie on my pillow with ease." George Tierney (then in administration) whispered to his neighbour, "If he could not _lie_ on his pillow with ease, he can _lie_ in this house with ease."

LEE LEWIS ON THE GAME LAWS.

Lee Lewis shooting in a field, the proprietor attacked him: "I allow no person (said he) to _kill game_ on my manor but myself; and I'll _shoot you_, if I find you here again." "What! (said the comedian) do you mean _to make game of me_?"

CALEB WHITFOORD AND HIS NEPHEW.