The Young Gentleman and Lady's Monitor, and English Teacher's Assistant Part 16

6. First of all, a man should always consider how much more he has than he wants. I am wonderfully pleased with the reply which Aristippus made to one who condoled him upon the loss of a farm: Why, said he, I have three farms still, and you have but one; so that I ought rather to be afflicted for you than you for me. On the contrary, foolish men are more apt to consider what they have lost than what they possess; and to fix their eyes upon those who are richer than themselves, rather than on those who are under greater difficulties.

7. All the real pleasures and conveniences of life lie in a narrow compa.s.s; but it is the humour of mankind, to be always looking forward, and straining after one who has got the start of them in wealth and honour. For this reason, as there are none can be properly called rich, who have not more than they want; there are few rich men in any of the politer nations but among the middle sort of people, who keep their wishes within their fortunes, and have more wealth than they know how to enjoy.

8. Persons in a higher rank live in a kind of splendid poverty; and are perpetually wanting, because, instead of acquiescing in the solid pleasures of life, they endeavour to outvie one another in shadows and appearances. Men of sense have at all times beheld with a great deal of mirth this silly game that is playing over their heads, and by contracting their desires enjoy all that secret satisfaction which others are always in quest of.

9. The truth is, this ridiculous chase after imaginary pleasures cannot be sufficiently exposed, as it is the great source of those evils which generally undo a nation. Let a man's estate be what it will, he is a poor man if he does not live within it, and naturally sets himself to sale to any one that can give him his price.

10. When Pitticus, after the death of his brother, who had left him a good estate, was offered a greater sum of money by the king of Lydia, he thanked him for his kindness, but told him he had already more by half than he knew what to do with. In short, content is equivalent to wealth, and luxury to poverty; or, to give the thought a more agreeable turn, 'Content is natural wealth,' says Socrates; to which I shall add, 'Luxury is artificial poverty.'

11. I shall therefore recommend to the consideration of those who are always aiming after superfluous and imaginary enjoyments, and will not be at the trouble of contracting their desires, an excellent saying of Bion the philosopher; namely, 'That no man has so much care as he who endeavours after the most happiness.'

12. In the second place, every one ought to reflect how much more unhappy he might be than he really is. The former consideration took in all those who are sufficiently provided with the means to make themselves easy; this regards such as actually lie under some pressure or misfortune.

13. These may receive a great alleviation from such a comparison as the unhappy person may make between himself and others, or between the misfortunes which he suffers, and greater misfortunes which might have befallen him.

14. I like the story of the honest Dutchman, who upon breaking his leg by a fall from the main-mast, told the standers-by, it was a great mercy that it was not his neck. To which, since I am got into quotations, give me leave to add the saying of an old philosopher, who, after having invited some of his friends to dine with him, was ruffled by his wife that came into the room in a pa.s.sion and threw down the table that stood before them; 'Every one, says he, has his calamity, and he is a happy man that has no greater than this.'

15. We find an instance to the same purpose in the life of Doctor Hammond, written by Bishop Fell. As this good man was troubled with a complication of distempers, when he had the gout upon him, he used to thank G.o.d that it was not the stone; and when he had the stone, that he had not both these distempers on him at the same time.

16. I cannot conclude this essay without observing, that there was never any system besides that of christianity, which could effectually produce in the mind of man the virtue I have been hitherto speaking of. In order to make us content with our present condition, many of the present philosophers tell us, that our discontent only hurts ourselves, without being able to make an alteration in our circ.u.mstances; others, that whatever evil befals us, is derived to us by a fatal necessity, to which the G.o.ds themselves are subject; while others very gravely tell the man who is miserable, that it is necessary he should be so to keep up the harmony of the universe, and that the _scheme_ of Providence would be troubled and perverted were he otherwise.

17. These, and the like considerations, rather silence than satisfy a man. They may shew him that his discontent is unreasonable; but are by no means sufficient to relieve it. They rather give despair than consolation. In a word, a man might reply to one of these comforters, as Augustus did to his friend who advised him not to grieve for the death of a person whom he loved, because his grief could not fetch him again: 'It is for that very reason, said the emperor, that I grieve.'

18. On the contrary, religion bears a more tender regard to human nature. It prescribes to a very miserable man the means of bettering his condition; nay, it shews him that the bearing of his afflictions as he ought to do, will naturally end in the removal of them: It makes him easy here, because it can make him happy hereafter.

19. Upon the whole, a contented mind is the greatest blessing a man can enjoy in this world; and if in the present life his happiness arises from the subduing his desires, it will arise in the next from the gratification of them.

_Human Miseries chiefly imaginary._

1. It is a celebrated thought of _Socrates_, that if all the misfortunes of mankind were cast into a public stock, in order to be equally distributed among the whole species, those who now think themselves the must unhappy, would prefer the share they are already possessed of, before that which would fall to them by such a division. _Horace_ has carried this thought a great deal further; who says, that the hards.h.i.+ps or misfortunes we lie under, are more easy to us than those of any other person would be, in case we should change conditions with him.

2. As I was ruminating-on these two remarks, and seated in my elbow chair, I insensibly fell asleep; when, on a sudden, methought there was a proclamation made by _Jupiter_, that, every mortal should bring in his griefs and calamities, and throw them together in a heap. There was a large plain appointed for this purpose. I took my stand in the centre of it, and saw, with a great deal of pleasure, the whole human species marching-one after another, and throwing down their several loads, which immediately grew up into a prodigious mountain that seemed to rise above the clouds.

3. There was a certain lady, of a thin airy shape, who was very active in this solemnity. She carried a magnifying gla.s.s in one of her hands, and was cloathed in a loose flowing robe, embroidered with several figures of fiends and spectres, that discovered themselves in a thousand chimerical shapes, as her garments hovered in the wind; there was something wild, and districted in her looks.

4. Her name _Fancy_. She led up every mortal to the appointed place, after having, very officiously a.s.sisted him in making up his pack, and laying it upon his shoulders. My heart melted within me to see my fellow-creatures groaning under their respective burthens, and to consider that prodigious bulk of human calamities which lay before me.

5. There were, however, several persons who gave me great diversion upon this occasion. I observed one bringing in a fardel very carefully concealed under an old embroidered cloak, which, upon his throwing it into the heap, I discovered to be poverty. Another, after a great deal of puffing, threw down his luggage, which, upon examining, I found to be his wife.

6. There were mult.i.tudes of lovers saddled with very whimsical burthens, composed of darts and flames; but what was very odd, though they sighed as if their hearts would break under these bundles of calamities, they could not persuade themselves to cast them into the heap, when they came up to it; but, after a few faint efforts, shook their heads and marched away, as heavy laden as they came.

7. I saw mult.i.tudes of old women throw down their wrinkles, and several young ones who stripped themselves of a tawny skin. There were very great heaps of red noses, large lips, and rusty teeth. The truth of it is, I was surprised to see the greatest part of the mountain made up of bodily deformities. Observing one advancing towards the heap with a larger cargo than ordinary upon his back, I found, upon his near approach, that it was only a natural hump, which he disposed of with great joy of heart, among this collection of human miseries.

8. There were likewise distempers of all sorts, though I could not but observe, that there were many more imaginary than real. One little packet I could not but take notice of, which was a complication of the diseases incident to human nature, and was in the hands of a great many fine people: this was called the spleen. But what most of all surprised me, was a remark I made, that there was not a single vice or folly thrown into the whole heap; at which I was very much astonished, having concluded within myself, that every one would take this opportunity of getting rid of his pa.s.sions, prejudices and frailties.

9. I took notice in particular of a very profligate fellow, who, I did not question, came laden with his crimes, but, upon searching into his bundle, I found, that instead of throwing his guilt from him, he had only laid down his memory. He was followed by another worthless rogue, who flung away his modesty instead of his ignorance.

10. When the whole race of mankind had thus cast their burthens, the _phantom_, which had been so busy on this occasion, seeing me an idle spectator of what pa.s.sed, approached towards me. I grew uneasy at her presence, when, on a sudden, she laid her magnifying gla.s.s full before my eyes. I no sooner saw my face in it but was startled at the shortness of it, which now appeared to me in its utmost aggravation.

11. The immoderate breadth of my features made me very much out of humour with my own countenance, upon which I threw it from me like a mask. It happened very luckily, that one who stood by me had just before thrown down his visage, which, it satins, was too long for him. It was, indeed, extended to a most shameful length; I believe the very chin was, modestly speaking, as long as my whole face.

12. We had both of us an opportunity of mending ourselves, and all the contributions being now brought in, every man was at liberty to exchange his misfortune for those of another person. But as there arose many new incidents in the sequel of my vision, I shall pursue this subject further, as the moral which may be drawn from it, is applicable to persons of all degrees and stations in life.

13. I gave my reader a sight of that mountain of miseries, which was made up of those several calamities that afflict the minds of men. I saw with unspeakable pleasure, the whole species thus delivered from its sorrows; though, at the same time, as we stood round the heap, and surveyed the several materials of which it was composed, there was scarce a mortal, in this vast mult.i.tude, who did not discover what he thought pleasures and blessings of life; and wondered how the owners of them ever came to look upon them as burthens and grievances.

14. As we were regarding very attentively this confusion of miseries, this chaos of calamity, _Jupiter_ issued out a second proclamation, that every one was now at liberty to exchange his affliction, and to return to his habitation with any such other bundle as should be delivered to him.

15. Upon this, _Fancy_ began again to bestir herself, and parcelling out the whole heap, with incredible activity, recommended to every one his particular packet. The hurry and confusion at this time was not to be expressed. Some observations which I made upon the occasion, I shall communicate to the reader. A venerable grey-headed man, who had laid down his cholic, and who, I found, wanted an heir to his estate, s.n.a.t.c.hed up an undutiful son, that had been thrown into the heap by his angry father.

16. The graceless youth, in less than a quarter of an hour, pulled the old gentleman by the beard, and had like to have knocked his brains out; so that meeting the true father, who came toward him in a fit of the gripes, he begged him to take his son again, and give him back his cholic; but they were incapable either of them to recede from the choice they had made.

17. A poor galley-slave, who had thrown down his chains, took up the gout in their stead, but made such wry faces, that one might easily perceive he was no great gainer by the bargain. It was pleasant enough to see the several exchanges that were made, for sickness against poverty, hunger against want of appet.i.te, and care against pain.

18. The female world were very busy among themselves in bartering for features; one was trucking a lock of grey hairs for a carbuncle, another was making over a short waist for a pair of round shoulders, and a third cheapening a bad face for a lost reputation: but on all these occasions, there was not one of them who did not think the new blemish, as soon as she had got it into her possession, much more disagreeable than the old one.

19. I made the same observation on every other misfortune or calamity, which every one in the a.s.sembly brought upon himself, in lieu of what he had parted with; whether it be that all the evils which befall us, are in some measure suited and proportioned to our strength, or that every evil becomes more supportable by our being accustomed to it, I shall not determine.

20. I could not, for my heart, forbear pitying the poor hump-backed gentleman mentioned in the former paper, who went off a very well-shaped person, with a stone in his bladder; nor the fine gentleman who had struck up this bargain with him, that limped through a whole a.s.sembly of ladies who used to admire him, with a pair of shoulders peeping over his head.

21. I must not omit my own particular adventure. My friend with the long visage had no sooner taken upon him my short face, but he made such a grotesque figure in it, that, as I looked upon him, I could not forbear laughing at myself, insomuch that I put my own face out of countenance.

The poor gentleman was so sensible of the ridicule, that I found he was ashamed of what he had done: on the other side, I found that I myself had no great reason to triumph, for as I went to touch my forehead, I missed the place, and clapped my finger upon my upper lip.

22. Besides, as my nose was exceedingly prominent, I gave it two or three unlucky knocks as I was playing my hand about my face, and aiming at some other part of it. I saw two other gentlemen by me, who were in the same ridiculous circ.u.mstances: these had made a foolish swap between a couple of thick bandy legs, and two long trap-sticks that had no calfs to them.

23. One of these looked like a man walking upon stilts, and was so lifted up in the air above his ordinary height, that his head turned round with It, while the other made such awkward circles, as he attempted to walk, that he scarce knew how to move forward upon his new supporters: observing him to be a pleasant kind of fellow, I stuck my cane in the ground, and I told him I would lay him a bottle of wine, that he did not march up to it on the line that I drew for him, in a quarter of an hour.

24. The heap was at last distributed among the two s.e.xes, who made a most piteous sight, as they wandered up and down under the pressure of their several burthens. The whole plain was filled with murmurs and complaints, groans and lamentations. _Jupiter_, at length, taking compa.s.sion on the poor mortals, ordered them a second time to lay down their loads, with a design to give every one his own again.

25. They discharged themselves with a great deal of pleasure, alter which the phantom, who had led them into such gross delusions, was commanded to disappear. There was sent in her stead a G.o.ddess of a quite different figure; her motions were steady and composed, and her aspect serious, but cheerful. She every now and then cast her eyes towards heaven, and fixed them upon _Jupiter_.

25. Her name was _Patience_. She had no sooner placed herself by the mount of sorrow, but, what I thought very remarkable, the whole heap sunk to such a degree, that it did not appear a third part so big as it was before. She afterwards returned every man his own proper calamity, and teaching him how to bear it in the most commodious manner, he marched off with it contentedly, being very well pleased that he had not been left to his own choice as to the kind of evils which fell to his lot.

27. Besides the several pieces of morality to be drawn out of this vision, I learned from it, never to repine at my own misfortunes, nor to envy the happiness of another, since it is impossible for any man to form a right judgment of his neighbour's sufferings; for which reason also, I have determined never to think too lightly of another's complaints, but to regard the sorrows of my fellow-creatures with sentiments of humanity and compa.s.sion.

_A Life of Virtue preferable to a Life of Pleasure, exemplified in the Choice of Hercules_.

TATLER, No. 97.

1. When Hercules, says the divine Prodicus, was in that part of his youth, in which it was natural for him to consider what course of life he ought to pursue, he one day retired into a desert, where the silence and solitude of the place very much favoured his meditations.

2. As he was musing on his present condition, and very much perplextd in himself on the state of life he should chuse, he saw two women of a larger stature than ordinary approaching towards him. One of them had a very n.o.ble air and graceful deportment; her beauty was natural and easy; her person clean and unspotted; her eyes cast towards the ground, with an agreeable reserve; her motion and behaviour full of modesty; and her raiment as white as snow.