The Wiccan Diaries: Neophyte Adept Part 18

"I need to fill you in on the structure of Wiccan covens," he said. "Wiccan covens are matriarchal. That is to say, they are like beehives. With one Queen. She's the boss."

There was some giggling.

"You like that. Good. Of course non-Wiccans pretending to be Wiccans can do something else, but what do they know? Next." He flipped to a new card.

"Like she said, you are no longer Initiates. Which means that you can attend any gatherings, not just the open ones. Do please continue to wear the robes, however. I like seeing you in them." Flip.

"Do you all have your books?" he asked us.

We nodded. We all looked at each other.

"Good. Each Initiate is given their own copy, when they come in. Obviously, obviously. But they are encouraged to make changes to it. The Book is really a metaphor for the Wiccan experience. No two Wiccans are the same, just as no two Books are ever really the same. Magic split. At this Gathering, we have three Houses. The reason for that is these Books." He held up his own; it looked well-loved and cared for, though it had started to fray.

"You can imagine being Initiated by someone," he said, "and they hand you down their book, with all of their marginalia in itthe things they thought Important. Improvements, and so forth, experimentations, new discoveries. Wicca is not set. Just as the Universe is alive and ever-adapting. It is constantly in flux. So is Wicca. And part of the chameleonic nature of Magic is new blood coming in, tossing out all of the old, crusty ideas. Upending things. I think that's the responsibility of youth. So whereas we can all trace our roots back to the same beginning, within the Houses there is mutation, just as there is mutation within your Books. Do you understand?

"How many of you received new copies of the Magus Codex without anything written in them?" he said.

Lia raised her hand. She was one of the few who did.

"For each of you, the experience is going to be different. We put the books into a Hopper. Each coven was allowed to bring so many copiesannotated however they saw fit. And we also introduced untainted versions into the catch-all Hopper. Each book was then drawn and you received your books indiscriminately, the leftovers going back to wherever they came from. This has been the technique for bringing in new Wiccans for over a century. It is important to note. There is no right way. All Virtues have Power, just as all Wiccans have Power. Just as all Books have Power. Learn to appreciate your differences, and you will see all which you have in common."

"Excuse me, sir, but how long does it take to go from a Neophyte to Adept, and has anyone ever just skipped straight to Fledged?"

I didn't see who had spokenjust knew. It was Vittoria. I noticed, when I came in, that she especially had been flirting with Professor Lux.

"To become Adept," he said, "takes a year and a day. Fledged takes longer. Yes?"

"Thank you for that, but what I meant was, is it possible to accelerate the learning?" said Vittoria, accompanied by a bunch of nods from the other girls.

"I understand. You're looking for a cheat. Wiccan steroids," he said. "There aren't any."

"But I heard"

He held up his hand with the gnarly Wiccan Mark on it and she stopped talking. Lux didn't need to hide his Mark.

"Some would think an annotated copy of the Codex, with a bunch of marks in it, preferable. It would be better than a brand new book which has never interacted with a Wiccan mind before," he said.

Sure. They all nodded and agreed.

"But ask yourself: Who was it that came before you, and what did they think? What should you think? Should you follow or take control of your own destiny? Are they correct by virtue of their age alone, and the fact that they were here before you? Maybe you have a better idea. Don't discount the fact that you matter. If you didn't, none of us would be here."

He broke us into teams, and instructed us to try and move each other.

"Levitate a grain of sand," he said, when he saw that we were having difficulty with that. But no matter what I did I couldn't get one speck, one mote, of magic dust to move.

"And the reason," he said, "is because there is no cheat, there is no shortcut. There is only practice, and determination, and if you want Power, it comes at a price."

My mind felt like it was going to explode. A vein was throbbing in my temple. Lia gave up, huffing and puffing. I had never felt less like a witch before.

"That is your first lesson," he said. "Wanting something is not the same as earning it. And I would say something else. The people in your books acquired their knowledge through trial and error. Through trial and error. You will be making a lot of mistakes before you are ready to advance. Do that! You make those mistakes! In here, you are encouraged to make fools of yourselves, because out there, you cannot afford to slip up. So take advantage of this time. And remember. If it was easy, it wouldn't be Magic."

I looked at my Mark, willing it to appear, but if I expected to see something, it wasn't there.

He dismissed us. "Not you, Halsey," he said. "Stay a moment, would you, please?"

I caught sight of the other Neophytes, all of whom were staring at me. Vittoria's wrath was particularly palpable. She may not have been able to levitate a grain of sand, but she could certainly put me on my toes. I was going to have to watch out for her.

She looked daggers at the two of us, before departing in high dudgeon. Lux waited for the others to leave.

"I spoke to Stavros," he said. "He was the one who brought you and your roommate both of your Books." I could imagine where this was going, because it had also been on my mind. "He told me that you said you already had one," said Lux.

"Yes sir," I said, wondering if he was going to be disappointed in me. And then, if it was even my fault. After all, my parents had left it to me.

"I understand if you don't want to tell me, but I am curious," he said. "Whose copy do you have?"

I explained to him about Ballard, and how he had sent the book to me and stuff, and what I was doing in Rome before I found out about the Gathering, and that I was one of the ones who had been invited to be Chosen. He just nodded his head, like he was thinking about something. I finished up with: "And so now they expect me to get all dolled up for some dance routine I knew nothing about, and I have nothing to wear, and if I'm the only one who shows up without a date, the other kids will laugh at me." I felt pathetic.

"Do you know what I find works best for that?" he said.

"I know. Make mistakes, take chances. Be the best me I can be," I said as forthrightly as possible.

"What else have you got to lose?" he said. He interrupted me before I could retort. "What I was going to say isyou take charge. It's like the Wicca we were talking about. Destiny is for the people who are afraid to take control of their own lives. You make your own destiny. Have some nerve. It's not called crafting for nothing. It's like these Marks. If I wanted to be somebody else, I could've been. But this is who I chose to be. Do you understand? I crafted myself."

He flexed his right arm with his off-hand; I couldn't be sure, but it sounded like he grunted.

"Sir..."

"Lux," he said.

"Sir Lux?"

"It's Professor Lux, Halsey. What do you want?" he said smiling at me.

"To know why you really wear those talons."

"It's a long story."

"Is it really true that I will have to take the name of House Ravenseal if I join," I asked, "because I kind of like my own name, sir? Is something bothering you?"

"It's nothing. Go on. I kind of like yours as well. It is true. But you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Halsey. Again, Wicca is a personal discovery process. Soon you'll be eighteen. You can make your own choices from here on out, don't you think?"

He grimaced. It looked like his Mark was paining him. But he soon got over it.

"How old are you, anyway?" I asked.

"I'm your teacher, Halsey. You cannot ask me to the dance."

"No. Of course not," I said.

"But we can go as friends." Lux smiled and I beamed the way the lights did on the waters of Rat Rock, late, late at night. "Is that a yes?" he said.

Something boomed within me. I nodded.

"So it's settled, then. Sorry, but I'm afraid I will have to go now." He left me standing there.

The more I thought about it, the Marks seemed to be shaped by character. It was almost like looking at a person's penmans.h.i.+p. Sloppy, neat, all over the place, etc. Or like their bedroom.

Yeah.

My own room was simpleit was neat, clean, and elegantnot too much clutter. And it was filled with various mementoes. The things which mattered to me. And nothing else.

If witches and wizards were like open books, then Lux was a mystery novel. I couldn't tell what was up with him, but I was glad we were going to the Ball together, even if it was just as friends.

When I thought about the Oath I put in my diary that it was a lot like the oaths doctors took to do no harm. 'Power takes Oaths,' I said. 'What gives me the right to take power?' A bit of rhetorical nonsense, but the more I thought about it, I thought, Can being born with something be a responsibility?

You have it. Therefore, shouldn't it be yours to use as you will?

The forty-eight-hour clock began to tick in my head, now that we were out of cla.s.s. Lia was all over the place. She and Gaven would obviously be attending together. "But then it's like a State dinner," she said. She didn't know if she would have to shake a lot of hands and come up with something interesting to say to each and every one of them, or whether or not it was more informal than that. "Because if I have to be Mrs. Wolfhead, it's a lot different than if I was just going to a kegger in Trastevere," she said. "You know what I mean?"

Gaven came by and explained; I think he could feel when she was upset.

"So we have to get evening gowns, shoes, a wax job wouldn't hurt, you're right, your hair is terrible," she said to me. Gaven knew better than to stick around.

"Lia. Relax. You're hyperventilating," I said. "One thing at a time." I had still not told her who I was going with. I decided to let it be a surprise. It was no one's business, after all. Lennox was gone.

Now I began hyperventilating.

"Halsey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." I said it as resolutely as possible. It was just one night. "Let's go shopping. Come on. This place is starting to smell like BO."

"You should be here when we all s.h.i.+ft," she said, and then her frown became really p.r.o.nounced. Was she crying?

"Lia, what's wrong?" I said.

She shook her head when I came to her. We sat down on the bottom bunk. I had my arm around her. She had her face in her hands.

"I can't... anymore," she whispered to me. "Ever since I got here."

"What do you mean you can't? You can't turn into a werewolf?" I said.

She sniffed. "I can't s.h.i.+ft," she said.

"Does Gaven know?"

"He says the Magic may be interfering. It's not a case of having been a werewolf for too long. I asked him to talk to some of the Wiccans, but, you know, hypothetically."

"And?"

"They said there's never been a witch who's both. At least not for a while. Over a century, they said."

"You mean a witch and a s.h.i.+fter, a Witch s.h.i.+fter?" I said.

Lia nodded and then tried to get a hold of her emotions.

"Did they say if your s.h.i.+fting ability will come back?" I asked.

"They d-didn'tk-k-know..." she said, and started to blubber.

Some of the other werewolves came to look. I gave one of them an angry look and kicked the door shut, but the sound dribbled out anyway.

"Lia, we'll figure this out," I said, "do you hear me? Just don't give up hope."

She wiped away her tears, and then took a gigantic sniff. "I'm okay," she said. I saw her stand up and square her shoulders. She threw her head back, and her dark-colored hair cascaded down her back. The next thing, she was putting on her riding jacket. "I feel like going for a spin. What do you say?" she said....

We returned that night with gowns we purchased from Via dei Condotti. They cost a fortune!

It was amazing what it felt like to be back; like I had never left Rome; but also, that I might never come back. Everything was changing. I was changing. So was Lia. I also got some jeans and stuff.

We had everything we needed to do our makeup and hairand shoes; Lia and I got lots of shoes!

Chapter 15 Party.

Sat.u.r.day, the day of the dance, dawned cold and dark. We had been at the Gathering now for nearly a week. Tonight I would be attending my first ball; the thought of it filled me with nerves, but they were good nerves. Rumors swept through the Werewolf side of things, over who would be in attendance. What Supernatural luminaries might we have the pleasure of getting to know firsthand?

Lia was a bundle of feisty, maligned energy. She got up early and by a stroke of genius had one of the Wiccan witchesGisela, I think her name waswho admitted us into the Gathering, do a bit of voila-action upon the cubbyhole of a desk in our room. It was transformed suddenly into a suitable place where we could put on our facescosmetically-speaking. We now had a large divaesque makeup station with mirrors and big pretty lights and another full-length mirror on the inside of the door. And a sink. I watched the witch perform her spellbut however she did it was beyond me. Lia decided to get to the bottom of it.

"So, Gisela, right? Just how fledged are you, anyway?"

Gisela's nose wrinkled at being addressed. She was an arctic blonde.

"You're from the Covens, right?" persisted Lia.

"Yes," said Gisela, as if she thought this might go on longer, and was in a hurry to get away.

"What's the matter, you don't want to talk to us?" said Lia. I sat up in my bed, holding a candle, watching her. There wasn't enough room for all of us to stand up.

Gisela said, "I am not supposed to offer my criticism or support to the Wiccan Initiates"