Citt And Bumpkin (1680) Part 5

The meaning of Root and Branch.

_Citt._ The Answer to That is Obvious, that the _Cutting Off Root and Branch_, is only a _Thorow_, or a _Higher degree_ of _Reforming_.

But upon the whole matter, it was with _Us_ and the _Jesuites_, as it was with _Aaron_ and the _Magicians_; we did _Both_ of us, make _Froggs_, but _We alone_ had the Power to quicken _the Dust of the Land, and turn it into Lice_.

Thou art by this time, I presume, sufficiently instructed in the _Methods_, and _Fundamentalls_ of the _Holy Cause_. I shall now give you some necessary Hints, to fit, and quallify you for the Province that I intend you. But besure you mind your _Lesson_.

b.u.m. _As I would do my_ Prayers, Citt, _or I were Ungratefull, for you have made me for ever._

_Citt._ Come we'l take _t'other Sup_, first, and then to work. _Who wayts there without? Two Potts more, and shut the door after Ye._

A great part of Your businesse, _b.u.mpkin_, will ly among _Parliament-Rolls_ and _Records_; for it must be _Our Post_ to furnish _Materialls_ to a _Caball_ only of _Three Persons_, that may be ready upon Occasion, to be made use of by the _Grand Committee_.

Rolls and Records hunted for Presidents.

b.u.m. My _Old Master would say that I had as good a guesse at a_ Musty Record, _as any man; And 'twas my whole Employment almost, to hunt for_ Presidents. _Nay the People would Trust me with_ Great Bags _home to my Lodging; and leave me alone sometimes in the_ Offices _for four and twenty hours together._

_Citt._ But what kind of _Presidents_ were they that Ye lookt for?

b.u.m. _Concerning the_ Kings Prerogative, Bishops Votes, _the_ Liberty _and_ Property _of the_ Subject; _and the like: And such as They wanted, I writ out._

_Citt._ But did you Recite them _Whole_? or what did you _Take_, and what did you _Leave_?

b.u.m. _We took what serv'd our Turn, and left out the Rest; and sometimes we were taken =Tripping=, and sometimes we =Scap'd=: But we never falsify'd any thing. There were some dogged Pa.s.sages, indeed we durst not meddle with at all; but I can turn ye to any thing you have occasion for, with a wet-finger._

Lessons of behaviour for the Well-affected.

_Citt._ So that here's One great point quickly over; in thy being Train'd to my hand: A man might lay thee down _Instructions_, now, for thy very _Words_, _Looks_, _Motions_, _Gestures_; nay thy very _Garments_; but we'l leave those matters to Time, and Study. It is a strange thing how Nature puts her self forth, in these _Externall Circ.u.mstances_. Ye shall Know a _Sanctifi'd Sister_, or a _Gifted Brother_ more by the _Meene_, _Countenance_, and _Tone_, then by the Tenour of their _Lives_, and _Manners_. It is a Comely thing for Persons of the Same Perswasion, to agree in these _Outward Circ.u.mstances_, even to the _drawing_ of the _same Tone_, and _making_ of the _same Face_: Always provided, that there may be read in our _Appearances_, a _Singularity of Zeal_, a _Contempt of the World_, a _fore-boding of Evills to come_; a _dissatisfaction at the Present Times_; and a _Despair of Better_.

b.u.m. _Why This is the very Part, that I was Made for; these Humours are to be put =On=, and =Off=, as a man would s.h.i.+ft his =Gloves=; and you shall see me do't as Easily too; but the =Language= must be got, I Phansy, by Conversing with =Modern Authours=, and frequenting =Religious Exercises=._

_Citt._ Yes, yes, and for a help to your memory I would advise you to dispose of your Observations into these _Three Heads_, _Words_, _Phrases_, and _Metaphors_: Do you conceive me?

The Force of Looks and Tones.

b.u.m. _There's not a word you say, falls to the Ground. And I am the more sensible of the force of =Words=, =Looks=, =Tones=, and =Metaphors= (as ye call 'um) from what I finde in my self. =Ours= certainly may be well term'd a =Powerfull Ministry=, that makes a man cry like a Child at the very =Noyse= of a Torrent of =Words= that he does not =Understand One Syllable= of. Nay, when I have been out of reach of hearing the =Words=, the very =Tone= and =Look=, has =Melted= me._

A Moving Metaphor.

_Citt._ Thou canst not but have heard of _That Moving Metaphor_ of the late Reverend _Mr. Fowler_: _Lord Sowse us;_ (says he) _Lord Dowse us, in the Powdering-Tubb of Affliction; that we may come forth Tripes worthy of thy Holy Table._ Who can resist the _Inundation_ of This _Rhetorique_? But let us now pa.s.s from the _Generall Ornaments_ of our _Profession_, to the _Particular businesse_ of our _present Case_.

I need not tell you, _b.u.mpkin_, of the _Plott_, or that we are all running into _Popery_; and that the best Service _Englishman_ can do his Country, would be the ripping up of This Designe to the _Bottom_.

b.u.m. _I am so much of Your Opinion, that you have Spoken my very Thoughts._

_Citt._ Bethink your self, _b.u.mpkin_; what _Papists_ do you know?

b.u.m. _Oh, hang 'um all, I never come near any of 'Um._

_Citt._ But yet you may have Heard, perhaps, of some people that are _Popishly affected_.

b.u.m. _Yes, yes; There are abundance of Them._

_Citt._ Can you prove that ever they _Sayd_, or _Did_ any thing, in favour of the _Papists_?

b.u.m. _Nay there's enough of That I believe; but then there are such_ Huge Great men among 'um.

_Citt._ Pluck up a good heart _b.u.mpkin_; the _Greater_, the _Better_; We fear 'um not. Rub up your Memory, and call to minde what you can say upon _Your own Knowledge_, and what you have _Heard_; either about _Sir Edmond-Bury G.o.dfrey_, The _Plott_; The _Traytors_ that Suffer'd, or the _Kings Evidence_.

b.u.m. _I have seen people_ shrug _sometimes, and lift up their_ Hands _and_ Eyes, _and shake their_ Heads, _and then they would clutch their_ Fists, _look sour_, _make_ Mouths, _and bite their_ Nails, _and so: And I dare swear I know what they thought._

_Citt._ Ah _b.u.mpkin_, if they had but so much as mutter'd, they'd been our own.

Signs in Evidence.

b.u.m. _Well but hark ye_ Citt, _I hear People swear_, or in WORDS to this Effect; _why may not a Man as well swear_, in SIGNS to this Effect? _and that they lifted up their_ Eyes, _and_ hands, _bent their_ Fists, _knit their_ Brows, _and made_ Mouths, to this or that Effect?

_Citt._ No, that will never do _b.u.mpkin_, but if thou could'st but phansy that thou heard'st them _speak_.

b.u.m. _Why truly I never thought on't, but I saw a_ Parson _once, the Tears flood in his Eyes, as one of 'um went by to Execution. But your_ Surcingle-men, (_as our Doctor told us last Lords day_) _are all of 'um_ Papists in their Hearts.

_Citt._ Why what's the _Common-Prayer Book b.u.mpkin_, but a mess of _Parboyl'd Popery_?

b.u.m. _I'm a dog, if our Minister does not pray for the_ Queen _still._

Sad Times.

_Citt._ Nay, we are e'en at a fine pa.s.s, when the _Pulpit_ prays for the _Queen_, and the _Bench_ Drinks the _Duke of Yorks Health_. But to the point, bethink your self well; a man may forget a thing to day, and recollect it to morrow. Take notice however, that it is another main point of your Instructions to procure _Informations_ of this quality.

b.u.m. _I'le fit you to a hair for that matter: But then I must be running up and down ye know, into_ Taverns, _and_ Coffee-houses, _and thrusting myself into_ Meetings, _and_ Clubs. _That licks mony._

_Citt._ Never trouble your self for that, you shall be well paid and your expences born: Beside so much a head from the State, for every Priest that you discover.

b.u.m. _Well! these_ Priests _and_ Jesuites _are d.a.m.n'd fellows._

_Citt._ And yet let me tell you _b.u.mpkin_, a _bare fac'd Papist_ is not half so bad as a _Papist_ in _Masquerade_.

b.u.m. _Why what are those I prethee?_

Church worse to Dissenters then Jesuites.

_Citt._ They are your _Will-wors.h.i.+p-men_, your _Prelates Brats_: Take the whole Litter of 'um, and you'l finde _never a barrel better Herring_. Let me tell thee in Love _b.u.mpkin, these Curs_ are forty times worse to _Us_ then the _Jesuits themselves_; for the _One_ is an _Open Enemy_, the _Other_ lies gnawing like a Canker in our _Bowells_. And then being train'd up to _Latin_ and _Greek_, there's no opposing of the _Power of G.o.dlinesse_ to the _Sophistry_ of _Human Reason_: Beside that, the _Law_ is _For_ us in the _One_ Case, and _Against_ us in the _Other_.

b.u.m. _Which way shall we go to work then, to deal with this Generation of Men?_

_Citt._ We must joyn the _Wisdom_ of the _Serpent_, to the _Innocence_ of the _Dove_; and endeavour to compa.s.s that by _stratagem_, which we cannot gain by _Argument_. But now am I going to open a _Mistery_ to thee, that's _worth_----

b.u.m. _Prethee the_ Worth _on't_ Citt: _For talk is but talk, the_ Worth _is the_ Main point.