The Universal Reciter Part 33

_John._ Follow--the--stream--as--it--flows.

_Mr. H._ Follow my nose! You're an impudent scamp! I'll ask you no more questions. [_Exit_, R.

_John._ I hope you won't. This comes of trying to do a good-natured act. O, dear! that address! (_Reads._)

"Ye crags and peaks, I'm with you once again!"

_Enter_ JOHN CLOD, L.

_Clod._ I say, sonny; yer hain't seen nothin' of a keow, have yer, here or hereabouts?

_John._ No, I haven't seen no cow.

_Clod._ Well, don't git mad. It's plaguy strange where that are keow has travelled tew. Brand new keow dad brought hum from market yesterday. What on airth shall I do? She's a brindle, short horns.

Yeou hain't seen her?

_John._ No, I haven't seen her. I've seen no cows or cattle of any kind. It's no use stopping here.

_Clod._ Well, I dunno what's to be did. Marm, she dropped her bakin', and scooted one way; dad quit ploughin', and scooted another; and I've been scootin' every which way. Ain't heard a keow moo--mooing, have yer?

_John._ I don't believe there's a cow within forty miles of here.

_Clod._ Sho! yer jokin' neow. Neow, see here; I kinder think yeou dew know somethin' about that keow. Jest tell me where she is, and I don't mind ginning yer fo'pence.

_John._ I tell you again, I know nothing about your cow. I'm studing my lesson; and if you don't clear out and leave me in peace, I shall never get it.

_Clod._ Sho! Well, I don't want to hender ye, but I should like to know what's become of that are keow. [_Exit_, R.

_John._ Gone at last. Was ever a fellow so plagued! I've only got eight minutes, and I must study. (_Goes to back of stage, and walks up and down, studying._)

_Enter_ PATSY FLINN, L.

_Patsy._ Begorra, it's a foine irrant I's on ony way. It's all along iv thim watthermillons, bad luck to 'em! Slaping swately on my bid last night thinking uv the bould b'ys that fit, blid, and run away from Canady, I heerd a v'ice in the millon patch, "Here's a bouncer, b'ys." Faix, didn't I lept out uv that bid, and didn't I hurry on my clo'es, and didn't I take a big shtick, and didn't I run fur the patch, and didn't I find n.o.body? To be sure I did! So this morning, Mr. Hopkins sinds me to the school-house to find the b'ys that invadid the sacred retrait, which is the millon-patch. But how will I find thim? Begorra, I should know that v'ice; and I'll make the whole school shtand up togither one by one and shout, "Here's a bouncer!"

that I will.

_John._ (_Coming down_ R. _of stage._) Now let's see how much I know.

(_Declaims._)

"Ye crags and peaks, I'm with you once again!"

_Patsy._ By my sowl, that's the v'ice of my dr'ams!

_John._ "I hold to you the hands you first beheld, To show they still are free."

_Patsy._ Fray, is it, begorra! Ye'll not hould thim long, me b'y!

_John._ "Methinks I hear A spirit in your echoes answer me."

_Patsy._ Begorra, ye'll soon hear an Irish echo ax ye something else!

_John._ "And bid your tenant welcome to his home again!"

_Patsy._ Begorra, you're wilcome to no more watermillons, ye'll find!

_John._ "Ye guards of Liberty!"

_Patsy._ Ye little blackguard!

_John._ "I'm with you once again! I hold my hands to you, To show they still are free!"

_Patsy._ Begorra, they're stained with watermillons, sure!

_John._ "I rush to you, As though I could embrace you!"

(_Runs into_ PATSY'S _arms._)

_Patsy._ Come on, I'm waiting for you! O, you blackguard! O, yes spalpeen! I've got yes!

_John._ Who are you? What do you want? Let me go!

_Patsy._ Niver! Ye must go along wid me, my fine lad; there's a bill a waiting for you at farmer Hopkins's.

_John._ Farmer Hopkins! But I shall be late for school.

_Patsy._ O, niver mind the school. You'll get a little uv it there, from a nice big cowhide.

_John._ Let me go, I say!

_Patsy._ Quit your howling, and come along.

_John._ I won't. Help! Help! Help!

_Enter_ CHARLEY _and_ RALPH, R.

_Charley._ What's the matter, Ray?

_Ralph._ Hallo, Patsy! What's to pay now?

_Patsy._ A small bill for watermillons, Master Ralph.

_Ralph._ O, I see; you're found out, Ray!

_John._ Well, I wan't the only one in the patch last night.

_Ralph._ But you're the only one found out; so you must take the consequences.

_Charley._ Master Jones sent us to look for you; it's five minutes after nine.

_John._ O, dear, what's to become of me!