The Brain in Love Part 8

-FROM AN ANONYMOUS SOURCE ON THE INTERNET G.o.d usually comes up at least once in the throes of s.e.xual ecstasy. "Oh my G.o.d ... Please G.o.d ... G.o.d don't stop ..." are not uncommon phrases preceding intense o.r.g.a.s.ms. On the surface it might seem as though religious ecstasy and s.e.xual pleasure have little in common, besides, of course, calling out G.o.d's name. Looking under the surface, however, reveals some fascinating similarities. Experiences of G.o.d and s.e.x are usually enhanced by rituals, music, and candles. Both experiences involve requesting help, if you consider "Oh G.o.d please don't stop" asking for help, and both experiences can be a.s.sociated with tremendous joy.

In recent years imaging has been used as a tool for brain scientists to look at brain function in relation to religious experience and s.e.xual ecstasy. Researchers have come to learn that behaviors that were seen as vastly different from each other have more in common than once thought. Both peak experiences seem to be processed primarily in the right side of the brain, especially the right temporal lobe and prefrontal cortex. So enhancing one experience may, in fact, help the other. Enhancing right-hemisphere function may enhance both religious and s.e.xual experience.

Is there really evidence to support the connection between religious experience and s.e.xual ecstasy? s.e.xual ecstasy or o.r.g.a.s.mic pleasure appears to involve primarily the right hemisphere. Researchers from the University of Kuopio in Finland used brain-SPECT imaging to study eight healthy right-handed men during o.r.g.a.s.m. They found overall decreased blood flow in the brain during o.r.g.a.s.m except in right prefrontal cortex, where cerebral blood flow was increased significantly! There are twenty-three cases of temporal lobe epilepsy that are a.s.sociated with the feeling of having an o.r.g.a.s.m, called an o.r.g.a.s.mic epileptic aura. Eighty-seven percent of the patients had their abnormality on the right side, especially the right temporal lobe. A study from the Department of Neuroscience at Norwegian University of Science and Technology in Trondheim, Norway, examined eleven patients with epilepsy who reported auras of ecstasy or pleasure. Four had erotic sensations and five described "a religious/spiritual experience."

Research from the Behavioral Neuroscience Laboratory at Laurentian University in Ontario, Canada, under the direction of Michael Persinger has studied religious experience and the brain for many years. They have reported that religious experience, especially of a sensed presence or being, can be induced by placing a weak magnetic field over the right temporal lobe. Women, who have greater access to the right hemisphere in general, reported more frequent experiences of a sensed presence than did men, and men were more likely than women to consider these experiences as "intrusions" from a negative alien source. Some of the phenomena generated by the right temporal lobe included "evil ent.i.ties," G.o.ds, out-of-body experiences, and alterations in s.p.a.ce-time.

Neurotheology Rayford and Jill have both experienced strong religious visions. He was an agnostic and she was a Christian. He thought that the devil was following him; she thought the Blessed Mother appeared to her. Both have temporal lobe epilepsy (TLE). Like other forms of epilepsy, the condition causes convulsions but it is also a.s.sociated with religious feelings, s.e.xual ecstasy, and sometimes hallucinations. Research into why people like Rayford and Jill saw what they did has opened up a whole field of brain science: neurotheology.

Several religious figures are thought to have temporal lobe epilepsy. An example is Ellen White, one of the founders of the Seventh Day Adventist Movement born in 1827. She suffered a brain injury at age nine that totally changed her personality and she subsequently started to have powerful religious visions.

Author Fyodor Dostoyevsky was reported to have bouts of "temporal lobe seizures." He felt his affliction was a "holy experience." His biographer Rene Fueloep-Miller quotes Dostoyevsky as saying, that his epilepsy "rouses in me hitherto unsuspected emotions, gives me feelings of magnificence, abundance and eternity." In The Idiot, Dostoyevsky offers one of the most nuanced descriptions of the experience: "There was always one instant just before the epileptic fit ... when suddenly in the midst of sadness, spiritual darkness and oppression, his brain seemed momentarily to catch fire, and in an extraordinary rush, all his vital forces were at their highest tension. The sense of life, the consciousness of self, were multiplied almost ten times at these moments which lasted no longer than a flash of lightning. His mind and his heart were flooded with extraordinary light; all his uneasiness, all his doubts, all his anxieties were relieved at once; they were all resolved in a loft calm, full of serene, harmonious joy and hope, full of reason and ultimate meaning. But these moments, these flashes, were only a premonition of that final second (it was never more than a second) with which the fit began. That second was, of course, unendurable. Thinking of that moment later, when he was well again, he often said to himself that all these gleams and flashes of supreme sensation and consciousness of self, and therefore, also of the highest form of being, were nothing but disease, the violation of the normal state; and if so, it was not at all the highest form of being, but on the contrary must be reckoned the lowest. Yet he came at last to an extreme paradoxical conclusion. 'What if it is disease?' he decided at last. 'What does it matter that it is an abnormal intensity, if the result, if the sensation, remembered and a.n.a.lyzed afterwards in health, turns out to be the acme of harmony and beauty, and gives a feeling, unknown and undivined till then, of completeness, of proportion, of reconciliation, and of startled prayerful merging with the highest synthesis of life?'"

The brain feels joy and ecstasy. It also feels sadness and pain. Learning how to enhance brain function can enhance all areas of life, even the ones most sacred.

Sacred s.e.x s.e.x can be a sacred act. Being inside another person's body, becoming one with him or her, allows for the exchange not only of bodily fluids, but also of energy forces, thoughts, and intentions. s.e.xual union can be a spiritual experience. Many religions of the world discuss s.e.x in a sacred context.

Tantra (a Sanskrit word which means "woven together") is a term applied to several schools of Hindu yoga in which s.e.x is wors.h.i.+pped. And tantra has been applied to s.e.xual practices of other religions, including Tibetan Buddhism and Taoism.

Hindu Tantra Tantra yoga is thought to date back thousands of years. There were rituals, or pujas, focusing on s.e.x organs, such as yoni puja, a ceremony honoring the v.u.l.v.a, either of a statue or a living woman; and linga puja, honoring the p.e.n.i.s, often in the form of a natural upright stone. Similar objects of wors.h.i.+p have been found among the archaeological remains of many neolithic people around the world, leading some scholars to speculate that "s.e.x wors.h.i.+p" in some form or another is humanity's oldest religion. An Alaskan friend gave me a long, cylindrical carved statue. It was a walrus ooskis (p.e.n.i.s). He said it symbolized fertility and was a traditional gift given to couples.

A major component of Hindu tantra is meditation stemming from a yoga tradition. In general, yoga is a Hindu practice that teaches pract.i.tioners to quiet activity of the body, mind, and will so that the individual may realize its distinction from them and attain liberation. Meditative yoga schools include hatha yoga (body posture) and bhakti yoga (devotion). Many yoga schools advocate a nons.e.xual approach to wors.h.i.+p, in which visualizing a deity, chanting of a mantra, concentrating on symbols called yantras, and the practice of tapas (discipline) are the foremost activities. During a s.e.xual approach to wors.h.i.+p, yoni puja, the pract.i.tioner may meditate on a yantra-often a downward-pointing triangle-that symbolizes the v.u.l.v.a of the G.o.ddess.

Some tantra yoga teachers recommend meditative practices that also share elements with kundalini yoga, where subtle streams of energy are raised in the body by means of posture, breath control, and movements. Teachers in this school of tantra typically advocate retention of s.e.m.e.n even during s.e.xual excitement as a prerequisite for spiritual advancement.

Can meditation and prayer really enhance the brain and in turn enhance your s.e.xual experiences, as suggested here? Research studies by Andrew Newburg from the University of Pennsylvania and others have shown that prayer and meditation can indeed influence brain function in a positive way. Studying Tibetan monks and Franciscan nuns, Dr. Newburg found that these meditative activities dampened the outside world (parietal lobes) and brought the focus internally by enhancing the prefrontal cortex.

With the sponsors.h.i.+p of the Alzheimer's Prevention Research Foundation, my colleagues and I teamed with Drs. Dharma Singh Khalsa and Nisha Money to study the impact of meditation on the brain. We chose a simple twelve-minute form of kundalini yoga meditation, Kriya Kirtan, that is easy for busy people to practice. It is based on the five primal sounds: saa, taa, naa, maa (aa being the fifth sound). Meditators chant each sound as they consecutively touch their thumb to fingers two, three, four and five. The sounds and fingering are repeated for two minutes out loud, two minutes whispering, four minutes silently, two minutes whispering, and two minutes out loud. We performed SPECT scans at rest one day and then after meditation the next day. We saw marked decreases in the left parietal lobes (decreasing awareness of time and s.p.a.ce) and significant increases in the prefrontal cortex (which showed that meditation helped to tune people in, not out). We also observed increased activity in the right temporal lobe, an area that has been a.s.sociated with spirituality and s.e.xuality, which our meditators found amusing. "Of course," one said, "that is why we meditate."

Best known in the West are the several forms of tantra yoga in which wors.h.i.+p services take the form of s.e.xual rituals featuring slow, nono.r.g.a.s.mic intercourse as a prelude to an experience of the divine. This broad category of tantric s.e.x ritualism, which derives from the pre-Hindu religions of Shaktism and Shaivism, has in turn produced two schools of practice: the "right hand path," a meditational, monogamous rite; and the "left hand path," in which dozens-or more-couples engage in the ritual s.e.x act at the same time, sometimes following the lead of a pair of teachers.

Tibetan Buddhism, Taoism, and Tantra A version of tantrism can be found in contemporary Tibetan Buddhism, where a blend of pre-Buddhist G.o.ddess wors.h.i.+p is interspersed with rituals from the ancient Tibetan religion Bon. Like Hindu tantra, Tibetan Buddhist tantra encompa.s.ses schools of practice that range from the meditational to the s.e.xually active.

Taosim has several tantric schools with different views on the role of s.e.xual activity. One form of Taoist tantra, s.e.xual alchemy, places emphasis on the search for a long life. Taoist tantric alchemy involves breath and muscle control and emphasizes the retention of sperm as proof of spiritual attainment. Other Taoist tantra teachers, working out of a paradigm that seems to be derived from Shaktism, claim that Lao Tzu, the founder of Taoism, was in fact advocating a form of yoni puja or wors.h.i.+p of the v.u.l.v.a when he wrote about "the valley spirit."

Religious and s.e.xual Ecstasy:

Practical Applications

If the right side of the brain is involved in both religious and s.e.xual ecstasy, how can you use this knowledge to enhance your own and your partner's s.e.xual experiences? Since the right side of the brain helps us process music and rhythm, soft tunes and a romantic dance may help you and your partner get in the mood. The right side of the brain also sees in pictures, instead of in words, so being in a beautiful environment is usually another plus. The right side of the brain also tends to be the anxious or nervous side of the brain, so calming worries, through a warm bath, relaxing back or foot rub, or a rea.s.suring talk, can be helpful.

You can also stimulate the right side of the brain by kissing the left side of the body. This intervention can be tricky, because sometimes the right side of the brain is a.s.sociated with anxiety and it might be better to kiss the right side of the body to stimulate a person's left side. I recommend you run a series of experiments on your partner's body to see what side he or she likes stroked or kissed better. Actually, this principle of experimenting is one of the best strategies you can use. See what turns your partner on ... write it down ... talk about it ... and remember it.

Creating Rituals: Practical Applications Creating sacred rituals for your s.e.x life can yield many long-term advantages. These rituals do not need to be rigid, which stifles creativity, but rather can provide a fun, safe, intimate environment in which to more fully explore your s.e.xuality. Start by setting the boundaries of what is acceptable behavior; talk about what is comfortable and not. It is important for you and your partner to discuss the things that make you feel relaxed, comfortable, excited, and sensual. It is important to create a safe environment in which to play. Some partners do this by agreeing on a code word which tells the other that they want to stop or are feeling uncomfortable, without breaking the mood. As well, it's important for you and your partner to talk about the things that make you feel good, uncomfortable, or that you are just plain unsure about. s.e.x, at its core, is a form of communication between two people.

After you have agreed to safe boundaries, you can take s.e.x to a new level by investing in a few books or magazines. I write for Men's Health magazine and it is always filled with great s.e.x tips for couples. Cosmopolitan and other magazines have playful ideas as well. Books on tantric s.e.x or role-playing games can also be fun. Page through them together, talking about and exploring new ideas and techniques for inspiring pa.s.sion.

Once you've agreed on the existing and new areas of interest to play in, begin creating your plan of action for that evening (or afternoon or morning). Often, simple rituals can be very exciting, such as a beautiful bath filled with rose petals and floating candles, along with sensual music, t.i.tillating aromas, oils for ma.s.sage, and an aphrodisiac tea or treat. This alone can create a mood of irresistible desire. There are times, though, that more excitement is required to bring on the feelings of arousal. This is where doing something outside of the norm can take a really exhilarating form. For instance, going to the ocean or a lake in a private spot and skinny-dipping, pulling the stop switch on an elevator (that doesn't have surveillance cameras) and making love in a unique setting, or playing out a s.e.xual fantasy. This is an area of unlimited possibility and fun, if both partners can agree to cooperate with each other on hidden desires. Again, the word cooperation is a very important one. It's crucial for both partners to feel comfortable but also be willing to be a bit flexible, as long as the method doesn't compromise a core value or involve unwanted pain for a partner. Sometimes by opening oneself up to new possibilities, whole new worlds of sensuality are unleashed.

Remember, ritual is symbolic of the experience to come, so it can take just about any form-a phone call to your partner at work, homemade cookies as an afternoon snack, or a walk through the park holding hands. This is your unique bonding which takes place in order to open up the channels for deeper love and connection between you and your significant other. Let go, be creative, and use your brain to have fun.

Lesson #8: s.e.x can be a spiritual experience.

BRAIN s.e.x TRICKS.

s.e.x Potions, Pa.s.sion, and Finding the "d.a.m.n Spot"

"Just find the d.a.m.n spot. All you have to do is find the spot."

-JOY BEHAR, The View According to Greek myth, Ura.n.u.s, the father of the t.i.tans, was castrated by his son Cronus. When his severed genitalia was thrown into the sea, the waters began to churn. From the sea foam (known in Greek as aphros), Aphrodite was born, the G.o.ddess of love and the mother of Eros (known by his Roman name as Cupid). This is the origin of the name aphrodisiacs, the term that describes the many methods reported to enhance libido, potency, and s.e.xual pleasure. This chapter explores the neuroscience of the foods, drinks, drugs, scents, or devices believed to enhance s.e.xual interest and performance.

Aphrodisiacs v.i.a.g.r.a, and his pharmaceutical brothers, Cialis and Levitra, have drawn international public attention to aphrodisiacs. You cannot turn on the television or listen to a radio show without hearing about these medications. We are constantly reminded of our desire for s.e.x. Images of baby boomer men grace the screen as they relax by the beach. The suggestive tag lines include "Let the dance begin" and "Relax and take your time." v.i.a.g.r.a even has a frequent-buyer card and you get your seventh prescription for free. It may seem as though there is a new obsession with s.e.x, but mankind has been focused on s.e.x-and ways to make it better-since the beginning of time.

The search for aphrodisiacs dates back at least five thousand years and has included useful remedies as well as ones that have hurt and killed people, and cost many animals their lives. For example, there are two reports on the effects of swallowing a substance containing toad secretions. Of seven previously healthy men who took the drug, the active ingredient in the West Indian "love stone" and the Chinese medication "chan su," four died. Toad secretions contain a substance that causes abnormal heart rhythms in people, which may be responsible for the high they feel when taking it. Unfortunately, it can also stop the heart fatally. Which aphrodisiacs are helpful, practical, and have research to show efficacy, and which are dangerous or illegal?

One aphrodisiac to avoid is Spanish fly (cantharidin), which has been used for a thousand years as a s.e.xual stimulant. It is one of the best known and infamous modern love potions. Made from the dried body of blister beetles, so named for causing blistering of the skin, it irritates the urinary tract, sending a rush of blood to the genitals, causing the feeling of excitement. However, it is also a poison and illegal in the United States. While most commonly available preparations of Spanish fly contain cantharidin in negligible amounts, if at all, the chemical is available illicitly in concentrations capable of causing severe toxicity. Symptoms of cantharidin poisoning include burning of the mouth, trouble swallowing, nausea, blood in the urine, and painful urination. Priapism (painful erections that won't go away), seizures, and heart abnormalities are also possible. The practice of eating live beetles in Southeast Asia and "the kissing bugs" (triatomids) in Mexico may work in a similar way. Similarly, these bugs are also dangerous and should not be ingested.

For increasing libido, ambrein, a major const.i.tuent of a gray, waxy secretion (ambergris) found in the digestive tract of some sperm whales, is used in Arab countries, but it is illegal in the United States. This substance increases the concentration of several hormones, including testosterone. It was once used as a fixative in perfumes, and is used as an aphrodisiac in some parts of the world. When given a dose of ambrien, male rats got a lot more interested in s.e.x, even when no female rats were nearby. When receptive females were put into the cages, the male rats had "recurrent episodes of penile erection, a dose-dependent, vigorous, and repet.i.tive increase in intromissions and an increased anogenital investigatory behavior." The rats went into a mating frenzy. The researchers from King Saud University in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, concluded that ambrien is indeed a s.e.xual stimulant, adding legitimacy to similar claims by Chinese traditional medicine. Historically, Chinese n.o.blemen would drink ambrein dissolved into a draught. Ambrein is illegal in the United States, where sperm whales are listed as an endangered species.

Asian ginseng is commonly used to treat s.e.xual dysfunction in men and is available in the United States. Recent lab studies in animals have shown that both Asian and American forms of ginseng enhance libido and s.e.xual performance. The effects of ginseng have several probable causes. There is a direct effect of ginseng on the central nervous system and genital tissues. There is good evidence that ginseng can facilitate erection by directly increasing blood flow to the p.e.n.i.s. The effects of ginseng appear to work through the release of nitric oxide (similar to v.i.a.g.r.a). Ginseng also affects the brain and has been shown to enhance the activity of neurotransmitters and hormones involved in s.e.xual behavior. Ginseng is considered an adaptogen that enhances physical performance, promotes vitality, and increases resistance to stress and aging. When used appropriately, ginseng appears to be safe. Nevertheless, doc.u.mented side effects include hypertension, diarrhea, restlessness, and v.a.g.i.n.al bleeding. Most published research studies have used a standardized Panax ginseng extract in a dosage of 200 mg per day. Other sources recommend 0.5 to 2 g of dry root per day on a short-term basis, with the ginseng taken in tea form or chewed. Capsule formulas are generally given in a dosage of 100 to 600 mg per day, usually in divided doses.

The prettiest brains I have seen are those on ginkgo. Ginkgo biloba, from the Chinese ginkgo tree, is a powerful antioxidant that is best known for its ability to enhance circulation, memory, and concentration. The best studied form of ginkgo biloba is a special extract called EGB 761, which has been studied in blood vessel disease, clotting disorders, depression, and Alzheimer's disease. There are also reports that it enhances s.e.xual function. Many psychiatrists use ginkgo to counteract the s.e.xual side effects of SSRI antidepressant medications. There are many different forms of ginkgo, making dosing confusing. In the United States Ginkoba and Ginkgold (Nature's Way) are brands that have been compounded to reflect EGB 761. The usual effective dose is 60 to 120 mg twice per day. There is a small risk of bleeding in the body, and the dosages of other blood-thinning agents being taken may sometimes need to be reduced. Before taking supplements, make sure to talk with your doctor.

Yohimbine, extracted from Yohimbine bark, can facilitate erections by stimulating the nervous system and increasing blood flow to the p.e.n.i.s. But it is not for everyone. Common side effects include increased heart rate, raised blood pressure, anxiety, and nausea. Available by prescription, Yohimbine should be used under a doctor's supervision.

L-arginine is a naturally occurring amino acid that is a precursor to nitric oxide. It has been used with some success to enhance s.e.xual function because it is believed to improve blood flow to the genitals. Researchers from the University of Copenhagen in Denmark reported that in rats L-arginine helped regulate v.a.g.i.n.al smooth-muscle tone and also affected blood flow in all areas. L-arginine coupled with yohimbe has been found to make a positive difference in women with low s.e.xual desire. Researchers from the University of Texas, Austin studied twenty-four women using this combination and found it significantly increased blood flow an hour after they were given these substances.

s.e.xy Scents Humorist Dave Barry once wrote, "Of all the human senses-sight, hearing, touch, taste, and the feeling that a huge man with a barbecue fork is lurking in the closet-perhaps the least appreciated, yet most important, is our sense of smell." In treating patients who suffered from loss of the sense of smell, psychiatrist Alan Hirsch, from the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, found that almost 25 percent had also developed s.e.xual dysfunction, suggesting that odor can have a large impact on s.e.xual arousal. Your sense of smell is the strongest of your five senses and highly involved in s.e.xual function, pleasure, and irritation. Scientists discuss the concept of "smell print," where memories are a.s.sociated with certain smells. Years later, a smell will vividly cause a person to recall the memory a.s.sociated with it. Smells are like fingerprints, highly individualized.

The deep limbic brain is involved with our sense of smell and interest in s.e.x. The two go hand in hand. The smell of cooked cinnamon, on the one hand, is a natural aphrodisiac for men. The s.e.x organ in the brain that is responsive to s.e.xual-interest hormones is two and a half times larger in men than in women. When I told my mother about cooked cinnamon, she hit her forehead and said, "That is why I have seven children! He would never leave me alone." The Lebanese cook with a lot of cinnamon.

Dr. Hirsch has studied many smells a.s.sociated with s.e.xual interest in both males and females. Measuring penile blood flow, with a device that looked like a small blood pressure cuff, he found that certain scents or combinations of scents activated the erector machinery more than others. The combination scent of lavender and pumpkin pie was at the top of the list, increasing penile blood flow by 40 percent! Other winning scents included doughnut and black licorice, doughnut and pumpkin pie, doughnut and lavender, orange, cheese pizza, roast beef, and cinnamon buns.

Which ones work for females? To uncover this sweet-smelling piece of information, Dr. Hirsch measured v.a.g.i.n.al blood flow with a special monitoring device. Increased v.a.g.i.n.al blood flow is a sign of s.e.xual arousal in women, while decreased blood flow is the opposite. He started by measuring the response to men's colognes. All of them decreased v.a.g.i.n.al blood flow. Don't waste your money.

In my lectures, I ask the audience what scents they think most increase v.a.g.i.n.al blood flow and s.e.xual interest. Audience members blurt out some interesting answers, such as sweat, chocolate, vanilla, coffee, strawberry, and freshly minted money. The most interesting audience response came from a stunning, redheaded woman in Atlanta, who, in a very sweet southern accent, said, "The smell of fresh leather from a new Mercedes Benz." Very few crowds get the answer right. One of the best scents according to Dr. Hirsch's research was baby powder. "Baby powder!" I hear people in the audience say in amazement. "Why baby powder?"

The brain works through a.s.sociation, which is why certain smells or sounds trigger powerful feelings or memories, such as the smell of fresh baked bread taking you back to the comfort of Grandma's kitchen when you were a child. What do women a.s.sociate with baby powder? Freshly diapered, cute little babies. Then, unconsciously, they want one; thus, the increased v.a.g.i.n.al blood flow and interest! Dr. Hirsch also found that cuc.u.mber, licorice, lavender, and pumpkin pie all increased v.a.g.i.n.al blood flow, while the smell of cherries and barbecues had the reverse effect.

Despite Dr. Hirsch's research, many ancient societies believed perfumes were aphrodisiacs and some new research suggests they may have been right. The Romans and Egyptians used lavish amounts of perfume containing musk. The musk used was from the a.n.a.l glands of the Ethiopian civet cat. Current research suggests that the scent of musk closely resembles that of testosterone, the hormone that enhances a healthy libido in both men and women.

In scent studies performed at Toho University in j.a.pan, Professor s.h.i.+zuo Torii showed the impact of floral and herbal essential oils on the nervous system. s.e.xual arousal and response is controlled by the two parts of the nervous system: the sympathetic nervous system (SNS), which prepares us for physical action or emergencies, also called the fight-or-flight system; and the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which stimulates relaxation. For those who need to relax in order to get in the mood of s.e.x, the PNS should be dominant, while those who need to be stimulated would do better by enhancing the SNS. Professor Torii found that the PNS was stimulated by the scent of sandalwood, marjoram, lemon, chamomile, and bergamot. The SNS was increased by the scents of jasmine, ylang-ylang, rose, patchouli, peppermint, clove, and bois de rose. Aphrodisiacs need to be tailored to individuals, not large groups. Find the scents most appealing to you. Buy the essential oils of these substances in health food stores and dilute them by putting a few drops into a carrier like olive or canola oil.

s.e.xy Foods A romantic meal can put you in the mood for love. The intimacy created by candlelight and soft music is important, but food also plays a starring role in our s.e.xuality. The sweet texture of melted chocolate, the sweet juice and fragrance of an orange, the shape and smell of a cuc.u.mber-all stimulate the taste buds and the imagination. Additionally, several societies regard foods like bananas, cuc.u.mbers, asparagus, and carrots as erotic stimulants because of their p.e.n.i.slike shape. The ancient Aztec name for avocado was ahuacatl, or t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e, because of the fruit's appearance. Virgin girls were forbidden from going outdoors during harvests of avocados. Today, researchers have verified that some of the ancient aphrodisiac foods do in fact contain certain vitamins and minerals that contribute to a healthy reproductive system and perhaps even a healthy libido. Here is a list of several potentially s.e.xy foods.

Almonds (or nuts in general) Almonds are a major source of essential fatty acids. These are vital as they provide the raw material for a man's healthy production of hormones and help the brain work better. The smell of almonds has also been reported to arouse pa.s.sion in females. Almonds enhance phenylethylamine (PEA) production, as does chocolate, to increase brain stem activity, enhancing alertness. Try lighting some almond-scented candles to encourage your partner's mood and snacking on some (but not too many) yourself to store up energy for your performance. Eat them raw (with no added salt or sweetness), or, crush some fresh almonds and sprinkle them on your salad to get the energy you need.

Apples Apples have been given as gifts of reverence for years, be it to teachers, friends, or loved ones. They actually belong to the Rose family and have been used in Yuletide rituals to symbolize fertility in nature. Apples not only clean the teeth and inspire the flow of saliva, but they also sweeten the breath, which is always a wonderful stimulus for the foreplay of kissing.

Artichokes Artichokes contain a substance by the name of cynarin, which helps to strengthen the liver. Artichokes were traditionally used by the French as aphrodisiacs.

Asparagus Many foods thought to be aphrodisiacs were considered so because of their phallic shape. Asparagus, however, has more than suggestive form. It is rich in vitamin E, a vitamin considered to stimulate production of our s.e.x hormones and that may be essential for a healthy s.e.x life.

Avocado The Aztecs called the avocado tree ahuacatl or "t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e tree." While avocados can indeed look like that body part, they contain high levels of folic acid, which helps metabolize proteins, thus giving you more energy. They also contain vitamin B6 (a nutrient that increases male hormone production) and pota.s.sium (which helps regulate a woman's thyroid gland), two elements that help enhance both male and female libido. In addition, avocados are loaded with phenylethylamines, even more so than chocolate. Plus, they have omega-3 fatty acids that help the brain work better, so you'll be more likely to get lucky.

Bananas Bananas contain the bromelain enzyme, which is believed to improve male libido. Additionally, they are good sources of pota.s.sium and B vitamins such as riboflavin, which increase the body's overall energy levels.

Cabbage Cabbage is wonderful for helping to increase circulation, therefore stimulating s.e.xual energy.

Celery While it may not be the first food that comes to mind when it comes to s.e.x, celery can be a fantastic source food for s.e.xual stimulation, as it contains androsterone, an odorless hormone released through male perspiration that turns women on.

Chili Peppers Chilies may heat up your s.e.x life, too, due to capsaicin-the substance that gives kick to peppers, curries, and other spicy foods. Capsaicin stimulates nerve endings to release chemicals, raising the heart rate, making us sweat, and possibly triggering the release of endorphins, giving you the pleasurable feeling of a natural high that is conducive to love-making.

Chocolate and Cheese In addition to the silky texture of melted chocolate, this quintessential lovers' gift contains PEA, considered by some researchers as the "love chemical"-it imparts a feeling of well-being and excitement, like endorphins giving a natural high-and theobromine, a substance very similar to caffeine. Do not give too much chocolate, however. A little helps your partner focus, a lot gives him or her low blood sugar, which may put them to sleep. Cheese actually contains more PEA than chocolate. So order a cheese platter after dinner and see if it gets you both in the mood. If you still prefer chocolate, make it dark rather than milk. It has a much higher cocoa-solids content (and therefore more feel-good chemicals). To get him or her ready for s.e.x in the morning, make your partner cereal with chopped apple and almonds-both have high levels of PEA, which will help get him or her in the mood.

Damiana Damiana, or wild yam, has a traditional use as an aphrodisiac and chemical a.n.a.lysis shows that it contains chemicals that can increase sensitivity in the genitals. Damiana also has a reputation for inducing erotic dreams, when drunk at bedtime, although it has not been proven in clinical trials.

Eggs Although not the most sensual of foods, eggs are high in vitamins B5 and B6. These help balance hormone levels and fight stress, two things that are crucial to a healthy libido. Eggs are also a symbol of fertility and rebirth. Some people will eat raw chicken eggs just prior to s.e.x to increase their libido and maximize energy levels; however, please be aware of the possibility of salmonella contamination in uncooked egg products. All bird and fish eggs contain B5 and B6.

Figs High in amino acids, figs are believed to increase libido. They can also improve s.e.xual stamina. Furthermore, the shape of a fresh fig and its sweet, juicy taste are two tangible aspects that are highly pleasurable to the human senses.

Garlic Yes, you might need to stock up on some extra breath mints, but it'll be worth it. Garlic contains allicin, an ingredient that increases blood flow to the s.e.xual organs. As such, it's a highly effective herb for increasing libido. If the odor just won't work for you, or you can't stand garlic, you can always take garlic capsules instead.

Nutmeg Nutmeg has been mentioned in Indian Unani medicine for enhancing desire. When researchers from Aligarh Muslim University in India gave an extract of nutmeg to different groups of male rats daily for seven days, the female rats involved in the study were made receptive by hormonal treatment. The general mating behavior, libido, and potency were studied and compared with the results produced by v.i.a.g.r.a, showing a significant augmentation of s.e.xual activity. It increased erections and mounting frequency. Nutmeg was without any adverse effects.

Oysters Oysters have long been considered the food of love, and legend has it that Casanova ate dozens of oysters a day, once even seducing a virgin by sliding an oyster from his lips to hers. Whatever the case, the truth is that oysters are high in zinc, a mineral used in the production of testosterone. Not only the hormone behind the male s.e.x drive, testosterone is believed to stimulate the female libido as well. Oysters also contain dopamine, a chemical that increases focus and motivation for fun.

Sea Vegetables Sea vegetables such as dulse, kelp, and nori are great aphrodisiacs because they are chock-full of minerals such as calcium, iodine, and iron, which help in balancing the thyroid gland and endocrine system ... as a result, strengthening the libido.

s.e.m.e.n Taste Tips Cinnamon, cardamom, peppermint, and lemon will improve the taste of s.e.m.e.n. Garlic, onions, curry, or asparagus will have the opposite effect. Since women have a more sensitive sense of smell and taste, great hygiene is usually the best policy to reinforce the experience positively.

Delicious v.u.l.v.as Some men say they do not want to give oral s.e.x to women because of the taste or smell. The variances of tastes and smells depend on a number of factors, including what a person has eaten, where women are in their menstrual cycles, and the pH of the v.a.g.i.n.al secretions. Of course, what a person finds appealing is very individual. Natalie Angier writes, in Women: An Intimate Geography, that our skin's pH stays between 6.0 and 7.0, while a healthy v.a.g.i.n.a is between an acidic 3.8 and 4.5. Examples of acidic pH foods are lemons (2.0), coffee (5.0), and wine (4.0). As a woman's pH climbs, her secretions smell stronger and stronger. Bathing with a hypo-allergenic soap that has a low pH is one way to counteract the strong scent. Strong foods such as asparagus and garlic will increase the scent, as will multiple vitamins. Lemons, oranges, and grapefruits may soften and sweeten the scent. As with everything else about s.e.x, tactfully talk about what you like and what you don't. Showering together before oral s.e.x is often an erotic form of foreplay.

Exercise Exercise can keep your heart healthy, your body slim, and your psyche sound, and now studies show it can act as an aphrodisiac, too. Although you may not feel so s.e.xy after a sweaty workout, don't be surprised if you find yourself feeling in the mood for love. Research now suggests that along with all of the other health benefits exercise imparts, it can also give a big boost to your s.e.x life. The reason has less to do with getting stronger than with the release of endorphins in the brain (as a result of physical exertion) that influence how we feel. These are the same neurochemicals responsible for a "runner's high" or the sense of exhilaration that comes from skiing down a mountain or after an intense aerobics cla.s.s. It turns out these brain chemicals may also be linked to the release of hormones that power the s.e.x drive. Research has shown that women who exercise regularly tend to have more active s.e.x lives, are more easily aroused, and reach o.r.g.a.s.m more quickly than those who don't work out. Less vigorous Eastern forms of exercise take another approach. Instead of stimulating brain chemicals to rev up the s.e.x drive, yoga and tantra provide postures designed to help resolve specific s.e.xual problems. Some are said to work by stimulating blood flow to the genital area while others are directed toward maximizing s.e.xual performance and satisfaction. While there's no scientific proof that these ancient exercises add up to effective aphrodisiacs, pract.i.tioners seem pleased with the results. If regular exercise has no appeal, then twirling around on the dance floor can get the juices flowing just the same. In fact, whether the music is a minuet or mambo, moving to the beat is an age-old, socially sanctioned mating ritual. Whatever your preference-from the treadmill to the dance floor-it seems clear that the more you move your body, the better your s.e.x life can be.

Touching, Feet, Foreplay, and a Very Strange-Looking

Little Man in the Brain

Touch is a central aspect of s.e.xual experience. Touching stimulates oxytocin, which in turn stimulates trust and comfort, setting the mood for s.e.x. Knowing where to touch can be tricky. Not all areas of the body are created equal when it comes to sensory neurons, and starting with the genitals is usually considered bad form, even though they have a bazillion nerve endings.

Neuroscience can give us clear guidelines on how and where to touch someone to maximize erotic stimulation. Our skin has receptors that detect whenever something touches us. These "touch" receptors feed into the brain's parietal lobes in such a way as to create a "touch" or sensory map. Certain areas of the brain have many more touch receptors than others. In medical school I was introduced to the concept of the homunculus, a very strange-looking little man that ill.u.s.trated the percentage of sensory nerve fibers in the brain (see Figure 9.1). From the ill.u.s.tration, you can see that the lips, hands, feet, and genitals get the lion share of brain s.p.a.ce for sensation. The fingertips, for example, have the highest density of receptors: about 2,500 per square centimeter! Using this information, one can see why holding hands, kissing lips, and stroking a face with fingertips can be very stimulating. The brain has wired these areas to be very sensitive. In addition to the size of a sensory area, its placement and next-door neighbors can also give us important clues. For example, in the homunculus, the genital area is next door to the foot-sensation area. These areas share neural crosstalk and exchange information. This may be why many women say, "If you want your way, rub my feet." This anatomy lesson may also help explain foot fetishes, why women collect shoes, and why rubbing and kissing feet is so erotic.

"Feet have always had an erotic connotation," says Suzanne Baldaia, a fas.h.i.+on historian and professor from Rhode Island in an interview with the Chicago Sun-Times. "Folklore offers us many examples of the shoe being a symbol of female genitalia. In many cultures, a bride's shoe was offered to the bridegroom as a symbol of property, and as an exchange of something a little bit deeper." The prince in the story Cinderella is a cla.s.sic example of a man chasing after a woman's feet. Feet are definitely an erogenous zone. Men love spiked heels, patent leather shoes, a glimpse of toes, which some have labeled toe cleavage.

When treating s.e.xual dysfunction in women, Masters and Johnson found that sensual touching helped to focus on the pleasure a.s.sociated with touch rather than genital response. They suggested foot rubs because they are not threatening and more comforting. Little did they know about the real reasons foot rubs worked. Foot rubs have also been helpful in pain management. Ma.s.saging feet stimulates the receptors in the muscle that activate the "nonpainful" nerve fibers and therefore prevent pain transmission from being felt. In studying this phenomena, researchers found that a twenty-minute foot ma.s.sage after taking pain medication significantly decreased pain intensity and distress as compared to receiving medication alone.

Just Find the d.a.m.n Spot During the middle of my appearance on The View, discussed in Lesson Four, where we were talking about the differences between male and female brains, Joy Behar interrupted me, saying, "Just find the d.a.m.n spot. All you have to do is find the spot." She then repeated her observation several more times. I suspected she was referring to the c.l.i.toris, or perhaps even the G-spot. So, is it true? Do men just need to find the spot and rub up against it? I suspect not; s.e.xuality is more complicated. But finding the spot is an important part of the puzzle, for both men and women.

Where is the G-spot? Is it real? The concept of the G-spot (more accurately referred to as an area, instead of a spot) was first discussed by Ernest Grafenberg, MD, in 1944. It was expanded on and popularized by Beverly Whipple and John Perry in the 1980s. Pract.i.tioners of tantric s.e.x have been talking about this "sacred spot" for more than a thousand years. Even though it remains controversial, many women swear by it. To be clear, it is important to note that Dr. Grafenberg did not think there was just one erogenous spot. He wrote, "Innumerable erotogenic spots are distributed all over the body, from where s.e.xual satisfaction can be elicited; there are so many that we can almost say that there is no part of the female body which does not give s.e.xual response, the partner has only to find the erotogenic zones."

Okay, there are many spots. But is there a special spot? Dr. Grafenberg thought so, "An erotic zone always could be demonstrated on the anterior wall of the v.a.g.i.n.a along the course of the urethra [the emphasis here is mine]. Even when there was a good response in the entire v.a.g.i.n.a, this particular area was more easily stimulated by the finger than the other areas of the v.a.g.i.n.a. Women tested this way always knew when the finger slipped from the urethra by the impairment of their s.e.xual stimulation. During o.r.g.a.s.m this area is pressed downwards against the finger like a small cyst protruding into the v.a.g.i.n.al ca.n.a.l. It looked as if the erotogenic part of the anterior v.a.g.i.n.al wall tried to bring itself in closest contact with the finger. It could be found in all women, far more frequently than the spastic contractions of the pelvic floor. ... After the o.r.g.a.s.m was achieved a complete relaxation of the anterior v.a.g.i.n.al wall sets in."

Similar to the male urethra, the female urethra seems to be surrounded by erectile tissues, called the corpora cavernosa in males. In the course of s.e.xual stimulation, the female urethra begins to enlarge and can be felt easily. It swells out greatly at the end of o.r.g.a.s.m. The most stimulating part is located where the urethra arises from the neck of the bladder.

Erotogenic zones in the female urethra are sometimes the cause of urethral masturbation. I have seen several teenage girls with this problem. Girls stimulated themselves with hair pins, pens, or pencils in their urethra. The blunt part of the old-fas.h.i.+oned hair pin, or other small, narrow object, is introduced into the urethra and moved back and forth. During the ecstasy of the o.r.g.a.s.m some girls lose control of the object and it ends up in the bladder. Most girls who lose these objects feel ashamed and hide the incident from their parents until a bladder problem results. These lost objects have caused bladder stones, infections, and tears. Urethral masturbation also happens in boys, men, and couples. I have seen patients with drink stirrers lodged in their urethras. This happens more when the couple is drunk and they have low prefrontal cortex activity.

Another interesting discovery a.s.sociated with G-spot research is the incidence of female e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n. Milan Zaviacic and his colleagues at Comenius University in Bratislava reported research on this phenomena in an article published in the Journal of s.e.x Research. The study was conducted with twenty-seven women; a G-spot was found in all, and ten of them experienced episodes of feminine e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n. The accepted theory is that the G-spot is a.n.a.logous to the prostate and a.s.sociated glands, as it seems to produce a fluid chemically similar to male seminal fluid. This phenomenon is one that many women mistake for urinary incontinence, although the fluid released is actually quite different from urine. This is not an uncommon occurrence, as is shown in "Female e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n: Perceived Origins, the Grafenberg Spot/Area, and s.e.xual Responsiveness," an article in the Archives of s.e.xual Behavior. According to the introduction, 40 percent of the partic.i.p.ants in an anonymous mail survey of 2,350 women (with a 55 percent response rate) reported experiences of e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n.

Lesson #9: Use brain s.e.x tricks to optimize your love life.

MAKE IT LAST, MAKE IT UNFORGETTABLE.

Embedding Your self in Your Partner's Memory "It is not the number of breaths you take that matter, but the moments that take your breath away."

-BUDDHIST WISDOM The brain works through a.s.sociation. It has ma.s.sive memory banks that tie together every idea, thought, feeling, action, image, smell, touch, taste, and sound. Every moment we are alive we are a combination of our present state and past memories put together. Every moment you are together with your partner, and many moments throughout the day when you are apart, you are embedding yourself in your partner's memory circuits. If you want to be a positive force in your partner's brain, it is important to plant the seeds of excitement, happiness, novelty, and joy, rather than boredom, anger, or insecurity. In this chapter I'll discuss twelve brainy ways to embed yourself into your partner's brain to make love last and to make yourself unforgettable.