Great Mysteries And Little Plagues Part 9

No. 127. "_A touch of Nature makes the whole world kin._"--A little boy, who had been tormented by clouds of mosquitoes till he could bear it no longer, exclaimed, "O dear me! O dear me! I do wish G.o.d would kill the mosquitoes! I don't know what I would give Him, if He only would."

No. 128. _An Etymologist._--A Connecticut boy insisted on knowing what was meant by the slang phrase, "a gone sucker"; and was overheard praying soon after, on being sent off to bed--"G.o.d bless papa and mamma, and baby; but I'se been such a bad boy, I rather guess I'm _a gone sucker_."

No. 129. "How old are you, my dear?" said a railroad conductor to a little gentlewoman, whose mother was trying to pa.s.s with a half ticket.

"I'm nine at home," was the reply, "but in the cars I'm only half-past six."

No. 130. _A fair Inference._--Dear little Mamie H., who had just got over her sixth birthday, was studying her sabbath-school lesson, when her mother told her, in reply to some question she had urged with a deal of earnestness, that the naughty devil was black. "Well, then, mamma,"

said the child, "if he was a good devil, I s'pose he'd be white."

No. 131. _Grandchildren on their Good Behavior._--Bishop, to Nellie peeping through the side-lights, with a big tom-cat in her arms. "Come and see me, Nellie."

"No--I tan't."

_Bishop._--"Come come, and bring the cat with you; I want to see her."

"No, no! Tommy don't like Bishops."

No. 132. _A Baby Spendthrift._--"I say, Bobby," said one little youngster to another, "lend me two cents, will yer? I got up so early, that I spent all my money 'fore breakfast."

"More fool you."

"Wal!--how should I know the day was goin' to be so long?"

No. 133. _A Maxim well applied._--"Never put off till to-morrow, my dear boy, what you can do to-day," said a watchful mother to her inquiring son. "Yes, mamma, and so we'll have the raspberry-pie now, that's put away for to-morrow--shan't we, mamma?"

No. 134. _A fair Inference._--At a sabbath-school concert in a crowded and popular church, the pastor, who prided himself on the quickness and cleverness of his little ones, said, "Boys, when I heard your beautiful songs to-night, I had to work hard to keep my feet still; now what do you think was the trouble with them?" "_Chilblainth!_" shouted a little chap of six, or thereabouts.

No. 135. _A timely Rebuke._--A bright-eyed little fellow, in one of the Brooklyn private-schools, having spelt a word, was asked by his teacher, "Are you willing to bet you're right, Bennie?" The boy looked up with an air of astonishment, and replied, "I _know_ I'm right, Miss V----, but I never bet."

No. 136. _A dangerous Query._--A pupil was asked what S double E spelt.

Being rather slow with his answer, the teacher grew impatient, and exclaimed, "You dunce! What is it I do with my eyes?" "O', I know the word now, ma'am--S double E, _squint_."

No. 137. _Constructiveness._--The Springfield Republican tells of a young gentleman who doesn't want to be the last angel G.o.d makes, because "he wants to see how He makes 'em."

No. 138. _Imitation._--A little girl at Keokuk, Iowa, was lately found in a barn giving trapeze performances to quite a gathering of wee folks.

They had fitted up a trapeze, with an old clothes-line and a broomstick, at an elevation of twenty feet. "The party was broken up,"

says a spectator, "before anything else was broken."

No. 139. _The Tables turned._--"Are you talking to me, sir?" said a respectable man to a little scapegrace, who had been holding what he called an argument with his papa; "I'm your father, sir. Remember that, sir!"

"Well, who's to blame for that, I should like to know--'taint me," said the boy.

No. 140. _Language._--A bright, clear-eyed little thing of three summers, after listening demurely to a chapter of the Old Testament, which her father read to the family aloud one pleasant Sabbath, looked up with the air of one who felt called upon to say something, in the dead silence that followed, and whispered, "Papa, ain't G.o.d a funny fellow?" What knew that child of irreverence? What she meant to say was that she had been delighted.

No. 141. _A new Paraphrase._--A father, who always insisted upon his children giving their version of what they heard, in their own language, to show that they understood it, asked Charlie to repeat the text which they had been listening to.

Charlie hesitated awhile, and then, as if it had come to him all at once, broke out with, "What are you loafing round here for, doin'

nothing? Go into my barn-yard, and go to work, and I'll make it all right with you."

The text was, "Why stand ye here all the day idle? Go into the vineyard and work, and whatsoever is right, I will pay thee." Who will venture to say that the poor child did not understand the meaning?

No. 142. _The Darlings._--"Mamma!" shouted Lollipop, "make Bobby 'have himself; every time I hit him with the whap-stick he hollars out."

No. 143. Another child was once heard calling out from the head of the stairs to her mamma, that nurse "wouldn't _quiet_ her."

No. 144. _t.i.t for Tat._--Another wee thing, after complaining of her teacher, said, with a tap of her little foot, and a something between a sob and a whimper, she did "wish Miss Maria would go to school to herself awhile, that she might see how she liked it."

No. 145. _A fair Inference._--A little boy and girl had been repeatedly cautioned not to take the nest-egg, when foraging in the hay-mow, and along by the fences; but one evening, little Sis found her way to the nest, rather in advance of Bubby, and s.n.a.t.c.hing the egg, off she started for the house. Her brother followed, screaming, "Mother! mother! Susy's ben and got the egg the old hen measures by!"

No. 146. _Another._--A little bit of a thing who had just got back from a party, was asked by her mamma how she had enjoyed herself. "O mamma!"

said she, "I'm so full of happiness--I couldn't be no happier, without I was bigger." So reasoned Samuel Johnson. The quart pot and the pint may both be full; but the quart holds most.

No. 147. _From Over-Sea._--A little five-year-old Parisian went to church with his mamma. Both began praying. "Mamma," whispered the little fellow, "I've said my prayer." "Say it over again, my dear." The child obeys, and whispers, "I have said it again, mamma," and gets the same answer; and so for the third time, the mother not liking to be hurried in her devotions. "But, mamma, I have said it over three times." "Say it again, my dear." "But, mamma--won't it be tedious for the good G.o.d to listen all the time to the same prayer? What if I say over the fable I've just learnt at school?"

No. 148. _Definition of Faith._--A child was asked, "What is faith?"

"Doing G.o.d's will and asking no questions," was her reply.

_Another fair Inference._--"Lottie, dear," said a little visitor to her playfellow of three, "what makes our Kitty so cross?" "'Cause she's tuttin' her teef, I spec."

No. 149. _And yet another._--A little thing in a sabbath-school was asked by her teacher "if she always said her prayers night and morning."

"No, Miss, I don't." "Why, Mary! Are you not afraid to go to sleep in the dark, without asking G.o.d to take care of you, and watch over you till morning?" "No, Miss, I ain't--'cause I sleep in the middle."

No. 150. _Did his Best._--A little chap had a dirty face, and his teacher told him to go and wash it. He went away, and after a few minutes came back, with the lower part of his countenance tolerably clean, while the upper part was dirty and wet.

"Johnny," said the teacher, "why didn't you wash your face?"

"I did wash it, sir," said Johnny.

"You didn't wipe it all over, then?"

"I did wipe it, as high up as my s.h.i.+rt would go."

And this reminds me of a little boy who had been told never to go into the water without leave. One day he came home heated and tired, with his s.h.i.+rt on wrong side out. "You've been in a-swimming, Josie," said his mother. "No, mamma." "How came your s.h.i.+rt turned inside out, then?"

"Wal," said Josie, after a moment's hesitation, "I rather guess it was when I got over that high fence, and turned a somerset, head first."

No. 151. _A new Version._--A boy in our District School was reading a lesson from the Bible in that deliberate fas.h.i.+on so usual with chaps of six, and when he came to the pa.s.sage, "Keep thy tongue from evil and thy lips from guile," he drawled out, with a decided emphasis, "Keep--thy--tongue from evil; and thy lips from--from--_girls_." Of course, there followed an explosion. "Job was an oyster-man; and the Lord, he shot him with four b.a.l.l.s," if we may believe a new reading of what was intended for Scripture: "Somebody was an _austere_ man; and the Lord smote him with sore boils."

No. 152. _Children and Fools are said to speak the Truth._--"Be you good?" said a little chap to Miss Bella M----, of the sabbath-school here.

"O no!" was the becoming reply.

"You ain't! well I knew you wasn't pretty, but I always thought you was good."

No. 153. The following sweet lines are too good for abridgment, or paraphrase. I know not where they originated; nor who was the author.

Was there ever anything more childlike and beautiful than "Mamma, G.o.d knows all the rest?"--or ever lines worthier of the text?

THE UNFINISHED PRAYER.

"Now I lay"--repeat it, darling; 'Lay me,' lisped the tiny lips Of my daughter, kneeling, bending O'er her folded finger-tips.