The Foolish Dictionary Part 18

=MIRACLE= A woman who won't talk.

=MIST= Generally, a small, light rain. =SCOTCH MIST= A cloudburst.

=MITTEN= Something a tender-hearted girl gives a young man when she knows she is going to make it chilly for him.

=MONEY= Society's vindication of vulgarity.

=MONOPOLY= A modern device for impoveris.h.i.+ng others. From Grk.

_monux_, swift-footed, and _polloi_, the people. A swift kick for the people.

=MOON= The only lighting monopoly that never made money.

=MORTGAGE= From Fr. _mort_, death, and Eng. _gag_, to choke. A lawyer's invention for choking property to death.

=MOSQUITO= A small insect designed by G.o.d to make us think better of flies.

=MOTH= An unfortunate acquaintance who is always in the hole. And the only ones who try to get him out are his enemies.

=MOUSE=

[Ill.u.s.tration]

The frequent cause of a rise in cotton.

All gone to 6's and 7's--Ladies' Footwear in Chicago.

N

Time and tide wait for no man--But time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

=NATURE= The author of "The Seasons," an interesting work over which Spring pours, Summer smiles, and Autumn turns the leaves while Winter catches the drift of it all.

=NECK= A close connection between chin and chest, used for the display of linen, silk, furs, jewelry and skin, fitted with gullet, windpipe, hunger and thirst, and devoted to the rubber industry.

=NEGRO= One who votes your way. =n.i.g.g.e.r= One who doesn't.

=NEIGHBOR= One who knows more about your affairs than yourself.

=NERVE=

[Ill.u.s.tration]

Breaking the hair-brush on the disobedient scion, then making him pay for a new one. See revised version, "Spare the rod and spoil the hair-brus.h.!.+"

"=NEXT=" The barberous pa.s.sword to the heaven of the shaved and the unshaved.

=NIP= Something bracing from without or within When felt in the air, it's a frost. When found in a gla.s.s, a life saver.

=n.o.bILITY= A gang of foreign brigands having abducent designs on the American Damsel and the American Dollar.

=NON-CONDUCTOR= The motorman.

=NOSE= A prominent member of the face family, usually a Greek or Roman, who owns the shortest bridge in the world. He is often stuck up in company, but frequently blows himself when he has his grippe. Princ.i.p.al occupations, sniffling, snivelling, sneezing, snorting and scenting, intruding in the neighbors'

affairs, stuffing himself without permission and bleeding for others.