The Foolish Dictionary Part 29

=When a man begins to see snakes and one head looks like three, it's a cinch he's not far from h.e.l.l.=

CHARON. The gloomy gondolier of the Styx, who carried the dead to the Other World--if they paid him first.

=And even to-day, he who patronizes Rapid Transit must pay his fare in advance.=

CUPID. The son of Venus and the G.o.d of Love, who with bow and arrows punctured men's bosoms with the darts of admiration.

=But now-a-days the arrow's not in it with a snug bathing suit or a decollette gown.=

DAEDALUS. The original Santos Dumont, who invented and successfully operated a flying-machine that would fly. His son, Icarus, tried the trick, went too high and fell into the sea.

=A flier frequently precedes a fall--especially in Wall Street.=

DIANA. The G.o.ddess of the chase; unmarried.

=And this is very fitting. May the chase always be for the unmarried only!=

HERCULES. The Gritty Greek (no relation to the Terrible Turk), an independent laborer, who always had a good job awaiting him.

=It is interesting to recall the days when non-union labor had all the work it wanted.=

IXION. A king of Thessaly, who for his sins was broken on a wheel.

=And men have been going broke on "the wheel" ever since.=

LOTUS EATERS. A gang of ancient vegetarians, who chewed leaves and went to sleep.

=Now succeeded by a club of New Yorkers, who chew the rag and keep awake.=

MERCURY. A celestial messenger-boy, who wore wings on his shoes and knew how "to get there" in a hurry.

=Now they all wear hobbles, and never exceed the speed limit in a public thoroughfare.=

MIDAS. A Greek king, who had the power of turning into gold all that he touched.

=That's nothing! There are plenty of men to-day who always get gold whoever they touch.=

SAPPHO. A love-lorn poetess, who, failing to win the man she first loved, cured herself by jumping into the Mediterranean.

=She probably acted on the old advice, "There's plenty more fish in the sea!"=

TANTALUS. A proud king, who suffered in Hades the agonies of hunger and thirst, with food and drink always in sight, but always beyond reach.

=Here on earth, the 50-cent table d'hote accomplishes the same result--besides costing you the fifty.=

TROY. An ancient, oriental city, which took in a wooden horse and saw the domestic finish of Helen and Paris.

=Do not confuse with Troy, N.Y., where they only take in was.h.i.+ng and provide a domestic finish for collars and s.h.i.+rts.=