And Eternity Part 12

"There is something I must tell you," he said gravely. "Aspects of it may not please you, and if that is the case, you have my apology, and I will understand if you prefer to separate yourself from me."

"You're going to send me home!" she cried, stricken. "No. Were you listening when I talked with Orlene last night?"

"Yes," she said faintly.

"Then you are aware that I have never married and never was able to develop a close a.s.sociation with a member of the opposite s.e.x. There is an aspect I did not discuss, however."

"No! You can't be gay!" she exclaimed in horror.

He laughed. "No, that is not my situation. But certainly I have had a secret vice. I am, despite your impression, typical of men in my desires. In my private imagination for many years I have pictured an event of a nature I have never cared to advertise. In this vision an attractive young woman approaches me and states that she has conceived an inordinate pa.s.sion for me and wishes to indulge herself with me in the wildest of s.e.xual orgies. This is of course forbidden, for she may not even be of legal age. Yet in my vision I am sorely tempted, a.s.sured that no other party would know."

Vita lifted her head. "You're joking!"

"Far from it. When you stated that you wished to be my mistress, you fulfilled that secret desire. I knew that I should send you immediately to some other facility. I knew that I was wrong in my failure to do that. Even then, I knew that in time you and I would find ourselves as we are now. I accepted the ruse of Orlene's control, knowing that she would free you for this encounter. Therefore, I can not claim any surprise; I wanted to be alone with you. This is the manner you have misread me; I am no better than any of the men who have used you in the past."

Vita was stunned. "You-You wanted me all the time?"

"I did. I fought against it, knowing how wrong it was to implement any part of my fell vision, and lost. But I a.s.sure you that this is as far as it will go. I have no intention of molesting you, and if I have repulsed you by this confession, I certainly understand."

"But last night Orlene was willing, and you didn't touch her."

"That was less n.o.bility than expedience. My desire is not for Orlene, though certainly I would be interested if that were her wish. My desire is for you."

"But you knew I was watching! You could have done it with her, and I could've pretended it was me."

"She offered herself as a legitimizing personality, she being of age and experience to know her mind. She did not truly desire this kind of interaction with me, but felt that she owed it to you, for the use you have allowed her of your body. I find that a fine gesture on her part, but it is not one I care to indulge. My vision is illicit; my desire is for the body and personality of youth."

"Young fles.h.!.+" she exclaimed. "All day you put away pimps and women who do it, and you crave it yourself!"

"That is my secret shame. I regret destroying your image of me, but I felt you should know the truth."

"You don't really care for me, you just want young fles.h.!.+" she charged.

"The irony is that I do care for you. I have been impressed by the manner you settled down and worked at learning, and by your increasingly proper deportment. I know that many times at meals and during our walks in the roof park the others have relinquished your body to you, and that after your first declaration, you have not shamed yourself in your actions or words. You have been helpful to Vaasta; indeed, she has spoken favorably of you. You are becoming a fine young woman, and it ill behooves me to interfere with that. This is why my illicit pa.s.sion for your flesh is such an evil; it spoils what would otherwise be an excellent relations.h.i.+p."

"But you know if you asked me, I'd be glad to spread my legs for you!"

"That is one reason I have not asked you. The willingness of the girl does not excuse s.e.xual abuse."

"So you just figured to get me here like this, and tell me your desire, and that'll maybe turn me off, and it'll be over," Vita said. "You aren't one for force or rape or anything like that."

"I am afraid so."

"But you sort of hoped it wouldn't turn me off, and I'd dive right in with you anyway."

"It is the time for candor."

Vita thought about it, not moving from his embrace. "I guess I should ask Orlene."

"She well might have some sage advice for you at this stage."

"But I'm not going to. You know what I really wanted, when I said I wanted to be your mistress?"

"Love, security, attention."

"That's right! And the best way I ever knew to get it was to please a man, and the best way to please a man was by having s.e.x with him. I didn't know any other way to win your interest, and I wanted it real bad."

"I think I was aware of that too. Certainly you are not obliged to prost.i.tute yourself to me for-"

"Oh, shut up, Roque! I want your love! Now I know that it's not the same as your s.e.x. Can you say you love me?"

Roque hesitated. "I cannot say I do not."

"Why not just lie to me?" she flared. "Say the magic word, and I'll do anything you want!"

"This is, of course, standard procedure with men," he said. "To tell a woman it is love, when the true object is merely s.e.x. I would not care to deceive you in that manner."

"Why not?" she demanded.

"It would not be ethical. But apart from that, I am uncertain of my feeling for you. It would be foolish for a middle-aged man to love a child in that manner."

"Then tell me you don't love me!"

"I cannot."

"If I can't have your love, I'll give it to you for honesty.

n.o.body ever seemed to care much before how I felt about it, and you do."

"True."

"Oh Roque, could you maybe just kiss me and see how it is?"

"I am not certain that would be wise."

"So call me out of order!" she said, and turned her face to find his in the dark. She kissed him emphatically. He remained pa.s.sive for a moment, then his arms tightened around her. He kissed her back. It seemed to go on forever, and her feeling ignited, and she half climbed on him, trying to get closer than close.

"Oh, Roque," she gasped. "If that isn't love, I'll settle for it!"

"It is pa.s.sion," he said. "Not to be trusted."

"Look, I know a girl's not supposed to get all hot and eager, especially when she's underage, but I've just got to have you! All those bad men I've had in me, let me get one good one and erase all the rest!"

"This isn't right-" he began.

"You have your vision, I have mine too! I want you to want me, to want me so bad you just can't help yourself," she said, clawing out of her nightie. "Maybe the world will end tomorrow if you do it, but you're so hot you don't care, you just gotta have me, and I'm yours, Roque, I'm yours." Free of her clothing, she started to work on his. "Your vision is my vision, you crafted it just for me-that's what I want to believe!"

He could not withhold his mounting pa.s.sion. "Ask Orlene!" he cried. "Ask her if she can tolerate this!"

You're doing great, girl! Orlene thought, feeling hot herself. Maybe it is wrong, but it's got to be!

"She says to go for it!" Vita panted, getting his pajamas open.

"We shall surely regret this in the morning," he said, his resistance crumbling.

Then they were kissing again, and merging, and Vita felt the thrust of his loin and the jet of his culmination, and she went into a feeling she had never had before in s.e.x with a man, and clung to him and stretched to kiss him and touch his tongue with hers while the feeling spread through the rest of her body. "Oh, Roque! Oh, Roque!" she breathed, over and over.

"Oh, my darling," he breathed back. "Though I go to h.e.l.l, it is worth it!"

"I'll go there with you, my darling, my love!" she babbled, clinging to him, trying to keep the fading feeling, trying to hold him within her. But it was useless; they had to separate, lying beside each other.

"We have been quite crazy," he remarked. "Yeah." Then she realized something. "Hey, you never felt me up!"

She felt the shake of his laughter. "I fear it is late for that."

"No, it isn't! Here, do it now!" She grabbed for his hand and hauled it to her breast. "Squeeze!"

He squeezed, gently. "Do you know, it does give me pleasure, even at this moment when my s.e.xual urgency has been sated."

"So maybe you really do love me."

"So maybe I do," he echoed.

She caught his hand again, guiding it to her other breast. "Every one of my Johns, he was hot to kiss me and feel me before, but once he got his meat in, that was all, he just wanted to be outa there. How come it's different now?"

"Because we did it for love."

"Oh, Roque, can you say it now?"

"I think perhaps I can, foolish though I know it to be."

"Say it! Oh, say it!"

"I love you. Vita," he said.

"I love you, Roque." She had thrilled to his presence, and to their dialogue, and to their culmination, but the thrill she felt now was deeper and finer than any of these. "Promise me you won't change your mind in the morning!"

"You know I cannot promise that. Vita. In the morning the full realization of my folly will be upon me."

"Well, it won't be on me! I could stay here like this forever!"

"So could I, Vita. But morning will come despite us."

Morning did come. Vita did not remember sleeping, just lying there holding his hand to her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, but now the light was filtering in past the cabin curtains. Roque was in his bathrobe, clean-shaven, his hair combed.

He saw her stirring. "Perhaps I should absent myself while you clean up and dress," he said.

She felt her hair plastered to her face in sodden hanks. They had sweated last night! "I must be a sight!"

"You are beautiful." He walked toward the door.

She scrambled up, heedless of her nakedness, and ran to him. "Don't go, Roque! I've got this notion that if you do, you'll never come back! You'll realize it was all a terrible mistake, and you'll resolve to never let it happen again and I'll lose you forever!"

"Well-"

She caught him and tore open his robe, then plastered herself against him. "Please, please, please, Roque, this is all the time we have. I swear I'll behave when we're back in the city, let me be your nymphet now!"

"You are trying to seduce me!" he exclaimed with mock outrage.

"Anything you want, Roque! I've been waiting all my life for right now, and I'll never have another time like this. I've got to make the most of it! I love you, I love you!"

"And I love you-even in the morning," he said, and she knew she had won.

"Don't forget to feel me," she reminded him.

"You are amazing," he said, running his hand over her b.u.t.tocks.

Soon they were into s.e.x again. She didn't think of it as making love, because this entire experience was an unremitting making of love; the s.e.x was only its most emphatic manifestation.

Jolie woke from the vision of the memory. "The whole vacation?" she asked, flabbergasted. "Solid s.e.x? You were more than naughty!"

Solid love, Oriene corrected. I thought I was going to have a limited affair with him, for the benefit of Vita, but she wound up doing it herself.

You liked it too! Vita put in.

I liked it too, Oriene agreed. I stayed out of it, overtly, but really I did partic.i.p.ate. We were wanton! That poor man hardly got any rest at all. Now we leave the pieces for you to pick up.

Jolie tried to be angry, but this vision was too fresh and strong, too full of the delight of abandon. She remembered her seduction of Parry when he was a friar. How sweet it had been-but with what a consequence!

Unfortunately this, too, would have a consequence. Now Jolie remembered something she seemed to have forgotten. "I must tell you something I learned," she subvocalized. "You must not repeat this to any mortal. We want .to consider Judge Scott as a candidate to become an Incarnation. This means that I shall be observing him to decide to what degree he qualifies. But--"

Oh, no! Orlene thought. And we just caused him to sin!

"Gaea disagrees. She feels that natural, consenting love is no sin, and if it is to be considered such, then the definitions of sin need amending."

Yes! Orlene agreed. He is a good man. he deserves an Office!

But if he should become an Incarnation, Vita asked, what would become of him?

"He would step into an immortal plane and leave his ordinary mortal existence behind. He would no longer age, or be vulnerable to mortal mishap."

So then he wouldn't be interested in any nymphet.

Jolie saw her point. "You knew this could not be permanent, Vita. In fact, it could not extend beyond your one wild fling. So that wouldn't make any difference to you."

Yes, it would! I want to be near him always!

"However, if there should be any longer-term relations.h.i.+p, it is not unknown for Incarnations to retain them," Jolie continued. "I maintain a relations.h.i.+p with an Incarnation, though I am a ghost, and Luna Kaftan maintains one with the Incarnation of Death."