The Alchemist Part 15

KAS. I have heard all their tricks told me twice over, By the fat knight and the lean gentleman.

LOVE. Here comes another.

[ENTER ANANIAS AND TRIBULATION.]

FACE. Ananias too! And his pastor!

TRI [BEATING AT THE DOOR]. The doors are shut against us.

ANA. Come forth, you seed of sulphur, sons of fire! Your stench it is broke forth; abomination Is in the house.

KAS. Ay, my suster's there.

ANA. The place, It is become a cage of unclean birds.

KAS. Yes, I will fetch the scavenger, and the constable.

TRI. You shall do well.

ANA. We'll join to weed them out.

KAS. You will not come then, punk devise, my sister!

ANA. Call her not sister; she's a harlot verily.

KAS. I'll raise the street.

LOVE. Good gentlemen, a word.

ANA. Satan avoid, and hinder not our zeal!

[EXEUNT ANA., TRIB., AND KAST.]

LOVE. The world's turn'd Bethlem.

FACE. These are all broke loose, Out of St. Katherine's, where they use to keep The better sort of mad-folks.

1 NEI. All these persons We saw go in and out here.

2 NEI. Yes, indeed, sir.

3 NEI. These were the parties.

FACE. Peace, you drunkards! Sir, I wonder at it: please you to give me leave To touch the door, I'll try an the lock be chang'd.

LOVE. It mazes me!

FACE [GOES TO THE DOOR]. Good faith, sir, I believe There's no such thing: 'tis all deceptio visus. -- [ASIDE.] Would I could get him away.

DAP [WITHIN]. Master captain! master doctor!

LOVE. Who's that?

FACE. Our clerk within, that I forgot! [ASIDE.] I know not, sir.

DAP [WITHIN]. For G.o.d's sake, when will her grace be at leisure?

FACE. Ha! Illusions, some spirit o' the air -- [ASIDE.] His gag is melted, And now he sets out the throat.

DAP [WITHIN]. I am almost stifled -- FACE [ASIDE]. Would you were altogether.

LOVE. 'Tis in the house. Ha! list.

FACE. Believe it, sir, in the air.

LOVE. Peace, you.

DAP [WITHIN]. Mine aunt's grace does not use me well.

SUB [WITHIN]. You fool, Peace, you'll mar all.

FACE [SPEAKS THROUGH THE KEYHOLE, WHILE LOVEWIT ADVANCES TO THE DOOR Un.o.bSERVED]. Or you will else, you rogue.

LOVE. O, is it so? Then you converse with spirits! -- Come, sir. No more of your tricks, good Jeremy. The truth, the shortest way.

FACE. Dismiss this rabble, sir. -- [ASIDE.] What shall I do? I am catch'd.

LOVE. Good neighbours, I thank you all. You may depart. [EXEUNT NEIGHBOURS.] -- Come, sir, You know that I am an indulgent master; And therefore conceal nothing. What's your medicine, To draw so many several sorts of wild fowl?

FACE. Sir, you were wont to affect mirth and wit -- But here's no place to talk on't in the street. Give me but leave to make the best of my fortune, And only pardon me the abuse of your house: It's all I beg. I'll help you to a widow, In recompence, that you shall give me thanks for, Will make you seven years younger, and a rich one. 'Tis but your putting on a Spanish cloak: I have her within. You need not fear the house; It was not visited.

LOVE. But by me, who came Sooner than you expected.

FACE. It is true, sir. 'Pray you forgive me.

LOVE. Well: let's see your widow.

[EXEUNT.]

SCENE 5.2.

A ROOM IN THE SAME.

ENTER SUBTLE, LEADING IN DAPPER, WITH HIS EYES BOUND AS BEFORE.

SUB. How! you have eaten your gag?

DAP. Yes faith, it crumbled Away in my mouth.

SUB. You have spoil'd all then.

DAP. No! I hope my aunt of Fairy will forgive me.

SUB. Your aunt's a gracious lady; but in troth You were to blame.

DAP. The fume did overcome me, And I did do't to stay my stomach. 'Pray you So satisfy her grace. [ENTER FACE, IN HIS UNIFORM.] Here comes the captain.

FACE. How now! is his mouth down?

SUB. Ay, he has spoken!

FACE. A pox, I heard him, and you too. -- He's undone then. -- I have been fain to say, the house is haunted With spirits, to keep churl back.

SUB. And hast thou done it?

FACE. Sure, for this night.

SUB. Why, then triumph and sing Of Face so famous, the precious king Of present wits.

FACE. Did you not hear the coil About the door?

SUB. Yes, and I dwindled with it.

FACE. Show him his aunt, and let him be dispatch'd: I'll send her to you.

[EXIT FACE.]

SUB. Well, sir, your aunt her grace Will give you audience presently, on my suit, And the captain's word that you did not eat your gag In any contempt of her highness.

[UNBINDS HIS EYES.]

DAP. Not I, in troth, sir.

[ENTER DOL, LIKE THE QUEEN OF FAIRY.]

SUB. Here she is come. Down o' your knees and wriggle: She has a stately presence. [DAPPER KNEELS, AND SHUFFLES TOWARDS HER.] Good! Yet nearer, And bid, G.o.d save you!

DAP. Madam!

SUB. And your aunt.

DAP. And my most gracious aunt, G.o.d save your grace.

DOL. Nephew, we thought to have been angry with you; But that sweet face of yours hath turn'd the tide, And made it flow with joy, that ebb'd of love. Arise, and touch our velvet gown.

SUB. The skirts, And kiss 'em. So!

DOL. Let me now stroak that head. "Much, nephew, shalt thou win, much shalt thou spend, Much shalt thou give away, much shalt thou lend."

SUB [ASIDE]. Ay, much! indeed. -- Why do you not thank her grace?

DAP. I cannot speak for joy.

SUB. See, the kind wretch! Your grace's kinsman right.

DOL. Give me the bird. Here is your fly in a purse, about your neck, cousin; Wear it, and feed it about this day sev'n-night, On your right wrist -- SUB. Open a vein with a pin, And let it suck but once a week; till then, You must not look on't.

DOL. No: and kinsman, Bear yourself worthy of the blood you come on.

SUB. Her grace would have you eat no more Woolsack pies, Nor Dagger frumety.

DOL. Nor break his fast In Heaven and h.e.l.l.

SUB. She's with you every where! Nor play with costarmongers, at mum-chance, tray-trip, G.o.d make you rich; (when as your aunt has done it); But keep The gallant'st company, and the best games -- DAP. Yes, sir.

SUB. Gleek and primero; and what you get, be true to us.

DAP. By this hand, I will.

SUB. You may bring's a thousand pound Before to-morrow night, if but three thousand Be stirring, an you will.

DAP. I swear I will then.

SUB. Your fly will learn you all games.

FACE [WITHIN]. Have you done there?

SUB. Your grace will command him no more duties?

DOL. No: But come, and see me often. I may chance To leave him three or four hundred chests of treasure, And some twelve thousand acres of fairy land, If he game well and comely with good gamesters.

SUB. There's a kind aunt! kiss her departing part. -- But you must sell your forty mark a year, now.

DAP. Ay, sir, I mean.

SUB. Or, give't away; pox on't!

DAP. I'll give't mine aunt. I'll go and fetch the writings.

[EXIT.]

SUB. 'Tis well -- away!

[RE-ENTER FACE.]

FACE. Where's Subtle?

SUB. Here: what news?