Channel's Destiny Part 17

On top of all the other agonized knowledge came the realization that Owen, the closest person to him in his life now, would never be able to understand all the things that were real to his Sime senses. Perhaps that was the worst knowledge of all.

Eventually, Zeth calmed down enough to be thankful that he had not been demonstrating transfer in the chapel when his grief overwhelmed him. And when the Veritts came in, he was able to apologize for breaking the marble candle holder, the wall, and the lip of the bathtub. But he couldn't shake off depression and foreboding. Only when he was busy learning to channel could he temporarily forgeta"but then he would zlin new deterioration in his father or feel in Abel the certainty that bespoke the final make-or-break fulfillment of his vow, and it would all come back. The sudden shock of his mother's death, as painful as it was, was easier to live with than the long, agonizing deterioration his father was undergoing. He could not yet grieve for him, but every time he saw him he felt more certain that was the only appropriate response.

He threw himself into learning the duties of a channel, Owen learning with him. Drawing selyn from Gens was easya"what he found hard was giving transfer. He mastered controlling selyn flow, but Jord and Del insisted that selyn was not enough to satisfy a Sime in needa"he had to give emotional satisfaction. He tried to reproduce the intense pleasure of his transfers with Owen, until Uel said, "All right, Zetha"you're as good as I was in my first months of channeling. We'll schedule the young people for you." Unspoken, Zeth realized, was those who have never killed.

Eventually, Zeth would have to witness a kill. But there was an unspoken agreement throughout Fort Freedom that harsh winter that every Sime would refrain from the kill as long as possible. The proximity of Slina's pen Gens had made them, if not people, at least too much like pets to make slaughtering them easy. The snow and freezing rain made rebuilding the pens slow; even Slina's new Gens were kept in the Old Fort, where everyone encountered them daily.

Only a handful of the town Simes were still with them. The spoken agreement was that any one of them could have a kill if he felt he could not stand channel's transfer again. But, for the time being, the unspoken agreement prevailed.

Despite the bad weather, there was considerable travel across the border. The out-Territory Gens accepted the precautions prescribed by the channels and their Sime relatives, and people began talking of this year's turning as a world's turning, toward a whole new way of life.

Glian Lodge came to trade for horses with Del Erick. The two men spent hours hagglinga"and in a short while became fast friends. Owen was delighted, and began dropping hints that if Eph Norton planned to come to visit his son, he might consider bringing his daughter Sue along.

Maddok Bron hoped to get home in time for Mountain Chapel's own year's turning ceremony, but he overtired himself, and his kidney infection flared up again. His sister stayed with him, soon becoming as much at home among Simes as he was. Sessly Bron was a Gen version of Margid Veritta" quiet, supportive, and often unnoticed until she wasn't around when you expected her.

Zeth's sensitivity pa.s.sed Uel's, having left both Jord and Marji behind in his first month, but he was still the youngest, least experienced channel. How can I become the best channel I can be without Dad to teach me?

One cold, clear morning, Zeth's forebodings were realized. He and Owen were trying to help Marji and Jord convince Rimon to eat. Jord, on the edge of need, was supervising the two younger channels, while Zeth struggled against his personal depression.

Hank and Uel arriveda"and at once Uel said, "Jord, I don't want you worn out before your transfer this afternoon. Zeth, take Jord home and see that he lies down."

Knowing perfectly well that he was being sent away because his mood was irritating Rimon as much as lord's need was, Zeth took Jord's arm and guided him out, Owen following. They pa.s.sed through the back rooms of the chapel, past the open kitchen door. Sessly, helping to prepare gruel for Slina's Gens, looked up as they pa.s.sed. "Jord?" She came to the door in concern, wiping her hands on her ap.r.o.n.

He raised a hand, warning her back, and said, "I'm all right. Just tired and in need. I'll have transfer this afternoon, and then if you still want to donatea"''

"You know I do," she said 'firmly. "Take care of him, Zeth," she said with a smile, and turned back to her work.

They headed for the front door, pa.s.sing Abel Veritt kneeling at his morning's prayers.

It was a beautiful day, the sky brilliant blue, no clouds for a change. The most recent snow was melting in the sun, turning the pathways to ridged mud. Slina was taking advantage of the clear day to get her Gens into the fresh aira"a whole group of them were being exercised on the green, their nager more lively than usual because their morning drug dose would be dispensed in the gruel.

As Zeth, Owen, and Jord came down the front steps, Sessly Bron and Mrs. Young came out the side door of the chapel, bringing a huge pot of gruel surrounded by wooden bowls, on a wheeled cart. The Sime woman helped Sessly lift and push the cart over the thresholda"but just as they got it out, a rut caught one of the wheels and a stack of bowls fell off into the mud.

"What a mess!" said Mrs. Young. "You go ahead, Sessly. I'll run back and wash these off." She gathered the bowls up and headed back into the chapel.

Zeth paid no attention, for in the morning light he was noticing the unpainted wood that marked the repairs to the wall and nearby houses. The beautiful day only served to throw the problems of Fort Freedom into high relief.

But as they walked on, a surge of the ambient, off beyond the milling pen Gens, caught Zeth's attention. As the flare of intil heightened, he recognized the field of Bekka Trent, the out-Territory Sime who was nearing her disjunction crisis. What had Uel said? She was due for transfer tomorrow, and he had put her to worka"?

No, Margid Veritt had put Bekka to doing laundry, off on the other side of the Fort, away from the Gensa"but here she came, her small form moving determinedly straight toward that mob of pen Gens.

The important thing was to get temptation out of her way. "Risko!" Zeth shouted to Slina's man. "Get those Gens back! High-intil Sime approaching!"

As Risko and the others herded the Gens out of Bekka's way, they cleared a direct path between the oncoming Sime and Sessly Bron. lord gasped, "Sessly!" and started toward her under augmentation. Zeth caught up easily, leaving Owen behind.

Sessly's field registered only surprise and curiosity, not shock or fear. She and her cart were between Bekka and the chapel. Bekka pulled up short, dark eyes staring from Sessly to the chapel. Then her eyes drifted out of focus as she zlinned the Gen before her.

Zeth came to a stop, catching Jord back. lord whispered, "Oh, G.o.d, no!" but held steady. They had to keep Sessly from becoming frightened. The two channels cautiously walked the last few paces. Just as Owen came up behind them, Wik came pounding to a breathless halt behind Bekka.

Forcing his voice to be utterly calm, Zeth said, "Sessly, go in and get Uel Whelan."

She started to obey, but the moment she let go of the cart handle, Bekka began stalking her. "Stop, Sessly," Zeth said. "Stand still. I'll take care of it."

How?! was the only thing in his mind, but he forced himself to think. Uel and Marji were in Rimon's heavily insulated room; they'd have no idea what was going on. Jord was in need and flaring fear; he was in no shape to handle a disjunction crisis. And if Bekka was fixed on Sessly, that was exactly what Zeth had before him.

He had to make Bekka choose him over Sessly. Healing mode, then project like a Gena"high field, the need to give. Bekka wavered, and became duoconscious so she could look at him, her small heart-shaped face tense with indecision. "Come ona"I'll give you transfer, Bekka. It's what you really want. You were looking for Abel, weren't you? To pray with you? It's .what you've been praying for. Never to kill again. No more paina"no more guilt. Come to me, Bekka."

In a strange clarity of consciousness, Zeth was aware not only of Bekka before him, and Sessly, Jord, Owen, and Wik nearby, but also of other people watching, fascinated. Abel and Uel came out of the chapel, with Mrs. Young and her son Hapen. Uel zlinned the situation, but the more experienced channel dared not interrupt the rapport Zeth was creating. On the other side of the green Slina stood, joined by other Simes who had never seen disjunction before.

Zeth started around the wheeled cart, not toward Sessly, but around the other end. If he could keep Bekka's attention, Jord could s.n.a.t.c.h Sessly out of the waya"

As if she read his intention, Bekka turned toward Sessly once more. How could Zeth make his field more appealing? He was radiating the desire to serve hera"but what the junct Sime craved was not generosity, but fear. Fear was easy enougha"all he had to do was stop fighting it. At once Bekka turned, stalking a pace or two toward him. Again she stopped, deliberately resisting. She doesn't want to respond to fear. He smiled at her. "It's all right. You've won, Bekka. You don't want to kill a Gena"you just need selyn. Come herea"I'll give it to you."

Bekka's resistance crumbled. She flung herself on Zeth, pressing her lips desperately to his even before their laterals were properly entwined. He let her draw, feeling her fight for something he wasn't giving, unsatisfied even though selyn flowed into her nerves without resistancea"it was resistance she craved. That he could provide, and in a few moments more, Bekka Trent was sobbing in relief. He held her, saying, "You did it, Bekka. It's all over nowa"you'll never go through that again."

People started to move. Wik came up to Zeth and Bekka, saying, ''She ran away from me, Zeth. I'm sorry."

"It turned out all right," said Zeth as Owen joined them. He looked toward Sessly, just as Jord, uns.h.i.+elded by any Companion, started toward her.

In the relief after the crisis, Sessly let go the steely hold she had had on her emotions, and her fear flared. Jord, in need, fought down his responsea"it took all that was left of his fragile strength, and he collapsed at her feet.

"Jord!" she gasped, dropping to her knees beside him. "What happened?" as Uel and Abel dashed to the fallen channel. Zeth thrust Bekka into Wik's arms and hurried to lord.

It was the first time Zeth had seen one of Jord's voiding attacksa"particularly dangerous when he was in hard need. Uel meshed fields with lord, and almost savagely forced him to consciousness so they dared move him. Zeth pulled Sessly Bron away, saying, "You can't help him now, Sessly. Your sympathy could cause him to fix on you."

Mrs. Young came up to them, saying, "Come on, Sessly. Help us with the Gens. Let the channels do their work."

In the back of the chapel, they laid lord down and Uel bent over him. "Get Hank," he said. There was a moment of uncertainty; then Uel said, "Zeth, you'll have to help me," and Abel turned and went for Uel's Companion.

Hank came quickly; alone. Then Zeth was zlinning the way Uel took a grip on Jord's fields and forcefully restrained the leakage of selyn. Jord's secondary system, much higher than his primary system today, had begun the voiding, but by the time they got him into the insulated room, selyn had begun to leak from his primary. No one knew if it was possible, without an actual injury, for a Sime to void to deatha"but Zeth recalled that the only reason they had never found out in Jord's case was Rimon Farris.

At the surge of apprehension from Zeth, Uel nodded gravely. "Pray you have Rimon's sheer strength, Zeth. Do what I was doing, and see if you can stop the voiding."

Jord's fields were fragmenting, both from the voiding and from the rough treatment Uel had had to use. Zeth swallowed the lump in his throat as Owen placed his hand on Zeth's shoulder, providing secure confidence. He tried to influence Jord's fields, but Jord's resistance took the form of fragmenting further, his fields a tenuous cloud.

Zeth stopped his attempt at pressure. Spreading his laterals above the p.r.o.ne form, he extended his show-field to surround Jord's. After a moment, Jord's field relaxed and began drifting toward normal. Through all of this, Jord was semiconscious, not exactly in pain, but settling deeper and deeper into the agony of hard need. As Zeth managed the fields for him, Jord came down to duoconsciousness. "Sessly?"

"She's fine," said Zeth. "Rest, Jord. n.o.body got hurt. And Bekka's through disjunction."

"Thank G.o.d," Jord managed, and relief pervaded his nager, speeding his progress in the direction of normalcy.

When Uel judged that Jord was ready, he had Zeth reinforce his containment of Jord's fields while Uel gave him transfera"or rather drove transfer into him, for Jord made no effort to draw. Zeth studied carefully how Uel attempted to give Jord the satisfaction he craved as much as the selyn he neededa"but Jord rejected the emotion. His strength, thougha" what little there ever was of ita"had returned. He refused to sleep, resting only a few minutes before getting on his feet again. "I've put enough of a cloud over Bekka's triumph. Come ona"there's celebrating to do!"

Although Jord's cheer might stem from pure bravado, there was no pretense in the joy the channels found when they came out. In the chapel proper they found Abel with Bekka, Maddok and Sessly Bron, and Jimmy Norton, who had witnessed the crisis. Bekka's joy was almost matched by Abel's when he saw his son. A ripple of relieved pleasure went through Sessly's nager when Jord walked in, but Maddok Bron's field was a mixture of concern, hope, and resistance to whatever Abel had been telling him.

Jimmy Norton was looking at Bekka wors.h.i.+pfullya"and when Zeth entered, the feeling focused on Zeth as well. "I'm going to do what Bekka did," he said. "I'm going to leave the kill behind. Zetha"will you help me?"

"Of course I will. Everyone here will help you."

"We will pray for you, and with you," Abel added.

"On that we all agree," said Maddok Bron. "Jimmy, we'll take you out of the grip of the Devila""

"Maddok, he will take himself," interrupted Abel. "Your prayers and your encouragement are welcomea"but every Sime must make his own commitment to refuse the kill."

Thus it was no surprise to Zeth, when the bell had been rung and everyone was gathered in the chapel, that Abel had a new statement to make. "Like many of you here with us today, Bekka Trent grew up in Gen Territory. She believed that to be Sime was to be curseda"but she had the courage to refuse that curse. To refuse the kill.

"G.o.d has blessed Bekka Trent, as He has blessed this community. Never before in history has a community of Gens made friends with a community of Simes. The only way we can continue that friends.h.i.+p is to guarantee their safety among us:a"to end the kill, forever. When we have done that we can tell the trutha"the entire trutha"to Simes and Gens alike, to dispel the superst.i.tious fear that brought the Freehand Raiders down on us."

Abel's voice and his field rang with conviction. "There will be no more equivocation. No more careful wording to hide what is or what must be. Truth will prevail!

"Nine years ago, I made a vow. As G.o.d is my witness, I shall not die a killer. I gave no thought to the wording of that vow. In nine years, I have killed eleven timesa"and yet I have said I am not forsworn. I still live. I live for the day when no Sime's need will be a need to kill. To bring that day about, there must be a new vow. I do not ask it of any of you todaya"but I pray that one day each and every one of you will vow it, before G.o.d, as I do now. It does not matter whether you have killed never, or once, or a hundred times. What matters is a future in which everyone, Sime and Gen, is in control of his own destiny. To that end, I make a new vow: "As G.o.d is my witness, I shall never kill again!"

Chapter 10.

Carried away with Abel Veritt's joyous dedication, Zeth was amazed to feel utter horror from Owen. Incredulously, he realized that Owen didn't think Abel could keep his vow. If only he could zlin! Bekka Trent's feeling that morning was nothing toward Abel's. He whispered to his Companion, "He's really going to do it, Owen. You can't feela""

"Yes I can!" Owen returned in an agonized hiss. "He'll die, Zeth!"

But the despair that had gripped Zeth since his second transfer was gone nowa"the sorrow he sensed in all the Companions merely made him pity their inability to share what all the Simes in the chapel knew that daya"all except Jord, whose field also showed worry and sadness, probably because he didn't trust himself to join in his father's vow.

But Zeth could join in. He might not feel the personal presence of G.o.d the way Abel Veritt apparently did, but his vow was no less heartfelt: I will never kill. Never!

As they left the chapel, Zeth caught traces of community feeling even from the town Simes. As he and Owen stepped outside, Slina came over to them, her little girl at her side.

"I seen what you done this morning, Zeth," she said. "For a minute I thought it was your father out there, pus.h.i.+n' my men around. Born leader."

Before Zeth could a.s.similate that, Slina was off on another topic. "Zeth, your dad don't killa"you don't killa"the old man there, he'd do anything not to killa"an' you're all good people. You folks are the only reason there's still a town here. You bailed me out more times than I can thinka""

"And you've always helped us, too, Slina," said Zeth.

"Yeah, well, you don't return favors, you don't get none. s.h.i.+doni. I'm too old to change now. But change is comin'.

An' my kida"" She pulled the little girl forward. "My Mona, shea"oh, shen it, Zeth, I want her to be better off than me!"

The child studied Zeth solemnly with piercing black eyes, disturbingly familiar. Slina squatted down to talk to the girl, pus.h.i.+ng a lock of black hair back off her forehead. "This here's Zeth Farrisa"you remember him? Well, he's a channel now. Mona, you know what changeover is?"

"Yeah," said the girl. "You grow upa"turn Sime."

"That's right. Well, when that happens, you come to Zeth, so you don't kill."

"You're not goin' away, Ma!"

"No, honeya"just my usual trips. Now quit that!" as tears ran down the girl's cheeks. "You promise me!"

Mona looked up at Zeth, and then back at her mother. "I promise, Ma," she said, throwing her arms about Slina's neck. "I'm gonna be just like Zeth!" Slina stood, picking her up, and with an embarra.s.sed shrug headed back to the temporary quarters of her pen, saying, "Well, maybe so, but no matter what, Zeth will take care of you."

The afternoon was spent trying to straighten out the transfer schedule, which had started late because of the problems with Rimon. Bekka's disjunction, Jord's problems, and the ceremony in the chapel had thrown them even later, but at least Jord was at work again now, hours earlya"and Zeth, his gloom dispelled, also rejoined the schedule. He found it slightly annoying though, that three Simes scheduled for him told him with varying degrees of diplomacy that as long as Jord was unexpectedly available they'd "really rather ..."

It was not a new story. Everybody used to clamor for Rimon, but now that he was not functioning, the choice of all the older Simes was Jord. Zeth could see the pattern: the younger Simes, those who had never killed, had little preference among Uel, Marji, or Zeth. But those who killed occasionally, and even those who had disjuncted, preferred something Jord could give them that the others could not.

Still, Zeth was busy. When he was done he stopped to see his father again. Rimon had fallen into a coma-like sleep, completely unnatural for a Sime. Abel said, "He used to get like this before he disjuncted," the gloom in his nager contrasting with the guarded hope of the channels.

Zeth and Owen had begun work before dawn that morning, and it was hours after dark when they got back to the Veritt house. Owen barely managed to eat supper without falling asleep. Zeth put him to bed, and slept for a few hours, waking after midnight, wanting a cup of tea.

Zeth went down the hall, and was about to enter the main room when he suddenly realized there were two people in it: Sessly Bron and Jord Veritt. She was seated in Abel's big armchair; he was sitting on the rug at her feet, his head resting against her knees. Her hand was on his shoulder, and he had placed his hand over it. They were sitting very, very still, completely absorbed in one another. And Sessly was low-field.

"... and if he dies trying to disjunct," Jord was saying, "who will hold Fort Freedom together? I can't. I never could, and now as a channel, I'm too busy. I'm not even a very good channel," he added bitterly.

"Of course you are!" said Sessly. "I couldn't have donated to anyone else, Jord. Not after what you did todaya"to save my life."

"You should never have been in danger from me! I'm a channela"I'm supposed to give life, not take it."

"Jord, you refused toa""

"You don't understand, Sessly. I didn't kill todaya"but I'll come into crisis again, and then I'lla""

"No!" she said, leaning down, her arm across his chest, holding him tightly. "Never again, Jord. We'll keep the demon off."

"It feels like a demon," Jord said. "I used to believe in demonsa"buta"oh, it would be so easy . . . !"

"Believe it!" she whispered fiercely. "Let me help you!"

"No," he said flatly, but Sessly obviously felt what Zeth could zlin: there was no conviction whatsoever in the word.

Grasping control of his show-field, hoping that Jord was too involved in his own thoughts to notice him, Zeth retreated silently to the room he shared with Owen. There he wrapped himself in a blanket and sat down, getting madder by the minute. If Jord were tempted to abdicate responsibility for his actions, how could other juncts resist Maddok Bron's claims? No one would ever disjunct again. His frustration grew until Owen turned restlessly, mumbling in his sleep. Then Zeth turned his mind to ways to disprove the theory. But who will listen to me?

One eager listener was Jimmy Norton. In fact, the next day Jimmy sought Zeth out, promising to break the habits he had learned among the Freehand Raiders. He had been wasting selyn augmenting, making a nuisance of himself. Ever since Fort Freedom had been built there had been a firm rule: no augmenting within the gates. Bowling over Gens or children in a fit of high spirits was not to be tolerated.

But after Bekka's disjunction, Jimmy was a different person. "Zeth, I want transfer from you from now on."

"Jimmy, we've got you scheduled for Jord, becausea""

"I know why, and I don't want that! Please, Zeth, help make it safe for me to be around my father or my sister without three other people to grab me if I try to kill one of them!" He blinked back tears. "I'm never going to kill again. I swore that with Mr. Veritt. I want to be like you, Zeth. Oh, G.o.d, how I wisha"" He broke off, setting his jaw firmly. "It's my responsibility. Bekka decided not to killa"I zlinned it all. If she can do it, I can do it."

"I'll do everything I can to help you, Jimmy," said Zeth, thinking, If a Freehand Raider can disjunct by his own will, that should prove there Is no demon.

Even with Jimmy Norton on his schedule, Zeth's simulation of killbliss did not improve, creating great difficulties in juggling the schedule. He could handle the sheer numbers of transfers his father had, but he could not satisfy all his father's clients.

"You're afraid of the kill," said Owen after another session in which the complaint had been raised against Zeth. "Why are you so frightened? You won't be tempted to kill. Even if you were, you don't think I'd let you?"