Spring Once More Chapter 2

 chapter 2

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Chapter Two

“Indeed, we have done something wrong.” An old gentleman in a black windbreaker on  gives me an overly friendly smile and then turns to yell at two figures who are cowering on the ground. “You’ve done this for tens of thousands of years, and you still commit such an elementary mistake! I made it exceptionally clear it’s that young master X, son of the XX, who drives a black BMW. And what do you strike? A pegreen Chery! Black! Pegreen! Are you colour-blind?! Is a Chery on the same level as a BMW, you two s.h.i.+theads?!”

Right after I’d arrived, I howled up a storm and vented all my anger. Seeing that these reapers appear rather sincere, I loosen my grip on the old gentleman’s collar and sit with my legs crossed arrogantly on the bridge pier. “Hey, granddad, since you’ve struck the wrong person, you should send me back before they push me into the morgue.”

The chief of King Yan’s Divine Retribution Department beams even more charmingly. “My lad, I’m so sorry about my two useless subordinates here. We are King Yan’s Divine Retribution Department, and our job is to punish evildoers who do not receive their rightful punishment in the mortal world…”

“You already introduced yourselves when I first got here.”

“We were supposed to strike that young master X who enticed, raped, and then murdered more than ten girls. Your car was driving ahead of his, and there was a slight lapse of judgment…”

“I get it. But we’re cool as long as you send me back with a little extra luck in the wealth and women department.”

“Heavenly judgment is the most serious punishment of our Divine Retribution Department. It’s equivalent to an execution by firing squad in the human realm. What makes this punishment so amazing is that it will obliterate every last piece of flesh and bone…”

“Yes, yes, I know all that, but time is precious. Just let me go back…” Wait, I think I heard a keyword… It suddenly hits me, and I shoot to my feet and grab the chief by his collar. “Every last piece of flesh and bone?!”

The gentleman nods, forcing a laugh. “Son… I’m so sorry.”

What the h.e.l.l!

A long while later, I sit back down on the bridge pier, crossing my legs.

The workers of the Divine Retribution Department, who seem to still have a shred of conscience, let me take another look at the human world. Only a sc.r.a.p of femur remains of my body, and police officers use it to identify the corpse. My pitiful Chery has turned into a pile of burnt carbon. I cry, I cry for the 28,000 yuan that I earned through working myself to the bone.

A short while later, the Ministry of Public Security reports my death to my family. The son they raised for twenty years has been reduced to a piece of a femur and finally receives his fifteen minutes of fame by going on the headlines. Thankfully, they get a huge payout from my life insurance and still have my little brother, Xiao-s.h.i.+, to carry on the family name... I wonder if Yan Ni will shed a tear or two for me.

The old chief discusses this matter with me saying he will send me to be reincarnated and born into a good life. But I reject him without a second thought.

d.a.m.n, it hasn’t exactly been easy for me to grow up from diapers to adulthood. How can I let these decades of hard work be destroyed so easily?

After negotiating with him, there remains only one feasible proposal which is to place me in a good body that has thoroughly enjoyed life yet will die young enough that it’ll have more mileage for me to take over.

I’m straightforward with my conditions: rich, handsome, with an ill.u.s.trious family background and a continuous stream of babes hanging around him.

The chief and his two reapers flip through a volume and study it carefully.

“Son, this one doesn’t seem too bad. He’s the chairman of the x.x.x Corporation in the USA and is known for his good looks. He also has a mistress who is a Hollywood star!”

I turn the volume around to take a look. “What! He’s already sixty-nine this year. Are you sending me back just to live for three more years?!”

As a result, I add another important condition— he must be young!

The chief leafs through for a long while and then sighs, “There’s only one who meets your requirements.”

I p.r.i.c.k up my ear. “Alright, give it to me.”

“Prince Tai of the Daxing Dynasty.”

“Daxing Dynasty? Sounds like one of those ancient dynasties, but why haven’t I heard of it?”

The chief doesn’t sound too surprised. “There are many that haven’t been written down in historical records.”

“Name and age?”

“Chai Rong, twenty-one years old.”

Pa.s.sable, at best.

“Anything else?”

“He’s exceptionally handsome and holds great power, and he has dozens of beauties hanging off him. We only just reaped his soul yesterday, so his body is fresh. I guarantee you won’t regret taking his body.” The sincerity on the chief’s wrinkled face is something even the heavens and earth could attest to.

Mmhmm, that actually sounds pretty good. The chief throws an arm around my shoulder. “Son, this is a great vessel - one in a million. If not for our grave error, we wouldn’t let anyone use it to return to life. I can even increase the length of your youth and predestined life-span. Make a decision quickly. You know the procedures of the past: once the body enters the coffin, it’s too late. Make your choice now. Yes or no?”

I consider for a moment and then give a hesitant nod. Delighted, the chief pulls me up. “Now, now, hurry along. I’ll send you back myself.”

I stand next to a well and stick my head out for a look. A blurry scene appears on the surface of the water with white, the colour of mourning, everywhere, similar to the funeral I’ve seen in historical dramas. The department chief makes all sorts of crazy gestures at the water. “Look, look, once all the joss paper in the funeral pavilion is burnt, they’re going to nail the coffin closed. Quickly, get down there!”

I suddenly thought of something. “How did this Prince Tai die?”

The chief responds, mumbling vaguely, “He committed too many sins and he was … while he was… ”

“Wh?” Alarm bells go off in my brain, and I am about to demand more details when I am abruptly given a hard shove on the back as the old gentleman hollers, “There’s only one bundle of joss paper left. Hurry!”

I stumble, falling head-first.