Outside The Ropes: OtherSide Of Fear Part 23

Gage scooted close to me in the back of the town car driving us from the airport. His arm slid over my shoulder as he pulled me close. "This weekend should be good, give us a break from the city, maybe get your mind off everything."

I could feel him staring at me. My constant headache began to throb, knowing his eyes were on me waiting for something, for some response. Something more than the barely there answers and excuses Id given all week.

My arms slid around his waist, and I squeezed him, soaking up his warmth and clean scent. "Im sorry. I-I know Ive been off. I just-Im going to let it go." Every word felt like a lie, like a betrayal. But how could I tell him His palm moved up and down my arm, his cheek resting on my head. "You dont need to apologize. I know the news was hard. You never wanted to think about your past and then when you do, it turns out bad. Its okay. I shouldnt have taken you there."

"Lets go back to not talking about it, please."

He kissed my head. "Okay. Whatever you want."

His gentle words only made me feel that much worse. That much lower. But each moment that pa.s.sed after we left the prison made it harder to say. Now if I spoke, Id have to explain why I didnt tell him to start.

I had to let it go.

"More gravy?" Gage raised an eyebrow at his brother. "Youre the one fighting tomorrow, right?"

Dexter let his head fall back, gravy boat in one hand. "Dont even start with me. I know what Im doing."

Gage raised a hand. "I told you we should have had our Thanksgiving dinner Sat.u.r.day instead."

"Oh we are. Were having deep fried turkey then, with stuffing, and pie, and sweet potatoes, and Im going to gorge. But Ive been d.a.m.n good with my diet this past month, youd be proud. None of those cheats I use to do."

Leona rolled her lips in between her teeth, biting back a smile as she tore up pieces of turkey for Felix in his high chair.

Dexters hand went out quick as she snorted, he pointed to her. "Dont even start."

Gage sat back grinning. "Leona? Does he have Oreo cookies in the night stand?"

Dexters jaw dropped, but his eyes were bright with humor. "I. Do. Not."

Nadia set her wine gla.s.s down, b.u.mping my shoulder with her own. "He has hostess cupcakes in there."

All eyes were on her now.

"Why the h.e.l.l do you know whats in my night stand?" Dexters voice nearly squeaked, but he was laughing.

"Felix was looking for his pacifier the other day."

Gage was shaking his head. "Hopefully youre ready for tomorrow."

"I am." Dexter took a bite of his mashed potatoes. "Ive got this, that guy wont even know what hit 'em."

Leona stood up and kissed his lips as she gathered empty dishes and caught Felixs sippy cup at the same time. He had officially stopped eating and moved on to playing, making car sounds as he ground the turkey over his tray. The table had stayed loud throughout the evening, and I felt a pang for it to be ending. I had been content to sit back and watch everyone, especially Felix.

I stood to help Leona clean up, Nadia stayed at the table with her sons, and for once Gage wasnt jumping to get out of her presence. They didnt talk really; all conversation centered around Dexter, but still, it felt like a good step.

"This might have been my favorite Thanksgiving ever." I had my head on Gages bare chest, fingers tracing his tattoo, a familiar path that Im surprised didnt hold an indent from my fingers.

He lifted his head to look at me. "Better than last year? I thought last year was our year of breaking all those records. Best Christmas, best birthday, best New Year."

"It was, but this thanksgiving was nice to be with them." I closed my eyes, trying to savor the warmth, letting tonight cast away my dark thoughts.

His hand slid over my bare stomach and my muscles clenched by reflex.

"Next year will be even better," he spoke low. "Its only going to get better for us-for our family."

My secrets were an anchor, keeping my mood from lifting.

"I promise, Regan. I know the past couple of months have been hard, but things are getting better. The club isnt attached to me anymore, and Ive got some good news."

"What?"

"You know Commie Magoro? The boxer running up the ranks?"

"Yeah." I held my breath, expecting what he meant.

"He thinks he can take my t.i.tle. And theyll pay me well to defend it."

"Can you do that? You havent been training hard and with the new club?"

"I would have to put that on hold. Viktor already knows and hes okay, as long as I continue to a.s.sist with other things. But Id have time to get back into training. The fight wouldnt be for another four months."

"So youve already decided and set it up?"

He looked at me, confused. "I thought youd be happy about it. Youve been talking about me going back."

"I am." I was stunned that the problem Id been stressing over cleared itself up. "I just didnt know." The combination of thoughts triggered my guilt all over again.

He smiled. "I wanted to make sure it was all a sure thing before I told you. I didnt want to get your hopes up if it fell through." He sat up in front of me, his hand sliding to my cheek and eyes unbearably soft and tender. "But its not official yet, you still have a say in this. Were a team, remember? What do you think?"

I closed my eyes, tears sliding onto his hand. I covered his fingers with my own, holding him in place. We were a team, and he needed to know what Rusnak had said. But a part of me argued that I would just be ruining his good news, that I was only telling him to lighten my own load.

"Babe. Look at me. Whats wrong?"

I pulled his hand down and when I opened my eyes, the confusion in his sealed my decision. He was feeling my burden whether I spoke or not, he had been feeling it all week.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and steadied myself.

"I have to tell you something."

25: Opposite.

THE ENERGY OF THE ROOM WAS THE exact opposite of the way I felt. The excitement was electric, but it jump started my nerves. Thankfully no one seemed to notice or care. All the focus was on the cage in the middle of the room, waiting on the last round to start.

"It must get annoying, everyone always wanting his attention." Leona leaned in to speak in my ear, nodding across the room to where Gage was talking with a group of guys while waiting on the fight.

"Its only at events like this. Otherwise hes left alone mostly." And typically hed dismiss the people to come to my side. But tonight, he was avoiding me. He had been avoiding me all day.

Hed been silent when I told him about Rusnak, and then he demanded I tell him exactly what happened, word for word. And I did. I told him everything while he sat stone still. He had me repeat it three times. Three times, and each time he didnt react, and his blank response scared me. I knew the outward calm was masking a storm inside. When I was done talking, and he still hadnt questioned or budged, I moved to touch him, and that broke his cover.

I raised to my knees, scooting across the bed to where he sat on the edge, covers bunching under me. Reaching my hand out, I touched his bare shoulder, and his muscles hardened under my palm.

"Gage? Say something."

The way he looked at me then, the anger burning in his eyes, made me hesitate. But I pushed through and brought my other hand to his shoulder, intending to wrap my arms around him, pull my own rea.s.surance from him, and give him some in return.

But he jerked away and stood up, turning to face me. My eyes dropped to his hands, they were balled into fists, knuckles white from the strain. He moved one up, inhaling like he was about to breathe fire, and then he dropped the hand back down. His jaw was clenched so tight, I was surprised he could speak. "You. Should. Have. Told. Me."

I scrambled off the bed to face him, ready to apologize. "I just did. I wanted to tell you, but-"

"Stop." His fist lifted again as he bit out his command.

I flinched back. In my mind, I was certain he wouldnt use it on me, but my body had its own reaction.

He took a step back and dropped his fist, closing his eyes. "I cant f.u.c.king talk to you right now."

The disgust oozing from his words was a glue holding me in place. I stood there as he turned and stormed out of the room into the sitting area of our hotel suite.

His anger caused tremors to start in my muscles, but when he came back in the room and dressed, those tremors increased to painful bone quakes.

"Where are you going?" I was near panic, or maybe beyond it, because I grabbed him when he tried to walk away.

He jerked his forearm from my grasp with a growl, and the look he shot me was worse than if he had shoved me away. But him leaving, without speaking, without telling me what he was doing or where he was going, felt like he had used the fist his hand was still balled into.

"Maybe you should go over there? I dont think hes seen us yet. Maybe he doesnt know where our seats are," Leona spoke up as Gage sat down in the front row to the side of where we were with the guys who had intercepted him when he entered the arena.

"Ill just text him." I pulled out my phone, fingers hovering over the screen as I reread his last text message from last night.

Gym That had been his one word response, and he hadnt even been able to speak it to me. The hotel had a gym, and after hours of him being gone, I checked without being seen, and he was there on the treadmill when I snuck a peek. With that knowledge, I went back to the room and tried to sleep. He came back in sometime later and slept on the couch.

This morning, he still wouldnt talk. He dropped me off with Leona and left with Dexter to prepare for the fight. This was the first time Ive seen him since.

I texted him our seat numbers, but he knew them, I knew he did. He always knew where I was. He made it a point to know. That couldnt have changed, not over this. He just needed time, I kept rea.s.suring myself.

He slid his phone from his pocket, glanced at his screen, and put it away, not even bothering to look around or acknowledge my message as the two fighters came back to the center of the cage, starting their third and final round.

Dexter would be the next fight, and I tried to put all other thoughts away. Leona cringed as one man picked up the other around the waist and dropped him onto the mat, landing on top of him. Then it was hard to see who had the upper hand as they both were tangled in each others arms, bodies rocking as each tried to gain leverage.

"Oh man, Dexter better not let himself get stuck in a wrestling match." She rose to her feet, with the rest of the crowd, as the man on the bottom flipped the man on top of him, sending his knee into his sides over and over.

The fight had enough action to hold my attention, and I tried to stay focused on it, but as the men continued to roll around the ring, getting side punches and jabs in, my eyes cut away to Gage. He was standing with that same group, but now he had one of the oversized foam beer cups in his hands, gulping it down.

The round ended, and both men dropped their hold on the other and rose to their feet, breathing heavy and red faced from exertion and hits. Im pretty sure the one in the green shorts would be called winner, but it was close.

Gage nodded at whatever the man next to him was saying, and then his gaze landed on me, striking me still. He lifted his drink, and his head inclined towards me in acknowledgement. The side of his lip curled in the smallest sneer, but then it was blocked by his cup as he tilted it back, drinking deep.

Leona was talking to the others in our group, no one I knew. Aliya had to work, and Jase sat at the far end of the row. But I turned towards her, pretending to be interested in her conversation when all I wanted to do was pull Gage from this place and make him talk to me.

"You think so, right?" Leona blinked at me, waiting for an answer.

"Im not saying he doesnt have a chance, but come on, he hasnt been at this very long. He knows boxing, but his opponent is all jiu jitsu. If Dex is taken to the ground, hes lost his advantage."

I leaned past Leona to the boy running his mouth. "Why dont you keep your theories to yourself, and lets just see what he does." To Leona I said, "Dexters set. You know how those boys are, hes not taking a fight hes not confident on."

Her smile was bright as she grabbed my hand with a bubbly laugh. "That may be Gage, but Dexter does stuff just to say he can. Hes wild, but I love him." She shrugged. "Its only fifteen minutes anyways, it cant be that bad, even if it doesnt go his way."

A voice blared from the speakers around us, announcing Dexter. A group of men came from the arena side door, swinging rags to pump up the crowd. And the crowd was on its feet, roaring in the dark. Dexter came out, the spotlight showing off his bright smile and swagger as he walked to the low beat of the rap song playing. As he neared our seats, he kissed the tips of his fingers, sending each one to Leona, one hand and then the next. Outside of the octagon, he paused, bending slightly to brush off his bare knees and arms with vigor and jumping up when he was done. His entourage fell back with some sort of chant. They took the empty seats near the ring, and he jogged up the steps, busting into the cage. He bounced on his toes and waved to the crowd. He looked like he was about to go to a party, not a fight.

Leona was right, Dexter was nothing like Gage.

Gage. I peeked to where he was, but could barely see him with the lights turned down.

The other fighter was announced and entered in to an Irish rock song. He stalked around the ring in red shorts with a large crown tattoo on his back, and he refused to tap gloves with Dexter prior to the fight. But Dexters smile didnt falter at the insult, if anything, it increased, and he tapped his own fists together, saying something to the man.

Dexters feet were quick when the round started, and he danced around his opponent. The man jabbed at Dexter but was unable to connect as Dexter kept weaving. Then he lunged towards Dex and wrapped his arms around his waist.

Dexter swung his arm low, hitting the man several times in his side, and then he brought his knee up and the man released him and backed up, wiping his brow.

Dexter stepped forward, fists just as quick as his feet, and hit him with a right, then left. The man tried to retaliate, swinging and missing as Dexter hooked him in the jaw. The man spun with the force of his own miss and Dexters fist slammed him to the mat. Dexter dropped to his knees, not letting up on his punches.