Frank Fairlegh Part 48

-325-- The scene at this moment would not have made a bad study for a painter. Oaklands, having struggled in vain to preserve his gravity, was in fits of laughter. f.a.n.n.y, who had from the first perceived the equivoque, was very little better, while my mother, completely mystified, sat staring at Lawless, whom she evidently considered a little insane, with an expression of bewildered astonishment, not unmixed with fear. As soon as I could contrive to speak (for Lawless's face, when he had discovered the effect he had produced, completely finished me, and I laughed till the tears ran down my cheeks), I explained to him that it was my sister, and not my mother, who was thinking of riding, while the notion of hunting originated wholly and solely in his own fertile imagination.

"Eh? What! she doesn't hunt?--ah! I see, put my foot in it pretty deep this time; beg pardon, Mrs. Fairlegh--no offence meant, I a.s.sure you.

Well, I thought it was a very fast thing for an old----I--that is, for a lady to do. I fancied you were so well up in the whole affair, too: most absurd, really; I certainly am not fit for female society. I think, when the hunting season's over, I shall put myself to one of those tip-top boarding-schools to learn manners for a quarter; the sort of shop, you know, where they teach woman her mission--(how to get a rich husband, eh, Frank?)--for three hundred pounds a year, was.h.i.+ng and church principles extra, and keep a 'Professor' to instruct the young ladies in the art of getting out of a carriage on scientific principles, that is, without showing their ankles. Didn't succeed very well with my sister Julia, though; the girl happens to be particularly clean about the pasterns, so she declared it was infringing on the privileges of a free-born British subject, vowed her ankles were her own property, and she had a right to do what she liked with 'em, and carried out her principles by kicking the Professor's s.h.i.+ns for him. Plucky girl is Julia; she puts me very much in mind of what I was when I was her age at Eton, and pinned a detonating cracker to old Botherboy's coat-tail, so that, what between the pin and the explosion, it's my belief he would have found himself more comfortable in the battle of Waterloo, than he felt the first time he sat down. Ah! those were happy days!"

Thus running on, Lawless kept us in a roar of laughter, till Oaklands, pulling out his watch, discovered it was time to return to the Hall, and prepare for dinner. It turned out, on examination, that the habit did require altering, so the ride was put off till the necessary repairs -326-- should be executed. As the next day proved too frosty to hunt, Lawless and I, under the auspices of the head-keeper, set to work to slaughter the supernumerary pheasants, Sir John and Harry joining us for a couple of hours, though Ellis would not allow the latter to carry a gun. We had a capital day's sport, and got home just in time to dress, and Sir John having contrived in the course of the afternoon to carry off my mother and f.a.n.n.y, we were a very comfortable little party. Sir John took my mother down to dinner, and Lawless paired off with f.a.n.n.y, an arrangement which, as his eccentricities evidently afforded her great amus.e.m.e.nt, I was not sorry for.

"Why, f.a.n.n.y," whispered I, when we joined the ladies in the drawing-room, "you are growing quite frisky; what a row you and Lawless were making at dinner-time! I have not heard you talk and laugh so much for many a day."

"Oh! your friend is famous fun," replied f.a.n.n.y--"perfectly irresistible; I a.s.sure you I am delighted with him--he is something quite new to me."

"I am so glad you have asked Lawless here," observed I to Oaklands; "do you see how much pleased and amused f.a.n.n.y is with him?--he appears to have aroused her completely--the very thing we were wis.h.i.+ng for. He'll be of more use to her than all of us put together."

"He seems to me to talk a vast deal of nonsense," replied Harry, rather crossly, as I fancied.

"And yet 1 can't help being amused by it," replied I; "I'm like f.a.n.n.y in that respect."

"I was not aware your sister had a taste for that style of conversation.

I confess it's a sort of thing which very soon tires me."

"Splendid old fellow, Sir John," observed Lawless in an undertone, seating himself by f.a.n.n.y; "I never look at him without thinking of one of those jolly old Israelites who used to keep knocking about the country with a plurality of wives and families, and an immense stud of camels and donkeys: they read 'em out to us at church, you know--what do you call 'em, eh?"

"One of the Patriarchs, I suppose you mean," replied f.a.n.n.y, smiling.

"Eh--yes, that's the thing. Noah was rather in that line before he took to the water system, wasn't he? Well, now, if you can fancy one of these ancients, decently dressed in a blue coat with bra.s.s b.u.t.tons, knee shorts and silk stockings, like a Christian, it's my belief he'd be the very moral (as the old women call it) of Sir John; uncommonly -327-- handsome he must have been--even better looking than Harry, when he was his age."

"Mr. Oaklands is so pale and thin now," replied f.a.n.n.y.

"Eh! isn't he just?" was the rejoinder. "Many a man has been booked for an inside place in a hea.r.s.e for a less hurt than his; and I don't know that he is out of the wood, even yet."

"Why, you don't think him worse?" exclaimed f.a.n.n.y anxiously. "Nothing has gone wrong--you have not been told--are they keeping anything from me?"

"Eh! no! 'pon my word; Ellis, who is getting him into condition, say's he's all right, and will be as fresh as a colt in a month or two. Why, you look quite frightened."

"You startled me for a moment," replied f.a.n.n.y, colouring slightly; "any little relapse renders Sir John so uncomfortable that we are naturally anxious on his account."

"I am sure Lawless is boring your sister," observed Oaklands, who had been sitting quite at the farther end of the drawing-room, cutting open the leaves of a new book. "I know that worried look of hers so well:--I shall go and interpose on her behalf.--Lawless," he continued, crossing over to him, "the billiard-room is lighted up, if you like to challenge Fairlegh to a game."

"Billiards, eh?" returned Lawless; "why, really, if you had walked as many miles to-day as I have, I don't think you'd much fancy trotting round a billiard-table. Besides, I'm very well off where I am," he added, with what was intended for a gallant glance towards f.a.n.n.y; "here's metal more attractive, as the fellow says in the play."

Oaklands' only reply was a slight curl of the lip, and, turning to f.a.n.n.y, he said, "Are you at all inclined to take your revenge? We shall have time for a good game if we begin at once; will you come into the music-room, or shall I fetch the chess-men here?"

"Is it not rather late?" replied f.a.n.n.y hesitatingly.

"Not if we begin now," returned Oaklands.

"Mr. Lawless was offering to show me some tricks with cards; as they will not take so long a time as a game of chess, perhaps that would be most advisable this evening."

"Whichever you prefer; I will ring for cards," replied Oaklands coldly.

He then waited until the servant had executed the order, and, as soon as Lawless had attracted public attention to his performance, left the room un.o.bserved.

-328-- Wonderful things did the cards effect under Lawless's able management--very wonderful indeed, until he showed you how they were done; and then the only wonder was that you had not found them out for yourself, and how you could have been stupid enough to be taken in by so simple a trick: and very great was Lawless on the occasion, and greater still was Ellis, who was utterly sceptical as to the possibility of performing any of the tricks beforehand, and quite certain, as soon as he had seen it, that he knew all about it, and could do it easily himself, and who, on trying, invariably failed; and yet, not profiting one bit by his experience, was just as sceptical and just as confident in regard to the next, which was of course attended by a like result.

Very wonderful and very amusing was it all, and much laughter did it occasion; and the minutes flitted by on rapid wings, until my mother discovered that it was time for us to start on our walk to the cottage, a mode of progression of which Sir John by no means approved; he therefore rang the bell, and ordered the carriage. While they were getting it ready Harry's absence was for the first time observed, and commented on.

"Did anybody see when he left the room?" inquired Sir John.

"Yes," replied I, "he went away just as Lawless began his performances."

"Dear me! I hope he was not feeling ill," said my mother.

"Ill, ma'am!" exclaimed Ellis, "impossible; you don't know Mr. Oaklands'

const.i.tution as well as I do, or such an idea could never have occurred to you; besides, you can't for a moment suppose he would think of being taken suddenly ill without having consulted me on the subject. I must go and see after him, ma'am, directly, but it's quite impossible that he should be ill;" and as he spoke he left the room with hurried steps.

"My dear f.a.n.n.y, how you made me jump! I hope you haven't done any mischief," exclaimed my mother, as f.a.n.n.y, moving suddenly, knocked down the card-box, and scattered the contents on the carpet.

"I am sadly awkward," returned f.a.n.n.y, stooping to pick up the box; "I do not think it is injured."

"My dear child, it does not in the least signify," said Sir John, taking her kindly by the hand; "why, you have quite frightened yourself, you silly little thing; you are actually trembling; sit down, my dear, sit down--never mind the cards. Frank, if you'll ring the bell, Edmunds will see to that."

-329-- "No, no! we'll pick 'em up," exclaimed Lawless, going down on all fours; "don't send for the butler; he's such a pompous old boy; if I were to see him stooping down here, I should be pus.h.i.+ng him over, or playing him some trick or other. I shouldn't be able to help it, he's so jolly fat. What a glorious confusion! kings and queens and little fishes all mixed up together!--here's the knave of clubs--hail-fellow-well-met with a thing that looks like a salmon with a swelled face! Well, you have been and gone and done it this time, Miss Fairlegh--I could not have believed it of you, Miss Fairlegh, oh!"

"Mind you pick them up properly," retorted f.a.n.n.y; "if you really were such a conjurer as you pretended to be just now, you would only have to say 'hocus pocus,' and the cards would all jump into the box again in proper order."

"Then I should lose the pleasure of going on my knees in your service.

There's a pretty speech for you, eh! I'll tell you what--you'll make a lady's man of me now, before you've done with me. I'm polis.h.i.+ng rapidly--I know I am."

"It's all right!" exclaimed Ellis, entering. "I found Mr. Oaklands lying on the sofa in the library; he says he feels a little knocked up by his walk this morning, and desired me to apologise for his absence, and wish everybody good-night for him. I say, Fairlegh," continued he, drawing me a little on one side, "has anything happened to annoy him?"

"Nothing particular, that I know of," replied I; "why do you ask?"

"I thought he looked especially cross; and he called our friend Lawless an intolerable puppy, and wondered how any woman of common sense could contrive to put up with him--that's all," rejoined Ellis.

"f.a.n.n.y refused to play chess with him, because she thought it too late in the evening;--that cannot have annoyed him?"

"Oh, no!" was the reply. "I see exactly what it is now: since the granulating process has been going on so beautifully in the side, his appet.i.te has returned, and as he must not take any very active exercise just yet, the liver is getting torpid. I must throw in a little blue pill, and he'll be as good-tempered as an angel again; for, naturally, there is not a man breathing with a finer disposition, or a more excellent const.i.tution, than Mr. Oaklands. Why, sir, the other day, when I had been relating a professional anecdote to him, he called me a 'bloodthirsty butcher,' and I honoured him for it--no hypocrisy there, sir."

-330-- At this moment the carriage was announced, and we proceeded to take our departure, Lawless handing f.a.n.n.y in, and then standing chattering at the window, till I was obliged to give him a hint that Sir John would not like to have the horses kept standing in the cold.

"You've made a conquest, Miss Fan," said I, as we drove off: "I never saw Lawless pay such attention to any woman before; even Di Clapperton did not produce nearly so strong an effect, I can a.s.sure you."

"I am quite innocent of any intention to captivate," replied f.a.n.n.y. "Mr.

Lawless amuses me, and I laugh sometimes at, and sometimes with, him."

"Still, my dear, you should be careful," interposed my mother; "though it's play to you, it may be death to him, poor young man! I got into a terrible sc.r.a.pe once in that way myself, when I was a girl; laughing and joking with a young gentleman in our neighbourhood, till he made me an offer one morning, and I really believe I should have been persuaded into marrying him, though I did not care a bit about him, if I had not been attached to your poor dear father at the time: now you have nothing of that sort to save you; so, as I said before, my dear, mind what you are about."

"I don't think Mr. Lawless's heart will be broken while there is a pack of hounds within reach, mamma dear," replied f.a.n.n.y, glancing archly at me as she spoke.

As we were about to proceed to our several rooms for the night, I contrived to delay my mother for a moment under pretext of lighting a candle for her, and closing the door, I said:--

"My dear mother, if, by any odd chance, f.a.n.n.y should be inclined to like Lawless, don't you say anything against it. Lawless is a good fellow; all his faults lie on the surface, and are none of them serious; he is completely his own master, and might marry any girl he pleased tomorrow, and I need not tell you would be a most excellent match for f.a.n.n.y.