Witchful Thinking Part 15

He chuckled, and it was an opulent sound. I opened my eyes and found him staring at me, heat burning in his eyes. Before I could guess what he was going to do, his mouth was on mine, the points of his fangs threatening my lips. But there was nothing threatening about the way he kissed. It was powerful, hungry, and urgent. His tongue made a forceful entry into my mouth, and he gripped the back of my neck as he pushed me up against the wall.

He pulled away and chuckled down at me again. aYou are flushed.a aSinjin,a I started, not even knowing what I wanted to say.

aShall we escape then?a he asked, still wearing the devilas smile.

I nodded and he stepped away from me.

aYour things?a he began, probably alluding to the fact that I hadnat shown up with luggage.

aI donat need any of it,a I said quickly. I was a witch, I could magick anything Iad possibly need.

aGoodbyes?a aOnly to Christa,a I answered. aAnd I canat think about that now. Sheall talk me out of leaving.a aThen that conversation can occur over the phone.a aDo you need to pack?a I asked as he neared the door.

aNo.a Reaching for the pair of pants and long-sleeved s.h.i.+rt draped over the chair just beside his bed, he dressed. He slipped on his black leather shoes and faced me with another practiced smile. aShall we?a Twenty minutes later we were in Sinjinas Mercedes SLS AMG and headed out of Eyemouth. Where we were going, I had no idea. We hadnat exactly discussed it. In fact, since getting into the car, neither of us had said a word. So many thoughts were going through my head that I couldnat even fathom the idea of having to think about what to say. As we entered the highway that led to Pelham Manor, something inside me cracked, something broke.

aI canat do this,a I said in an anguished tone. After not getting a response, I faced Sinjin and his jaw was tight. aTurn the car around, Sinjin, I canat do this.a aWhy?a I sighed, long and hard. aI aa I had to look away from him. I couldnat admit this next part while looking him in the eyes. aI know that I will always love Rand. Even though we arenat meant to be together, I will always love him.a Sinjin didnat say anything right away and when I forced my eyes back to his face, I immediately regretted it. He was furious; ire seemed to drip from his eyes, and his jaw was so tight, it looked like he might crack his teeth.

aI consider you an intelligent woman and yet I cannot understand how you remain so blinded and foolish when it comes to that blasted warlock!a Sinjin yelled.

I was taken aback, not expecting such vitriol from him.

aSinjin aa aWhen will you realize he does not love you and never will? When will you understand you are wasting your time with him?a I glowered at him. aTurn around.a He made no motion to turn around and, instead, stepped on the gas until we were driving so quickly, the lights of the scenery around us blurred.

aYou need to wake up, Jolie. You need to wake up and realize I am the best man for you.a aIam sorry, Sinjin.a It was all I could say.

Jolie, stop crying, dammit! I yelled at myself as I threw my door shut and collapsed onto my bed.

But the tears wouldnat subsidea"they just kept pouring out of my eyes as if they had a mind of their own. And really, itas not like my mind was doing anything to help curtail them. Instead I couldnat stop repeating Sinjinas words, running over and over through my heada"aWhen will you realize he does not love you and never will?a The sad, desperate truth about the whole situation was that maybe Sinjin was right. Maybe Rand didnat truly love me. Yes, Rand seemed to think he was in love with me and had said as much, but maybe it just wasnat the casea"maybe he only thought he was in love with me? I mean, if Rand truly, deeply loved me, then why wouldnat he have found a way to be with me? Yes, there were plenty of obstacles stacked up against us, but wasnat love supposed to trump everything standing in its way? Wasnat that what all those sappy love songs were about?

I stood up and wiped my eyes against my s.h.i.+rtsleeve, walking toward the window just beside my bed. I glanced outside but saw nothing in the dark. Even the milky rays of the moon were hidden by a cl.u.s.ter of billowy, dark gray clouds. The comparison between the dark night outside and the darkness that seemed to have taken up permanent residency within me wasnat lost on me. In a sudden bout of anger I smashed my fist against the windowsill, which did nothing but ricochet pain up my arm.

af.u.c.k!a I screamed and then broke into another round of sobs. My entire life had entered a tailspin, like I was in the throes of a hurricanea"a tempest of emotions battering me with regret, pain, and anger.

Yes, 1878 Rand loved me, and no, it was not an option to return to him. So what did that mean for me today? One thing of which I was certain was that I absolutely, wholeheartedly loved hima"and yes, I wanted to be with him. In my picture-perfect notion of an ideal world, Rand was and always would be by my side. The miserable truth of the whole stupid matter was that I wanted to grow old with him. Even if we could never have children, I didnat care. Rand was enough for me.

But was I enough for him? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was really stuck in a tough situation. It would be one thing if Rand had admitted to me that he didnat love me and never hada"then I could merely retreat and lick my wounds until they healed. I would get over it. Of that I was surea"because I was strong.

That wasnat the case, though. Rand believed himself to be in love with me, and yet he seemed unable to act on that love. Why? I really had no clue. At first it seemed to be the monarchy situation that was holding him back. Then it was the bonding situation. And really, these were just the most recent roadblocks. When we first met, it had been the fact that he was my employer! Bah!

The more I thought about it, the more I realized Rand had a serious problema"his inability to pursue what he wanted. Yes, I always knew he overa.n.a.lyzed everything and weighed the consequences of every action until he was red in the face. But now actions needed to be taken. The time for thinking was over. Now it was time to act.

And suddenly my answer was obviousa"I needed to hear the words from Randas lips. If he didnat love mea"if he didnat want to pursue me and allow me inside that fortress he called his hearta"I was giving up. I would move on. Yes, it would be difficult, but Iad have to apologize to the figurative Rand of 1878 and then lock away those memories and my a.s.sociated guilt forever.

As far as the Rand of today was concerned, he had only one more chance. He either needed to claim me or let me go.

I heard the sound of raindrops splas.h.i.+ng against the windowpanes and glanced outside again only to watch a bolt of lightning brighten up the night sky. The brief show illuminated the rain, which was now falling in torrents. As if the lightning werenat warning enough to stay inside, the raucous round of thunder grumbled through the sky. Yet it did nothing to shake my determination.

It was now or never. Rand had to make a choice and I was going to force him to stick to it. As G.o.d was my witness, Rand was going to make a d.a.m.n decision. With a renewed sense of determination, I took a deep breath, trying to prepare myself for the confrontation that was soon to occur once I got the nerve to visit Randas guest room. Almost immediately a flood of doubt and thoughts of second-guessing myself broke through my mind.

What would I say to Rand? Would he even be in his room? What if head decided to return to Pelham Manor?

In this storm?

Well, maybe he has a date?

A date? Itas not like Rand has much of a social life.

Okay, thatas true, but what if he happened to have met someone and eagerly wanted to return to Pelham Manor to drown his frustrations about me in the eyes and smile of some new woman? What if I walked in on a super-embarra.s.sing situation like Bridget Jones did with Daniel Cleaver and that American woman?

Thank G.o.d Iam not wearing a bunny suit.

Really, Jolie, donat be stupida"Rand isnat dating anyone.

Hmm, Randas dating life aside, maybe I should just call him first? Maybe thatas a better thing to do than knock on his door or drive to Pelham Manor?

But if I called him, what would I say? aHi, in a total lapse of sanity, Iave freaked out and I demand you tell me if youare in love with me and want to be with me?a Yeah, no.

Oh my G.o.d, Jolie, what is wrong with you? You have completely lost it. Youare arguing with yourself!

I had lost it. I was standing in the middle of my room, caught between taking a few steps to the door and reaching for my cell phone. I glanced at the clock and noticed that ten minutes had gone by. I would stay firm in my decision to demand an ultimatum from Rand. It was now or never, remember?

Maybe Iad try the phone. I turned away from the bedroom door, took the three steps separating me from my iPhone, and took a deep breath as I lifted it.

aJolie.a I think my heart stopped for a second or two and I had to ask myself if Iad just imagined Randas voice. I mean, I hadnat even dialed his number yet. It was like I was in slow motion as I turned around and saw him standing in my room, the door still open behind him. He was panting and soaked, presumably from the storm outside.

Neither of us said anythinga"we just stood staring at each other like we were the stars in a silent film. I was the first to speak.

aWhat a why are you here? What happened to you?a I started, still wondering if he wasnat just a wet figment of my imagination come to destroy my wood floors.

He didnat respond. Instead he closed the gap between us and before I could say another word he grabbed me, pulling me into his wet and cold chest. He didnat even pause before his lips were on mine and his tongue was in my mouth. I started to succ.u.mb to him, started to allow the b.u.t.terflies in my stomach to take over, but then I felt something burst inside mea"something that was full to the brim with frustration and pain. Tears a.s.saulted my eyes and began streaming down my cheeks and before I knew what I was doing, I felt myself pull away from him just at the same time that I smacked him right across the face.

He reeled back and held his injured cheek, shock in his eyes.

aWhat the b.l.o.o.d.ya"a he started.

And maybe his words were all I needed to hear because whatever was brewing in the cauldron within me was now boilinga"roiling and spitting like an angry cat.

aYou are a coward!a I screamed at him as I pounded my fists onto his chest in mute frustration.

aJolie!a I didnat dare look up at him but continued my a.s.sault on his pecs, throwing as much rage into my fists as I could muster.

aStop it!a he ordered, trying unsuccessfully to grab my wrists.

aWhy are you here?a I yelled. aDo you get some sort of perverse pleasure from f.u.c.king with my feelings?a He finally managed to round up my fists and when he did, he held them in front of me while I attempted to wiggle out of his iron grasp. aI could ask the same b.l.o.o.d.y thing of you!a he railed at me, managing to catch me completely off guard.

aWhat?a I started but he interrupted me.

aWhat the f.u.c.k were you doing in Sinjinas car?a aI donat have to answer to you,a I spat back and struggled to free myself so I could deck him again.

He held my wrists even more firmly, and it was pretty obvious I wasnat about to free myself anytime soon. aYouare right, you donat have to answer to me.a Then he dropped his hold on my arms and stepped away from me, running his hands through his wet hair. aIam sorry I came a I a just watched you get into Sinjinas car and something inside me snapped.a The thought that he had watched me leave with Sinjin was something I wasnat prepared for. But it was also something I didnat want to concern myself witha"his jealousy was not my problem. I shook my head and suddenly felt exhausted. aI donat get you at all a your actions just never make any d.a.m.n sense.a aI think they make perfect sense,a he said and shrugged. aIam jealous.a aThatas just it!a I said in an angry voice. aThereas no reason for you to be jealous because you donat give a s.h.i.+t about me!a Rand seemed taken abacka"I wasnat sure if it was due to the venom in my voice or my words. aJoliea"a aI want you to admit to me that you donat love me and you donat want me and we wonat ever be together,a I said.

Rand looked perplexed. aWhy?a aSo I can move on and heal and never think about you again!a Rand shook his head. aI canat admit to any of that because it isnat true.a aI donat understand you, Rand.a There was nothing left in my voicea"no fight, no anger, just exhaustion. aAnd why the h.e.l.l are you soaking wet?a He cleared his throat and appeared to be embarra.s.sed. aAfter I watched you leave with Sinjin, I was so consumed with anger, I didnat know what to do with myself. I just stood there in the rain like Iad lost my mind.a I was surprised to say the least. That wasnat like Rand. aThen you must have seen us return, what, five minutes later?a He nodded. aWhere a why were you a perhaps I would rather not know.a aNothing happened between us, Rand,a I said in a defeated voice. aI wanted something to happen but I couldnat bring myself to see it through.a aYou wanted something between you and Sinjin?a Rand asked, his brows furrowing.

aI wanted to escape my life here.a aWhy?a I laughed, but it was an empty and cold sound. aBecause of you. Because of the fact that I just donat know how you feel about me, why you seem to care about me and yet you never act on your emotions, why you wonat just claim me.a Rand ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled slowly. aJolie, I love you and Iave always loved you. Thereas not an hour that goes by that I donat think about you.a aButa"a I started.

aI just donat know how to deal with your new role as Queen,a he said and there was something odd in his expression. Something worried or concerned maybe. aI donat have the makings for a King, Jolie. Iave never wanted to be the leader of our species. I donat have your talents.a aRand,a I started.

aNo, let me finish,a he said firmly as he dropped his gaze to his feet. He took a few seconds and then glanced up at me again. aYou should not love me. You should love someone who is good for your kingdom, someone who can advance your cause.a He let out a strange sort of laugh. aI can still barely stomach the fact that Iam willingly taking part in a monarchy.a I was quiet for a second or two. aSo why did you come here, why are you here now?a He shook his head and dropped his gaze to the ground again. Apparently noticing the large puddle beneath him, he narrowed his eyes and it disappeared, his entire person suddenly drya"as if head never been in the rain in the first place.

aBecause despite the fact that Iam convinced Iam not good for you, Iam also not going to let you go.a His voice was rough and before I could comprehend it, he grabbed my arm and pulled me into the nest of his embrace. He held me tightly and stared down at me with pa.s.sionate eyes.

aI donat undera"a And then his lips were on mine and his kiss was demanding, hungrya"as if he were making up for lost opportunities. Well, it was about time! Holy freaking cow was it about time.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and opened my mouth as his tongue plundered mine, mated with mine in an age-old dance. His fingers snaked through my hair and worked down my neck to my coat, which he deftly removed, letting it fall to the ground.

I pulled away from him because I suddenly wanted to make sure we were on the same page. I had to make sure that this new announcement of his meant what I needed it to meana"that he wasnat going to change his mind at some later date.

aWhat are you saying?a I asked, albeit breathlessly.

Randas jaw tightened. aYou want me to claim you? Then call this me claiming you.a He pulled me into his arms and lifted me, bride style, as he started for the bed.

aAnd you arenat going to change your mind in two hours or tomorrow or the next day?a I asked. aBecause that would destroy me.a Rand shook his head and stared down at me. aNo, Iam not going to lose you. I would never forgive myself.a He settled me down on the top of the bed as I leaned on my elbows and watched him. He stood at the end of the bed, his chest rising and falling with his belabored breathing.

aThen itas you and me?a I asked. aFor the long haul?a He nodded. aYou and me.a aNo going back?a aNo going back.a I gulped and looked around, suddenly realizing what this meant. aAnd what happens now?a He tore his T-s.h.i.+rt over his head, and his incredibly sculpted chest met my hungry gaze. I wanted more than ever before to run my fingers across the hills and valleys of his beautiful body. To taste the saltiness of his skin, to listen to the beating of his heart and feel his warmth.

aNow Iam going to make love to you,a he said in a throaty voice.

I felt b.u.t.terflies flutter up in my stomach as he approached the bed. He climbed on top and was as powerful and sleek as a lion as he moved up my body, pinning me beneath him. He brought his fingers to my face and traced my hairline, his hand disappearing behind my neck as his lips descended on mine. He kissed me much more delicately this time.

He lifted his head and when he looked down at me, he smiled.

aShall we attempt to re-create that bond?a I smiled back up at him. aYouare on.a I almost felt like I was dreaminga"like I wasnat actually in my bed with Rand on top of me, like I wasnat wearing just my bra and panties. Iad been waiting for this moment for so long that it almost didnat seem real. And had Rand really pledged himself to me, or had that been a figment of my imagination too?

The feel of Randas thumb pressing against the inside of my thigh while the rest of his hand gripped the outside felt genuine enough. So did the heat emanating from his body. Nope, I was pretty sure this was the real deala"stamped with a seal.

aWhat are you thinking about?a he asked as he stopped kissing my neck and pulled away, staring down at me.

aWhat do you mean?a I asked innocently.

aIt feels like youare distracted.a I giggled a bit and felt a little silly as I answered the question. aI was debating with myself about whether or not this was real.a Rand chuckled and shook his head like he just didnat understand me. aJolie, Iam real and this is real so please stop orbiting in outer s.p.a.ce because Iad like to have you in the moment, right here beneath me.a I swallowed hard at the expression of pure l.u.s.t in his eyes.

aOkay,a I said sheepishly.

He offered me one more amused smile and then started kissing my neck again. His lips were incredibly soft and slightly moist.

aYour skin tastes so sweet,a he whispered and nibbled on my earlobe while I giggled and ran my hands down his naked back, relis.h.i.+ng the feel of his muscles as they tensed beneath my hands.

And I suddenly had the desire to just look at him, to soak in his beauty, to come to terms with the fact that the one man who had captured my heart when head first walked into my store two years ago a was really mine.

aRand, I need to see you.a He pulled away from me and offered me a puzzled expression.

aJust sit up,a I said with a smile and watched him obey, bracing his arms on either side of me so he wouldnat s.h.i.+ft too much weight on my middle.

I didnat say anything as I drank in his beauty. My eyes traveled from the wave of his chocolate-brown hair, to his warm brown eyes, past dimples that betrayed the fact that he probably thought I was the strangest girl head ever met. His lips lit up in a half smile, highlighting his square jaw.

I allowed my gaze to continue south, to imbibe his smoothly defined chest muscles peppered with wiry, light brown hair. And still farther southa"down to his rock-hard abs and the trail of brown hair that started just below his navel and acted like an arrow pointing below his pajama pants.

aHave I ever told you how beautiful you are?a I asked, glancing up into his face again.

aYou asked me if I used magic to enhance my appearance when we first met.a I laughed with him and returning my gaze to his incredible body, shook my head in wonderment.

aYou do realize Iave been yours all along?a Rand asked, the smile dropping from his lips. aFrom the moment we met, it has always been you.a He glanced down at me again, his gaze traveling from my face to my chest.

aShow me your b.r.e.a.s.t.s,a he whispered.

I felt a burning deep down in my corea"an aching, yearning need. I sat up slightly, reached around my back with both hands to unhook my bra, and slowly pulled each strap down my shoulders, teasing Rand as I moved at a snailas pace. With a smile, I pulled the satin material away until only the peaks of my alert nipples met his eyes.

He swallowed harda"I could see his Adamas apple bobbing with the effort. And then his hands were on my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, teasing my nipples.

aYou are stunningly beautiful, Jolie,a he whispered as he leaned down and took one of my nipples in his mouth. I immediately arched up against him, the burning in my core now an out-and-out fire.

Then his hands were on my thighs again, grazing the outside of my panties. I brought my hand down and blocked his from the junction of my thighs.

aNo, let me see you first,a I whispered, wanting nothing more than to touch him, kiss him, hold him in my hands.

He pushed away from me and stood, his eyes never leaving mine. But my eyes left his as they moved down his exquisite chest, pausing at the drawstrings of his pajamas. He was rock harda"I could see the outline of his p.e.n.i.s straining against his pants.

aDonat be shy,a I said in a raspy voice.

With that, he pulled his pants down and he was suddenly gloriously naked before me, beautiful in his raw masculinity. I felt myself inhale deeply as I gazed at him, realizing this was the first time Iad ever beheld his naked body in its entirety. Of course there had been the time that wead had s.e.x in 1878, but there had been more urgency then and Iad never truly seen him in all his glory.

I wrapped my fingers around him, wondering how Iad ever be able to support his girth, how Iad been able to do so all those years ago. And suddenly I was struck with the need to taste him. I dropped off the bed, dipping down on my knees as I took him in my mouth and watched him clench his eyes tightly.

aJolie,a he groaned out.

Before Iad had my fill of him, he gently pushed my mouth away. Grabbing me by the waist, positioning me on the bed, spreading my legs, he angled himself between them, his shoulders resting on my thighs.

aQuid pro quo,a he said with a smile and slipping my panties to the side, his mouth was suddenly on me.

I screamed out in pleasure at the same time that I ground my heels into the bed and shot upward. Rand chuckled as he pulled me back toward him, holding my pelvis down to keep me in place.

aRand,a I whimpered. aI donat know a how much more I can take.a He made a throaty sound and raised himself up, watching me with a smile of amus.e.m.e.nt as his fingers danced over me, teasing me ruthlessly. He continued holding my panties to the side as he ran his index finger down the length of me. I clamped my eyes shut.

aWhen we bonded before,a he began and then slipped a finger inside me as I bucked up. He pulled his finger out of me again and chuckled.

aYou are evil,a I groaned out.

He chuckled more deeply and buried his finger in me again. aAt what point did you know it was happening?a I tried to remember, to force myself to focus when all I wanted to do was lose myself in the feeling of his fingers.