Ten Years Among the Mail Bags Part 30

The trick which we are about to describe was attempted on a large scale, and the trap set for unwary clergymen was sprung in almost every section of the country, with considerable success, though some of the intended victims were too wary to be thus swindled.

The trap alluded to was in the form of a letter, of which the following is a copy:--

New York, Sunday, March 18, 1855.

Brother P----:

Being at leisure this afternoon, and somewhat wearied rather than refreshed by the morning's discourse of our respected pastor, I have concluded to sit down and write you, though utterly unacquainted save in that sympathy which persons of like temperament involuntarily feel toward one another.

It is the apparent coldness and formality of our metropolitan sermons that has led me, by a pleasant contrast, to think of you.

I heard you once, while pa.s.sing through your place--a sermon that has many times recurred to my memory, though its calm piety and deep perception of human nature may be weekly occurrences to your congregation. I have several times thought it would be well for our church to call on you for a trial here. Our house is wealthy, and "up town," though that is no matter.

I had almost given up the idea, when it was forcibly returned to me yesterday by seeing a notice of you in the new publication of travels through the States; in which I see the writer has heard you, and was so impressed that he gives a strong description of you and your style, so well according with my views, that I feel confirmed in my opinion of you. You have probably seen it. And, aside from any vanity at praise in print, or any pain at his censure, (for he finds fault, too,) I think a preacher cannot too much study his style, in duty to his Master and his people, by learning all he can of his hearers' views of him, if not for the praise at least for the blame.

So you see I yet hope to sit under your ministrations. I wish you would write me, immediately, what you think of coming here, if I propose you. My bell has just rung for tea, and I close hastily, wis.h.i.+ng you success in any field, and "many souls as seals of your ministry."

Yours, in the Lord,

A. D. CONNELSON.

P. S.--If you have not seen the notice of you, (in the book I alluded to,) I will get it for you. I believe it sells at a dollar and a half, or thereabouts.

I close in haste,

A. D. C.

Here is an instance of one who

"Stole the livery of Heaven To serve the devil in."

The author of this production, which was lithographed, leaving only a s.p.a.ce after the commencing word "Brother," for the insertion of the name of the person addressed, was signed in some copies as above, and in others by the name of "W. C. Jansing."

We can easily imagine the effect of such an artful, flattering epistle upon the mind of some unsuspecting and humble country pastor, whose chief ambition had hitherto been to minister to the spiritual wants of his little congregation, and who had never before indulged the thought of receiving a "call" to the attractions and responsibilities of a city pastor's life. He taxes his memory in vain to recollect upon what occasion any stranger, who might represent the devout Connelson, had been present during his Sabbath services, and in like manner fails to recall any reminiscences of the author, who, in his "Travels through the States," had also heard him, and was "impressed" so remarkably in accordance with Mr. Connelson's "views." His opinion of his own abilities having been elevated several degrees by the united testimony of two such competent witnesses, he begins to think that after all, it is not so very improbable that he should be thought of as a candidate for that "wealthy" and "up-town church."

"Was not the distinguished Dr. L---- called from as small a place as this, to the charge of a large city congregation? And I remember that his abilities did not use to be so much superior to mine."

With reflections like these, he works himself into a state of mind that would prevent any surprise, were he some day to be waited on by a committee from the church aforesaid, with the request that he would favor the congregation with a specimen of his preaching, with the additional view of securing the "pleasant contrast" to the "apparent coldness and formality of metropolitan sermons," that might result from his ministrations. At any rate, it would be gratifying to him to see for himself, what the traveling critic had said of him and his sermons; not that he cared particularly about the opinion, so far as he himself was concerned, but he would like to have his people know that their minister had attracted the attention of distinguished characters from abroad. So he replies to his spontaneous correspondent, intimating that he should have no objection to taking charge of the "up-town" church; and enclosing a dollar and a half, to purchase the book of travels, which he does, not without misgivings that he is sacrificing too large a portion of his slender salary, for indulgence in the antic.i.p.ated luxury.

It is almost needless to add, that the dollar and a half went to the "bourne from which no _traveler_ returns," and that our clergyman did not, in this instance, display "that deep perception of human nature,"

which so often recurred to the mind of the admiring Connelson.

The operations of this worthy were soon stopped by the New York post master, who, having received letters from some of the shrewder members of the reverend body, enclosing the above epistle, gave the matter in charge to the police, whose movements alarmed the rogue, and blew up the cheat, before many letters containing money had arrived. Enough came, however, to show that had he not been disturbed, he would have feathered his nest comfortably with the spoils of those whom he had plucked.

These letters, remaining uncalled for, became "dead" in due course of time, and were returned with their contents to their authors; doubtless refres.h.i.+ng the heart of many a sorrowing minister, who supposed that he had seen the last of his money, and had given up all hopes of receiving the promised _quid pro quo_.

I insert as a sort of epistolary curiosity, a letter addressed to Connelson by one of his intended victims, which was sent under cover to the New York post master, with the request that he would read and deliver it, if he knew the whereabouts of the person alluded to.

"F----, March 23, 1855.

"Mr. A. D. Connelson.

"Sir:

"I am in receipt of a communication from you, of the 18th inst., of whose flattering contents I have reason to believe that I am not the only recipient; as I am not ignorant of the fact that the art of lithography can be employed to multiply _confidential_ letters to any extent. If, as you state, you have at any time heard a discourse from my lips, I regret that the principles which it inculcated have produced so little impression upon your actions, especially as it has 'many times recurred to your memory.'

"There are truths, sir, in addition to those you may have heard on the occasion referred to, (if there ever was any such occasion,) which, judging from the apparent object of your letter, it might be profitable for you to recall. I would recommend to your attention the truth contained in the following saying of the wise man:--'The getting of treasures by a lying tongue, is a vanity tossed to and fro of them that seek death.'--_Prov._ 21, 6.

"You have expressed a hope 'to sit under' my 'ministrations.' I trust you will be profited by the few words I now address to you, and if you feel any disappointment in failing to find the expected 'dollar and a half, or thereabouts,' you will have to console yourself with the reflection, 'How much better is it to get wisdom than gold? and to get understanding rather to be chosen than silver?'_Prov._ 16, 16. I give you the references to the pa.s.sages quoted that you may ruminate on them at your Sabbath's 'leisure,'

which I hope will hereafter be more profitably employed than in attempting to perform the part of "a wolf in sheep's clothing."

"Your well-wisher,

G. J. T."

"P. S. If you ever happen to pa.s.s through this place again, and to be detained over the Sabbath, your name, mentioned to the s.e.xton, or indeed, to any member of my congregation, will secure you as good a seat as the house will furnish; and if you will inform me of your intended presence, beforehand, I will endeavor to suit my discourse to your _wants_, if not to your _wishes_.

"'Not what we _wish_, but what we _want_, Do thou, O Lord, in mercy grant.'

"If, however, circ.u.mstances like some that I can foresee, if you continue in your present course, should prevent a visit to our place, I hope you will manage to be satisfied with the ministrations of the chaplain at Sing Sing, who, I understand, is an excellent, talented man. And I trust that you and your _traveled_ friend will agree as well on the question of his merits as you have on those of others."

Further comment on this case is unnecessary; and we would only say that any one suspecting an imposture in any such mode as the foregoing, need not be prevented from indulging in a reasonable suspicion, by the charitable thought, "This person could not be such a rascal;" for it is a truth that should be well known and acted upon, that no amount of hypocrisy, deceit or audacity is too great to be practised by miscreants like those whose villanous devices are to some extent exposed in these pages.

THE ONION SEED TRICK.

"If you have tears, prepare to shed them now."

The next ingenious "dodge" to which I would call the attention of my readers, is one which might be styled double-barreled, inasmuch as it brought down both editors and farmers simultaneously.

The agricultural portion of community has been much exercised of late years on the subject of seed. Astounding stories have circulated through the newspapers from time to time, concerning the wonderful prolific powers of certain kinds of seed, and prices have in some instances been demanded for these choice varieties, which remind one of the times when a laying hen of the right breed would earn more per day for her owner than an ordinarily smart negro. It really seemed to be the belief of many enthusiastic persons, that seed could be brought, by careful culture, to a pitch of perfection that would almost render it independent of the a.s.sistance of mother earth, save as a place to stand on. The improved seed was to do it all. However desirable it might be to obtain seed which could be warranted under all circ.u.mstances to produce heavy _crops,_ (which of course can always be done after a certain fas.h.i.+on, by feeding it out to fowls,) this "good time coming" will not be hastened, we apprehend, by the public-spirited efforts of "Mr. Joab S. Sargent," notwithstanding the glowing prospects held out in the following advertis.e.m.e.nt:--

FARMERS AND GARDENERS.--ATTENTION!

_Spanish Onion Seeds._

The subscriber will send to any part of the United States and Canada, a paper of the seeds of the above superior Onion, on the receipt of ten cents (one dime.)

Farmers and Gardeners, see to it that you secure the best of seeds. For a mere trifle now, you can put money in your pockets and fat on your ribs.

Address, JOAB S. SARGENT,

266 Hicks St., Cor. of State,

Brooklyn, N. Y.

P. S.--Publishers of newspapers giving the above and this notice three insertions, calling attention editorially thereto, and sending marked copies to the subscriber, will receive by return mail three dollars' worth of the above seeds, or a copy of Barnes'

notes on the Gospels, valued at three dollars and fifty cents, or two dollars cash. Address plainly as above.