Getting Old is a Disaster Part 14

Stanley smiles ruefully. "That would be very hard to do. Since we have no bas.e.m.e.nts, that person would have to dig through his living room floor. Everyone would be aware of the mess and the noise."

Some agreeing nods at that.

My probable future stepson, Morrie, says, "Speculation will have to wait until we know more. Meanwhile there's a whole city to take care of. I'll have a team on the scene as soon as I'm able."

I glance over at Abe Waller. His head is bowed, his lips move in prayer. Next to him Stanley Heyer seems deep in thought.

20.

The Meeting Will Come

to . . . Disorder

T wo days after the hurricane a meeting of wo days after the hurricane a meeting of Phase Two has been called. The clubhouse is filled to the brim, including residents of other Lanai Garden Phases, who are here to help. I've been told that seated in the rear is a group of people who no longer have livable homes.

In front, I sit with Jack and the girls. Except for the Canadians, who left before the storm hit, all of the Phase Two condo residents are present.

We gaze around, nodding to friends and neighbors, many in bandages. Most of us look disheveled because we still don't have hot water.

When Evvie is sure everyone is seated, she wends her way up to the podium. As our Phase president and secretary, she thanks everyone for coming and indicates our guest speaker, who comes forward.

"This man needs no introduction. We all know him, since he has made it his business to know us. Before he retired, he was president of the Heyer Construction Company, which built our beautiful condominium apartments. He loved his creation so much he moved in, living here since 1958, when Lanai Gardens was built. Over the years this kind man has been a familiar sight, carrying a loaf of challah and a bottle of Manischewitz whenever a moving truck arrived and new people came to live here. He would personally greet each one that happy day with bread and wine as a symbol of friends.h.i.+p.

"For fifty years he has been our best neighbor and now, in our hour of need, our leader steps up to the plate to help us. A big hand for Stanley Heyer."

Stanley gets his deserved applause as we stand up to show our respect. Evvie returns to her seat next to me.

Waving his arms for us to stop and sit back down, he takes the battery-powered mike, which squeals, piercing everyone's ears. "You all know I've been meeting with each Phase about this terrible disaster. The very good news is that though many were injured, n.o.body died. The bad news is that our beautiful homes require a lot of work. I don't need to tell you how hard it will be to get help, with the whole city in disrepair."

Much murmuring at this. I think to myself how lucky we are to have a man like this in our midst. The mood among the residents is despair, but Stanley will give us hope.

"It will be a long haul. But out of bad comes good, and neighbors will reach out in whatever way they can to help one another rebuild. Everyone in Lanai Gardens who has a construction skill, please sign up to help. Every Phase president will start a list of those who have a service of some kind to offer. Today Evvie Markowitz will start the Phase Two list."

Barbi and Casey raise their hands and stand up. Barbi speaks: "As many of you know, we own a computer research service. We deal in accessing information, which can be very helpful in getting services for those in need. We will explain our company's many uses to those who wish to contact us."

Casey adds, "We're available to anyone free for the next three months."

They sit down, to much applause. Evvie writes their names on her Phase Two list.

A woman I've seen before, from Phase Four, jumps up. She is colorfully dressed in what looks like a gypsy outfit. "Let me introduce myself. I am Madame Margaret Ramona, once known on the stage as the woman with a thousand ident.i.ties. If you want to have your tarot cards read and find out what is in store for the future, get in touch with me. Free. For a while," she adds quickly.

Evvie leans over and whispers, "She stole that idea from Lon Chaney."

Ida puts her two cents in. "Like who cares. What a character."

Many other hands go up. Evvie speaks from her seat. "Meet me later and I'll get you all on the list. For now, let's let Stanley wrap things up."

The hands go down and Stanley speaks again.

"Thank you, one and all, for your generosity. People have opened their homes to their friends and neighbors whose apartments are unlivable. And today, we meet here to continue the same in your Phase.

"By now nearly everyone has been relocated. There are only a few still in need of lodging." He indicates the group in back. "Good friends, please come forward."

All eyes fix on the people who move up front, bunched together. There are seven in all. Among them, in front, are Dora Dooley and Abe Waller, looking forlorn.

Stanley puts his arm around Abe and says to the audience, "I, myself, wanted Abe to live with us, but with my large family, there is no room."

I whisper to Evvie, "Where's Louise? How come she's not up there?"

"I've been meaning to tell you. You won't like it, but she's relocated to your building. And worse, on your floor."

"What!"

"Shh," says Evvie. "Later."

"Looky, looky who's there," Ida says, poking Evvie. "Your ex."

Evvie spots Joe Markowitz in the back of the group, hiding behind a larger man.

"What's he doing there?" she asks, chagrined.

Ida says, "I heard his rental apartment was taken back by the owner, to do repairs."

Evvie quips, "Maybe they ought to put him up on an auction block and sell him off. To the lowest bidder."

"Don't be nasty," I say.

Sophie says poignantly, "Who's gonna want Dora? Or Joe? By now all the nice neighbors have been taken."

A woman rises. She introduces herself as Fran Duma. "My parents went back home to Quebec. Their apartment, P218, is available for as long as needed. They were apprised that Mr. Waller needed a place and I'm authorized to offer it to him."

Evvie and I exchange surprised glances. I say, "That's the apartment between you and Enya."

Abe walks over to Fran and bows to her as she hands him the key. "Please thank them for me."

While people are commenting, Jack suddenly gets up from my side and starts to move. I tug at his jacket to stop him. "Where are you going?"

He looks at me, his face blank. "I need a place to stay."

Startled, I say, "What are you talking about? You've moved in with Morrie."

He shakes his head. "He's got enough on his mind. I'll only be in the way."

I whisper, "Jack, cut out this nonsense. Please."

He shrugs. I hold on to his jacket.People stare from me and then to Jack, as if at a tennis match. And a buzz goes round the room.

I say, "This is crazy."

He says, gently removing my hand from his jacket, "I'm being practical."

He moves toward the front. I feel myself turning red.

Even my girls stare at me, bewildered. He keeps going. Joe, grinning, makes room for him at his side.

Evvie pokes me, amazed. "What's Jack doing?"

"I wish I knew."

There's a moment when all stare at Jack, who's joined the people in need of lodging.

A hand flies up and a high-pitched voice calls out, "I have an extra bedroom. I'll be glad to share with Mr. Langford."

The room turns to Louise, now standing, looking s.e.xy in some kind of slinky outfit with giraffes on it. How does she do it? With a smashed-in apartment how did she get a new dress? She takes out a house key and waves it. "Q317 is available, Jackie!"

The room erupts in shocked excitement.

Sophie hisses, "That brazen hussy!"

Bella says, "That brazen hussy just told us she's gonna be your next-door neighbor!"

Sophie gasps in alarm.

Evvie pokes me. "Do something!"

I can't believe Jack is putting me in this position.

I mumble, "I'm going to kill him when we get out of here. I ought to let Louise have him."

Tessie nudges Sol in delight and she begins clapping. Others join in. Mary and Irving turn and glare at her.

Hy can't resist and calls out, "Okay, any other offers for Jack Langford, very tall, handsome expoliceman? A valuable man to have around the house."

A woman in the rear shouts, "He can put his shoes under my bed anytime."

Lots of laughter at that. The buzzing gets louder.

Evvie, furious, jumps up, stalks to the podium, and bangs the gavel. Stanley moves off to one side, confused about what's going on.

Evvie growls, "Let's have some order around here."

"Hey, Evvie," Tessie shouts. "How about Joe? Your ex needs a place to lay his tired head."

Joe perks up at that and smiles widely.

More enthusiastic clapping. If there's one thing my Lanai Gardens neighbors love, it's to turn rowdy. Especially after the tension of the last few days, laughter is a relief.

Hy fuels the fire. To the cadence of clapping, he stamps his feet and recites, "Evvie and Joe. Evvie and Joe."

Lola, ever the dutiful wife, adds, "And Gladdy and Jack!"

Louise yells, "h.e.l.l with that, I have dibs on him!"

That's it! I'm out of here. I march from my seat

to the exit as Evvie bangs the gavel and shouts, "Meeting's over!"

The last words I hear come from Dora Dooley. "Hey, what about me? Anybody got a TV with batteries?"

Jack catches up to me as I'm crossing the small bridge behind the pool. "Gladdy, wait!"

I call over my shoulder, "Haven't you humiliated me enough for one day?" Below me the ducks quack as if they are a chorus to my misery.

He tries to touch my arm but I pull away, on the move again. "What new quality did I learn about you this time? Mean-spirited? Someone who likes to embarra.s.s women?"

"I was trying to get your attention."

"In front of fifty people?"

"I've tried and I've tried. I keep proposing and . . . nothing."

I stop running and turn to him. "And that . . . that performance was your way of wooing me?"

He shrugs. "The act of a desperate man. What can I say? I was waiting for you to ask me to move in with you. An act of G.o.d gave you a great big signal. The decision was made for you. It's beshert beshert- meant to be. How about this poor guy who just lost his apartment-everything he owns, gone forever. How about this being a perfect time to say, Gee, Jack, why don't you move in with me? Gee, Jack, why don't you move in with me? You could help me shop for new clothes. I'm terrible at it. I don't even have a coffeepot, and this was your opportunity to say, You could help me shop for new clothes. I'm terrible at it. I don't even have a coffeepot, and this was your opportunity to say, Jack, darling, think of the Jack, darling, think of the breakfasts we'll have together. breakfasts we'll have together. And the lunches and the dinners. We could spend our days together looking lovingly in each other's eyes." And the lunches and the dinners. We could spend our days together looking lovingly in each other's eyes."

I think of all the same fantasies I've had and I feel awful. I feel like such a bad person. "But . . . I thought you wanted to stay with Morrie."