Phantasmagoria And Other Poems Part 5

Pour some salt water over the floor- Ugly I'm sure you'll allow it to be: Suppose it extended a mile or more, _That's_ very like the Sea.

Beat a dog till it howls outright- Cruel, but all very well for a spree: Suppose that he did so day and night, _That_ would be like the Sea.

I had a vision of nursery-maids; Tens of thousands pa.s.sed by me- All leading children with wooden spades, And this was by the Sea.

Who invented those spades of wood?

Who was it cut them out of the tree?

None, I think, but an idiot could- Or one that loved the Sea.

It is pleasant and dreamy, no doubt, to float With 'thoughts as boundless, and souls as free': But, suppose you are very unwell in the boat, How do you like the Sea?

[Picture: And this was by the sea]

There is an insect that people avoid (Whence is derived the verb 'to flee').

Where have you been by it most annoyed?

In lodgings by the Sea.

If you like your coffee with sand for dregs, A decided hint of salt in your tea, And a fishy taste in the very eggs- By all means choose the Sea.

And if, with these dainties to drink and eat, You prefer not a vestige of gra.s.s or tree, And a chronic state of wet in your feet, Then-I recommend the Sea.

For _I_ have friends who dwell by the coast- Pleasant friends they are to me!

It is when I am with them I wonder most That anyone likes the Sea.

They take me a walk: though tired and stiff, To climb the heights I madly agree; And, after a tumble or so from the cliff, They kindly suggest the Sea.

I try the rocks, and I think it cool That they laugh with such an excess of glee, As I heavily slip into every pool That skirts the cold cold Sea.

[Picture: As I heavily slip into every pool]

Ye Carpette Knyghte

I have a horse-a ryghte good horse- Ne doe Y envye those Who scoure ye playne yn headye course Tyll soddayne on theyre nose They lyghte wyth unexpected force Yt ys-a horse of clothes.

I have a saddel-"Say'st thou soe?

Wyth styrruppes, Knyghte, to boote?"

I sayde not that-I answere "Noe"- Yt lacketh such, I woote: Yt ys a mutton-saddel, loe!

Parte of ye fleecye brute.

I have a bytte-a ryghte good bytte- As shall bee seene yn tyme.

Ye jawe of horse yt wyll not fytte; Yts use ys more sublyme.

Fayre Syr, how deemest thou of yt?

Yt ys-thys bytte of rhyme.

[Picture: I have a horse]

HIAWATHA'S PHOTOGRAPHING

[In an age of imitation, I can claim no special merit for this slight attempt at doing what is known to be so easy. Any fairly practised writer, with the slightest ear for rhythm, could compose, for hours together, in the easy running metre of 'The Song of Hiawatha.' Having, then, distinctly stated that I challenge no attention in the following little poem to its merely verbal jingle, I must beg the candid reader to confine his criticism to its treatment of the subject.]

FROM his shoulder Hiawatha Took the camera of rosewood, Made of sliding, folding rosewood; Neatly put it all together.

In its case it lay compactly, Folded into nearly nothing; But he opened out the hinges, Pushed and pulled the joints and hinges, Till it looked all squares and oblongs, Like a complicated figure In the Second Book of Euclid.

[Picture: The camera]

This he perched upon a tripod- Crouched beneath its dusky cover- Stretched his hand, enforcing silence- Said, "Be motionless, I beg you!"

Mystic, awful was the process.

All the family in order Sat before him for their pictures: Each in turn, as he was taken, Volunteered his own suggestions, His ingenious suggestions.

First the Governor, the Father: He suggested velvet curtains Looped about a ma.s.sy pillar; And the corner of a table, Of a rosewood dining-table.

He would hold a scroll of something, Hold it firmly in his left-hand; He would keep his right-hand buried (Like Napoleon) in his waistcoat; He would contemplate the distance With a look of pensive meaning, As of ducks that die ill tempests.

Grand, heroic was the notion: Yet the picture failed entirely: Failed, because he moved a little, Moved, because he couldn't help it.

[Picture: First the Governor, the Father]

Next, his better half took courage; _She_ would have her picture taken.

She came dressed beyond description, Dressed in jewels and in satin Far too gorgeous for an empress.

Gracefully she sat down sideways, With a simper scarcely human, Holding in her hand a bouquet Rather larger than a cabbage.

All the while that she was sitting, Still the lady chattered, chattered, Like a monkey in the forest.

"Am I sitting still?" she asked him.

"Is my face enough in profile?

Shall I hold the bouquet higher?

Will it came into the picture?"

And the picture failed completely.

[Picture: Next the Son, the Stunning-Cantab]

Next the Son, the Stunning-Cantab: He suggested curves of beauty, Curves pervading all his figure, Which the eye might follow onward, Till they centered in the breast-pin, Centered in the golden breast-pin.

He had learnt it all from Ruskin (Author of 'The Stones of Venice,'

'Seven Lamps of Architecture,'

'Modern Painters,' and some others); And perhaps he had not fully Understood his author's meaning; But, whatever was the reason, All was fruitless, as the picture Ended in an utter failure.

[Picture: Next to him the eldest daughter]

Next to him the eldest daughter: She suggested very little, Only asked if he would take her With her look of 'pa.s.sive beauty.'

Her idea of pa.s.sive beauty Was a squinting of the left-eye, Was a drooping of the right-eye, Was a smile that went up sideways To the corner of the nostrils.

Hiawatha, when she asked him, Took no notice of the question, Looked as if he hadn't heard it; But, when pointedly appealed to, Smiled in his peculiar manner, Coughed and said it 'didn't matter,'

Bit his lip and changed the subject.

Nor in this was he mistaken, As the picture failed completely.

So in turn the other sisters.