The Tricks Of The Town: Or, Ways And Means Of Getting Money Part 2

There are many Persons subsisted merely by frequenting the most noted _Ordinaries_ and _Eating-Houses_ where the second-hand sort of Gentlemen resort; and there, when they find a better Sword, Hat or Cane, than their own at leisure, make no scruple to bring them away, and are oftentimes so ungenerous as not to leave their old ones in lieu of them. The Persons who fall into this _Way of Life_, I have observed, are for the most part of pretty voluble Tongues, and are generally well versed in the Politicks and Histories of their own Times, so as to be able to harangue a Company into a good opinion of their Parts and Capacity; so that when they are taking Leave, to go away, the Company may not regard the Pegs on which those Moveables hang. They also appear decently dress'd, so as to avoid being suspected of making a _Trade_ instead of a _Mistake_ when they are detected in these Practices. I have known a large Number of People, after they have heartily filled their Bellies with Beef and Pudding, do notable Services to their Country; two or three have made Reprisals upon the _Spanish Guard la Costa's_ in the _West-Indies_. Others have reduced the Army, and added to the Sinking-Fund. Some have made a safe and honourable Peace, and brought us all to rights at last; and after all this Merit, be rewarded with the loss of their Hats, Canes and Swords, and be forced to march out of a Cook's Shop like a Garrison that has surrendred Prisoners at Discretion, when some of the _Gentlemen_ of this _Profession_ have been amongst them.

A Gentleman-like Person being on a _Christmas-Day_ taking a Walk in _Queen-Square_ near _Ormond-Street_, and observing a handsome Table decked out with the best Damask Linnen, and a Side-Board richly cover'd with Plate, _&c._ he concluded that an elegant Dinner must not be very distant from those Preparations. Immediately a Coach, containing two Ladies and a Gentleman, stopt at the Door: with an Air of Vivacity he steps forward, and a.s.sists the Ladies in coming out of the Coach, and after the mutual Civilities, they all enter the House together, and are received and conducted by the Gentleman of the Family into the Dining-Room; his Lady, Sisters, Daughters, and Nieces are saluted by the _Gentlemen_ in the usual manner. Dinner is called, and served up; and the _Stranger_ calls about him for Water, Wine, and every thing he wanted, as though he had been intimately acquainted with the Table. From the Discourse which pa.s.sed, he became Master of every one's Name present, and made use of them on proper Occasions; and then by a short Story relating to a Rencounter, which he said he was engaged in at _Paris_, the Company laid hold of his Name likewise, and every one became jocose, free, and obliging to each other. When he was called upon for his Toast, he named the most celebrated Beauties of the Age, and the Healths of such Gentlemen as he found were agreeable to the Ladies. In a word, he acquitted himself as became a Man of Mode, and one who kept the best Company. Towards the Evening the Conversation breaks up, and the Gentlemen with the two Ladies take Leave, after a great many Compliments for their Entertainment; and the strange Gentleman having helped to conduct the Ladies into their Coach in the same manner as he had handed them out of it, they in Civility desire to set him down, which he accepted of, and they heard no more of him till they went again to dine at their Friend's House in _Queen's-Square_, when the Gentleman of the House and all the Ladies roundly rallied them for not bringing their Friend, the well-bred Mr.

---- with them to Dinner. They were more surprized, as supposing him to have been an Intimate of the Family's, and had not seen him before the time he had imposed himself upon all the Company for a Dinner.

A certain small Portion of the People obtain Food and Raiment by plying closely the Avenues that lead into _St. James's Park_, and the other privileged Places within the Verge of the Court; they appear like Porters and Chairmen, and some like Operators for the Feet; and have had such Experience in their Business, and are so well skill'd in Physiognomy, that they know an _insolvent Person_ upon the first sight. The severe Usage his Apparel has met with from the Bristles, or else his conscious Countenance in the shy and suspicious Look he casts over his Shoulder upon every one he hears treading behind him, are the infallible Tokens by which they form their Judgment. Having pitch'd upon their Man, they pursue him at a proper Distance, till they find an Opportunity to speak with him alone, and then tell him a Person has hired them to watch diligently the Route he shall take for that Day, and upon giving notice thereof, they are to be rewarded; but that, being an unfortunate Man himself, and owing much Money, he would not for his Right-hand set a Gentleman into the hands of a Bailiff. The Information carrying such an honest Face with it, cannot fail of being received with due Grat.i.tude. The Insolvent is now obliged to look to himself, and instead of stealing to _Chelsea_ or _Kensington_ for a little Air, is forced to confine himself to bad Punch and worse Wine at some blind Hedge Coffee-house or Tavern within the Verge of the Court. The Rascal by whom he has thus been impudently imposed upon and terrified, never meets him but begs a s.h.i.+lling or Six-pence; and having brought, perhaps, a dozen unfortunate Gentlemen more under the same Apprehensions, makes a comfortable Livelyhood of them.

Sometimes they are really employ'd by the Bailiffs to keep a Look-out upon a Gentleman that is appointed to be unharboured; then they betray their Masters by giving him timely Notice of what is intended, and so get more by the Discovery than the Officer would have done by executing the Writ.

A Gentleman had once taken Sanctuary in the Verge, but such pressing Importunities were made to the _Green-Cloth_, that he was left to the Mercy of his Creditors, if they could get him into their Power: As his Debts were large, so large Rewards were offered to any Officer who should undertake his Reprizal. A Bailiff for the Sum of Twenty Guineas at last undertook the Job. The Insolvent confined himself close to his Chamber, and had all his Eatables dressed at a Tavern: Having one Night ordered an elegant Supper for a few Ladies at his Lodgings, the Bailiffs got Intelligence of the Hour it was directed to be ready; and having equipp'd himself with a black Callimanco-Waistcoat and Napkin-Cap like a Cook, and his two Followers like Drawers, and furnish'd themselves with cover'd Dishes, Plates, and every thing necessary for Eating: A few Minutes before the time appointed they were all admitted into the Chamber, the Ladies were all in a Hurry to get themselves seated, crying _Supper was come_; but the Gentleman perceiving the Cheat, was for taking to his Pistols, but they secured and brought him off Prisoner to the County-Jayl immediately.

A Foreigner of Distinction, who had formerly made the Tour of _England_, and during his Stay, had contracted very large Debts with several Trades-People, happened a few Months since to return to _London_: he chose to lodge privately, and seldom appeared abroad; but, having purchased some Tickets in the State-Lottery, and entered them at an Office in the City for an Account of their Success to be transmitted to him; his Creditors got knowledge of his Arrival, and the Place of his Abode. One Morning, when he was in a _Dishabilie_, and playing with his Dog, a Sheriff's Officer _sans Ceremonie_ entered the Room, and taking a Writ out of his Pocket, shew'd it to the _Count_, telling him, _he arrested him in an Action for Five Hundred Pounds_. The _Foreigner_ understanding but very little _English_, fell to hugging the Bailiff in his Arms, and thrust eight Guineas into his Hand as a Reward, thinking he had brought him the News of a Five Hundred Pound Prize in the Lottery; and then capered about the Room like a Dancing-Master, calling in _French_ to his _Valet_ and _Interpreter_, who were in an adjacent Room, to come to partake of his Joy. By this time three dirty Ruffians like Street-Robbers were at the Chamber-door, and the whole House in an Uproar. The _Count_ was soon convinced of his Error, and obliged to find Bail to the Action; and there being none in the Room but the Bailiff and himself when the Writ was executed, the Rascal absolutely denied the Present of _Eight Guineas_, and got three more for his _Civility_, in not carrying him out of the House.

A noted Town-Sharper being in Company with others of his Acquaintance, and tossing about his Purse with Fifty Guineas in it, swore he must make them an Hundred between Sun and Sun, or else he must be liable to an Arrest, and go to Jayl for the Money. He went to his Lodgings in _Westminster_, and taking off his Coat and Neckcloth, put on his Night-Gown, and stuck a Pen under his Perriwig, and laying aside his Hat, ordered a Hackney-Coach to be called to the Door; his Order was to be set down at _Stocks-Market_, from thence he walked into a Banker's Shop in _Lombard-Street_, and pointing towards one of the neighbouring Lanes, said, there was an old whimsical Lady at his Shop just come to Town, who had required him to get her fifty of _Queen Anne_'s Guineas in Change of others to carry home with her into the Country; and that, being an extraordinary good Customer, he could not fail obliging her. The Banker's Servant answered, they had, no doubt, a good number of them, but it would give him a great deal of Trouble to tumble over the Cash to find 'em. Upon this the Sharper threw him down three Half-Crowns as a Gratuity, and then several Bags of Gold opened their Mouths upon the Compter: while the Servant was busy in looking them out, the other was as busy to a.s.sist him, and every Minute was darting his Hand upon the Heaps, crying, _Here's one: there's another_, &c. and by the help of some Wax in the hollow of his Hand, he drew away several Guineas every time, which he conveyed into a Handkerchief he held in his Left-hand. When the Number was compleated, they parted, with much Complaisance on each side: but when the Banker came the next Morning to settle the Account of his Cash, he found in his _Gold_ a Deficiency of _Sixty Guineas_.

A most satyrical Pamphlet against some Persons in Power, having been ushered into the World by an unknown Hand, and being wrote with much Spirit and Vehemence, the Thing had a prodigious Run upon the Town, so that the Profits arising from the Sale were very considerable. A _Bookseller_ in the City, who happened to be the Proprietor of this _Lucky Hit_, being at his Shop-door one Evening, a Gentleman pretty humbly habited accosted him, and desired leave to exhibit to him a _Copy_ upon a curious Subject, which, he said, was his own Performance, and which he believed _wou'd do_; he told him of what _University_ he was, and by what Means his Merit had miss'd of it's Reward: He was going to apologize for the meanness of his Apparel, when the Bookseller interrupted him with a great Oath, and pointed to a Warehouse of Waste-Paper, which he said was, to his sorrow, the Production of Beaus and Blockheads of Quality; adding, it was a Maxim held by the whole Trade, that _a bad Coat always betoken'd a good Poet_; and that if he approv'd of his _Work_, his _Dress_ should be no Obstacle to a Bargain: but that withal he seem'd to be Master of too much Modesty, he fear'd, to undertake the Business of his Shop; but if he turn'd out otherwise, and had any tolerable hand at Defamation, he had a _Fifth Floor_, with other Favours at his Service. The Shopkeeper said it was not customary to treat of these Matters at home, and having carried him to his Tavern, he enquir'd the Hour of the _Poet_'s Appet.i.te. A Bottle, with a monstrous Beef-Stake, were soon upon the Table. They now come to Business; the Bookseller was ask'd, _If he was a Man of Honour, and could keep a Secret?_ No Man, _he thank'd G.o.d, could say otherwise, for that he always endeavour'd to preserve the Character of as honest a Man as the Trade and Business would admit of_. The Poet then a.s.sur'd him, he was the real Author of that severe Pamphlet against the M--n--ry, which had made such a noise in the World. The Bookseller had not been acquainted with Books alone, he knew something of Men also, and had therefore the Presence of Mind to conceal his Surprize at the monstrous Impudence of the Fellow; and giving him a fast squeeze by the Hand, says, _Sir, you're my Man:_ and being willing to have some other Witness of this extraordinary Event, said, Then I must let you into another Secret; and gave him to understand that there was a private Contract between him and another Bookseller in the same Street, by which both their Interests were so consolidated, that the one durst not engross or monopolize to himself any Copy or Author, without the Knowledge and Consent of the other; and so desired he would give leave for his Partner to be sent for, which was readily comply'd with. The poor Man had now two upon his hands; the Bottle went briskly about, and the more merry, the more unmerciful they grew, for the Room was soon fill'd with more Booksellers, Printers, and Stationers, to see this Prodigy of Wit and Satyr: who were all recommended to him as _Friends_, and _Well-wishers to the Cause_. He became more unguarded, till at last they extorted from him the Profits accruing by the ingenious Pamphlet, for the writing of which he had set so high a Value upon himself. He was very particular and prolix on that Head, and so soon as he had ended his Relation, the first Bookseller produced, before all the Company, a Receipt, under the Hand of the true Author, for the Money he had paid him for the Copy.

FINIS.