Three Plays Part 42

LAUDISI. But all the facts in the case are explained if you take her story, aren't they?

SIRELLI. Oh, nonsense! In that case neither of them would be crazy! Why, one of them must be, d.a.m.n it all!

LAUDISI. Well, which one? You can't tell, can you? Neither can anybody else! And it is not because those doc.u.ments you are looking for have been destroyed in an accident--a fire, an earthquake--what you will; but because those people have concealed those doc.u.ments in themselves, in their own souls.

Can't you understand that? She has created for him, or he for her, a world of fancy which has all the earmarks of reality itself. And in this fict.i.tious reality they get along perfectly well, and in full accord with each other; and this world of fancy, this reality of theirs, no doc.u.ment can possibly destroy because the air they breathe is of that world. For them it is something they can see with their eyes, hear with their ears, and touch with their fingers.

Oh, I grant you--if you could get a death certificate or a marriage certificate or something of the kind, you might be able to satisfy that stupid curiosity of yours.

Unfortunately, you can't get it. And the result is that you are in the extraordinary fix of having before you, on the one hand, a world of fancy, and on the other, a world of reality, and you, for the life of you, are not able to distinguish one from the other.

AGAZZI. Philosophy, my dear boy, philosophy! And I have no use for philosophy. Give me facts, if you please! Facts! So, I say, keep at it; and I'll bet you we get to the bottom of it sooner or later.

SIRELLI. First we got her story and then we got his; and then we got a new one from her. Let's bring the two of them together--and you think that then we won't be able to tell the false from the true?

LAUDISI. Well, bring them together if you want to! All I ask is permission to laugh when you're through.

AGAZZI. Well, we'll let you laugh all you want. In the meantime let's see.... (_He steps to the door at the left and calls_): Amalia, Signora Sirelli, won't you come in here a moment?

(_The ladies enter with Dina_).

SIGNORA SIRELLI (_catching sight of Laudisi and shaking a finger at him_). But how is it a man like you, in the presence of such an extraordinary situation, can escape the curiosity we all feel to get at the bottom of this mystery?

Why, I lie awake nights thinking of it!

AGAZZI. As your husband says, that man's impossible! Don't bother about him, Signora Sirelli.

LAUDISI. No, don't bother with me; you just listen to Agazzi! He'll keep you from lying awake tonight.

AGAZZI. Look here, ladies. This is what I want--I have an idea: won't you just step across the hall to Signora Frola's?

AMALIA. But will she come to the door?

AGAZZI. Oh, I imagine she will!

DINA. We're just returning the call, you see....

AMALIA. But didn't he ask us not to call on his mother-in-law? Hasn't he forbidden her to receive visits?

SIRELLI. No, not exactly! That's how he explained what had happened; but at that time nothing was known. Now that the old lady, through force of circ.u.mstance, has spoken, giving her version at least of her strange conduct, I should think that....

SIGNORA SIRELLI. I have a feeling that she'll be awfully glad to see us, if for nothing else, for the chance of talking about her daughter.

DINA. And she really is a jolly old lady. There is no doubt in my mind, not the slightest: Ponza is the lunatic!

AGAZZI. Now, let's not go too fast. You just listen to me (_he looks at his wife_): don't stay too long--five or ten minutes at the outside!

SIRELLI (_to his wife_). And for heaven's sake, keep your mouth shut!

SIGNORA SIRELLI. And why such considerate advice to me?

SIRELLI. Once _you_ get going....

DINA (_with the idea of preventing a scene_). Oh, we are not going to stay very long, ten minutes--fifteen, at the outside. I'll see that no breaks are made.

AGAZZI. And I'll just drop around to the office, and be back at eleven o'clock--ten or twenty minutes at the most.

SIRELLI. And what can I do?

AGAZZI. Wait! (_Turning to the ladies_). Now, here's the plan! You people invent some excuse or other so as to get Signora Frola in here.

AMALIA. What? How can we possibly do that?

AGAZZI. Oh, find some excuse! You'll think of something in the course of your talk; and if you don't, there's Dina and Signora Sirelli. But when you come back, you understand, go into the drawing room. (_He steps to the door on the left, makes sure that it is wide open, and draws aside the portiere_). This door must stay open, wide open, so that we can hear you talking from in here. Now, here are some papers that I ought to take with me to the office. However, I forget them here. It is a brief that requires Ponza's immediate personal attention. So then, I forget it. And when I get to the office I have to bring him back here to find them--See?

SIRELLI. But just a moment. Where do I come in? When am I expected to appear?

AGAZZI. Oh, yes!... A moment or two after eleven, when the ladies are again in the drawing room, and I am back here, you just drop in--to take your wife home, see? You ring the bell and ask for me, and I'll have you brought in here. Then I'll invite the whole crowd in! That's natural enough, isn't it?--into my office?...

LAUDISI (_interrupting_). And we'll have the Truth, the whole Truth with a capital T!

DINA. But look, Nunky, of course we'll have the truth--once we get them together face to face--capital T and all!

AGAZZI. Don't get into an argument with that man. Besides, it's time you ladies were going. None of us has any too much leeway.

SIGNORA SIRELLI. Come, Amalia, come Dina! And as for you, sir (_turning to Laudisi_), I won't even shake hands with you.

LAUDISI. Permit me to do it for you, madam. (_He shakes one hand with the other_). Good luck to you, my dear ladies.

(_Exit Dina, Amalia, Signora Sirelli_).

AGAZZI (_to Sirelli_). And now we'd better go, too. Suppose we hurry!

SIRELLI. Yes, right away. Goodbye, Lamberto!

LAUDISI. Goodbye, good luck, good luck! (_Agazzi and Sirelli leave. Laudisi, left alone, walks up and down the study a number of times, nodding his head and occasionally smiling.

Finally he draws up in front of the big mirror that is hanging over the mantelpiece. He sees himself in the gla.s.s, stops, and addresses his image_).

LAUDISI. So there you are! (_He bows to himself and salutes, touching his forehead with his fingers_). I say, old man, who is the lunatic, you or I? (_He levels a finger menacingly at his image in the gla.s.s; and, of course, the image in turn levels a finger at him. As he smiles, his image smiles_). Of course, I understand! I say it's you, and you say it's me. You--you are the lunatic! No? It's me? Very well! It's me! Have it _your_ way. Between you and me, we get along very well, don't we! But the trouble is, others don't think of you just as I do; and that being the case, old man, what a fix you're in! As for me, I say that here, right in front of you, I can see myself with my eyes and touch myself with my fingers. But what are you for other people? What are you in their eyes? An image, my dear sir, just an image in the gla.s.s! "What fools these mortals be!"

as old Shakespeare said. They're all carrying just such a phantom around inside themselves, and here they are racking their brains about the phantoms in other people; and they think all that is quite another thing!

(_The butler has entered the room in time to catch Laudisi gesticulating at himself in the gla.s.s. He wonders if the man is crazy. Finally he speaks up_):

BUTLER. Ahem!... Signor Laudisi, if you please....

LAUDISI (_coming to himself_). Uff!

BUTLER. Two ladies calling, sir! Signora Cini and another lady!

LAUDISI. Calling to see me?

BUTLER. Really, they asked for the signora; but I said that she was out--on a call next door; and then....