Three Plays Part 49

AGAZZI. Oh, you make me tired! If we listen to you....

LAUDISI. No, ladies and gentlemen, notice! It may be that she is nothing but a phantom in her own eyes.

SIGNORA NENNI. Why, this is getting to be almost spooky!

SIGNORA CINI. You mean to say it's a ghost, a real ghost?

How can you frighten us so?

EVERYBODY. Nonsense! He's only joking! He's only joking!

LAUDISI. Not a bit of it! I'm not joking at all! Who ever saw the woman? No one ever set eyes on her. He talks of her, to be sure; and she, the old woman that is, says that she often sees her.

SIRELLI. Nonsense! Any number of people have seen her; she comes to the balcony of the courtyard.

LAUDISI. Who comes to the balcony?

SIRELLI. A woman in flesh and bones--in skirts, for that matter. People have seen her and people have heard her talk.

For heaven's sake, man!

LAUDISI. Are you sure of that?

AGAZZI. And why not, pray? You said so yourself a moment ago!

LAUDISI. Why yes, I did say so! I did say that the prefect ought to have a talk with whatever woman is there. But notice one thing, it is certain that no ordinary woman is there. No _ordinary_ woman! Of that much we can be sure! And I, for my part, have come to doubt whether she is in any sense of the term, a woman.

SIGNORA SIRELLI Dear me, dear me! That man simply drives me crazy.

LAUDISI. Well, supposing we wait and see!

EVERYBODY. Well, who is she then? But people have seen her!

His wife! On the balcony! She writes letters!

POLICE COMMISSIONER (_in the heat of the confusion comes into the room, excitedly announcing_). The prefect is coming! The prefect!

AGAZZI. What do you mean? Coming here? But you went to....

COMMISSIONER. Why yes, but I met him hardly a block away. He was coming here; and Ponza is with him.

SIRELLI. Ah, Ponza!

AGAZZI. Oh, if Ponza is with him, I doubt whether he is coming here. They are probably on their way to the old lady's. Please, Centuri, you just wait on the landing there and ask him if he won't step in here as he promised?

COMMISSIONER. Very well! I'll do so! (_He withdraws hurriedly through the door in the rear_).

AGAZZI. Won't you people just step into the other room?

SIGNORA SIRELLI. But remember now, be sure to make him see the point! It's the only way out, the only way.

AMALIA (_at the door to the left_). This way, ladies, if you please!

AGAZZI. Won't you just stay here, Sirelli; and you, too, Lamberto?

(_All the others go out through the door to the left_).

AGAZZI (_to Laudisi_). But let me do the talking, won't you!

LAUDISI. Oh, as for that, don't worry. In fact, if you prefer, I'll go into the other room....

AGAZZI. No, no, it's better for you to be here. Ah, here he is now!

THE PREFECT _is a man of about sixty, tall, thick set, good natured, affable._

PREFECT. Ah, Agazzi, glad to see you. How goes it, Sirelli?

Good to see you again, Laudisi. (_He shakes hands all around_).

AGAZZI (_motioning toward a chair_). I hope you won't mind my having asked you to come here.

PREFECT. No, I was coming, just as I promised you!

AGAZZI (_noticing the police commissioner at the door_). Oh, I'm sorry, Commissioner! Please come in! Here, have a chair!

PREFECT (_good-naturedly to Sirelli_). By the way, Sirelli, they tell me that you've gone half nutty over this blessed affair of our new secretary.

SIRELLI. Oh, no, governor, believe me. I'm not the only one!

The whole village is worked up.

AGAZZI. And that's putting it very mildly.

PREFECT. What's it all about? What's it all about? Good heavens!

AGAZZI. Of course, governor, you're probably not posted on the whole business. The old lady lives here next door....

PREFECT. Yes, I understand so.

SIRELLI. No, one moment, please, governor. You haven't talked with the poor old lady yet.

PREFECT. I was on my way to see her. (_Turning to Agazzi_).

I had promised you to see her here, but Ponza came and begged me, almost on my knees, to see her in her own house.

His idea was to put an end to all this talk that's going around. Do you think he would have done such a thing if he weren't absolutely sure?

AGAZZI. Of course, he's sure! Because when she's talking in front of him, the poor woman....

SIRELLI (_suddenly getting in his oar_). She says just what he wants her to say, governor; which proves that she is far from being as insane as he claims.

AGAZZI. We had a sample of that, here, yesterday, all of us.