The Whale and the Grasshopper Part 28

"'Very true, indeed,' ses he, 'but we must cultivate patience in all things, and self-control as well, if we want to be comparatively happy.'

"'Patience,' ses he, 'is the next best thing to stupidity. And 'tis nothing more nor less than an infinite capacity for taking pains.'

"'And what's genius then?' ses I.

"'Genius,' ses he, 'is the blossom of inspiration.'

"'I am beginning at long last,' ses I, 'to see some of the advantages of being a recluse. It makes a man think more than pleases those who disagree with him.'

"'You are still a novice at philosophy,' ses he, 'and when you can understand why people won't a.s.sociate with others, you will know why they keep to themselves.'

"'Oh,' ses I, 'I always want to be with my friends, and live as comfortably as I can. But evidently you don't care where you live, or how you live.'

"'Well,' ses he, 'I live in the present, the past, and the future, and though I dwell in a hut at the foot of the hills beyond, I am as happy as a cow in clover. And if all the water in the ocean was to be turned into whiskey, and if all the fish and the Sunday excursionists were to drink themselves to death, I don't believe that 'twould interfere with my comfort. I have all I want,' ses he, 'and I know it, and that's the only time a man can be happy.'

"'And why don't you write a poem?' ses I.

"'I live one,' ses he, 'and that's much better. I love the rustle of the leaves and every sound in the woods. All that grows and lives and dies interests and inspires me. And the only thing that makes me sad is that I am not a vegetarian. But,' ses he, 'I'd be one in the morning if I could get as much satisfaction from eating a handful of hazel-nuts, or a few skeeories or blackberries, as from feasting on a roast partridge.'

"'And that,' ses I, 'just goes to prove that we would all be decent if our decency wouldn't interfere with our happiness. Nevertheless, a man who can drift away from his fellow men and live alone in a wood must be the descendant of some ancient line of kings, or else he must be one of those highly civilized people we read about in books. Or perhaps a species of sn.o.b who cannot see the difference between his own foolishness and the foolishness of others. Such a one usually thinks he is better than his equals and his superiors as well.'

"'Very often,' ses he, 'when nature makes one man better than another, he thinks 'tis his privilege to make others as bad as himself, so to speak. And to be a success, a man must be a sn.o.b of some kind, or else have no more brains than a herring.'

"'Sn.o.bbery is the greatest of all virtues, because it makes us feel better than we are. Take the Protestants, for instance,' ses I.

"'Sn.o.bbery is an inheritance with them,' ses he. 'And 'twas they brought democracy to America. And what, after all, is democracy but the highest form of sn.o.bocracy? It begets self-deception in us all, and makes the beggar think he is as good as the king, and the fool think he is as good as the scholar. Aye,' ses he, 'and it makes the monied vulgarian think he is as good as those who only tolerate him. Democracy only gives the downtrodden an opportunity of becoming sn.o.bs. 'Tis true, of course,' ses he, 'that the aristocracy couldn't exist only for the common people, and the common people couldn't learn the art of sn.o.bbery only for the aristocracy.'

"'But good breeding will always show in a man,' ses I.

"'Yes,' ses he, 'but some are too well bred to be mannerly, and others are too mannerly to be just merely polite. Politeness can be acquired,'

ses he, 'but good manners must be born with us. The most ignorant and ill-bred are oftentimes the most polite cla.s.s of people. And you don't have to spend a year with a man to know whether or not he is a gentleman. The very good manners of some is the most offensive thing about them.'

"''Tis wonderful astuteness of observation, you have entirely,' ses I, 'and I think it is a shame for a man with your insight to be wasting your time in this dreary grove, when you could be giving pleasure and instruction to the poor and ignorant in the outer world.'

"'Why should I spoil the happiness of the ignorant?' ses he. 'What, might I ask, has the world gained by two thousand years of culture? What is the use of educating people who at a moment's notice will go to the wars and slaughter each other for the sake of pleasing the kings and rulers of Christendom?'

"'I'm afraid you are a selfish man,' ses I.

"'Without a tinge of selfishness no man is any good,' ses he.

"'And don't you do anything at all for others?' ses I.

"'Oh, yes,' ses he. "I keep out of their way, and you don't know what a kindness that is. Those who don't bore me,' ses he, 'I bore them. And that is one of the reasons why I keep so much to myself.'

"'And why don't you keep a record of all your thoughts and write them down in a book?' ses I.

"'I might be hanged, drawn and quartered, and beheaded besides, if I were to do that. But, nevertheless, I have preserved a few stray thoughts that may help to amuse the ignorant after I am dead and gone,'

ses he.

"'Where are they?' ses I.

"'They are written in large letters on the trees of the grove,'

ses he. And then he took my arm, and we walked from tree to tree, and as we went our way, we read as follows:

"'A democrat is one who is sorry that he is not an aristocrat, and an aristocrat is a sn.o.b, and doesn't know it.

"'If you think long enough, you will discover that such a thing as equality could never exist, because we all imagine we are better or worse than some one else.

"'People who don't think before marriage learn to do so after, but better late than never.

"'If our friends were as generous as we would wish them to be, we would have no respect for their foolishness.

"'Flies never frequent empty jam-pots, but money always brings friends.

"'The man who seeks a bubble reputation in the newspapers must always keep reminding the public that he doesn't want to be forgotten.

"'It is no easy matter to praise ourselves without abusing others, or to abuse others without praising ourselves.

"'Speech is a blessing to those who have not the courage to carry out their threats.

"'Any fool can smash the sh.e.l.l of an egg into ten thousand pieces, but who can put it together again?

"'When a man takes a false step, he must suffer the consequences, and if he is sensible, he will do so cheerfully.

"'Many say all the things they should be content with thinking, and brilliance, within limits, often only leads to chaos.

"'Congenital stupidity is such a potent factor with most of us that we never know our limitations until we examine our mistakes.

"'Most people are led through life while thinking they are leaders.

"'if we could only see half the comedy of life, we would become pessimists.

"'The man who could be spoilt by success would not be saved by adversity.

"'The great are not always humble, and the humble are not always great.

"'Silence is often more the sign of stupidity than wisdom.

"'We can keep our enemies by continuing to treat them badly, and lose our friends by treating them too well.

"'Wisdom after the event is only repentance.'"

"Bedad," said Micus, "he knew a thing or two."