The Cat and Fiddle Book Part 12

m.u.f.fET. No.

NURSE. Then what about a nice ginger-nut?

m.u.f.fET. No.

NURSE. Or a nice scone?

m.u.f.fET. No.

NURSE. Or a nice Albert biscuit?

m.u.f.fET. No.

NURSE. Then what _do_ you want?

m.u.f.fET. Something that begins with a K.

NURSE. With a K.? What can that be?

m.u.f.fET [_triumphantly_]. Curds and whey!

NURSE. Oh, my dear child, what spelling! Curds begins with a C.

m.u.f.fET [_decidedly_]. No, nursie, I've done my spelling for to-day.

You'll let me have it outside, won't you? Just for a treat.

NURSE. It won't be much of a treat if you spill it all on the path.

m.u.f.fET. No, I don't want to give the path a treat, do I? Oh, I'll be so careful, nursie, you'll see. _Do_ let me.

NURSE. Very well then, just for once you may. But mind, you mustn't begin Curds with a K.

m.u.f.fET. I'll begin it with a spoon, dear nursie--that's best. I'll go and get it from the kitchen.

NURSE. And I'll go and fetch the darling baby. Bless his pretty heart for a popsy wopsy toodelums.

SCENE II

_The grounds--a gra.s.sy hillock--some trees. Enter the SPIDER, prowling mysteriously._

_The SPIDER should have eight legs, made of thick wire, bent and covered with black. Two curving from his feet, two from his hands, two from his head (fastened on to a round frame), two from his shoulders._

SPIDER. Ha, none of those horrid two-legged creatures about, I am glad to say. I should be ashamed to have so few legs. Now, let me see. Where shall I start my spinning? [_Sits on tuffet and looks round._] That bough, I think, would be best ... it's just the right kind of day--not too s.h.i.+ny, nor too damp. Just the sort of day for a fly not to see a web. [_Looks round._] Perhaps I'd better look round and see if there's a better place. Dear me, now there's a bluebottle gone swaggering past. If I'd had the web ready he'd have blundered straight into it. Fat blue thing! These winged creatures _are_ so stupid sometimes. Well, I mustn't lose any more time. [_Goes out R._

[_Enter NURSE, pus.h.i.+ng pram in which the baby is supposed to be; m.u.f.fET following, carrying a bowl very carefully and a spoon._

NURSE. Now, Miss m.u.f.fet, you had better sit down and eat your curds and whey or you'll be splas.h.i.+ng it down your frock. Suppose you sit on that tuffet and eat it while I walk the baby about.

m.u.f.fET. Is that called a tuffet? What a nice name!

NURSE. Yes, it's called a tuffet because that's where people sit to eat curds and whey.

m.u.f.fET. Oh, I'll sit there then. [_Establishes herself carefully._] Now I'll pretend I'm on a desert island, Nurse, and you go away.

NURSE [_smiling_]. Very well. I leave you to the savages. Good-bye.

m.u.f.fET [_calls after her_]. Nurse!

NURSE. Well?

m.u.f.fET. You won't really go away, will you? You'll only pretend?

NURSE. Of course.

m.u.f.fET. And they won't be real savages?

NURSE. Certainly not.

m.u.f.fET. I always think it's so much nicer to pretend.

[_NURSE goes off R. m.u.f.fET goes on eating her curds and whey.

SPIDER comes in L. with coil of string. SPIDER, before seeing m.u.f.fET, looks up at bough._

SPIDER. No, this is the best place, I'm sure.

[_Sees m.u.f.fET, who has nearly eaten her curds. She looks up and sees him, and cries out._

m.u.f.fET. Oh! Oh! Oh! Nurse! Nurse! Here's an enormous spider!

SPIDER. You are very rude--that's worse than being enormous.

m.u.f.fET [_looking frightened_]. I'm very sorry--I didn't mean to be rude.

SPIDER [_mollified_]. And I didn't mean to be enormous. But I was born so.

m.u.f.fET. Nurse! Nurse! [_She begins crying._

SPIDER. What's the matter, little Two-legs?

[_Sits down by her on the tuffet. MISS m.u.f.fET puts down the curds and whey and rushes in to meet NURSE coming in L. with baby._

NURSE. What is it, darling? What's the matter?

m.u.f.fET. Oh, Nursie, it's a spider--the biggest you ever saw, and he came and sat down beside me and frightened me away.

NURSE [_seeing_ SPIDER]. Oh! he _is_ a monster.