The English Spy Part 31

James's, on a matrimonial speculation with a young musician, Mr. An----y C----, (himself a boy of 18)! From such a union what could be expected?

a mother at 16, and a neglected dishonoured wife, before she had counted many years of womanhood. If she fell an unresisting victim to the seduction which her youth, beauty, and musical talents attracted, '_her stars were more to blame than she._' Let it be recorded, however, that her conduct as wife and mother was free from reproach, until a _depraved, unnatural_ man (who by the way has since fled the country) set her the example of licentiousness.

"Amongst her earliest admirers, was the wealthy citizen, Mr. S---- M----, a bon vivant, a _five-bottle_ man (who has, not unaptly, been since nominated a representative in p----l for one of the _cinque ports_).

To this witty man's generous care she is indebted for an annuity, which, with common prudence, ought to secure her from want during her own life.

On her departure from this lover, which proceeded entirely from her own caprice and restless extravagance, the vain Aug--ta launched at once into all the dangerous pleasures of a cyprian life. The court, the city, and the _'change_, paid homage to her charms. One high in the r----l h----h----id wore her chains for many months; and it was probably more in the spirit of revenge for open neglect, than admiration of such a ~316~~faded beau, that lady G---- B---- admitted the E---- of B----e to usurp the husband's place and privilege.

It is extraordinary that the circ.u.mstance just mentioned, which was notorious, was not brought forward in mitigation of the damages for the loss of conjugal joys; and which a jury of citizens, with a tender feeling for their own honour, valued at ten thousand pounds. My lord G---- B---- pocketed the injury and the ten thousand,; and his n.o.ble subst.i.tute has since made the 'amende honorable' to public morals, by uniting his destinies with an amiable woman, the daughter of a doctor of music, and a beauty of the sister country, who does honour to the rank to which she has been so unexpectedly elevated.

"Mrs. C----i had no acquaintance of her own s.e.x in the world of gaiety but one; the beautiful, interesting, Mademoiselle St. M--g--te, then (1812 and 1813) in the zenith of her charms. The gentle Ad--l--de, whose sylph-like form, graceful movements, and highly polished manner, delighted all who knew her, formed a strange and striking contrast to the short, fat, bustling, salacious Aug--ta, whose boisterous bon-mots, and horse-laughical bursts, astonished rather than charmed. Both, however, found abundance of admirers to their several tastes. It was early in the spring of 1814 that the subject of this article had the good or evil fortune to attract the eye of a n.o.ble lord of some notoriety, who pounced on his plump prey with more of the amorous a.s.surance of the bird of Jove than the cautious hoverings of the wary H--ke. Love like his admitted of no delay. Preliminaries were soon arranged, under the auspices of that experienced matron, Madame D'E--v--e, whose address, in this delicate negotiation, extorted from his lords.h.i.+p's generosity, besides a cheque on H----d and

G--bbs for a cool hundred, the payment of 'brother Martin's' old score, of long standing, for bed and board at Madame's house of business, little St. Martin's-~317~~street. The public have been amused with the ridiculous story of the mock marriage; but whatever were his faults or follies, and he is since called to his account, his l--ds--p stands guiltless of this. 'Tis true, her 'ladys.h.i.+p' a.s.serted, nay, we believe, swore as much; but she is known to possess such boundless imaginative faculties, that her nearest and dearest friends have never yet been able to detect her in the weakness of uttering a palpable truth. The a.s.sumption of the name and t.i.tle arose out of a circ.u.mstance so strange, so ridiculous, and so unsavoury, that, with all our 'gusto' for fun, we must omit it: suffice it to say, that it originated in--what?--gentle reader--in a dose of physic!!! For further particulars, apply to Mrs.

C----l, of the C--s--le S--t--h--ll. After this strange event, which imparted to her ladys.h.i.+p all the honours of the coronet, Mrs. C----i was to be seen in the park, from day to day; the envy of every less fortunate Dolly, and the horror of the few friends which folly left her lordly dupe. In this state of doubtful felicity her ladys.h.i.+p rolled on (for she almost lived in her carriage) for three years; when, alas! by some cruel caprice of love, or some detected intrigue, or from the holy scruples of his lords.h.i.+p's Reverend adviser, Padre Ambrosio, this connexion was suddenly dissolved at Paris; when Mrs. C----, no longer acknowledged as my lady, was at an hour's notice packed off in the Dilly for Dover, and her jewels, in half the time, packed up in their casket and despatched to Lafitte's, in order to raise the ways and means for the peer and his ghostly confessor!

"Her ladys.h.i.+p's next attempt at notoriety was her grand masked ball at the Argyll rooms in 1818; an entertainment which, for elegant display and superior arrangement, did great credit to her taste, or to that of her broad-shouldered Milesian friend, to whom it is said the management of the whole was committed. The expense of this act of folly has been variously ~318~~estimated; and the honour of defraying it gratuitously allotted to an ill.u.s.trious commander, whose former weakness and culpability has been amply redeemed by years of truly r----l benevolence and public service. We can state, however, that neither the purse or person of the royal D----contributed to the _eclat_ of the _fete_. An amorous Hebrew city clerk, who had long '_looked and loved_' at humble distance, taking advantage of his uncle's absence on the continent in a _diamond hunting_ speculation, having left the immediate jewel of His soul, his cash, at home, the enamoured youth seized the very 'nick o'

time,' furnished half the funds for the night, for half a morning's conversation in Upper Y--street: her ladys.h.i.+p's indefatigable industry furnished the other moiety in a couple of days. A Mr. Z--ch--y contributed fifty, which coming to the ears of his sandy-haired la.s.sie, his own paid forfeit of his folly, to their almost total abstraction from the thick head to which they project with asinine pride. Since this splash in the whirlpool of fas.h.i.+onable folly, her 'ladys.h.i.+p,' for she clings to the rank with all the tenacity of a fencible field officer, has lived in comparative retirement near E--dg--e R--d, nursing a bantling of the new era, and singing '_John Anderson my Joe_' to her now 'gude man;' only occasionally relapsing into former gaieties by a sly trip to Box Hill or Virginia Water with the grandson of a barber, a flush but gawky boy, who, forgetting that it is to the talents and judicial virtues of his honoured sire he owes his elevation, rejects that proud and wholesome example; and, by his arrogance and vanity, excites pity for the father and contempt for the son. Her ladys.h.i.+p, who by her own confession has been 'just nine and twenty' for the last ten years, may still boast of her conquests. Her amour with the _yellow dwarf_ of G--vs--r P--e is too good to be lost. They are followed by one, who, time was, would have chased them round the Steyne ~319~~and into cover with all the spirit of a true sportsman; but his days of revelry are past,--that is the celebrated _roue_, C---- L----, a '_trifle light as air,_' yet in nature's spite a very ultra in the pursuit of gallantry. To record the number of frail fair ones to whose charms he owned ephemeral homage would fill a volume. The wantons wife whose vices sunk her from the drawing-room to the lobby; the{4} kitchen wench, whose pretty face and lewd ambition raised her to it; the romance bewildered{5} Miss, and the rude unlettered {6} villager, the hardened drunken profligate, and the timid half-ruined victim (the almost infant Jenny!) have all in turn tasted his bounty and his wine, have each been honoured with a page in his trifles: of his caresses he wisely was more chary. Which of the frail sisterhood has not had a ride in G---- L----'s worn out in the service 1 and which in its day might be said to roll mechanically from C----L----to C----s-s--t, with almost instinctive precision. But his days of poesy and nights of folly are now past!

Honest C----has taken the hint from nature, and retired, at once, from the republics of Venus and of letters. A kind, a generous, and a susceptible heart like his must long ere this have found, in the arms of an amiable wife, those unfading and honourable joys which, reflection must convince him, were not to be extracted from those foul and polluted sources from whence he sought and drew a short-lived pleasure."

You know Crony's affection for a good dinner, and will not therefore be surprised that I had the honour of his company this day; but i'faith he deserved his reward for the cheerfulness and amus.e.m.e.nt with which he contrived to kill time.

3 Lady B----e.

4 Mrs. H----y.

5 Louisa V----e.

6 Mrs. S--d--s.

7 Mrs. S--mm--ns.

~320~~In the evening it was proposed to visit the libraries; but as these places of public resort are not always eligible for the appearance of a star, Crony and myself were despatched first to reconnoitre and report to the Countess our opinions of the a.s.sembled group. The a.s.sociation of society has perhaps undergone a greater change in England within the last thirty years than any other of our peculiar characteristics; at least, I should guess so from Crony's descriptions of the persons who formerly honoured the libraries with their presence; but whose names (if they now condescend to subscribe) are entered in a separate book, that they may not be defiled by appearing in the same column with the plebeian host of the three nations who form the united family of Great Britain. "Ay, sir," said Crony, with a sigh that bespoke the bitterness of reflection, "I remember when this spot (Luccombe's library) was the resort of all the beauty and brilliancy that once illumined the hemisphere of Calton palace,--the satellites of the heir apparent, the brave, the witty, and the gay,--the soul-inspiring, mirthful band, whose talents gave a splendid l.u.s.tre to the orb of royalty, far surpa.s.sing the most costly jewel in his princely coronet.

But they are gone, struck to the earth by the desolating hand of the avenger Death, and have left no traces of their genius upon the minds of their successors."

Of the motley a.s.semblage which now surrounds us it would be difficult to attempt a picture. The pencil of a Cruikshank or a Rowlandson might indeed convey some idea; but all weaker hands would find the subject overpowering. A mob of manufacturers, melting hot, elbowing one another into ill-humour, by their anxiety to teach their offspring the fas.h.i.+onable vice of gaming; giving the pretty innocents a taste for _loo_, which generally ends in _loo_-sening what little purity of principle the prejudice of education has left upon their intellect.

In our more fas.h.i.+onable _h.e.l.ls_, wine and choice _liqueurs_ are the stimulants ~321~~to vice; here, the seduction consists in the strumming of an ill-toned piano, to the squeaking of some poor discordant whom poverty compels to public exposure; and who, generally being of the softer s.e.x, pity protects from the severity of critical remark. I need not say our report to the Dalmaines was unfavourable; and the divine little countess, frustrated in her intentions of honouring the libraries with her presence, determined upon promenading up the West Cliff, attended by old Crony and myself. The bright-eyed G.o.ddess of the night emitted a ray of more than usual brilliancy, and o'er the blue waters of the deep spread forth a silvery and refulgent l.u.s.tre, that lent a charm of magical inspiration to the rippling waves. For what of nature's mighty works can more delight, than

'----Circling ocean, when the swell By zephyrs borne from off the main, Heaves to the breeze, and sinks again?'

The deep murmuring of the hollow surge as it rolls over the pebble beach, the fresh current of saline air that braces and invigorates, and the uninterrupted view of the watery expanse, are attractions of delight and contemplation which are nowhere to be enjoyed in greater perfection than at Brighton. The serenity of the evening induced us to pa.s.s the barrier of the chain-pier, and bend our steps towards the projecting extremity of that ingenious structure. An old Welsh harper was touching his instrument with more than usual skill for an itinerant professor, while the plaintive notes of the air he tuned accorded with the solemnity of the surrounding scene. "I could pa.s.s an evening here,"

said the countess, in a somewhat contemplative mood, "in the society of kindred spirits, with more delightful gratification than among the giddy throng who meet at Almack's." Crony bowed to the ground, overpowered by the ~322~~compliment; while your humble servant, less obsequious, but equally conscious of the flattering honour, advanced my left foot sideways, drew up my right longitudinally, and touched my beaver with a _congee_, that convinced me I had not forgotten the early instructions of our old Eton posture-master, the all-accomplished Signor Angelo. "A __wery hextonis.h.i.+ng vurk, this here pier," said a fat, little squab of a citizen, sideling up to Crony like a full-grown porpoise; "_wery hexpensive_, and _wery huseless, I thinks_" continued the intruder.

Crony reared his crest in silent indignation, while his visage betokened an approaching storm; but a significant look from the countess gave him the hint that some amus.e.m.e.nt might be derived from the _animal_; who, without understanding the contempt he excited, proceeded--"_Vun_ of the new _bubble_ companies' _specks, I supposes, vat old daddy Boreas vill blow avay sum night in a hurrikin_. It puts me _wery_ much in mind of a two bottle man." "Why so?" said Crony. "Bekause it's only half seas _hover_." This little civic _jeu d'esprit_ made his peace with us by producing a hearty laugh, in which he did not fail to join in unison.

"But are you aware of the usefulness and national importance of the projector's plans? said Crony. "Not I," responded the citizen: "I hates all projections of breweries, bridges, buildings, and boring companies, from the Golden-lane speck to the Vaterloo; from thence up to the new street, and down to the tunnel under the Thames, vich my banker, Sir William Curtis, says, is the greatest bore in London." "But humanity, sir," said Crony, "has, I hope, some influence with you; and this undertaking is intended not only for the healthful pleasure of the Brighton visitors, but for the convenience of vessels in distress, and the landing of pa.s.sengers in bad weather." "Ay, there it is,--that's hexactly vat I thought; to help our rich people more easily out of ~323~~the country, and bring a set of poor half-starved foreigners in: vy, I'm told it's to be carried right across the channel in time, and then the few good ones ve have left vill be marching off to the enemy."

This conceit amused the countess exceedingly, and was followed by many other equally strange expressions and conjectures; among which, Crony contrived to persuade him that great amus.e.m.e.nt was to be derived in bobbing for mackerel and turbot with the line: a pleasure combining so much of profit in expectancy that the old citizen was, at last, induced to admit the utility of the chain-pier.

Retracing our steps towards the Steyne, we had one more good laugh at our companion's credulity, who expressed great anxiety to know what the huge wheel was intended for, which is at the corner by the barrier, and throws up water for the use of the town; but which, Crony very promptly a.s.sured him, was the grand action of the improved roasting apparatus at the York hotel. We now bade farewell to our amusing companion, and proceeded to view the new plunging bath at the bottom of East-street, built in the form of an amphitheatre, and surrounded by dressing-rooms, with a fountain in the centre, from which a continued supply of salt-water is obtained. The advantages may be great in bad weather; but to my mind there is nothing like the open sea, particularly as confined water is always additionally cold. On our arrival at home, a parcel from London brought the enclosed from Tom Echo, upon whom the sentence of rustication has, I fear, been productive of fresh follies.

[Ill.u.s.tration: page323]

Dear Heartily,

Having cut college for a _bolt_ to the _village_,{8} I expected to have found you in the _bay of condolence_,{9} but hear you left your _moorings_ lately

8 London, so called at Oxford.

9 The consolation afforded by friends when _plucked_ or rusticated.

~324~~to _waste the ready_ among the _sharks_ at Brighton. Though not quite at _point nonplus_, I am very near the _united kingdoms_ of _Sans Souci and Sans Sixsous_,{10} and shall bring to, and wait for company, in the province of Bacchus. I have only just quitted _aeager Haven_, and been very near the _Wall_{11}; have sustained another dreadful fire from _Convocation Castle,_{12} which had nigh shattered my _fore-lights_, and was very near being _blown up_ in attempting to pa.s.s the _Long Hope_.{13} If you wish to save an old Etonian from _east jeopardy_,{14} set sail directly, and tow me out of the _river Tick_ into the _region of rejoicing_; then will we get _bosky_ together, sing old songs, tell merry tales, and _spree_ and _sport_ on the _states of Independency_.

Yours truly,

The _Oxford rustic_,

London.

TOM ECHO.

P. S. I should not have cut so suddenly, but joined Bob Transit and Eglantine in giving two of the old big wigs a flying leap t'other evening, as they left Christ Church Hall, in return for rusticating me:--to escape suspicion, broke away by the mail. I know your affection for a good joke, so induced Bob to book it, and let me have the sketch, which I here enclose.

10 Riddance of cares, and, ultimately, of sixpences.

11 The depot of invalids; Dr. Wall being a celebrated surgeon, whose skill is proverbial in the cure of the Headington or Bagley fever. For a view of poor Tom during his suffering--_(see plate by Bob Transit.)_

12 The House of Convocation in Oxford, when the twenty-five heads of Colleges and the masters meet to transact and investigate university affairs.

13 The symbol of long expectation in studying for a degree.

14 Terrors of antic.i.p.ation. The remaining phrases have all been explained in an earlier part of the Work.

~325~~

[Ill.u.s.tration: page325]

Mad as the D'Almaine's must think me for obeying such a summons, I have just bade them adieu, and am off to-morrow, by the earliest coach, for London. The only place I have omitted to notice, in my sketches of Brighton, is the Club House on the Steyne Parade, where a few _old rooks_ congregate, to keep a sharp look-out for an unsuspecting _green one_, or a wealthy _pigeon_, who, if once _netted_, seldom succeeds in quitting the trap without being plucked of a few of his feathers. The greatest improvement to a place barren of foliage and the agreeable retirement of overshadowed walks, is the Royal Gardens, on the level at the extremity of the town, in a line with the Steyne enclosures as you enter from the London road. The taste, variety, and accommodation displayed in this elegant place of amus.e.m.e.nt, renders it certainly the most attractive of public gardens, while the arrangements are calculated to gratify all ~326~~cla.s.ses of society without the danger of too crowded an a.s.semblage. Let us see you when term ends; and in the interim expect a long account of sprees and sports in the village.

Horatio Heartly.

[Ill.u.s.tration: page326]

METROPOLITAN SKETCHES.

_Heartly, Echo, and Transit start for a Spree--Scenes by Daylight, Starlight, and Gaslight--Black Mon-day at Tattersall's--The first Meeting after the Great St. Leger-- Heroes of the Turf paying and receiving--Dinner at Fishmongers' Hall--Com-mittee of Greeks--The Affair of the Cogged Dice--A regular Break-down--Rules for the New Club-- The Daffy Club, or a musical Muster of the Fancy: striking Portraits--Counting the Stars--Covent Garden, what it was, and what it is--The Finish--Anecdotes of Characters--The Hall of Infamy, alias the Covent Garden h.e.l.l._

Of all the scenes where rich and varied character is to be found in the metropolis and its environs, none can exceed that emporium for sharps and flats, famed Tattersall's, whether for buying a good horse, betting a round sum, or, in the sporting phrase, learning how to make the best of every thing. "Shall we take a _tooddle_ up to Hyde-park corner?"

said Echo; "this is the settling day for all bets made upon the great Doncaster St. Leger, when the _swells book up_, and the knowing ones _draw_ their _bussel_:--_Black_ Monday, as Sir John Lade terms it, when the event has not come off right." "A n.o.ble opportunity," replied Transit, "for a picture of turf curiosities. Come, Heartly, throw philosophy aside, and let us set forth for a day's enjoyment, and then to finish with a night of frolic. An occasional spree is as necessary to the relaxation of the mind, as exercise is to ~328~~ensure health. The true secret to make life pleasant, and study profitable, is to be able to throw off our cares as we do our morning gowns, and, when we sally forth to the world, derive fresh spirit, vigour, and information from cheerful companions, good air, and new objects. High 'Change among the heroes of the turf presents ample food for the humorist; while the strange contrast of character and countenance affords the man of, feeling and discernment subject for amus.e.m.e.nt and future contemplation."

It was in the midst of one of the most numerous meetings ever remembered at Tattersall's, when Barefoot won the race, contrary to the general expectation of the knowing ones, that we made our _entre_. With Echo every sporting character was better known than his college tutor, and not a few kept an eye upon the boy, with hopes, no doubt, of hereafter benefiting by his inexperience, when, having got the whip-hand of his juvenile restrictions, he starts forth to the world a man of fas.h.i.+on and consequence, with an unenc.u.mbered property of fifteen thousand per annum, besides expectancies. "Here's a game of chess for you, Transit,"