The English Spy Part 7

~69~~ Come list', while I with con,{4} and sock{5} And chaunt,{6} both ripe and mellow, Tell how you knowledge stores unlock,

To make a clever fellow.{7} For Greek and Latin, cla.s.sic stuff,

Let tug muttons{8}compose it; Give oppidans{9} but blunt{10 }enough,

What odds to them who knows it.

A dapper dog,{11} a right coolfish,{12}

Who snugly dines on pewter; Quaffs Bulstrode ale,{13} and takes his dish.

4 CON. A con is a companion, or friend; as, "you are cons of late."

5 SOCK signifies eating or drinking niceties; as, pastry, jellies, Bishop, &c.

6 CHAUNT, a good song; to versify.

7 This is not intended as an imputation on the learned fellows of Eton college, but must be taken in the vulgar acceptation--you're a clever fellow, &c.

8 TUG MUTTONS, or Tugs, collegers, foundation scholars; an appellation given to them by the oppidans, in derision of the custom which has prevailed from the earliest period, and is still continued, of living entirely on roast mutton; from January to December no other description of meat is ever served up at College table in the hall. There are seventy of these young gentlemen on the foundation who, if they miss their election when they are nineteen, lose all the benefits of a fellows.h.i.+p.

9 OPPIDANS, independent scholars not on the foundation.

10 BLUNT, London slang (for money), in use here.

11 A DAPPER DOC, any thing smart, or pleasing, as, "Ay, that's dapper," or, "you are a dapper dog."

12 A RIGHT COOL FISH, one who is not particular what he says or does.

13 BULSTRODE ALE, a beverage in great request at the Christopher. When the effects were sold at Bulstrode, Garraway purchased a small stock of this famous old ale, which by some miraculous process he has continued to serve out in plentiful quant.i.ties ever since. The joke has of late been rather against mine host of the Christopher, who, however, to do him justice, has an excellent tap, which is now called the queen's, from some since purchased at Windsor: this is sold in small quarts, at one s.h.i.+lling per jug.

~70~~ In private with his tutor.{14} In lieu of ancient learned lore,

Which might his brain bewilder, Rum college slang he patters o'er,

With cads{15 }who chouse{16} the guilder.

Who's truly learn'd must read mankind,

Truth's axiom inculcates: The world's a volume to the mind,

Instructive more than pulpits.{17} Come fill the bowl with _Bishop_ up,

_Clods,{18} f.a.gs,{19} and Skugs{20} and Muttons{21}_; When _absence_{22} calls ye into sup,

Drink, drink to me, ye gluttons.

I'll teach ye how to kill dull care,

Improve your box of knowledge,{23}

14 Many of the young n.o.blemen and gentlemen at Eton are accompanied by private tutors, who live with them to expedite their studies; they are generally of the College, and recommended by the head master for their superior endowments.

15 CAD, a man of all work, for dirty purposes, yclept private tutor. See note 1, page 68.

16 CHOUSE the GUILDER. Chouse or chousing is generally applied to any transaction in which they think they may have been cheated or overcharged.

Guilder is a cant term for gold.

17 Nothing in the slightest degree unorthodox is meant to be inferred from this reasoning, but simply the sentiment of this quotation-'The proper study of mankind is man.'

18 CLODS, as, "you clod," a town boy, or any one not an Etonian, no matter how respectable.

19 f.a.gS, boys in the lower cla.s.ses. Every fifth form boy has his f.a.g.

20 SCUG or SKUG, a lower boy in the school, relating to

sluggish. 21 MUTTONS. See note 8.

22 ABSENCE. At three-quarters past eight in summer, and earlier in winter, several of the masters proceed to the different dames' houses, and call absence, when every boy is compelled to be instantly in quarters for the night, on pain of the most severe punishment.

23 BOX of KNOWLEDGE, the pericranium.

With all that's witty, choice, and rare,

'Fore all the _Slugs_{24} of college.

Of private tutors, vulgo Cads,

A list I mean to tender; The qualities of all the lads,

Their prices to a _bender_.{25} First, Shampo Carter{26} doffs his _tile_,

To dive, to fish, or fire; There's few can better time beguile,

And none in sporting higher.

24 SLUGS of College, an offensive appellation applied to the fellows of Eton by the townsmen.

25 BENDER, a sixpence.

26 Note from Bernard Blackmantle, M.A. to Shampo Carter and Co. P.T.'s:--

MESSIEURS THE CADS OF ETON, In handing down to posterity your multifarious merits and brilliant qualifications, you will perceive I have not forgotten the signal services and delightful gratifications so often afforded me in the days of my youth. Be a.s.sured, most a.s.siduous worthies, that I am fully sensible of all your merits, and can appreciate justly your great usefulness to the rising generation. You are the sappers and miners of knowledge, who attack and destroy the citadel of sense before it is scarcely defensible. It is no fault of yours if the stripling of Eton is not, at eighteen, well initiated into all the mysteries of life, excepting only the, to him, mysterious volumes of the cla.s.sics. To do justice to all was not within the limits of my work; I have therefore selected from among you the most distinguished names, and I flatter myself, in so doing, I have omitted very few of any note; if, however, any efficient member of your brotherhood should have been unintentionally pa.s.sed by, he has only to forward an authenticated copy of his biography and peculiar merits to the publisher, to meet with insertion in a second edition.

Bernard Blackmantle.

Bill Carter is, after all, a very useful fellow, if it was only in teaching the young Etonians to swim, which he does, by permission of the head master.

Tile, a hat.

~72~~ Joe Cannon, or my lord's a gun,{27} A regular nine pounder; To man a boat, stands number one,