Social Life Part 11

Propinquity is a great incentive to pleasant conversation, for there are few people that can talk the pretty nothings and sparkling witticisms, whereof parlor conversation properly consists, across s.p.a.ce to people stranded against the opposite wall. Therefore let the hostess, who would have her symposiums remembered with delight, see to it that she has an abundance of chairs, both easy and light, easy ones for the refreshment of the weary in body and light ones that may be quickly moved when the spirit moves toward some other group.

A clever woman, to whom all social arts were long-solved problems, once said that she always observed how the chairs were left in a drawing room where several people had been sitting and put them in the same position next time. A group near the door where the casual caller will naturally drop into one and the hostess into another, without the least effort, will be placed in the best possible position for a little chat. Fulfill these conditions and your drawing room will be often filled and the fame of it will go abroad.

Formal calls, as a rule, are at best but a duty performed that brings a satisfaction in itself, but it sometimes happens that, as a reward for our well-doing, some word may be said, some friend may be met by a happy chance that is like a gleam of suns.h.i.+ne on a cloudy day.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

INVITATIONS FORMAL AND INFORMAL

[Ill.u.s.tration]

There are certain rules to be observed in the writing of invitations that cannot be transgressed without incurring a just suspicion as to the degree of one's acquaintance with the laws and canons that govern our best society. For instance, Mrs. John Doe issues invitations for a ball or evening party; these, if issued in her own name or in the name of herself and daughter, or lady friend, would, very properly, find them "at home" on a certain evening. Should, however, the invitations be sent out in the name of herself and husband, then it is that "Mr.

and Mrs. John Doe request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Richard Roe's company" at a certain date. We will also find that Mr. d.i.c.k Roe is never "at home," but "requests the pleasure of your company."

To widely depart from any of these received canons of etiquette is to commit a decided solecism and to discover an utter unfitness for the desired social rank. Fortunately, there is no need, even for those not to the manor born, of displaying any ignorance in this matter when the simple consultation of a standard work on social etiquette will give the needed information and save the credit of the individual.

At first sight, it would seem a very easy thing to invite a friend to come to you at a given day and hour, and to accept or decline said invitation would appear a matter scarcely worth considering. This rash conclusion, however, disappears from view when it is recollected that the proper phrasing, the suitable signature, and the appropriate paper, are all matters of the nicest choice, and indicate with the most unerring accuracy the good or ill breeding of the parties interested.

From two to three persons only are invited from one family to the same entertainment, and, in the event of a small dinner party, two would be the limit. The invitations would be addressed, not to Mr. Coates and family, but one to "Mr. and Mrs. Coates," another to "The Misses Coates," or to "Miss Coates." If there are brothers, and they are to be invited, a separate invitation is required for each one of them; a single one addressed to the "Messrs. Coates" being considered in bad taste. To one son and one daughter a joint invitation may be extended in the name of "Miss Coates and Brother." On rather informal occasions where the family, and perhaps their guests also, are desired to be present, the invitation may be sent in the name of "Mr. and Mrs. James B. Coates and Party."

Note Paper for Invitations.

Note paper for invitations should be plain, unruled, heavy in texture, creamy-white in tint, and of a size to fold once to fit the large, square envelope of the same size and tint. Monogram, if used, or crests, if they may be rightfully claimed, should be stamped or embossed in white directly in the center of the upper portion of the sheet and on the upper flap of the inner envelope only. This envelope should bear the name simply of the invited guest, and is to be enclosed in a perfectly plain, somewhat larger envelope, which bears the entire address and protects the enclosure from the soil of frequent handling by postman or messenger.

Invitation Cards.

Invitation cards, if they are used, should be heavy, creamy-white, and of a size to fit the large, square envelope. Such a card is sufficiently large to contain any ordinary invitation, and should be enclosed, as above, in two envelopes.

Writing the invitation should receive the greatest care, especial attention being given to securing each phrase a line to itself. For instance, the names of host and hostess should never be separated, but given an entire line, the same rule applying to the names of the invited guests.

Invitations written in the third person should always be replied to in the third person, care being taken to permit no change of person from beginning to end of the note. This rule holds good in whatever person the invitation may have been written; regrets or acceptances must be sent in the same manner.

No one, nowadays, "presents his (or her) compliments" in giving or accepting an invitation; neither is "your polite invitation" any longer the best form. "Your kind," or "your very kind invitation,"

being the most graceful manner of acknowledging the courtesy extended.

Written Regrets.

Always, if possible, accept a first invitation if the new acquaintance is to be kept up. In case inexorable circ.u.mstances prevent this acceptance, the regret sent should explain these circ.u.mstances fully and be very cordially written; while the earliest opportunity must be taken of extending some courtesy in return.

Even should you not desire the acquaintance, your regrets should be courteous and cards should be left at the house in response to their civility. It is then at your own option whether or not to acknowledge the acquaintance farther.

Invitations can be written or engraved on the large cards, or small sheets of note paper, that are used for this purpose, though, on all formal occasions, engraved forms in clear, fine script are preferable, and for weddings absolutely necessary. If written, black ink should be invariably used.

A young lady never sends out invitations in her own name; instead, "Mrs. and Miss Hoyt" are "at home," or the name of the young lady's chaperon appears with her own, as: "Mrs. Haviland and Miss Hoyt, at home, etc."

Uninvited Guests.

Should it so happen that an uninvited guest finds, accidentally, his way into the festivities, let the strictest politeness mark his reception, neither word nor glance betraying the slightest surprise at the unexpected arrival.

Inviting Married People.

A married man should never be invited to an entertainment without his wife, nor a married woman without including her husband also in the invitation. An invitation erring in this particular should be looked upon as an insult, and should never be honored by an acceptance. This category, however, does not include gatherings, such as ladies'

luncheons or gentlemen's game suppers, that are wholly confined to the members of one s.e.x.

Dinners.

Ladies who give many dinner parties usually keep on hand the engraved invitation cards, with blanks left for the insertion of name and date.

The invitation for a dinner party is always sent out in the name of both host and hostess, and the usual form is as follows:

[Ill.u.s.tration:

_Mr. and Mrs. Grant White_

_Request the pleasure of your company at dinner,_

_On ---- evening, ----,_

_At eight o'clock._

_81 Graceland Court._

_R.S.V.P._]

The letters _R.S.V.P._ are simply the initials of the French words, _Repondez s'il vous plait_, meaning, "Reply, if you please."

Some very stylish people now use, in place of these letters, the English phrase: "The favor of answer is requested."

Written invitations, or those engraved for a single occasion, would read as follows:

[Ill.u.s.tration:

_Mr. and Mrs. Philip Vance_

_Request the pleasure of_

_Mr. and Mrs. Otis Sullivan's_

_Company at dinner,_