Bureaucracy Part 12

"Your eulogy costs us four thousand eight hundred francs, son-in-law!"

exclaimed Madame Saillard.

"You have adorned the house of G.o.d," said the Abbe Gaudron.

"We might have got salvation without doing that," she returned. "But if Baudoyer gets the place, which is worth eight thousand more, the sacrifice is not so great. If he doesn't get it! hey, papa," she added, looking at her husband, "how we shall have bled!--"

"Well, never mind," said Saillard, enthusiastically, "we can always make it up through Falleix, who is going to extend his business and use his brother, whom he has made a stockbroker on purpose. Elisabeth might have told us, I think, why Falleix went off in such a hurry. But let's invent my little speech. This is what I thought of: 'Madame, if you would say a word to his Excellency--'"

"'If you would deign,'" said Gaudron; "add the word 'deign,' it is more respectful. But you ought to know, first of all, whether Madame la Dauphine will grant you her protection, and then you could suggest to Madame la comtesse the idea of co-operating with the wishes of her Royal Highness."

"You ought to designate the vacant post," said Baudoyer.

"'Madame la comtesse,'" began Saillard, rising, and bowing to his wife, with an agreeable smile.

"Goodness! Saillard; how ridiculous you look. Take care, my man, you'll make the woman laugh."

"'Madame la comtesse,'" resumed Saillard. "Is that better, wife?"

"Yes, my duck."

"'The place of the worthy Monsieur de la Billardiere is vacant; my son-in-law, Monsieur Baudoyer--'"

"'Man of talent and extreme piety,'" prompted Gaudron.

"Write it down, Baudoyer," cried old Saillard, "write that sentence down."

Baudoyer proceeded to take a pen and wrote, without a blush, his own praises, precisely as Nathan or Ca.n.a.lis might have reviewed one of their own books.

"'Madame la comtesse'--Don't you see, mother?" said Saillard to his wife; "I am supposing you to be the minister's wife."

"Do you take me for a fool?" she answered sharply. "I know that."

"'The place of the late worthy de la Billardiere is vacant; my son-in-law, Monsieur Baudoyer, a man of consummate talent and extreme piety--'" After looking at Monsieur Gaudron, who was reflecting, he added, "'will be very glad if he gets it.' That's not bad; it's brief and it says the whole thing."

"But do wait, Saillard; don't you see that Monsieur l'abbe is turning it over in his mind?" said Madame Saillard; "don't disturb him."

"'Will be very thankful if you would deign to interest yourself in his behalf,'" resumed Gaudron. "'And in saying a word to his Excellency you will particularly please Madame la Dauphine, by whom he has the honor and the happiness to be protected.'"

"Ah! Monsieur Gaudron, that sentence is worth more than the monstrance; I don't regret the four thousand eight hundred--Besides, Baudoyer, my lad, you'll pay them, won't you? Have you written it all down?"

"I shall make you repeat it, father, morning and evening," said Madame Saillard. "Yes, that's a good speech. How lucky you are, Monsieur Gaudron, to know so much. That's what it is to be brought up in a seminary; they learn there how to speak to G.o.d and his saints."

"He is as good as he is learned," said Baudoyer, pressing the priest's hand. "Did you write that article?" he added, pointing to the newspaper.

"No, it was written by the secretary of his Eminence, a young abbe who is under obligations to me, and who takes an interest in Monsieur Colleville; he was educated at my expense."

"A good deed is always rewarded," said Baudoyer.

While these four personages were sitting down to their game of boston, Elisabeth and her uncle Mitral reached the cafe Themis, with much discourse as they drove along about a matter which Elisabeth's keen perceptions told her was the most powerful lever that could be used to force the minister's hand in the affair of her husband's appointment.

Uncle Mitral, a former sheriff's officer, crafty, clever at sharp practice, and full of expedients and judicial precautions, believed the honor of his family to be involved in the appointment of his nephew.

His avarice had long led him to estimate the contents of old Gigonnet's strong-box, for he knew very well they would go in the end to benefit his nephew Baudoyer; and it was therefore important that the latter should obtain a position which would be in keeping with the combined fortunes of the Saillards and the old Gigonnet, which would finally devolve on the Baudoyer's little daughter; and what an heiress she would be with an income of a hundred thousand francs! to what social position might she not aspire with that fortune? He adopted all the ideas of his niece Elisabeth and thoroughly understood them. He had helped in sending off Falleix expeditiously, explaining to him the advantage of taking post horses. After which, while eating his dinner, he reflected that it be as well to give a twist of his own to the clever plan invented by Elisabeth.

When they reached the Cafe Themis he told his niece that he alone could manage Gigonnet in the matter they both had in view, and he made her wait in the hackney-coach and bide her time to come forward at the right moment. Elisabeth saw through the window-panes the two faces of Gobseck and Gigonnet (her uncle Bidault), which stood out in relief against the yellow wood-work of the old cafe, like two cameo heads, cold and impa.s.sible, in the rigid att.i.tude that their gravity gave them. The two Parisian misers were surrounded by a number of other old faces, on which "thirty per cent discount" was written in circular wrinkles that started from the nose and turned round the glacial cheek-bones. These remarkable physiognomies brightened up on seeing Mitral, and their eyes gleamed with tigerish curiosity.

"Hey, hey! it is papa Mitral!" cried one of them, named Chaboisseau, a little old man who discounted for a publisher.

"Bless me, so it is!" said another, a broker named Metivier, "ha, that's an old monkey well up in his tricks."

"And you," retorted Mitral, "you are an old crow who knows all about carca.s.ses."

"True," said the stern Gobseck.

"What are you here for? Have you come to seize friend Metivier?" asked Gigonnet, pointing to the broker, who had the bluff face of a porter.

"Your great-niece Elisabeth is out there, papa Gigonnet," whispered Mitral.

"What! some misfortune?" said Bidault. The old man drew his eyebrows together and a.s.sumed a tender look like that of an executioner when about to go to work officially. In spite of his Roman virtue he must have been touched, for his red nose lost somewhat of its color.

"Well, suppose it is misfortune, won't you help Saillard's daughter?--a girl who has knitted your stockings for the last thirty years!" cried Mitral.

"If there's good security I don't say I won't," replied Gigonnet.

"Falleix is in with them. Falleix has just set up his brother as a broker, and he is doing as much business as the Brezacs; and what with?

his mind, perhaps! Saillard is no simpleton."

"He knows the value of money," put in Chaboisseau.

That remark, uttered among those old men, would have made an artist and thinker shudder as they all nodded their heads.

"But it is none of my business," resumed Bidault-Gigonnet. "I'm not bound to care for my neighbors' misfortunes. My principle is never to be off my guard with friends or relatives; you can't perish except through weakness. Apply to Gobseck; he is softer."

The usurers all applauded these doctrines with a shake of their metallic heads. An onlooker would have fancied he heard the creaking of ill-oiled machinery.

"Come, Gigonnet, show a little feeling," said Chaboisseau, "they've knit your stockings for thirty years."

"That counts for something," remarked Gobseck.

"Are you all alone? Is it safe to speak?" said Mitral, looking carefully about him. "I come about a good piece of business."

"If it is good, why do you come to us?" said Gigonnet, sharply, interrupting Mitral.

"A fellow who was a gentleman of the Bedchamber," went on Mitral, "a former 'chouan,'--what's his name?--La Billardiere is dead."

"True," said Gobseck.

"And our nephew is giving monstrances to the church," snarled Gigonnet.

"He is not such a fool as to give them, he sells them, old man," said Mitral, proudly. "He wants La Billardiere's place, and in order to get it, we must seize--"

"Seize! You'll never be anything but a sheriff's officer," put in Metivier, striking Mitral amicably on the shoulder; "I like that, I do!"