The Foolish Almanak Part 17

SUNDAY

MONDAY (1906) Boston Convention of Flies pa.s.s vote of thanks to John B. Moran for removing screens from hotel windows.

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY "The greatest blessing of all is that I am no longer kept awake nights by persons who are making modern improvements."

--Robinson Crusoe.

THURSDAY

FRIDAY (1066) William prepares to invade England with 696 s.h.i.+ps and 60,000 men.

(1906) Alice prepares to invade England with 696 trunks and 1 man.

SAt.u.r.dAY

AUGUST

A woman wears a veil for the same reason that distance lends enchantment.

HELPFUL HINTS FOR AUGUST

A cabbage leaf in the hat is an excellent means of keeping the head cool. The experiment is more successful if on top of the cabbage leaf you will place about two handfuls of chipped ice, renewing it as fast as it melts, and you might try sipping something from a high gla.s.s decorated with mint leaves--sipping it through a straw is favored by many eminent pract.i.tioners at the bar.

A BREAD AND MILK COW

The farmer with a Jersey cow Can live as fine as silk For he has got, you must allow, His thorough-bred and milk.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

[Sidenote: _A Hint on Luck_: A Lucky-piece is a good mascot; a piece of luck is the real thing.]

[Sidenote: _Fas.h.i.+on Hint_: With peek-a-boo waist and short sleeves, a woman must wear her heart in her hand-bag.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Push those clouds away. He's not the only one with a first quarter. Aw you know me.]

SUNDAY

MONDAY (449) "Robbers' Synod" held at Ephesus.

(1908) Extra session of Congress held at Was.h.i.+ngton.

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY Do not take this day off. It is a "dog day"

and he may want it.

THURSDAY

FRIDAY (697) The Venetians elect their first doge.

(1906) The beef packers try their last dodge.

SAt.u.r.dAY

AUGUST

A girl in a hammock is worth two in a corps de ballet.

APPROPRIATE SALUTATIONS

_To the fireman_: Go to blazes!

_To the butcher_: May you never make a miss-steak in your endeavor to make both ends meat!

_To the baker_: May you always have the dough, not too much crust, and the means to loaf whenever you wish to!

_To the spinster_: May you ever be the matchless but not the mateless woman you are now!

_To the young physician_: May you wait, like Patience on a monument, till finally you shall have lots of monuments on your patients!

_To the seamstress_: May life always seam sew-sew in your hemmysphere!

_To the dentist_: May you always enjoy a pull and be able to fill many an aching void and long-felt want!