The Foolish Almanak Part 22

TO THE G.o.dDESS ON THE DOLLAR

Fair maid, how I have longed for thee, That cla.s.sic face of thine I feared would never look on me, Much less be wholly mine!

And now that thou art mine indeed-- In fact my last resource-- There comes, alas, through direful need, The time for our divorce!

[Ill.u.s.tration]

[Sidenote: _Health Hint_: A good way to air your room is to turn it wrong side out and hang it out the window.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Doth see me freckles. Look pleasant please.]

SUNDAY A BUSINESS POINTER

"When I can read my t.i.tle clear To mansions in the skies,"

I will not care for riches here, And cease to advertise.

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY (1753) Popularity of "the" Pompadour at height.

(1906) Marcel wave in the ascendant.

THURSDAY

FRIDAY (1558) Salters' company founded in London.

(1875) Hetty Green elected a 33d degree member.

SAt.u.r.dAY

OCTOBER

The eye is the window of the soul.

The mouth is the subway of the face.

RECIPE FOR MAKING PUMPKIN PIE

THE KIND THAT MOTHER DIDN'T USED TO MAKE

(Copyrighted)

First get your pumpkin. Then kill it and skin it. Cut pumpkin into small hunks with an axe. Boil the hunks. Boil them some more. Continue to boil hunks until they become a mucky gob. Unless you produce a mucky gob, the pie will be lumpy. Add fresh picked eggs to common cow's milk. Beat the eggs. They may be hard to beat, but beat them. Use a carpet beater if necessary. Now pinch the salt and add the pinch.

Add a dash of cinnamon, add a few nutmegs (whole); these will give the pie that rich, nutty flavor so much desired.

Add three-fourths cup of mola.s.ses. Do not add mustard--this is not a mustard plaster, it is a pie. Now add this mixture to the mucky gob. Stir until thoroughly mixed. Let stand while you give your pie-pans a coat of crust. Then pour mixture into pie-pans until they slop over. Place in a hot oven. When you can't stick a fork into the pies, they are done. Remove pies from oven and place on the back piazza to cool. If the dog likes them, they're all right.

[Sidenote: _Etiquette Hint_: To remove a "sticking plaster,"

try yawning.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

[Ill.u.s.tration]

SUNDAY SUCH A JAIS!

There was a young man from Calais Who saw a soubrette at a plais.

Her beauty all fled When her make-up was shed, And his idol proved nothing but clais!

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY (60 B.C.) Cleopatra invents peek-a-boo waists.

(60 B.C.) Antony becomes first easy Marc.

(1906) Peek-a-boo waist is the pneumonia waist in September.

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SAt.u.r.dAY

OCTOBER

The baby's favorite, often heard at night--a high-bawl in A flat.

HELPFUL HINT FOR NOVEMBER

Do not put brandy in your mince pies. It spoils it--the brandy, we mean.