The Foolish Almanak Part 7

Before planting your punkins, carefully remove the punk.

If you have any difficulty harvesting the fruit of your boot-tree, use a boot-jack.

Owing to the well-known fact that the mongoose is the deadly foe of snakes, it is thought that the best way to exterminate them from your garden is to cultivate the mon-gooseberry. Try it.

The mint-julep does not belong to the tulip family, although the latter has a strong affinity for it.

[Sidenote: _Gardening Note_: Instead of buying expensive fertilizer for the garden, use some of last year's "popular"

magazines.]

[Sidenote: _April_: derived from the Latin A p e r i o, meaning _I open_, hence Eye-opener, or Easter opening.]

[Ill.u.s.tration]

SUNDAY

MONDAY Andrew Carnegie was stung by the kissing bug in Atlanta, Ga.

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY Great commotion in the monkey cage at Central Park. Brander Matthews and Handy Skinegie overheard talking Esperanto.

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SAt.u.r.dAY All is not so that's said.

--White House Maxim.

APRIL

When you see a girl in a very _chic_ gown you may be sure her father had to sh.e.l.l out.

AN APRIL PASTEL

There is no better spring month in which to move than April.

Look among your papers and if you don't find a rent receipt for March you will know that it's your move. Plant an elm tree on Arbor day--it may grow up to be the tree under which Gen. Was.h.i.+ngton stopped to rest when he was pursuing the British--who knows! The farmer will do well to apply fertilizer to his land this month. There is no better fertilizer on the market than Limburger cheese. It costs considerable, but a little of it will inoculate a large area.

EXTRACT FROM AN OFFICE-BOY'S DAIRY

8 a.m. Hired.

11 a.m. Tired.

12 m. Fired.

[Sidenote: _Spring Hints_: A little spring in a bed is good.

A little spring near the house is better.

A little spring in a poem is the limit.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Push those clouds away. He's not the only one with a first quarter. Aw you know me.]

SUNDAY

MONDAY The indictment is mightier than the charity contribution. --Trust Proverbs.

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY (1716) Public bank founded in Ma.s.sachusetts.

Geological deposits refused.

THURSDAY (1856) Condensed milk first made in Connecticut.

Price of milk-weed goes up.

FRIDAY (1659) Cromwell resigned his protectorate.

(1905) Taft got off the "lid."

SAt.u.r.dAY

APRIL

Most things are good when they're new. Men and violins don't get good till they're old.

GARDEN AND FARMING HINTS:

Black-eyed Susan, Sweet William, and Johnny-Jump-Up will not grow in a garden built for two. Either William or John must be weeded out.