Rattlin the Reefer Part 22

"To be sure it was," said the innocent marine. "Major Flushfire,"

continued he, once more upon his legs, "may I again entreat the honour of your attention. Dr Thompson has just proved by a quotation from a Greek author, Virgil or Paracelsus, I am not certain which, that the entrance of the night air into a hot room is highly injurious, and in-- in--and all that. You understand me perfectly--would it be asking too much to have all the windows closed?"

"Ovens and furnaces!" cried out the chairman, starting up. "Look at me and worthy Dr Thompson. Are we persons to enjoy a repet.i.tion of the Black Hole of Calcutta? The sangaree, Quasha--suffocation! The thought chokes me!" and he recommenced his devotions to the sangaree.

"It melts me," responded the doctor, swabbing his face with the napkin.

"Are you afraid of taking cold?" said the purser to Mr Smallcoates.

"Taking cold--let the gentleman take his wine," said the major.

"I must confess I am not so much afraid of cold as of fever. I believe, major, you have been three years in this very singularly hot and cold climate. Now, my dear sir, may I tax your experience to tell us which is the better method of living? Some say temperance, carried out even to abstemiousness, is the safer; others, that the fever is best repelled by devil's punch, burnt brandy, and high living. Indeed, I may say that I speak at the request of my messmates. Do, major, give us your opinion."

"I think," said the man of thirst, "the medical gentlemen should be applied to in preference to an old soldier like myself. They have great practice in disposing of fever cases."

"But if we must die, either of diet or the doctor, I am for knowing,"

said the purser, "not what doctor, but what sort of diet, is most dilatory in its despatch."

"Well, I will not answer the question, but state the facts. My messmates can vouch for the truth of them. Five years ago, and not three, I came out with a battalion of this regiment. We mustered twenty-five officers in all. We asked ourselves the very same question you have just asked of me. We split into two parties, nearly even in number. Twelve of us took to water, temperance, and all manner of preservatives; the other thirteen of us led a harum-scarum life, ate whenever we were hungry, and when we were not hungry; drank whenever we were thirsty, and when we were not thirsty; and to create a thirst, we qualified our claret with brandy; and generally forgot the water, or subst.i.tuted Madeira for it, in making our punch. This portion of our body, like Jack Falstaff, was given to sleeping on bulkheads on moonlight nights, shooting in the mid-day sun, riding races, and sometimes, hem! a.s.sisting--a--a--at drinking-matches."

Here the worthy soldier made a pause, appeared more thirsty than ever, scolded Quasha for not brandying his sangaree, and swigging it with the air of Alexander, when he proceeded to drain the cup that was fatal, he looked round with conscious superiority. The pale ensign looked more pale--the sentimental lieutenants more sentimental--many thrust their wine and their punch from before them, and there was a sudden compet.i.tion for the water-jug. The marine carried a stronger expression than anxiety upon his features--it was consternation--and thus hesitatingly delivered himself:

"And--so--so--sir, the _bons vivants_--deluded--poor deluded gentlemen!

all perished--but--pardon me--delicate dilemma--but _yourself_, my good major."

"Exactly, Mr Smallcoates; and within the eighteen months."

There was a perceptible shudder through the company, military as well as naval. The pure element became in more demand than ever, and those who did not actually push away their claret, watered it. The imperturbable major brandied his sangaree more potently.

"But," said Mr Smallcoates, brightening up, "the temperate gentlemen all escaped the contagion--_undoubtedly_!"

"I beg your pardon--they _all died within the year_. I alone remain of all the officers to tell the tale. The year eight was dreadful. Poor fellows!" The good major's voice faltered, and he bent over his sangaree much longer than was necessary to enjoy the draught.

Blank horror pa.s.sed her fearful glance from guest to guest. Even the rubicund doctor's mouth was twitched awry. I did not quite like it myself.

"But I'm alive," said the major, rallying up from his bitter recollections, "and the brandy is just as invigorating, and the wine just as refres.h.i.+ng as ever."

"The major _is_ alive," said the marine officer, very sapiently. "Is that brandy before you, Mr Farmer? I'll trouble you for it--I really feel this claret very cold upon my stomach. Yes," he repeated, after taking down a tumbler-full of half spirits, half wine, "the major _is_ alive--and--so am I."

"The major is alive," went round the table; "let us drink his health in b.u.mpers."

The major returned thanks, and volunteered a song. I begged it, and the reader may sing it as he pleases, though I shall please myself by recording how the major was pleased to have it sung.

"Gentlemen," said he, "you will do me the favour to fill a b.u.mper of lemonade, and when I cry chorus, chorus me standing, with the gla.s.ses in your hands; and at the end of each chorus you will be pleased to remember that the gla.s.s is to be drained. No heel-taps after, and no daylight before. Now for it, my lads!" and with a voice that must have startled the land crabs from their avocations, he roared out--

"Yellow Jack! Yellow Jack! hie thee hack! hie thee back!

To thy damp, drear abode in the jungle; I'll be sober and staid, And drink _lemonade_, Try and catch me--you'll make a sad bungle, Yellow Jack!

"But he came, the queer thief, and he seized my right-hand, And I writh'd and I struggled, yet could not withstand His hot, griping grasp, though I drank lemonade-- He grinn'd and he clutch'd me, though sober and staid."

_Chorus_ (with increasing loudness).

"Yellow Jack! Yellow Jack! hie thee back! hie thee back!

To thy damp, drear abode in the jungle; We'll be sober and staid, And we'll drink lemonade, Try and catch us--you'll make a sad bungle, Yellow Jack!" (tremendously).

"b.u.mpers of sangaree!" roared the major, and sang:

"Yellow Jack! Yellow Jack! hie thee back! hie thee back!

To thy pestilent swamp quickly hie thee; For I'll drink _sangaree_, Whilst my heart's full of glee, In thy death-doing might I'll defy thee, Yellow Jack!

"But the fiend persever'd and got hold of my side, How I burn'd, and I froze, and all vainly I tried To get rid of his grasp--though I drank sangaree, No longer my bosom exulted with glee."

_Chorus_ (still more loudly).

"Yellow Jack! Yellow Jack! hie thee back! hie thee back To thy pestilent swamp quickly hie thee; For we'll drink sangaree, Whilst our hearts throb with glee, In thy death-doing might we defy thee, Yellow Jack!"

After the sangaree, strong, and highly spiced, had been quaffed, the excitement grew wilder, and the leader of our revels exclaimed, at the top of his voice, "Wine, gentlemen, wine--brimmers!" and thus continued--

"Yellow Jack! Yellow Jack! hie thee back! hie thee back!

Begone to thy father, old Sootie, Pure _wine_ now I'll drink, So Jack, I should think, Of me thou wilt never make booty, Yellow Jack!

"But a third time he came, and seized hold of my head; 'Twas in vain that the doctor both blister'd and bled; My hand, and my side, and my heart too, I think, Would soon have been lost, though pure wine I might drink."

_Chorus_.

"Yellow Jack! Yellow Jack! hie thee hack! hie thee back!

Begone to thy father, old Sootie.

Pure wine now we'll drink, So Jack, we should think, Of us thou wilt never make booty, Yellow Jack!

"Brandy!" shouted the major. "Brandy--he's a craven who s.h.i.+rks the call." There was no one there craven but myself. My youth excused my apostacy from the night's orgies. The major resumed, his red face intensely hot and arid:

"Yellow Jack! Yellow Jack! hie thee back! hie thee back To the h.e.l.ldam, Corruption, thy mother; For with _brandy_ I'll save My heart, and thus brave Thee, and fell Death, thine own brother Yellow Jack!

"To brandy I took, then Jack took his leave, Brandy-punch and neat brandy drink morn, noon, and eve, At night drink, then sleep, and be sure, my brave boys, Naught will quell Yellow Jack but neat brandy and noise."

_The Chorus_ (most uproariously).

"Yellow Jack! Yellow Jack! hie thee back! hie thee back!

To the h.e.l.ldam, Corruption, thy mother; For with brandy we'll save Our hearts, and thus brave Thee, and fell Death, thine own brother, Yellow Jack!"

At last "Yellow Jack" was thundered out loud enough to awake his victims from the palisades. The company were just then fit for anything, but certainly most fit for mischief. Our first-lieutenant intimated to me that our jolly-boat was waiting to take the junior officers on board-- considerate man--so I took the hint, marvelling much upon the scene that I had just witnessed.

Whether or not there was any mystic virtue in the exorcisory cantation of the previous night I cannot determine; but it is certain that, next morning, though headaches abounded among our officers, indications of the yellow fever there were none.

CHAPTER FORTY FIVE.

INSUBORDINATION FOLLOWED BY ELEVATION--A MIDs.h.i.+PMAN TRICED UP IN MID-AIR, AFFORDING A PRACTICAL LESSON ON OSCILLATION--ALL TRUCK AND NO BARTER.